Do you separate meals for your kids?

shartran
shartran Posts: 304 Member
in Food and Nutrition
Hi
I am a teacher (grade one) - no kids.
I am curious:
How many of you that have kids, create separate meals for you/your partner and then something different for your kids?

Some of my friends might say...." my kids won't eat what I prepare for dinner, and the only thing they'll eat is chicken nuggets and french fries...so that's what I give them."

I am under the philosophy of what I grew up with...this is what the family is eating tonight...period.

If it's 'crappy' food for you, then why the heck are parents continually feeding their precious family these things?? I don't get it... Who's is in charge here?? Kids will eat...eventually!
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Replies

  • explorationerin
    explorationerin Posts: 36
    My son eats whatever ive cooked... I do make certain allowances for him, Ie i know he wont eat salad so i do something else as a side for him (normally roasted veg) and i also know he wont eat minced meat so no spag bol, cottage pie ect but if i make it into a burger/meatballs/meatloaf ect he will eat it so thats basically what i do.

    He eats all the veg i give him, and replacing chips with roasted parsnips went down a treat and we now call them special chips....
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  • _Terrapin_
    _Terrapin_ Posts: 4,301 Member
    First world potential issue, but, children have two times the number of taste buds then adults. True story. Pre-teen kiddos typically do not like vegetables due to their bitter taste so you may or may not create an issue 'forcing' foods on to kiddos. But, IMHO at the casa we provide them different options with meals. If I am making salmon though I'm the only one eating it. As for your 'precious family' and crappy foods, well, once you do have children and the time constraints of day-to-day living increase, your view may change, then again opinions vary.
  • rockmama72
    rockmama72 Posts: 815 Member
    I have three kids (16, 15, almost 5) and I don't make separate meals. I never gave them the opportunity to be picky--what we have is what we have. They are all food lovers! It makes me proud... I do many, many things wrong as a parent, but I rocked this one :)
  • Elsie_Brownraisin
    Elsie_Brownraisin Posts: 786 Member
    Ah, I'll be one of those people who provide a caveat for that statement :laugh:

    Mine has aspergers and will gag and vomit because of the texture of some foods. Though it can be hard to tell when he really doesn't like something or he just doesn't want to eat that meal - chips and nuggets are one of his favourites too. It's difficult to balance him having a real problem or when he's just being a turd. And sometimes yes, he's just being a turd.

    But as far as possible, he eats what we eat, with substitutions (e.g. cheese and beans instead of meat).

    It's difficult to say that's all there is at meal times as he's underweight to start with and is very reluctant to try new things, but if he doesn't eat his tea there's nothing else until supper, which, unless he's eaten tea, is always warm milk and fruit. He gets dessert and hot chocolate and biscuits if he eats, so it's not worth holding out for.

    Obviously he won't starve, but I think he can hold out longer than most.

    Edit to add: I was forced to eat everything on my plate, even if I detested it and vomited. It's done wonders for my relationship with food! If there's something he consistently loathes, such as pasta, I won't serve it to him and he gets rice instead.
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  • katz6910
    katz6910 Posts: 156 Member
    I have 2 children with texture issues so I cater for them separately. One can't eat meat and the other cannot eat slippery foods (pasta, mashed potatoes etc). It's hard work trying to make one family meal that everyone will eat. I keep putting different textured foods on their plates as I know one day it will change (like my eldest who will pretty much eat anything I make)

    I'd love to be able to cook one meal for us all and for everyone to eat it but I'd rather not have to deal with the vomit every day. So for now I pick my battles and know that it'll be better one day :bigsmile:
  • Elsie_Brownraisin
    Elsie_Brownraisin Posts: 786 Member
    First world potential issue, but, children have two times the number of taste buds then adults. True story. Pre-teen kiddos typically do not like vegetables due to their bitter taste so you may or may not create an issue 'forcing' foods on to kiddos. But, IMHO at the casa we provide them different options with meals. If I am making salmon though I'm the only one eating it. As for your 'precious family' and crappy foods, well, once you do have children and the time constraints of day-to-day living increase, your view may change, then again opinions vary.

    this too, is it really your business to judge what parent do for their kids?

