Husband doesn't show support :(
Replies
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Your husband should not allow your daughter to speak to you like that, but then, he shouldn't be saying negative things to you either as he is your husband and SHOULD be supportive, so obviously he does not know the proper way to treat his wife. But, we do not have control over others, and can only change ourselves, so you should focus on yourself. Try your best to ignore their mean comments. I know what you mean about exercising in front of others... could you use your bedroom while your husband and children are in other rooms? I'm much older than you (by 20 yrs!) and I also have four children and I know how busy you are and how difficult it can be to try to lose weight. Hopefully MFP will be a helpful tool. You have my support!0
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Hey, playing devils advocate a wee bit but maybe your Husband is afraid you will lose weight and become more attractive to others, maybe hes a wee bit insecure, you should sit him down when you are calm and have it out with him, you lose weight and get fit for yourself and no one else.
An as for your daughter, its hard being 15 and they will say anything to be mean sometimes, especially if she knows it will get to you.
Go out for a walk to begin with if you don't feel comfortable exercising in front of them, start with a wee bit of jogging, you will probably amaze your self with how much you can do after only 3 or 4 weeks.
MFP is a great place for support and feel free to add me as a friend
Go for it and don't let anyone hold you back :flowerforyou:0 -
A lot off men don't give support, Remember u r doing this for u!!!!! So you feel better in your own skin... He wilt get benefits from your weight lost.... but don't fight over it that will just turn the tables on you and you will over eat... be strong... you can do it... .0
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for starters all men check out other women, it's natural. I have the wife that shows no support, she can eat anything an not worry. So I always have all the wrong foods around. Stick to your plan, hire a trainer at the gym if you can and you will feel better in no time. Worry about yourself first everything else will fall into place. Good luck0
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Do what's best for YOU, what makes YOU feel good, and if that means losing a few pounds and getting healthy, then so be it.. Don't let others get you down..it can be frustrating but stick with it and you will see the results you want..0
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There is so much wrong with this where to start. A man who threatens to leave you for doing something to improve yourself, who sneaks behind your back looking at other women and lies about it *to be clear, it's not unnatural to look at other people - we all do it, but the lying about it is not right* and who obviously wants to control every aspect of your life is not a healthy, well adjusted human being.
As to your comment that "most men" threaten to leave their wives if they don't lose weight - not real men. I don't believe that.
If my 15 year old talked to me that way, there would be hell to pay. My kids have been taught respect - and if they do act disrespectfully there are consequences for those actions, just like there will be in the real world when they are adults.
I hope that you will make self-esteem building a large part of the weight loss. Most people think weight loss builds self-confidence - and it does, but if you're self-esteem is already in the toilet, sometimes you have to focus on building healthy, strong relationships with self and others - and learning to form boundaries. You are worth standing up for - and it's your body and you can do as you damn well please.
I grew up in a household with a verbally abusive person and stories like this bother me, because it took me years to undo a lot of the damage and realize that other people's issues don't make me a bad or unworthy person.0 -
First I would like to say that I am sending lots of good vibes your way for a peaceful day As for your daughter, you know how kids can be and if you nip that in the bud and explain why it's wrong and hurtful to call people fat that should take care of itself. I use to jokingly comment on how fat my tummy was all of the time until my 5 year old and 9 year old started saying it to. I stopped doing that and explained to them how that makes people feel.
