Is marriage a big waste of time ?
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Only a waste of time if it isn't with the right person.0
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YES!0
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nope. You have this pretty awesome ability to learn from absolutely EVERYTHING we experience. Marriage is no different. And even if you learn nothing from a marriage but what you DON'T want in a partner, that is still something very valuable you can take away from it.
For me personally, marriage is the absolute best thing to ever happen to me. Without it I wouldn't have my little boy. I am still married, and yes it is also the hardest thing I have ever done. Things can go bad. If you work at it hard though, they can be incredible. The secret that I am slowly learning is that it isn't a 50/50 commitment thing. It needs to be YOU willing to give 100%, and expect NOTHING back. Only then can you truly love someone. If this isn't your philosophy in marriage, you're doing it wrong. But you still are ABSOLUTELY NOT wasting your time.0 -
From someone married 28 years today and together for around 32 yrs, no it's not a waste of time because of the good times but mine has been a rollercoaster ride for sure since the first day on our first date when he was late because he was playing a game in an arcade (yes we met very young).
We made incredible children, never thought in a million years I'd have two boys with double degrees at university. Travelled goodness knows how many countries even when the kids were young. I don't regret it a bit but right now I'd like to kick his shins. Marriage can be hard but when someone really loves you and you love them you work things out. I think it's not so easy when you are both head strong. I don't know if we'll last forever but I hope so.0 -
I tap. I'm out0
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It's worth it if you're married to somebody who doesn't view you as an accessory.
My husband is my partner and father to my child. He's my family and we try to make each other's lives better with us being together than we would be apart. That said, it's not always sunshine and rainbows -- and we accept that each of us are human and we don't make impossible demands of each other.
^ I like this!
I love my husband and I love being married to him. So, for me, it's not a waste of time.0 -
It's not for everyone. That being said, I would be lost without my wife.
Finally , a man admits women can read maps. :laugh:
Besides there are great tax/ pension benefits to being married.0 -
No, marriage does not help with weight loss.0
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From someone married 28 years today and together for around 32 yrs, no it's not a waste of time because of the good times but mine has been a rollercoaster ride for sure since the first day on our first date when he was late because he was playing a game in an arcade (yes we met very young).
We made incredible children, never thought in a million years I'd have two boys with double degrees at university. Travelled goodness knows how many countries even when the kids were young. I don't regret it a bit but right now I'd like to kick his shins. Marriage can be hard but when someone really loves you and you love them you work things out. I think it's not so easy when you are both head strong. I don't know if we'll last forever but I hope so.
Basically what she is saying is that marriage is worth it for the make up sex.
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I love being married. So for me it's not a waste of time at all.
If you're married to the wrong person for you then it's hell on earth.0 -
If you get married to 'tick a box' then yes. If you marry someone who isn't compatible with you, then yes.
I've been married for 5 years, but actually been friends/dated/lived with my husband for 18 years this year.
I admit, I have wondered what life would be like if we didn't get together - would life be easier? Would I have married someone else? Who knows.
My husband is a great guy, he's clever, caring, thoughtful, skillful and loving. He can't cook, he would talk the leg off an iron pot if it asked for advice, and he's been sick on and off for as long as I have known him (ABI, Bipolar, Rheumatoid Arthritis). Together we have experienced a great many things, good (and very good) and bad (and very bad).
He's my no #1 fan. And I am his.
My brother has been engaged 3 times, married twice, and had relationships with more people than i can count. He got married twice, because he thought it was 'the next step' that he had to make. It's The Thing You Do to keep the relationship going.
My 2c. anyway.0 -
yes0
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I don't see it in my future. When I get settled, I'd like to adopt and call it a day. Don't need a hubby for that.0
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I don't think people are more inclined to cheat today, but there is probably more opportunity.In today's world where adultery & betrayal has become a sort of a norm...
Been married 30 years. It's working out great.
Too many people trying to find the right person and not enough trying to be the right person.0 -
Is anything that can offer huge rewards and also carry its share of disappointment a big waste of time? A career, higher education, parenthood, etc? Life itself???
I think the answer to that question depends on how you look at life. It life about what you get out of it or what you put into it?
But a huge key to the value of marriage is marrying the right person for the right reason. Do that and you can decrease the chances of disappointment exponentially.
If the you believe the qualities of selflessness, magnanimity, pragmatism, empathy & candor are important to the success of a marriage, find someone with those qualities. We are still out there (however, many of us are married to like-minded people).0 -
No, to me it's not a big waste of time. With the right person, it's wonderful. With the wrong person, it's terrible. I married the first time at 18 to the man I had my first serious relationship with. It was a horrible relationship, the only good thing that came from it was my son. Well, him and the knowledge of what I DIDN'T want in my next relationship/marriage.
