Cried for 30 minutes

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  • MarliQQ
    MarliQQ Posts: 112 Member
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    I use situations like this for motivation. You can't let it eat you up on the inside. I once had my aunt come up to me while I was on my comp and she checked my screen and noticed that I was participating in a weight loss forum, not mfp, but another. She rolled her eyes and said "Why would anyone want to hear anything you have to say? You are still fat! Your fat!". Needless to say I am not usually one to hold my tongue, but I did my best to eat all of my words, knowing that the comment was coming from her own insecurity. I was taken aback by the harshness of the words, and yes it did hurt, but if that did not light my fire, nothing would. I still think of that comment, less bitter about it, but I still use it for motivation.
  • SexKittenlovesitrough
    SexKittenlovesitrough Posts: 486
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    Look. Here's the thing.

    Toughen up.

    I only say that out of love because there are some truths here.

    1. He can't take it back.

    I mean he COULD reach out to you and say "Oh sh1t...i'm SO sorry, I take it back I didn't mean to hurt you." But the reality is, he can't take it back and you can't unread it. So it's done, it's been said and it's done.

    2. Facebook is the breeding ground for "whoops did I just seriously post/say/like that?" It may have been a case of verbal diarrhea and he regrets it whole heartedly. It just may be.

    3. People who commit verbal diarrhea don't really do one offs, so odds are he will do it again. IF IT WAS A MISTAKE.

    4. You only have your reactions now. You have to weigh what he said versus what the friendship means to you. I have a friend that if he said that I would be like. OK...Fair....you have foot in mouth itis....i know this...your wife knows this...i can look beyond this. however, there is other friends where I would be like....nope nope nope...YOU do not get to say that to me. DELETED. So weigh things carefully and dispose of him as you will.

    5. Crying does nothing for you. Crying does nothing to him. It doesn't make him sad, it stains your cheeks not his, it dries out your skin and leaves you red and blotchy and irritated eyed. Not him. Stop crying and get over it. It's only hurting you.

    6. Fuel yourself. Get mad, get hurt, get upset, but get moving. Make some use of this moment. Otherwise it's just another moment where you let life defeat you. That's unacceptable.

    7. move on. It happened. Again, tough love. Nothing is going to change that it happened. What can change is you and how you react.
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
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    Went away on vacation and had a great time with some friends. Felt uneasy about pictures being tagged on facebook, but I'm pretty confident, despite my weight, because there's a lot more to me than how I look... so I was hopeful that all would be fine, felt like my friends would understand what I've been going through. Well, I come home and have a message from a friend of many years, who I haven't seen in a while, but who matters a lot to me. He said just this: "What happened to Corina? Did you eat her?!" And I cried for about 30 minutes. It hurt a lot.

    OUCH. That's NOT a friend. That's an insensitive jerk. Don't waste your tears on someone who obviously doesn't hold you in the same regard as you hold them. I'd 'unfriend' them asap and move on!
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
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    Look. Here's the thing.

    Toughen up.

    I only say that out of love because there are some truths here.

    1. He can't take it back.

    I mean he COULD reach out to you and say "Oh sh1t...i'm SO sorry, I take it back I didn't mean to hurt you." But the reality is, he can't take it back and you can't unread it. So it's done, it's been said and it's done.

    2. Facebook is the breeding ground for "whoops did I just seriously post/say/like that?" It may have been a case of verbal diarrhea and he regrets it whole heartedly. It just may be.

    3. People who commit verbal diarrhea don't really do one offs, so odds are he will do it again. IF IT WAS A MISTAKE.

    4. You only have your reactions now. You have to weigh what he said versus what the friendship means to you. I have a friend that if he said that I would be like. OK...Fair....you have foot in mouth itis....i know this...your wife knows this...i can look beyond this. however, there is other friends where I would be like....nope nope nope...YOU do not get to say that to me. DELETED. So weigh things carefully and dispose of him as you will.

    5. Crying does nothing for you. Crying does nothing to him. It doesn't make him sad, it stains your cheeks not his, it dries out your skin and leaves you red and blotchy and irritated eyed. Not him. Stop crying and get over it. It's only hurting you.

    6. Fuel yourself. Get mad, get hurt, get upset, but get moving. Make some use of this moment. Otherwise it's just another moment where you let life defeat you. That's unacceptable.

    7. move on. It happened. Again, tough love. Nothing is going to change that it happened. What can change is you and how you react.