Your husband (unless he is a complete a**) is most likely feeling very insecure. When I started losing weight my husband got uncomfortable about it. Especially when I started talking about joining a gym. (Said everyone would be looking at me and asking me out lol yeh rightttt) He is older than me and although we have a very good love life he worries that one day I will want a younger man. I have assured him that I am not going anywhere AND I still joined the gym and told him he needed to come to grips with other men looking at me because I was doing this with or without his support. He stills gives me the playful "who was looking at you" talk when I get home but he's dealing with it. We had long talks about how I was not looking for other men and no matter how hot I get or if someone did ask me out, it would not matter because I am here with him and have been for 10 years. I am always here if you need to talk feel free to add me to your friend list.0 -
just hang in there I have a wife that is afraid I will leave her if I lose the weight although she doesn't tell me she will leave me if I do lose the weight but she is not afraid to keep asking so when you leaving me for a younger more attractive women she couldn't be more wrong I am doing simply to feel better about myself and would never in a million years ever leave my wife I have loved for 20 years as for looking at other women I'm sorry sometimes we can't help that it's in our nature to look I look but would never touch I made a commitment and one I don't regret as time goes and the weight is gone she will realize this so again just hang in there do this for you if he does leave you that's his loss one that you will get over and he never will0
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Don't wait to reach your goal just to enjoy your life. Life is the most precious gift that we have ever been given. Sometimes when you make the choice to turn your life around , the people that are closest to you will start to look at and assess themselves and they feel like they are not up to par. They start to question this WONDERFUL THING that you have going on and they wonder WHY DON'T I HAVE THAT SAME THING. You cannot answer those questions for them but you can hold YOURSELF accountable and accept that YOU have been given the chance to become the best you ever. Take advantage of the positive understanding that you have been given and embrace this new journey and adventure that you are about to embark on!!!!! We live in the millennium and the sky is no longer the limit, honey we are reaching new heights and you are one of the leaders!!! soar and DARE TO BE DIFFERENT:flowerforyou:
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I'm sorry that your husband and your daughter are less than supportive and that their hateful expressions have hurt you. You don't deserve their disrespect. You can't relate your quest for better health to them. I.E., they've proven their choice not to support. You have to do this for you. As others have said - there are plenty of supportive people on this site. I'm one of those happy to share support if you'd like to send a request. Regardless, I wish you all the best on your journey toward better health. Now, get out there and take a walk today! 30 minutes per day is not hard and a great start. :flowerforyou:0
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Wow. Hope you can find support here. I could not live the life you are describing. I'm so, so grateful for my awesome husband!!! :flowerforyou:
P.S. Sometimes people feel threatened when you better yourself because they think you will leave them in the dust. Maybe that's your husband's problem.
AMEN!!!!0 -
WOW!!! I know that feeling....I lost the weight, he did not approve and for SO MANY other reasons we are now getting divorced. IT IS A CONTROL ISSUE.....and I am no longer controlled by anyone.....and couldn't be happier about it. It is disrespectful how you are being treated and you don't deserve that. I hope you do find the support that you need. Whatever the outcome, losing weight should be done for yourself not to please others. Haters are gonna hate...be true to yourself! Don't let anyone, your husband, daughter or anyone else treat you like this. You deserve respect and support.0
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remember one thing: YOU make YOUR own happiness not somebody else.
swish!0 -
just a thought your oldest may simply be hearing what your husband has been saying about leaving you if you lose the weight and simply trying to sabotage your weight loss to prevent that from happening0
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My Ex husband was really controlling and once told me if I lost any more weight he would leave me, he didn't but I was the one that left him in the end because he wanted to control me and also was very jealous. I was always on and off diets when my children were younger. You could guarantee as soon as I went on a diet, he wanted fish and chips from the chipshop. I had five young children so I used to cook a meal for my husband and children but I would sometimes have something different if I was on a diet.. If you want to lose weight, it doesn't matter if your husband says you look okay as you are, if you are not happy yourself. You need to do it for yourself, not for your husband and not for your children. If you eat healthy and exercise you should lose some weight and once you start losing you will feel more confident and this will motivate you to continue. I am remarried and luckily my new husband is into health and fitness and eating healthy which is great because we go to the gym together and out for bike rides, walks etc and he is very supportive. 0
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Howdy there maam. I am no psychologist and I don't have a pHd. I'm just a simple down home country boy thats been around the way a time or two in my life. I will not comment about your husband or your daughter. I will simply tell you straight up that there is a difference between LIVING and BEING ALIVE. People work for a living, but its up to you to be alive. We get one life in this world. As a paramedic and a former firefighter and former police officer, I have seen alot and done alot. Lots of lives are cut short DAILY. Sometimes of their own accord and sometime by pure accident. You have to ask yourself, god forbid, if you were called home to the maker and you looked back on your life, would you say that you were LIVING or were you ALIVE?