    No most of us dont succumb to chicken nuggets and french fries every night but I know there is no way in hell they would eat a plant based diet like I do.

    As parents we do the best we can with what we have. You also need to pick and chose your battles with your kids. I myself prefer to battle and make sure he has good grades, is respectful when he is outside my home, and is generally a decent thoughtful person with good hygeine. If I have to make him a side meal because I dont want to eat the lasagna that I know he likes I think of this as the least of my worries from a parenting stand point.

    I am trying to raise someone to be a decent contributing member of society. He will eat what I make him, but I wont force him to eat to the extremes I do, unless he ever wants to try then I would love to show him my ways.

    Picking battles - yes!!
  • shartran
    shartran Posts: 304 Member
    First world potential issue, but, children have two times the number of taste buds then adults. True story. Pre-teen kiddos typically do not like vegetables due to their bitter taste so you may or may not create an issue 'forcing' foods on to kiddos. But, IMHO at the casa we provide them different options with meals. If I am making salmon though I'm the only one eating it. As for your 'precious family' and crappy foods, well, once you do have children and the time constraints of day-to-day living increase, your view may change, then again opinions vary.

    You speak of 'time restrictions'...which I totally get. How is fixing separate meals for each family member saving you time?
    P>S>
    NOT a judgement...just curious!!
  • hookemhorns2013
    hookemhorns2013 Posts: 56
    My kids eat what I cook most of the time. My 5 year old is in an odd phase right now with food so I try to cook what she likes just so she will eat but my older kid goes with the flow so it works out. I eat totally different from them most of the time because I don't want them to be forced to eat health food so they do not eat what I eat mostly. I do cook healthy food for them just not as strict as I am on myself by far with my food restrictions.
  • brynnsmom
    brynnsmom Posts: 945 Member
    Sometimes. I grew up having family dinners, and ideally that's what we want to do. My daughter is three and luckily not picky - she'll go for zucchini or broccoli before a chicken nugget any day. However, during the week it can be difficult to get a sit down meal ready for three people with so many other things going on - especially with a hungry, impatient toddler. I turn to frozen fish sticks and canned greened beans or mac and cheese when I have to for her. On weekends I have more time to cook for all of us and we try to eat earlier, together. I guess it's not so much that my child eats differently, just at different times. People have to find out what works for them. No judgement here.
  • ninja8tofu
    ninja8tofu Posts: 76 Member
    In general, no, my kids eat what I eat or they can fix themselves something (except for the 4 yo whom I will help make a sandwich for). Once in a while, though, if I am having something that only I like or is leftovers and there isn't enough for everyone else, I will usually make them something else that they really like or I will order them pizza (I don't like pizza). There are really only a couple things they don't care for.
  • ChrysalisCove
    ChrysalisCove Posts: 975 Member
    My son is only a year, but we are making a focused effort now to introduce him to as many whole & nutritious foods as possible. Our "house rule" (which applies to my husband as well) is that you can have what I make for dinner, or you can have leftovers from a previous night. You can pick & choose what you like from that night's meal, but those are your options. I also will intentionally add only one "new / different" item per meal & ensure to include one thing I know my son likes (or at least liked recently - kids' tastes are all over the place)!
  • Chezzie84
    Chezzie84 Posts: 873 Member
    I don't have kids but I would like to think that when I do have them, they will eat what I eat.

    From listening to my mom and watching my sister with my 18 month old nephew, my understanding is that children will eat pretty much what you "train" them to eat. Given them chips and chicken nuggets and that's what they come to expect. If you pamper to their whims then they will take advantage of that.

    Please correct me if I am wrong as I said I have no practical experience only theoretical.

    Edit: Plus the rule in my house is when you do the shopping and the cooking then you can dictate what we eat lol
    My bf is quite happy with this btw.
  • _Terrapin_
    _Terrapin_ Posts: 4,301 Member
    First world potential issue, but, children have two times the number of taste buds then adults. True story. Pre-teen kiddos typically do not like vegetables due to their bitter taste so you may or may not create an issue 'forcing' foods on to kiddos. But, IMHO at the casa we provide them different options with meals. If I am making salmon though I'm the only one eating it. As for your 'precious family' and crappy foods, well, once you do have children and the time constraints of day-to-day living increase, your view may change, then again opinions vary.

