Teenagers and random room inspections

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  • RobsGirl_lds
    RobsGirl_lds Posts: 211
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    As a child my room was always a mess. I let my mom clean it once and she said she would take any money she found as payment and that if she didn't like anything I had she would toss it. I lost $83 and 3 of my favorite shirts.
  • sewerchick93
    sewerchick93 Posts: 1,440 Member
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    My daughter never gave me a reason to need to do room inspections, we have always had an honest, open relationship.
  • data3567
    data3567 Posts: 21
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    I'm 53 and don't know what the coffee filters are for. Please explain.

    He is filtering the results...

    Now that's funny!
  • MizTerry
    MizTerry Posts: 3,763 Member
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    Only if I suspect something.
    I occasionally would "clean their room" for them if their rooms were messy, and it gave me a chance to inspect.
    They hated that.
  • pawnstarNate
    pawnstarNate Posts: 1,728 Member
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    Coffee filters are for making coffee right? That probably was pretty embarrassing for him. I'd probably search, but if I found something like that, I might just let it go. Drugs, weapons, etc. is a different story.

    I just wanted to hear his quick explanation for the filters. Oragami's? lol

    For others, he's had a few trusting issues over the past 6 months or so. No details and nothing like illegal but, enough to warrant a random inspection from time to time.
  • Kitship
    Kitship Posts: 579 Member
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    My parents respected mine and my brother's privacy while we were living in their home.

    That being said, we realized that they had every right to go through our rooms if they wanted to. We just never gave them a reason to do so.

    I don't think I would want to ruin the relationship between myself and my child if they didn't even give me a reason to be suspicious.
  • OBXbound4me
    OBXbound4me Posts: 245 Member
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    I generally give privacy. My daughter is young (7) so that is not an issue anyway. My son however got it until about a year and a half ago. He is now 13 and has been caught with porn on his tablet SEVERAL times and many things in his room he had no business having. He does good most times but has now lost the privacy first mantra or the benefit of the doubt...
  • Dgydad
    Dgydad Posts: 104 Member
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    Has to be decided on a case-by-case basis, but the wife & I don't "toss" our son's room. We regularly remind him that we will enter his room whenever we deem it necessary (aquarium maintenance, dropping off laundry, etc.), but will not search the joint unless he does something to give us cause. So far, he's never done anything to justify invading his privacy.........................
  • Rosplosion
    Rosplosion Posts: 739 Member
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    What is the point of this, to make your kids feel violated? No. This is a bad idea. It's only going to make them become more inclined to hide things from you. Better liars, better at hiding things from you to avoid embarrassment humiliation and shame.

    The point I'm trying to make is you need to talk with your kids. If you make your home a safe environment where your children fell trusted it might work out better for you and them.
  • jamesalytle
    jamesalytle Posts: 112 Member
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    OMG Coffee filters, that's original!
  • LVCeltGirl
    LVCeltGirl Posts: 473
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    I'm all for it especially if said "child" has done something to give the parent a reason to believe there's a need. My mom did it to me and no lasting bad effects. I'll be the first to admit now (27 years after I left home) that I put my mom through hell and I know compared to others, I would've been considered an angel. Of course on the flip side of that, compared to some I'd also have been known as a demon child.

    I plan to randomly inspect my son's room when he hits the teenage years. With good disciplining early on, the fear of what mom (or dad) could find will keep him from trying to hide anything too harmful to him. Or so I'm hoping. Some days I really wish he came with an instruction manual.
  • aseymour13
    aseymour13 Posts: 765 Member
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    As a mother of 2 daughters who are now 23 and 20, for my oldest - never had a need to do random checks as she couldn't lie or keep a secret if her life depended on it. Here sister - not so much . We did however have a need to clean rooms that were seriously just this side of health hazards particularly for my youngest. On occasion, we would find something that was a bit of a surprise but nothing that created too much concern. We were and are fortunate to have strong relationship with our kids. And trust me with the youngest, there were some serious bumps in the road. I think there is a difference with keeping an eye on what they are up to and being a controlling parent. and @ hep26000 - I'm completely with you. My daughters played competitive soccer and dance and were often at practices at or after dark. The both got their first phones at age 12 because of that and our work schedules I was given a lot of grief initially until a week later a young girl is Florida was disappeared because her ride didn't come so she walked home.
  • jamesalytle
    jamesalytle Posts: 112 Member
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    By the way, I think room inspections are smart if you have reason to suspect but if you don't find anything major i.e. condoms, drugs, illicit conversations, I'd not bring it up. Respect their privacy and the fact that they're rubbin it out instead of knocken em up lmao
  • JustJennie13
    JustJennie13 Posts: 218
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    I wouldn't call it room inspections... but, my teenage daughter is disgusting! So usually once a week I "help" her clean up. This is usually along with a conversation (again) about why we don't bring food into the bedroom and why I don't like to wash the laundry I had already washed because she was too tired, lazy, bored, busy...ect. to put it away properly. My husband and I had a conversation about how I just enable her because she knew I would be grossed out soon enough if she just let it go. SOOOO... We tried teaching her by teaching her wash her own laundry and be responsible for her own cleaning... She is 13 so I don't think this is unfair... I ended up having to buy a new washing machine and she was completely comfortable living in filth. My lesson, don't let an irresponsible child use expensive equipment necessary for a family of 5 and pray that later in life her partner has OCD and loves her enough to clean up after her... LOL
  • tehboxingkitteh
    tehboxingkitteh Posts: 1,574 Member
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    Coming from a good kid who had her parents snoop and find birth control I was on for endometriosis, which, in turn, caused them to change their will instead of being freaking adults and talking to me about it... I'm against it, unless mine gives me a reason to.
  • SweetTrouble_
    SweetTrouble_ Posts: 933 Member
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    I haven't, can't say that I won't ever though.
  • kdsp2911
    kdsp2911 Posts: 170 Member
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    My parents were the "do whatever you want as long as you are in our house...that way we know you are safe". So, I got by with murder and I know what teenagers will do. Hence, my now 2 year old may have random room inspections, doors removed, privileges revoked at any time. As long as my husband and I are paying the bills, and she is living under our roof, she will have to live by our rules.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    I'd be pissed he was using coffee filter's in lieu of some very less costly materials available...

    Really? Coffee Filters??
  • DJManos
    DJManos Posts: 220
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    I do it all the time. My house my rules.
  • lyzmorrison
    lyzmorrison Posts: 172 Member
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    If I thought my kids were taking drugs or doing something I believed was dangerous, I wouldn't hesitate to search their rooms. They know that. They also know that I'd be happy to snip their hair while they are sleeping and send it for drug screening if I felt it was necessary. My kids know they have A LOT of freedom, but there are some things that I have deemed unacceptable and they don't want to cross me on those things.

    My house. My rules. Fortunately for me, we haven't had any issues (that I know of!). Bottom line for me is....I trust you until you give me a reason not to. At that point, I'll be so far up your hiney, I'll be sitting behind your eyeballs.

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