You seem like a down to earth young lady with alot going for you. I wish you nothing but the very best. PEACE
Love this advise!0 -
They say losing weight is 80% what you eat and 20% exercise. Eat healthy and start walking. Do exercise videos or lift weights when no one else is home. Start slowly. No one can control what you eat but you! As far as your family is concerned...hopefully your husband will come around and support you, but remember you're losing weight for you, not anyone else. He will have to come to terms with it. Teenagers do what they can get away with. You have the upper hand. You pay her phone bill, give her money, take her where she wants to go...don't if she treats you that way. She'll catch on pretty quick. You're in my prayers.0
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That was perfect!!!! Amen referring to the comment of the paramedic. You can live for you, You are a child of God and he loves you. Your husband is not going to be the back up/supporter that you need. Don't y on him but you have many people here that will be your support. I my self have not got a person to lean on or give me support. I just joined this group and I already feel the warmth of people that care. We will start to live healthier lives.0
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The response from Traerjudy was awesome and I agree with everything she wrote.
My advice is to lose the weight for YOU and you alone. You don't need to even talk about it with your family, in particular if they do not support you. (I know this is hard because having the encouragement would be nice!) Your husband will not leave you if you lose weight.
Just use sites like this to get support. All of us are in the same boat in that we need to lose weight and/or need to have a healthy lifestyle. Keep in mind that once you are at your goal weight, the journey doesn't end. You need to keep leading a healthy lifestyle because YOU deserve it. I don't like to say that I am trying to lose weight, instead, I say I am trying to get healthy. I think it puts a more positive spin on it.
As far as exercise goes, get up and walk. You can do that outside with or without your family being home or with or without their encouragement. If they make some snide comment about you going out for a walk and trying to lose weight, simply ignore them and say, "I just could really use some fresh air! See you in a bit!" Don't even mention that you are doing it to lose weight. Another option is walking at the mall (say you are going window shopping!)--many malls have walking clubs.
Babysteps. One day at a time. I am a fan of jogging. I started off walking and I slowly built up to jogging. It took me a long time, so don't get discouraged if you want to try and be a runner. If you don't think running is for you, slowly build up your walking speed until you are a true power walker! The way I look at it is this, ANYONE can walk! It doesn't take coordination, special equipment, or superior athletic ability.
Prayer also helps in all situations. 0 -
What you allow is what will continue.
I didn't have much support when I started, but I did it anyway. Stupid comments were made, I nodded and smiled and went about my business. A year later, most of my weight is gone, I feel a ton better, and the person who rolled his eyes at me when I said I was doing this is kicking himself for doing so.0 -
How ever much your husband weighs, THAT is how much weight you`ve got to lose!!! If you get my meaning? Then and only then can you tackle your problems and become the awesome person that you are! As for your daughter...be the adult. I wish you the best of luck!0
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My husband is not supportive either. I've lost almost 30lbs and he hasn't said a word. For me, at first, I wanted his acceptance of my new outlook on my health, then when I didn't get it, I decided to heck with him. I'm doing what I want, for me and my health and if he didn't like it, tough. He's either with me, or he can leave. So I don't brag about about how much I've lost, I go to the gym when I want and that has stifled my resentment of his attitude. I don't need the validation from anyone anymore....I'm happy with cheering my own self on! It took me some time to get to that point though.
I wouldn't let your daughter treat you that way. You are the mom and she needs to respect you, no matter what! My 15 year old daughter is wonderful supporter. She constantly tells me I'm doing a good job.
Good luck!0 -
Hello I read your post and I can't belive someone else is having problems where there husband don't support them before I joined MFP I was 184.6 lbs I over heard my husband on his xbox telling his friend how when he meet me I was skinny and now I am fat and it makes him angry Like you I confronted him and he told me he did not say that like there was some thing wrong with my hearing.
I also find him liking and sharing pics or women on facebook with his friends I told him that aint cool and if I did that he would have a cow he said he wont do it no more well guess what it didnt change.
I was like you I did not want to workout in front of him due to he thinks he knows how I should do my workout and says I am not doing it right.But I looked in the mirror and see this person looking at me and say to myself am I0 -
Sounds like you have a real winner there.. Anyways, that's your husband so I suppose you have to deal with it, but your body image and your self esteem will rise whether your husband decides to leave you or not(which I think is an empty threat) when you get down to the size you want to be.