    You speak of 'time restrictions'...which I totally get. How is fixing separate meals for each family member saving you time?
    P>S>
    NOT a judgement...just curious!!

    Salmon 3 minutes microwave; other tools at hand, immersion blender, a stove, the grill, sammich(just hands needed really), prepping meals like Dream Dinners. We also will eat at different times, some nights it is left overs, and some nights we eat as a family. Are you asking me if I prepare and make separate meals for each family member? No. Do they make their own meals sometimes....yes.

    Again though, first world problems. Both our kids are self-sufficient, meaning, they'll make what they want if we do not have something prepared. Children, like adults, vary on their ability to be self-starters. And remember, the taste buds are really at the core of what kids may or may not like, not what you want them to eat.
  • rockmama72
    rockmama72 Posts: 815 Member
    And remember, the taste buds are really at the core of what kids may or may not like, not what you want them to eat.

    Sometimes. But a lot of times kids will decide they don't like something without trying it, and sometimes they pick up on the parent's cues (and expectations) that indicate they won't like something. I've had many parents say stuff like, "my kids would NEVER eat ____." Of course they won't! They won't even get to try!
  • Ninkyou
    Ninkyou Posts: 6,666 Member
    Only if what I'm cooking is considered "spicy". My 5 year old and spicy don't go well together. Otherwise, she gets what we're having. She doesn't get the option of having something different. Not like she complains about it either, she's only 5.
  • _Terrapin_
    _Terrapin_ Posts: 4,301 Member
    And remember, the taste buds are really at the core of what kids may or may not like, not what you want them to eat.

    Sometimes. But a lot of times kids will decide they don't like something without trying it, and sometimes they pick up on the parent's cues (and expectations) that indicate they won't like something. I've had many parents say stuff like, "my kids would NEVER eat ____." Of course they won't! They won't even get to try!

    True, I try to avoid exacts on the threads, as I said 'core'. Sure, having a kiddo try something is part of the process, cues and/or expectation are part of the day-to-day. Good points.
  • VastBreak
    VastBreak Posts: 322 Member
    We all eat mostly the same thing. We all have things we don't like and we try to work around that. My littles don't like lettuce so if we have salad with dinner they will usually just have olives and cheese and cucumbers and not the entire salad mix. One child doesn't like green beans, one doesn't like broccoli so usually we will slice n apple to replace that.

    I think for us it is important to have options available. We try not to force food but also make sure that they try things. We all drink water so that is not much of an issue. We also walk as a family, go bike riding together when the weather is nice and also like to play tennis. The littles come with us and each have a racket but they mostly run around and play with balls and we bring them scooters and things.

    Our over all goal is to be healthy and we can do that together.
  • katz6910
    katz6910 Posts: 156 Member
    I don't have kids but I would like to think that when I do have them, they will eat what I eat.

    From listening to my mom and watching my sister with my 18 month old nephew, my understanding is that children will eat pretty much what you "train" them to eat. Given them chips and chicken nuggets and that's what they come to expect. If you pamper to their whims then they will take advantage of that.

    Please correct me if I am wrong as I said I have no practical experience only theoretical.

    Edit: Plus the rule in my house is when you do the shopping and the cooking then you can dictate what we eat lol
    My bf is quite happy with this btw.

    When I first introduced my children to solids it was all healthy home cooked meals but there seems to be a point at which it changes for some kids. My 5 year old would eat anything I cooked, he loved bolognese, every fruit and every vegetable, varied meats. Now when he tries to eat meat he gags and heaves until he's sick. I still put it on his plate if he wants to try it, for a long long time vegetables would also make him gag but he would eat fruit all day long if I let him. He can now eat any vegetable (except cauliflower) so it is sometimes something they grow out of. I hope he grows out of the meat thing soon. My 3 year old is incredibly fussy but as a baby she ate everything. She will eat spicy food all day long but won't touch potatoes in any form and fruit makes her gag and often sick.

