My husband says he isn't attracted to skinny women

Guys, I never said he wouldn't LOVE me if I became thinner. I know he will. But some guys are just physically attracted to curvier, thicker women, and that's not a lie. I just don't want his sexual attraction for me to wane because I lose weight.

your best bet is to talk to him. We on mfp are pretty amazing but we cant see into the mind of your husband. just sit him down and explain your worries. I mean is that what marriage is about? Having a deep relationship where you can express all your hopes and fears?

OP, have you asked him what his definition of "skinny" is? You might be surprised that what he thinks is skinny is not what you think skinny is. My partner is a big guy as in BIG and he has said I am too thin already. I just explain that I don't want to get thin, I just want to lose body fat and build muscle.

Perhaps you could explain that by losing weight you won't necessarily look like those horrible anorexic photos of TV stars when they do extreme diets but will instead still have curves and be more toned and healthier. And I don't think he will stop being attracted to you anyway, attraction is way more than just physical body shape.

Have you asked him this?

This.

If he married you, I'm sure there is a lot more than your size that attracts him. I can understand your concern, but I think you might be worrying unnecessarily. If he loves you, he will be there for you.. big or small.

Hopefully the man you married love you for you, not just your shape.

Is he attracted to old women? Because you are going to be one some day. I'm sure you love him and you're smart and didn't marry some shallow dude who's only concern is a girl's appearance.

This reminded me of the poem "When You Are Old" by Yeats:

When you are old and grey and full of sleep,
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;

How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face;

And bending down beside the glowing bars,
Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled
And paced upon the mountains overhead
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.

OP, I am going to hazard a guess here: I don't think it's going to prove to be a problem.

BEAUTIFUL!

Who wants to be skinny when they can be lean? Being lean looks way better and is harder to achieve.

When I ask him, all he says is he'll love the way I look no matter what, but if I've always been this size, how can he know for sure? I've talked to him about it, I was just wondering if anyone else has been in this situation, and what the outcome was like.

I think that "skinny" to him is like VS and swimsuit models, but I just want a flat stomach, no back fat and to lose my love handles. They're not very lovely.

Well, for one thing, he's going to see you every day during this process. His schema of you will change automatically and constantly without him really being all that aware of it.

If you went away to a resort for a year to lose this weight, it might be more of a concern, though it would be surprising to me if what you describe as your goals would turn him off. But it's practically a non-concern with him being a part of your day to day life.

OP, I have the same fear. My husband (pretty fit, good-looking guy) also has a preference for bigger women. I've noticed all his exes were on the heavy side... I voiced my concern to him about losing my ta-ta's and him not being attracted to me anymore; his repsonse was "yeah, cause thats the only reason I'm attracted to you" - snark aside, I realized that while my size wasn't a hindrance to our chemistry, romance or attraction; it also wasn't the catalyst. There's so much more beyond the D cup and extra squishy...

So, talk to him. Tell him your concerns. I'd bet the bank you'll find out the same thing. :flowerforyou:

ETA: Ok, I see you've talked to him. Now trust him!

You know what my husband finds hot? Angie Everheart at the top of her modeling career. She was always #1 on his guilt-free cheat list.

You know what I am not and never have been? Angie Everheart, at her biggest and ugliest, let alone at the top of her modeling career.

Sexual attraction takes many shapes and sizes, and is influenced by many factors (an interesting aside to/example of that would be the guy who I can't remember at all - blogger who is Mormon, gay and married to a woman with whom he has a lot of sex and 4 kids despite being openly gay). I had a very hard time believing my husband could find me sexually attractive when I weighed 350 lbs, and I have a hard time now that I weigh 315 and have cottage cheese lumps, saggy baggy skin and ugly stretch marks. But the thing is that it's not just physical attraction. It's mental attraction, emotional attraction and so many other things.

In reality, you can't know how he will feel until you are there. He can't either, though he's right when he says that he'll probably still be attracted to you when you are smaller. I guess the question I would ask is what it would mean if he was less physically attracted to you - would you change your healthier ways? The answer to that question is worth considering, for your own mental health.

I think you should sit with him and find a place where both of you are confortable. Maybe he`s trying to make you feel ok with yourself or maybe he does like bigger girls, the important thing is to talk to him about it.

All men are attracted to women...Period.

FALSE!

There were some good responses in this thread.

But, even though I have always had a deep appreciation for my husband, some of these responses (being so bad) just make my appreciation for him burst into levels that I never knew were even possible. My husband can thank you for all the great appreciative sex he will be getting tonight.

Are you trying to get 'skinny' or 'fit'. Two different things IMO.

I'm sure you've heard this before. You're a bigger girl an insecure about your weight. Your husband reassures you by saying, "Honey, I don't like the way thin girls look." A lot of people think that's just to make you feel better, but my husband has dated primarily larger women/girls with some meat on their bones, and he's an attractive guy, so it's not like he can't land a size 0 model.

But what worries me is this: if I become skinny, and he's really not attracted to skinny women, what do I do?

True love doesn't work that way, just as a true husband doesn't disregard his wife if she gains weight.