    ^^^Excellent advice!
  • FemmeFatale83
    FemmeFatale83 Posts: 96
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    Oh my gosh, I must say that would hurt my feelings too! But as MarliQQ put it, use it for motivation! And if he is still a good friend, you could let him know it hurt your feelings, perhaps he will even become an ally and motivator in your quest for fitness! Otherwise, just remove yourself from those who aren't supportive and positive towards you as much as possible. That's what I try to do anyway. Keep your eye on the goal, and know that just because you want to improve your health and fitness, doesn't mean you aren't wonderful as you are!
  • shmulyeng
    shmulyeng Posts: 472 Member
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    That's definitely very insensitive. We all have a few of these in our lives. But I don't agree with the sentiment of "get rid of this friend". While some people are just simply mean and enjoy hurting other people, many are just being a little too "friendly". We all joke and rib our friends about small issues. What these people don't realize that weight problems don't fall into that category. Now that I lost some weight, I did notice that many of the same people that have made comments in the past are the first to comment when you lose weight.
  • Sarah4fitness
    Sarah4fitness Posts: 437 Member
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    Went away on vacation and had a great time with some friends. Felt uneasy about pictures being tagged on facebook, but I'm pretty confident, despite my weight, because there's a lot more to me than how I look... so I was hopeful that all would be fine, felt like my friends would understand what I've been going through. Well, I come home and have a message from a friend of many years, who I haven't seen in a while, but who matters a lot to me. He said just this: "What happened to Corina? Did you eat her?!" And I cried for about 30 minutes. It hurt a lot.

    It's unfortunate this friend was so thoughtless and insensitive. Obviously there is some history here (and a lot left unsaid) at play. I'd absolutely share with him what his comment made you feel, and assess from his response to that whether or not you want him to continue to be a part of your life, even distantly through facebook.
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
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    I said the same thing to a buddy of mine not long ago.

    He punched me in the arm.

    Then we drank beer.
  • WhiteRabbit1313
    WhiteRabbit1313 Posts: 1,091 Member
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    You have to ignore those people, they have deeper issues and it makes them feel good to put others down. Maybe you should reconsider caring about this person so much. Stay motivated and get your body how YOU want it to look for YOU.

    ^^This, totally!
  • yo_andi
    yo_andi Posts: 2,178 Member
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    I'm sorry your feelings got hurt. You've hopefully dealt with it by telling the friend how hurt you were, and based on his response, moving on in an appropriate way.

    Then, you went and joined an online fitness community as the first step to making a massive lifestyle change to address the underlying issues of why you were uncomfortable with the photos in the first place.

    :flowerforyou:
  • MaryJane_8810002
    MaryJane_8810002 Posts: 2,082 Member
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    There is a reason why you have not contacted that person for a while. Don't let asshats like those ruin your day.
  • Heditw
    Heditw Posts: 21
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    I am so sorry you had to go through something like that...
  • cebreisch
    cebreisch Posts: 1,340 Member
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    One of my dad's favorite sayings was something like this: Best to keep mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it and remove all doubt.

    Clearly, the person who said that is a FOOL. Don't give it the time of day.
  • laurie04427
    laurie04427 Posts: 421 Member
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    Your "friend" is a jerk.
    I agree.
  • Legs_McGee
    Legs_McGee Posts: 845 Member
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    Your "friend" is a douche bag. Don't be friends with douche bags.
  • MizTerry
    MizTerry Posts: 3,763 Member
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    You should have invited him over so you could cut his throat.
  • outofworkpediatrician
    outofworkpediatrician Posts: 43 Member
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    Went away on vacation and had a great time with some friends. Felt uneasy about pictures being tagged on facebook, but I'm pretty confident, despite my weight, because there's a lot more to me than how I look... so I was hopeful that all would be fine, felt like my friends would understand what I've been going through. Well, I come home and have a message from a friend of many years, who I haven't seen in a while, but who matters a lot to me. He said just this: "What happened to Corina? Did you eat her?!" And I cried for about 30 minutes. It hurt a lot.
    i understand, as i heard such comments, and the sad thing is, the jerks who make such comments think they are "just joking" and "being funny". they don't realize that they are mistaking vileness for humor. may be you should call him out, post his message on your wall and let all your's and his friends see what a nasty person he is?
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
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    I had a colleague years ago who's favorite saying was "where are your friends?" She would see someone dressed atrociously or doing something stupid and she'd turn to me and say this jokingly. The point though was valid. I prefer that my close friends call me out rather than just let me go through life doing stupid or unhealthy things. Let's not call the drunk friend a "drunk," the fat friend "fat," etc. because feelings. Sure, it was mildly insensitive the way it was done but put things in perspective. And, if he wasn't close, then "jerk," but let it go.
  • agarlits
    agarlits Posts: 429 Member
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    You'll lose the weight but I think your "friend" is out of luck. In the words of the great philosopher Ron White "You can't fix stupid."
  • mamma_nee
    mamma_nee Posts: 809 Member
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    Ouch, what a Jerk !! I cried this week as well - My Sister N Law who is turning 66 and has had 2 face lifts plus boob job - out of the blue says to me yesterday - So, what , Are you turning 64 in April this year ??Noooo , I am turning 53!! She knows very well I am only 2 years older than my brother who she is married too!! I don`t know why she blurted this out to me ? I hear people give her compliments on her looks all the time, How she looks like she never ages , etc etc, Not once does she tell anyone that she has had face lifts and boob job . I can care less about what she does to herself by just admit it already ! and leave me the hell alone! People are really jerks sometimes.

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