Husband doesn't show support :(
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Honestly if he leaves you because you get healthy then he doesn't deserve you right now. And your daughter should be put in her 15 year old place. YOU and YOU alone allow both of them to treat you badly, which gives you an excuse to go ahead and overeat and stay unhealthy. You are the only one that can change that and it starts with YOU getting where you want to be and happy with yourself, but to do that you've to stop worrying about who he's looking at and not looking at. And for God's sake stick up for yourself, if you don't no one else will. Start this process and when he says something just smile at him, like you've got a secret, and go on about your business. And the 15 year old would NOT ever talk to me like that and you should stop that right now. Pay backs would be to make them eat all good foods and buy no more junk food for them to munch on. When they complain just smile and go on about your business.
Oh and your man does NOT have to support you in everything you want to do, he has his own way of thinking and supporting everything may be a bit of an over reach on your part. Don't wait for his approval if it's something you want to do. Don't give him an option of support or not just tell him what to expect from you and that if he doesn't like it then that's just to bad on his part, but be sure to go ahead with your plans or he'll know your all talk and no action.0 -
Howdy there maam. I am no psychologist and I don't have a pHd. I'm just a simple down home country boy thats been around the way a time or two in my life. I will not comment about your husband or your daughter. I will simply tell you straight up that there is a difference between LIVING and BEING ALIVE. People work for a living, but its up to you to be alive. We get one life in this world. As a paramedic and a former firefighter and former police officer, I have seen alot and done alot. Lots of lives are cut short DAILY. Sometimes of their own accord and sometime by pure accident. You have to ask yourself, god forbid, if you were called home to the maker and you looked back on your life, would you say that you were LIVING or were you ALIVE?
You seem like a down to earth young lady with alot going for you. I wish you nothing but the very best. PEACE
This is wonderful. Thank you for wirting this - it's a beautiful "where is your heart" checker.0 -
The very best thing you can do for yourself is to grow your self-esteem. Start accomplishing some small goals. Give yourself praise constantly, but don't expect it from others. (Not that it's not nice to hear, but you don't need validation to know you're awesome.) You need to raise yourself to be equal in your marriage and to be a strong parent for your kids.
Please don't worry about the lady-ogling. Haven't you ever admired a fine young thing? And wouldn't you admit that you find a range of body styles attractive, both men and women?
Edited to add: I also have a 15-year-old daughter. They suck sometimes.0 -
Sorry to hear about the family support issues. Many others have touched on that topic, so I won't add anything. Instead, I'll add a different story.
Two friends were chatting, both in their early 40s ...
Friend 1: "Now that the kids are gone, I keep thinking about going back to college, and becoming the doctor I dreamed of being, but I'll be nearly 50 before I am done, and that's probably too late."
Friend 2: "And if you don't go, in 7 years you'll be the 50-year old without the medical training you always wished you had."
Friend 1: "You're right!" And she started the application process.
You want to trim down; you believe this will make you happier about yourself. Then go for it! The weight loss is not up to them; it's up to you. You can start your program without involving them at all. You can control the quality and quantity of your own food. You can do a bit of walking without their involvement or knowledge. Eventually, they'll see your success and commitment, and will come around and support you.
Best of luck!0 -
Well I wouldn't want to workou tin front of them either.
You know what, I would ignore their rude insults and do this for me. They can stick their support up themselves!0 -
Use that as motivation and work harder to prove people wrong.0
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for these hubbies that aren't supportive...
get a piece of lingerie a touch too small for ya...
pick your battle...
hold it up in front of yourself and tell him how you wold love to be able to wear it for him...
leave it somewhere he can see it or remind him of it once every couple of days...0 -
You seem like such a wonderful person and you deserve proper support! We're here to back you up! You do what you need to do to make you happy and healthy. Your family should be loving and supportive. I'm so sorry that you are dealing with all of that. Best of luck to you! We're here for you!0
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Howdy there maam. I am no psychologist and I don't have a pHd. I'm just a simple down home country boy thats been around the way a time or two in my life. I will not comment about your husband or your daughter. I will simply tell you straight up that there is a difference between LIVING and BEING ALIVE. People work for a living, but its up to you to be alive. We get one life in this world. As a paramedic and a former firefighter and former police officer, I have seen alot and done alot. Lots of lives are cut short DAILY. Sometimes of their own accord and sometime by pure accident. You have to ask yourself, god forbid, if you were called home to the maker and you looked back on your life, would you say that you were LIVING or were you ALIVE?