Then I met my current husband. That was 23 years ago and we'll have been married 22 years in May. We just knew we were meant to be together and there was never a doubt in either of our minds. We've had ups and downs. Luckily, we've had more ups, which helped us cope during our downs. What we have going for us is that we are best friends who enjoy spending time with each other. We share core values, which is something that I think is really important in a long term relationship. One of those core values is fidelity. Neither of us believes in cheating. It's just not something either of us would consider doing.0 -
I've been a christian for 22 years and If I weren't, there's no way I would ever get married.0
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I agree 100%!! I have found that I don't even want to eventually get married anymore because of all the broken marriages and cheating I've seen. Women and men are both equally bad.
My thoughts exactly.
but one day overall I would still like to try, be divorced or whatever the case may be,
I know with my aunt she has had a 10 year relationship after being divorced, so
I guess in the end it is all a trial and error, or an experience to have.0 -
Ask yourself:
Do you want to have someone to share the most incredible moments of your life with?
Do you want to have someone to share the absolute worst moments of your life with?
Are you willing to reciprocate?
Amen.0 -
Getting married is the 2nd best thing that has ever happened to me...having kids is first.
No sure where grand-kids will fall, but probably will be a new first and have to reorder the other 2 lol.
For me, 27 years and counting...every day is not a honeymoon and I am sure we would like to strangle each other from time to time. 3 days later, when you look back, most fights were over stupid stuff.0 -
Wow, as someone who has only just got engaged I wish I hadn't read this post ! Somewhat depressing!
I have been with my partner for 5.5 years, it's been up and down but I wouldn't change it or be without him.
We aren't getting married in an over the top ceremony (infact we're running off to Seattle) and we aren't getting married for tax breaks we are getting married because we want to have a family and start a new chapter of our lives and most importantly we love each other more today than yesterday.
It's not for everyone, but being in a relationship (the right relationship) is amazing and I can't imagine not sharing my life with someone I love so much .0 -
I have been married for 14 years and its certainly not a waste of time. I had 10 good years and 3 cool kids because of it. The last 4 years have sucked hard and I am ready to move on. No infidelity, just straight up don't get along anymore.
I would love to say that I will never get married again but all it will take is finding someone who isn't mean and treats me nice for me to toss all my eggs in her basket.0 -
I would like to add that in my personal experience and in conversations I have had with many other people who's marriage didn't survive, we thought we HAD married the right person. It's very easy to say "if you marry the right person" but in the end you never really know if you did until the end and that could take a while. I never thought I would get divorced and if I had had to swear my life on my vows I would have when I got married. So, please take into account that some of us really did think we married the right person, our error was in assuming that our partner did too.0
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I have been married for 14 years and its certainly not a waste of time. I had 10 good years and 3 cool kids because of it. The last 4 years have sucked hard and I am ready to move on. No infidelity, just straight up don't get along anymore.
I would love to say that I will never get married again but all it will take is finding someone who isn't mean and treats me nice for me to toss all my eggs in her basket.
That's such a shame! The hardest years in marriage are the 15-20 years married. Things get stale, spouses start taking each other for granted and treating each other as well as you treat your friends becomes too much of a chore. Those are the years where you need to figure out whether you are going to fight for it or let it go. I wanted to let it go, my husband wanted to fight for it, so we went to marriage counseling. We had been married just short of 20 years. That marriage counseling saved our marriage. Now we are happier than ever and love each other more than ever. We learned how to communicate more effectively. We learned how to let each other know just how much we appreciate the other.0 -
It's a waste of time if you think it's a waste of time.
If you don't think it's a waste of time then it isn't.0 -
I am at the end of a 20 year marraige. Our divorce should be final soon. I can say that it wasn't a waste of time. We did have some good times, and we have a beautiful and intelligent daughter as a result of our union. We started dating at 17 and got married at 20. Too young and we changed and grew apart. While I am happy to be moving on, I am hoping to one day try marraige again. It would need to be with the right person, as I've learned alot from my first marraige and wouldn't want to go through another divorce, ever.0
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One bad apple doesn't spoil the whole bunch.0
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Bump cause I dont believe in marriage but interested to have a read at some replies.0
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A good marriage cultivates the qualities that make you a good person. Too much focus is on marrying the right person, instead of becoming a better person to be right for someone.
Marriage based on anything less, is nearly doomed to fail.0 -
The first 30 years are the hardest.
(Married for 51 years so speak from experience.)0
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