first weigh – in; shock & horror

Well done for getting yourself on here and for being so wonderfully honest in your post here.
Now, my question is this... will you be one of those who joins, gets started, plunges in headfirst, then disappears again, or will you be one of those amazing success stories that turn up a year or two later on this site ?

Hi – good question. By the way, this is the first post that I am replying to. I've just logged on for the first time today, and I'm absolutely overwhelmed to see that there are 90+ messages in reply to my post. In fact I am still on the first page of posts!

In light of the number of messages, I hope people understand that I am grateful for every single one of these encouraging messages, but I don't think it's possible to write 90+ replies!

But you ask very good question. Part of my failure has been - has always been - difficulties following through. Making a start is easy, and the initial momentum that beginner's enthusiasm can provide tends to peter out.

But I need to stick with this. I am well aware how damaging my diabetes can be, I can feel the danger lurking around the corner when I wake up breathless and in a panic, knowing that this is my own body betraying me. Now is the time to act. I've never been quite this aware of my mortality. And to tell you the truth, even now I would like nothing better than to indulge in short-term comforts. I want to sit on the sofa, watch classic movies and scoff alarming amounts of chocolate biscuits, hot apple pie, and coffee with whipped cream, and follow it up with a double belt of delightful, golden, rich Lagavulin. I want to curl up under a warm blanket, next to my wife, each of us with a cat in our laps, and laugh at the worst this rotten winter can throw at us.

So sorry, I think I started fantasising a little bit there. You see what I mean, I'm already making it difficult for myself, already sabotaging myself, and I recognise that. I realise that I have to make the right choice between the short-term goal of all that food, comfort and warmth and the long-term goal of health and longevity. What I need to get into my head is that once I am healthy, food, comfort and warmth are perfectly legitimate attainable goals, as long as they're balanced within a healthier lifestyle.

The reason I signed up here, and it was really bloody hard to do so, was to force myself a little bit. I am normally a habit of not involving anyone's help for fear that I may have to stick with it and show results. I am a deadly shy person, even online, so this was really me, in a moment of strength, deciding to go public and ask for help.

So I'm going to do my very best and even if I'm having a bad day or week, I will make it a point to login and check in regardless. The more frequently one tries, the greater the odds of eventually succeeding, and that's what I am doing.

Thank you very much for your post - I am now going to read through the next 80 messages or so!

Cheers,

Pascal

Look I'm gonna go against the general flow of this thread (and be a bit mean) and say that at 430lb the 'just diet/log food/etc' ship has long sailed. Yes, there are success stories out there but the odds of you winning at doing this on your own (without professional help) are close to zero. Even if you're blessed with staggering reserves of willpower the outlook is not particularly encouraging.

Thank you for your interesting post – oh mean one

No worries about making your opinions known – you make some excellent points.

Where is the line at which the ship has sailed? Is it 100lbs ago? Fifty? Or is trying to shed weight solely within the purview of those who have just a few vanity pounds to shed? Or somewhere in between? Whatever my weight is, and I could weigh 1000lbs and still feel the same way, the truth is still that trying is better than not trying, and trying anything is better than giving up. I've not given up.

Addressing your three approaches:

1) of course this is psychological in origin. I didn't use to have quite the relationship with food that I do now, but I am guessing there was something in me that said "give up, eat yourself to death". But before that point, years and years of obliviousness. Believe it or not, a person can make him or herself completely oblivious even to extreme extents.
There are 800 pound people who suddenly come to the realisation they have got so heavy. for some obscure reason, that thought hadn’t hit them as they were wheezing, and shovelling carbonara into their 750Lb bodies just a year earlier.
Serious heroin users delude themselves into believing they are just weekend warriors, and I'm pretty sure there are diabetics in denial because they don't feel sick, or they still have all their toes.

2) my current state of health is relatively poor. I have (controlled) high blood pressure, I am a type II diabetic (on medication), I have a sore back constantly and yes, sleep apnoea. Although to be fair, my back issues began after an injury when I weighed 190 pounds. Not that the excess weight helps of course.

3) there are days when I take in way too much energy, and there are days when I take in about 1500 calories. I occasionally fast for a day in an attempt to do the 5:2 diet as popularised by Dr Michael Mosley. I don't drink fizzy drinks other than one bottle (350 mL) of Coca-Cola a month, which is my treat. I actually get a lot of vegetable and fibre in my diet, and I tend to avoid refined flour and sugar. I still get them of course, but nothing like it used to be two years ago, when I was diagnosed with the type II diabetes.
my main weaknesses are my legendary lack of activity, and portion control. I’m not particularly addicted to any one food, but at dinnertime, one burrito is better than two, and on Sundays a full English is sacrosanct.

I have kept track of my food and exercise sporadically, however, and I am hoping that by outing myself here as a fatty and asking for help, I will feel compelled to be more diligent in future about sticking to the programme.

And of course I am not doing this on my own; I do have a doctor and a diabetes specialist involved – and although I am fully aware that my health is my responsibility and no one else's, I am still somewhat disappointed at the lack of their involvement. But those problems have more to do with the American health care system – or lack thereof. I am still actively looking for specialists who were a bit more communicative than the ones I am working with now.

