Teenagers and random room inspections
Replies
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I'm all for it especially if said "child" has done something to give the parent a reason to believe there's a need. My mom did it to me and no lasting bad effects. I'll be the first to admit now (27 years after I left home) that I put my mom through hell and I know compared to others, I would've been considered an angel. Of course on the flip side of that, compared to some I'd also have been known as a demon child.
I plan to randomly inspect my son's room when he hits the teenage years. With good disciplining early on, the fear of what mom (or dad) could find will keep him from trying to hide anything too harmful to him. Or so I'm hoping. Some days I really wish he came with an instruction manual.0 -
As a mother of 2 daughters who are now 23 and 20, for my oldest - never had a need to do random checks as she couldn't lie or keep a secret if her life depended on it. Here sister - not so much . We did however have a need to clean rooms that were seriously just this side of health hazards particularly for my youngest. On occasion, we would find something that was a bit of a surprise but nothing that created too much concern. We were and are fortunate to have strong relationship with our kids. And trust me with the youngest, there were some serious bumps in the road. I think there is a difference with keeping an eye on what they are up to and being a controlling parent. and @ hep26000 - I'm completely with you. My daughters played competitive soccer and dance and were often at practices at or after dark. The both got their first phones at age 12 because of that and our work schedules I was given a lot of grief initially until a week later a young girl is Florida was disappeared because her ride didn't come so she walked home.0
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By the way, I think room inspections are smart if you have reason to suspect but if you don't find anything major i.e. condoms, drugs, illicit conversations, I'd not bring it up. Respect their privacy and the fact that they're rubbin it out instead of knocken em up lmao0
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I wouldn't call it room inspections... but, my teenage daughter is disgusting! So usually once a week I "help" her clean up. This is usually along with a conversation (again) about why we don't bring food into the bedroom and why I don't like to wash the laundry I had already washed because she was too tired, lazy, bored, busy...ect. to put it away properly. My husband and I had a conversation about how I just enable her because she knew I would be grossed out soon enough if she just let it go. SOOOO... We tried teaching her by teaching her wash her own laundry and be responsible for her own cleaning... She is 13 so I don't think this is unfair... I ended up having to buy a new washing machine and she was completely comfortable living in filth. My lesson, don't let an irresponsible child use expensive equipment necessary for a family of 5 and pray that later in life her partner has OCD and loves her enough to clean up after her... LOL0
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Coming from a good kid who had her parents snoop and find birth control I was on for endometriosis, which, in turn, caused them to change their will instead of being freaking adults and talking to me about it... I'm against it, unless mine gives me a reason to.0
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I haven't, can't say that I won't ever though.0
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My parents were the "do whatever you want as long as you are in our house...that way we know you are safe". So, I got by with murder and I know what teenagers will do. Hence, my now 2 year old may have random room inspections, doors removed, privileges revoked at any time. As long as my husband and I are paying the bills, and she is living under our roof, she will have to live by our rules.0
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I'd be pissed he was using coffee filter's in lieu of some very less costly materials available...
Really? Coffee Filters??0 -
I do it all the time. My house my rules.0
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If I thought my kids were taking drugs or doing something I believed was dangerous, I wouldn't hesitate to search their rooms. They know that. They also know that I'd be happy to snip their hair while they are sleeping and send it for drug screening if I felt it was necessary. My kids know they have A LOT of freedom, but there are some things that I have deemed unacceptable and they don't want to cross me on those things.
My house. My rules. Fortunately for me, we haven't had any issues (that I know of!). Bottom line for me is....I trust you until you give me a reason not to. At that point, I'll be so far up your hiney, I'll be sitting behind your eyeballs.0 -
Coming from a good kid who had her parents snoop and find birth control I was on for endometriosis, which, in turn, caused them to change their will instead of being freaking adults and talking to me about it... I'm against it, unless mine gives me a reason to.
Why didn't your parents know you were medicated for endometriosis in the first place?0 -
I'm 53 and don't know what the coffee filters are for. Please explain.
For the "special grind"0 -
I would not do that unless I suspected my daughter was doing drugs or lying about something significant.0
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I think teens should have some privacy... I would at least warn them that you're going to do it first.
I'll be in my room on my laptop or something and my mom will burst in out of nowhere to try and catch me doing something haha0 -
Right now she's 11, but if she turns out to be anything like I was as a teenager, YES. Of course, I was always smart enough not to leave anything in my room. The worst that ever happened to me with a room inspection was that my parents bagged up all the clothes that were laying around on my floor and they wouldn't let me have them back for about a month. I had to prove I could do my laundry and keep my room nicer.0
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I'd be pissed he was using coffee filter's in lieu of some very less costly materials available...
Really? Coffee Filters??
Yeah, my son would get a beatin' for wasting good coffee filters. That is what your stinky gym socks are for. Sure, they get a little crusty and are a dead giveaway of what you've been doing but... nobody voluntarily grabs a good handful of a dirty sock. Even when I started doing my own laundry I dressed like I was on a HAZMAT team.
*hi five* Right on, brotha. My mini isn't there yet... I should start teaching him how to do his own laundry now to avoid it all together.0 -
Coming from a good kid who had her parents snoop and find birth control I was on for endometriosis, which, in turn, caused them to change their will instead of being freaking adults and talking to me about it... I'm against it, unless mine gives me a reason to.