    Every child is different, maybe before I had kids I thought they'd eat what I made too. I can't really remember. I know one thing though, I won't feed them anything I wouldn't be prepared to eat myself. We regularly buy something new to try as well and I include them in that decision as much as I can, one week it may be a new fruit or vegetable the next it may be a new biscuit :bigsmile:
  • salleymo
    salleymo Posts: 50 Member
    It depends on what I'm making. If it's something like asparagus, that I know they won't like, I'll give them an alternative vegetable. I won't cook an entirely different meal, but I will give other side dish options.

    Thankfully, I don't have to deal with it too much, except my 3 year old has suddenly become very picky. I've never been able to feed him fast food (good thing), he loves home cooked food (very smart kid lol), but suddenly all he wants to eat is fish, fruit , rice and oatmeal...no veggies, no chicken, no turkey---not too bad, but I have to find a way to sneak those veggies back into his diet.

    My 8 year old will eat whatever you put in front of him.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    They eat like we do, except on nights when I make some dish I know they won't eat (because it spinach and they 'don't like it' or it's spicy or something). Or nights when I'm starving at 5pm and having an early dinner (typically leftovers) and there's only enough for me. I guess that's maybe 1 or 2 nights a week. Typically we don't make 'one dish' meals so if they don't like one thing, they just eat more of the others (we do mixed veggies a lot so they can pick if needed).

    Typically they have cheese tacos/quesadillas in that case though, or a sandwich, and fruit, so it could be worse.
  • KristinKory
    KristinKory Posts: 91 Member
    My daughter is 2.5 years old and most of the time, she eats whatever I have prepared for everyone. There are some things she doesn't like, but she does enjoy a wide variety of foods. (like her mommy lol)
  • kgeyser
    kgeyser Posts: 22,505 Member
    As a parent, there's nothing I enjoy more than non-parents questioning why I approach things with my children a certain way or tell me I should be doing it a different way. I imagine you feel the same way when people question you as a teacher and ask why you don't do things the way they think you should do them.

    To answer your question, occasionally my children do get separate meals or separate items in a meal. They have to at least try 3 bites of whatever we are having for dinner, but if they don't like it, they can say no thank you. They often get separate vegetables, because neither is a fan of asparagus or zucchini (still have to try it every time we have it), but they will eat mixed vegetables all day long. I'd rather heat up something else and have them hit their nutritional needs than get in a fight over a friggin vegetable just because someone thinks if I'm not exerting total control over them and forcing my will that I'm failing somehow as a parent.

    Occasionally my husband and I want to have something for dinner that the kids don't like, so on those nights they get chicken nuggets or leftovers. They are happy, healthy kids who eat a variety of foods and are always willing to try a new food - I like to think that knowing that it's ok to try something, not like it, and not be forced to eat it has something to do with that. One day they may grow to like those foods, or they may not, and that's fine. I grew up in a house where you had to eat every last bite, even if it meant sitting there alone for hours or gagging and vomiting. That tactic never made me like lima beans and made me dread meal times.
  • PhearlessPhreaks
    PhearlessPhreaks Posts: 890 Member


    I am under the philosophy of what I grew up with...this is what the family is eating tonight...period.



    This is my philosophy as well, and reading 'French Kids Eat Everything' pretty much cemented it for me. If a whole country of wee ones can eat whatever is set before them without fanfare, so can children of other countries.
  • DawnieB1977
    DawnieB1977 Posts: 4,248 Member
    I have a 4 year old and a 2 year old, and we all eat the same. I work part time (I'm a teacher) and my husband does shift work, so there's no way I'm messing about doing separate meals! The only time I'd do something different is if we were having something really spicy for example, then I might do the kids a jacket potato instead.

    When I weaned my 2 year old, I used to just purée the meals we were having, like stews, shepherds pie etc.