I am not in principle opposed to the idea of weight loss surgery either, in fact it has been at the forefront of my mind for a year or longer, and my doctor is aware of this. However I am still relatively young (44 – don't laugh!) and would like to have one more go at it. It's not like I've been trying and failing forever, I had just given up for a long time and not bothered trying, so I think I owe it to myself to try once more now.

Sorry for the lengthy reply – it was not my intention to unleash 'War and Peace' on you.
thank you very much for your message, and don't ever think of holding back.

Thanks,

Pascal

Hi everybody!

When I logged onto the computer a few hours ago, I have to admit I didn't go to my fitness pal first, simply because I didn't expect much of a reaction. Instead I went to Facebook like I do every day because, and I am just going to come out with it, I am addicted to scrabble. There, I've said it!

Then I phoned my wife, who is away for a conference for four days, and I am the kind of sad git who needs to talk to is better half on a regular basis. she then asked me, did you get any replies to your message on fitness pal? I told her I'd get back to her. When I logged on here, I read my personal messages and accepted some friends (friend requests are always accepted by the way). it was only then that I realised there were more than 90 replies to my original message. I was, and am still completely overwhelmed, not just by the sheer number, but certainly also by the amount of support people are willing to lend. if I'd known this was such a friendly place, I would have posted here sooner.

it's been a few hours, and I've been replying to a few messages, but there yet so many more that I haven't even read. I just want everybody here to know that I am very grateful, and am feeling very welcome here! But it is just not going to be possible to reply to every single post individually – for one thing there wouldn't be time left to exercise. But I welcome each and every post, and will be reading the next 60 odd messages over the next hour or two.

But before I do that, I am going to make my daily blog entry, something I am making myself do, so that even if I lapse and stuff myself with eclairs, I will document that as well.

Thank you everyone, and see you again soon!

Pascal

I'm just copying blog entry two here to keep you guys up to date
Don't want to get too big a head, so I won't keep doing this! Just wanted to let you all know all the support is appreciated and I hope to see a lot of you here on the boards! it's really making a difference!


Day two:

It's amazing how much one's weight can fluctuate due to water content when one is very heavy. Having purchased special scales for the heavier set person I weighed myself yesterday and again in the morning today. In order to remain consistent I always weigh myself in the same manner: underwear and a T-shirt, but no shoes or trousers. I know a lot of people weigh themselves with clothes on, and sometimes even shoes, but my intention is to take a lot of measurements and find the general trend, and not pin all my hopes on the latest number. I weigh myself three times, then take the average, so that I don't accidentally get a freak reading.

So yesterday afternoon the magic number was 430.4. This morning, things looked a lot sunnier, as I was greeted with the number 424.7 – not a bad start. I understand water weight is not fat weight, but then a huge body tends to hold onto more water than a thin one does. I am not expecting to lose this much every day, and I am well aware that I may weigh more tomorrow, despite practically starving myself today.

It was a pleasant change of pace eating healthy and watching my calories. Instead of gorging on carbs and sugar I made myself a rather sensible meal. I had some prawns/shrimp ( about 15 medium-sized) which I cooked in some olive oil with onions, a pound of sliced courgettes/zucchini, a lot of garlic and the juice of two fresh lemons. Thickened that up with a bit of cornstarch, and added a teaspoonful of brown sugar, red peppers and a dash of soy sauce - all in all about 500 cal. Quite delicious if I do say so myself!

I do love to cook, and to experiment in the kitchen and luckily I had the presence of mind to shop for healthy fresh ingredients for myself before my wife left for her conference. I only had about 1100 cal today. I know that is very low, and I am not trying to prove anything to myself. Just so happens that I am still experimenting with food and eating such a large proportion of vegetable matter just doesn't add up to a lot of calories. I am planning to eat quite healthy tomorrow with a goal of around 2500 cals. And if a glass of wine and a delicious biccie or two fit into that planning, well, I guess them's the breaks and I will throw myself on the deliciousness grenade.

I spent about 2 to 3 hours reading the forums and answering messages. I could not believe how many reactions to my initial post there were! I almost feel like a semi-celebrity! Just kidding of course. Now buy my book!

Still not sure what is the best thing to do; I am going to post my daily thoughts here on the blog diary-stylee. What I did yesterday was to copy the post in its entirety to the forums, where it got quite a few responses. I am tempted to keep doing this occasionally, but at the same time don't want to look egocentric. What I will do is post this as a response in the original thread to keep my new friends up-to-date. Hopefully from that point on anybody who wishes to can read my blog here. It is certainly nice as so many of you are interested.

And now, pathetic as it sounds at 10 in the evening I am ready for bed, as I am absolutely knackered from doing almost nothing. I tell a lie - I did walk and lift some free weights today! Good night!



Pascal

This is so important that you have made this gigantic step. Stick with it!!! If you can, go on http://ddpyoga.com/ or Google DDP Yoga. It is soooo easy and for MEN! And it shows people similar to you that were incapacitated. In only 20 minutes your heart rate is up and you are sweating. It's all about resistance and can easily be done on your living room floor. Good luck!!

That is so funny - I was just on his website an hour ago. I actually used to be quite the wrestling fan, and, for those of you who know the old WWF, seeing Jake the Snake regain his health and conditioning was inspiring.

Of course the non-wrestling fans think I've gone bonkers now. Hey, it's excellent drama! Or that's how I remember it