*giant sigh* I didn't think it was possible to hate your parents more.
My mom found my birth control too. I was 16 and it was a friggin huge deal that I was having sex with my serious boyfriend. So my mom interrogates me...my whole life she said that sex is for people who love each other. So I find someone who I love and it's not good enough for her that not only I'm having a loving relationship, but I'm doing my best to make sure I don't get pregnant. I'd clearly already been lying to her for a long time, but this type of **** is why you have to talk with your kids.
Don't make assumptions. Sit down with them. LISTEN TO THEM. Try to understand, you remember what it was like to be a kid. Don't lie. You're still a friggin kid.0 -
I'd be pissed he was using coffee filter's in lieu of some very less costly materials available...
Really? Coffee Filters??
Yeah, my son would get a beatin' for wasting good coffee filters. That is what your stinky gym socks are for. Sure, they get a little crusty and are a dead giveaway of what you've been doing but... nobody voluntarily grabs a good handful of a dirty sock. Even when I started doing my own laundry I dressed like I was on a HAZMAT team.
Very true but, what if he's really doing Oragami's? If I took the coffee filters, would I be damaging his creative side? (and no, I've never seen one oragami that he has done..lmao)0 -
I grew up the daughter of a Marine Corps drill sergeant who conducted weekly barracks inspections in our home. Now as a single mother of a 17 year old girl - I respect her privacy. I only go into her room with explicit permission and only remove anything from her room with explicit permission. The discarded pregnancy test in the trash can of our shared bathroom - that's something I definitely brought up.0
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No inspections. There are few things that are worse than having my privacy invaded. I wouldn't do it to anyone else.0
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If my hypothetical kids were like me as a teenager, they'll be sleeping in the living room under full spotlights with motion sensors embedded in the floor.
My sisters had it a lot easier with my parents because let's just say... if there was something to try and get past them, I did it. I love them very much and always have, I just had an, erm, authority issue.
:laugh:0 -
against it
my mom would never ever had done it...she had no reason too id tell her anything and I mean anything because I knew I could
no matter what it was.......drugs,sex,rock&roll0 -
Only if I suspect something.
I occasionally would "clean their room" for them if their rooms were messy, and it gave me a chance to inspect.
They hated that.
Probably this.
My mum did sometimes clean my room, though she never touched my desks or drawers, as I would get annoyed at her if she did. (("Mum, I can't find my Latin assignment, did you move it?"))
I think parents should give their teenagers a degree of freedom, but if they suspect something more serious going on, time to investigate.
Also, someone mentioned phones, I certainly agree that for children with phones, parents should keep an eye on what is happening, as a protection to the child. As they get older the parents should step back more.0 -
What is the point of this, to make your kids feel violated? No. This is a bad idea. It's only going to make them become more inclined to hide things from you. Better liars, better at hiding things from you to avoid embarrassment humiliation and shame.
The point I'm trying to make is you need to talk with your kids. If you make your home a safe environment where your children fell trusted it might work out better for you and them.
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That is a logic that escapes some teenagers' minds. I preferred to have my kids feel "violated," that find them in trouble or dead.
Besides, privacy has to be earned, some kids are not open to talks, specially from parents/adults, and learning by example doesn't work with them all the time; at least it didn't with mine. And by the way, they had an excellent, safe, and transparent environment, which they now as adults, regret not to have benefited from.
You never know what is going on inside a teen's mind (Or room).0 -
When I was a kid, my mom went through my stuff constantly. But she didn't mind that I had books, music & magazines meant for much older teens, which was my only "secret". She also would not let me clean my own room or sit on my made bed. She was a control freak!
From ages 13-18 I lived with my dad & stepmom. Very surprisingly, they didn't go through my stuff once I was about 14. When I was 13 I had a couple of very adult books (sex guides) in my closet and my stepmom cleaned my room while I was on a church-sponsored amusement park trip (LOL) and she threw those books away but never said a single word. After that they didn't go through my things at all. I'd have known if they did because at any given time I had a stash of liquor, clove cigarettes, X-rated materials, and many adult books and "explicit lyrics" cds/tapes (it was the 90s). They had someone clean the house weekly but she was never to clean my bedroom. I vacuumed and washed my linens every Sunday without being asked. We were all good.0 -
My parents tried to go through my stuff when I was a teenager... Until they found a vibrator. Then they stopped.0
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My parents tried to go through my stuff when I was a teenager... Until they found a vibrator. Then they stopped.
BWAHAHAHA! Awesome.0 -
against it
my mom would never ever had done it...she had no reason too id tell her anything and I mean anything because I knew I could
no matter what it was.......drugs,sex,rock&roll
This. Kids should be able to go to their parents for anything. Kind of hard to do when they search your room for answers.0 -
against it
my mom would never ever had done it...she had no reason too id tell her anything and I mean anything because I knew I could
no matter what it was.......drugs,sex,rock&roll
This. Kids should be able to go to their parents for anything. Kind of hard to do when they search your room for answers.
True but, when they don't go to their parents for anything and they use a "follower" mentality with the wrong crowds. There is a fine line0
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