You seem like a down to earth young lady with alot going for you. I wish you nothing but the very best. PEACE
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What a gentleman- and he hit it on the head. Your hubby sounds very insecure- sounds like he is afraid you will look at him when you are looking fine, and reconsider your choice!
Start walking- you will be alone, and get some fresh air, and you will feel great when you get back home, and ready to do battle if necessary. Grab an ipod and go!
So glad you reprimanded your daughter. She needs to respect you. Feel bad that you are in such a negative environment, but MFP will give you tons of support. Good luck! :flowerforyou:0 -
for these hubbies that aren't supportive...
get a piece of lingerie a touch too small for ya...
pick your battle...
hold it up in front of yourself and tell him how you wold love to be able to wear it for him...
leave it somewhere he can see it or remind him of it once every couple of days...
This is a REALLY good suggestion. Weight gain often means less nookie because the gainee isn't loving their body. The partner feels bummed and cheated. Anger ensues.0 -
/threadUse that as motivation and work harder to prove people wrong.
No one can truly stop you from doing anything. People have to adapt to you, you don't have to adapt to them.0 -
You are doing this for YOU- not your husband, or your daughter!0
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I am so sorry your hudband is that rude. My father was rude to my mother and make comments yo her and when shr would start lising weight he would pick fights with her. My mom died last year to complications to tyoe 2 diabetes. She would be 69 years oldvthis month. I swore I would not be my mom. Well I married a good guy. But I gained weight for two reason tyroid (which was removed 2 tears ago) and second I like mens attention. I figured if I gained weight no guy would pay attention to me. As I gained the weight i lost me. Then when I seen my mom die and I couldnt do fun stuff with the family because I weighed to much. I decided I didnt want to die I wanted to live. In all of this my husband hasnt said anything about ny size. Im the one who has a problem.since I have started my whole family has been supportive but they have a problem because im putting me first for a change. Your husbsnd seems like he wants to control you and your daughter is mocking your husband. You have to love yourself and people need resoect you. The person who was so critical of me was my mom I either was to thin or fat, never ok. So you and I have not a road of weight loss but emotional issue. If your wanting to get healthy for you, your going to have get strong and take one time. If your husband leaves you because you lost weight tell him dont let the door hit your *kitten* on the way out. If he loved you he wouldnt disrepect you. When you stop your husband from disrespecting you. You will either put your daughter in her place or she will see your not accepting that behavior and she will make changes. You need to tell yourself you are a wonderful person and deserve to be happy. You are not a door mat for no one. So please fight for yourself. Thd first few steps will be hard but it does get easier I promise.0
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Call his bluff. My husband said the same thing five years ago. He's still here! If you wait for the people around you to 'be supportive' you may end up waiting a long time. There are some things you just have to do for yourself, and this is one of them. If you are self conscious exercising in front of them, start walking. You'd be surprised to find out how enjoyable a solitary walk can be. Getting out of the house to exercise might even be a better option. To this day, my husband STILL has twinkies, oreos, chips, and such downstairs in his 'pantry'. I pretty much stay upstairs in my area. I decided to get healthy and stuck with it.0
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I dont mean to sound judgemental , but your husband seems to be an idiot when it comes to being behind you instead of tearing you down. The whole , I will leave you if you lose weight is just because he has no confidence in himself and your relationship!!!
Keep focused , do what you know you need to do and everything will work out just fine for you!!!0 -
Just being here with us will help you get thru. My man has been doing the samething to me. So hang in here you can do it!0
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Perhaps your husband is worried that if you lose weight and gain confidence, you'll realise that he's an idiot and not worth bothering with.
All the more reason to lose the weight tbh.0 -
Here is your answer, this man is correct! :flowerforyou:Howdy there maam. I am no psychologist and I don't have a pHd. I'm just a simple down home country boy thats been around the way a time or two in my life. I will not comment about your husband or your daughter. I will simply tell you straight up that there is a difference between LIVING and BEING ALIVE. People work for a living, but its up to you to be alive. We get one life in this world. As a paramedic and a former firefighter and former police officer, I have seen alot and done alot. Lots of lives are cut short DAILY. Sometimes of their own accord and sometime by pure accident. You have to ask yourself, god forbid, if you were called home to the maker and you looked back on your life, would you say that you were LIVING or were you ALIVE?