It comes down to YOU, you have to simply block out and ignore the negative vibes from the family and get yourself a gym membership and maybe a personal trainer, where you can be around people with similar goals and positive attitudes. Make the weight loss/getting in shape thing about you, not about them. Prove that you can do this to yourself. It'll be hard, but I know you can do it. And if you need motivation, feel free to talk to me and I'm sure many other MFP members are willing to help push you. 0 -
happy with me I use all his smart *kitten* remarks to push myself to do my workouts I0
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Howdy there maam. I am no psychologist and I don't have a pHd. I'm just a simple down home country boy that's been around the way a time or two in my life. I will not comment about your husband or your daughter. I will simply tell you straight up that there is a difference between LIVING and BEING ALIVE. People work for a living, but its up to you to be alive. We get one life in this world. As a paramedic and a former firefighter and former police officer, I have seen alot and done alot. Lots of lives are cut short DAILY. Sometimes of their own accord and sometime by pure accident. You have to ask yourself, god forbid, if you were called home to the maker and you looked back on your life, would you say that you were LIVING or were you ALIVE?
You seem like a down to earth young lady with a lot going for you. I wish you nothing but the very best. PEACE
Beautifully said! :flowerforyou:
You need to do this for you! I agree with plugging in some headphones and turning up the music. Your daughter will be re-thinking things when you can run circles around her. As for men in general, they will always look and notice other women. It's a fact of life, walk with confidence and love you!0 -
I had a relationship in my "previous life". My ex-husband was very controlling, down to what I wore and how I wore my hair! My husband now is VERY supportive! Now, he does have his moments where he wants a certain meal or dessert (which I love to bake and eat), but doesn't expect me to give in. I have some cookbooks that I cook from and my whole family loves them! They are all low fat and give calorie counts/servings on everything. When I fix my plate, I measure everything. Everyone else's I just scoop. You would try that! My cookbooks are Taste of Homes Diet Comfort Food Cookbooks - They now have all three that I have, in 1 - and I believe there is a new one, too.
Here is three in one: http://www.amazon.com/Taste-Home-Best-Comfort-Cookbook/dp/1617652342/ref=sr_sp-atf_title_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1394372848&sr=8-1&keywords=taste+of+home+diet+cookbook
The new one (I have a friend that has this one and loves it): http://www.amazon.com/Taste-Home-Healthy-Cooking-Cookbook/dp/1617652350/ref=pd_sim_b_1?ie=UTF8&refRID=0PBXJPTDHJM9B2RKX9WN
Make up your mind, you can do it! He may get on board with you after he sees what you're doing! You got this! Stay Strong, My Friend!0 -
Some men really do not like other men looking at their wives 'in that way' and your man may be worried that when you lose weight others might desire you and you will be tempted to stray. He may also feel bored by 'diet' conversations. Sadly lots of teenage girls go through a phase when they feel that they can say what they like to their mothers - she will grow out of it and you don't need to heed it - similarly, never ask her opinion about whether clothes look Ok or about your figure - she may confuse lack of confidence from a real desire to know whether your 'bum looks big in this'.
You know how you feel and that you want to do something about it. Don't involve them particularly - just start logging your food and moving yourself more - you will drop some weight, tone up and be healthier. If you don't mention weight loss or diet they will not feel free to comment. Just say you are feeling a bit lethargic and think that if you ate more healthily and exercised more you would feel better. Or better still - talk to people on here and not discuss your eating/exercise habits with your family.
Good luck on your journey and keep positive.0 -
WOW yout family doesn't deserver you. Some how I think your husband is a lard a.... I had the opposite problem with my wife. 15 years I tried to get her to take care of herself. I'd buy her gym memberships, take the kids, get her what ever equipment she asked for. She'd work at it for a little while then make excuses. Her doctor finally warned her about the health issues. But she is finding that 15 years of avoidance is making things really hard.
Any ways, do it for yourself. Do in now because evey day you delay makes it just a little harder. Be a great example for your kids.
You;ve got the right attitude now do the right thing0 -
When you have a negative force in your life, you have to counteract it with a positive force. With every negative comment, find something that you will bring you something positive. It blows that the one person that you should be able to rely on is not there for you and can make things difficult. But for every one of him, LUCKILY, THERE ARE A THOUSAND OF US. And you can do this with or without him. I am sure he feels threatened and worries that he will be inadequate if you reach your goals. But those are HIS insecurities.
Make everyday a Day 1. And soon you will have enough Day 1s that it will turn into a week and then into a month. Keep your head up and your eye on your goals. Each day, you will be that much closer.0
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