    My 4 year old never used to eat a lot, and even now it takes some bribery, but he'll eat chilli, curry, pasta, stir fry etc. My daughter eats better than my son used to. I'm pregnant with my third now, and this one will also get the same food when she's ready!

    I've never taken my kids to McDonald's, KFC etc because I don't like places like that.

    They will happily snack on apples, pears, raisins etc, but they do also like chocolate!
  • cwolfman13
    cwolfman13 Posts: 41,865 Member
    Yeah, sometimes. Pretty presumptuous to assume it's just crap food though OP...just because it's different than what mom and I are eating doesn't necessarily mean it's **** for food or something.

    For one thing, there are certain spicy dishes that frequent our table...these foods are traditional to our area and we love them. Our 18 m.o. and 4 y.o. will likely love them someday....but at the moment, the heat makes them want to rip their tongues out of their mouths. So while we're eating a nice big bowl of green chile stew, they're maybe having some spaghetti and marinara with some grilled chicken or something.

    Then we have our funky schedule. My wife and I switch off nights at the gym so when one of us is at the gym the other is at home getting the kids dinner. My youngest is in bed before she or I get home from the gym and my 4 y.o. is usually well on his way. So they eat earlier and we eat when the kids go to bed...so on those days we generally eat different foods for dinner.

    We try to have "dinner party" (what my 4 y.o. calls it) on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. If we're doing a roast chicken or something...or like tonight, we're having a London Broil we all have the same thing...but again, sometimes we are having food that either my kids just won't eat or it is just not suitable food for their age.

    My kids eat pretty good for the most part...not so into veg, but plenty of fruit and what not...but yeah...sometimes they have chicken nuggets too...and hotdogs, etc. They don't live off this stuff but yeah, they eat it and they like it and I don't see it as such a big deal...but it's always nice to get lectured by a non-parent about parenting. It's about as classic as it gets.
  • clanmcfleming
    clanmcfleming Posts: 37 Member
    I have three kids, aged 3,8 and 11. I dont cook separate meals and never have. As soon as they were capable of finger food, basically they have eaten the same as the rest of the family. I dont fuss too much over uneaten food. The house rule is you must try everything on your plate and if you choose not to eat the rest, you may be hungry later (too bad if you are!). None of my children are fussy eaters although they all have preferences for some food over others. They all eat veggies, fruit, fish and most meat with very few exceptions. Thankfully no-one has any allergies or intolerance. I dont pander to requests for nuggets or pizza every night. Given the choice that is what they would opt for!

    I think sitting down to eat together and to be seen to be eating the same food is the single biggest factor in influencing what my kids are prepared to eat. So I have a three year old who loves olives, an 8 year old who loves mushrooms and an 11 year old who loves haggis! (And yes, a lot of folk do eat haggis regularly in Scotland! We dont just pull it out to gross out visitors... and its yummo!)
  • jaynepickle
    jaynepickle Posts: 47 Member
    Nope. My kids eat what we're eating for dinner, or they don't eat. We set a timer for 30 minutes at the beginning of every meal and whatever they eat in that 30 minutes is all they get for that meal. If they don't like it, that's fine, but they have to at least try it, and accept the consequences that if they don't eat, they will be hungry. I don't give them sugary snacks throughout the day either, so by the time dinner rolls around, they want to eat. After much trial and error, this is what works best for our family. I find that I am a much better mother when I'm not tearing my hair out trying to force them to eat their dinners. Besides, how would I feel if someone tried to force me to eat when I wasn't hungry? Or something I didn't like?
  • PhearlessPhreaks
    PhearlessPhreaks Posts: 890 Member
    And remember, the taste buds are really at the core of what kids may or may not like, not what you want them to eat.

    Sometimes. But a lot of times kids will decide they don't like something without trying it, and sometimes they pick up on the parent's cues (and expectations) that indicate they won't like something. I've had many parents say stuff like, "my kids would NEVER eat ____." Of course they won't! They won't even get to try!

    Or, in the case of my 2yr old, she'll eat something one day, but won't the next! It's more of an independence issue right now, and we don't force foods, but it's there- if she eats it, awesome. If she doesn't.... oh well.

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