You seem like a down to earth young lady with alot going for you. I wish you nothing but the very best. PEACE0 -
I feel sad that you are experiencing this. I would personally never take my hubby doing any of that (looking at women online?!?, and threatening to leave if you don't do what he says) Seriously, that is controlling, disrespectful behavior.
I don't know how your reprimanding your daughter as you say you are for treating you badly, but you need to sit down and talk to her about speaking to anyone like that, ESPECIALLY her mother every time she does it.
Like some other posters have suggested stop talking about losing weight and start talking getting healthy to prevent potential illnesses such as type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, sleep apnea, and so on that are often associated with being overweight or obese.
I never talk about losing weight in front of my daughter. I only ever say I am working on becoming healthier.0 -
I know that it's tough.... But you can do it. Losing weight is a journey traveled all by yourself. The hubby likes to eat and wants the wife to be there right with him.0
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Explaining love is hard to put into words. I define love as treating your partner as if they were a god/goddess, rubbing their back, complimenting them, sharing thoughts and stories with them, enjoying children with them, sharing insecurities with them, and receiving 100% POSITIVE feedback. If your husband is saying those things to you he will not stop unless he gets help. Looking at other women is a HUGE F********* insult. I hate it when people saying i'm "fine" or "you don't need to lose any weight" and I'm clearly overweight. My doctor is even saying I'm overweight. Are these people lying to me? yes. What they don't know is their lies are being called out and again, It's a huge insult. Your beautiful and If you want to lose weight you must do it for yourself. Your husband needs therapy. What he is doing is ABUSIVE and CONTROLLING. For your daughter... I would sit down and have a good talk with her. Mention that one day she will have to grow up and she wont always have the little 15 yr old body. She might even be overweight one day. Tell her how much is hurts you. Tell her how much you've done for her. You work for her, you feed her, you buy her clothes. You gave her birth. How dare she bite the hand that feeds her. Your weight loss journey will be one D*** hard road if your family is treating you like this. Your on the right path. You want a better life for yourself. You husband and Daughter need that wake up call ASAP... Because when your skinny what are they going to blame their insults and rudeness on then? Are they going to say your too skinny now?0
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Hes already not looking at her but she is" fine the way she is" according to him so i dont think thats a good idea, itll just make her more uncomfortable with her body image. If a partner "threatens to leave" for any reason, open the door and walk out. Theres a difference between not being supportive and being detremental to someone. Sorry forgot to add this is about the guys idea on the lingere thing0
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Thank you so much ladies for showing me support I really needed that and please do not think that I let my daughter talk to me like that but when she does make comments she does get reprimanded for it and as for my hubby I am going to call his bluff I think he is more worried I will leave him if I were to lose the weight more then anything else but that is not the case I want to do this for me I want to look good and feel good about myself this is something I have been dealing with all of my life and I need a change I am so determined to stick with this I just wish I had their support but it makes me feel good to know I can count on people here in this group.
Yaaaaaaay this is all I needed to hear It's your determination that matters!
Also, yes "Howdy Ma'am" guy is sooooo right.0 -
Do not listen to them, family can be the worst influences sometimes when it comes to weight. My own mother is a walking contradiction because when I was overweight she constantly teased me about it and gave me nicknames like lumpy + dumpling + elephant etc etc. and now that I've lost all the weight, she keeps saying oh you look too skinny now but then when she asks me how much I weigh and I tell her, she'll say oh i'm jealous. because she is a yo yo dieter/ex anorexic so family do not always hold the best advice when it comes to your health because everyone has their own issues and opinions when it comes to weight (jealousy, insecurity, control) and you should do things because of how it will make you feel before factoring in other people's opinions (especially nasty ones! )0
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"he has the nerve to tell me that if I lose the weight that he will leave me"
Honestly, this sounds like the words of an insecure man who's scared you'll lose weight, get fit, become a hottie, and suddenly find some gorgeous buff guy to run off into the sunset with. Or maybe it simply makes him feel inferior for not tackling his own fitness.
Either way, you do this for YOU chick :flowerforyou: You deserve to be healthy, you deserve to do what will make you feel happier and better about yourself. If this man cannot cope with you blossoming into a beautiful flower and would rather keep you miserable and wilting in the dark, well.. Time to find a better gardener
pahaha such a terrible analogy but you get what I mean! If your husband isn't willing to grow with you, or at least support you, all you're doing is crushing your own spirit to feed his.
And as for the 15 year old.. Not excusing her behaviour, that is an AWFUL way to treat your mother, but she may be going through her own crappy teenage problems and is taking it out on you by being a b!*&h. I'd pay no mind to her.
Go out to exercise, walk, run, bike, join a gym, swim. You can do this!!
Add me if you like x0 -
"he has the nerve to tell me that if I lose the weight that he will leave me"
Honestly, this sounds like the words of an insecure man who's scared you'll lose weight, get fit, become a hottie, and suddenly find some gorgeous buff guy to run off into the sunset with. Or maybe it simply makes him feel inferior for not tackling his own fitness.
And as for the 15 year old.. Not excusing her behaviour, that is an AWFUL way to treat your mother, but she may be going through her own crappy teenage problems and is taking it out on you by being a b!*&h. I'd pay no mind to her.
Go out to exercise, walk, run, bike, join a gym, swim. You can do this!!
Completely agree. Truth is that losing the weight will be harder without the support of your family but you can do it! Try to ignore the noise coming from them. And... withhold the whoopie. :devil:0 -
Wow. That is one murky situation you're in. I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. I don't feel qualified to give you advice about your home situation but I would definitely suggest you surround yourself with as many supportive people as possible; My Fitness Pal is full of them! If you are uncomfortable in your own skin, then it's time to fix it. Do what is healthiest for you. Attaining your fitness goals -- regardless of the obstacles -- will give you confidence, strength, and make you an even better person. I don't like to throw out the therapy card but perhaps you also want to consider finding a professional counselor to help you deal with your circumstances at home. I wish there was more we could do for you. Add as many friends as you feel comfortable adding and lean on us while you figure out what your next move is.
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I will NEVER let my kid call me or ANYONE else fat. SOoo disrespectful, I hear my nieces and nephews calling people fat all the time and I do NOT let that s*** fly. As for your husband... he is scared that you will be too sexy for him and leave HIM if you drop pounds, obviously he is a doof who doesn't deserve you. Unhealthy and unsupportive defense mechanism on his part, make him eat those F***** words. You can do this beautiful. :flowerforyou:
Well said.
Indeed. My thoughts exactly.0 -
Do this for yourself. See if you can practice focusing on you and what you are capable of doing, and learn to stop letting in thoughts of blame towards other people. If you can change your thinking you will be able to do this with confidence. When I read your opening paragraph I saw a few distortions.And I completely disagree with "most men say they'll leave if their spouse doesn't lose weight". Most? Really?0
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LOL!!!! Love the little weiner comment! That will shut a guy up quick! Guess sometimes you have to make a point. ]
Chin up! You (and by YOU I mean WE) are heavier than we want. So what? We're here to support each other. We are in the same boat with the weight loss. You want to do this for YOU, not for anyone else. I know how you feel with the exercising in front of the family. My honey called me fat (once while arguing) . I NEVER forgot that. Then one day I was starting thinking. This will NOT affect me this way. I know who I am and who the hell is anyone to judge me. He's not the big guy in the sky. Frankly I went through all the emotions, hurt, sad, angry..... but then it was just a memory. I know I have to do this for me. I WANT to be the girl I was. The girl that could wear shorts and tanks. He is supportive now and I don't know why he ever said that. He's really a good guy who made that one mean mistake I could never forget. I no longer value the opinions of anyone against my goals (no matter who it is) But no matter what anyone says, DO IT FOR YOU. When I first started this, I hated getting on the treadmill. It's in the living room for all to see for God's sake! After a week or so of "hiding" (doing it only when everyone was in bed or gone), I realized that was not gonna work. Now I just turn on my daughter's ipod and tune everyone out. The more I do, the better I feel. You can do this! And if he leaves you (and I doubt he will) so what? You deserve wayyyy better than that anyhow. fyi, that ONE time my honey called me fat... my reply "Yeah, I know I'm fat, I can change that, YOU will always be stuck with a little weiner." haha.... not nice, I know, BUT it made me feel better. He has never said it since. Best of luck to you. Feel free to add me. again.... THIS IS FOR YOU. You will find all the support you need on this site. ((hugs))
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