Is marriage a big waste of time ?

No, marriage does not help with weight loss.

As someone who has been married for nearly 10 years, I know it isn't a waste of my time. Is it hard? Yep-one of the hardest things you'll ever do. Is it work? Absolutely-you have to work at it every single day. Is it worth it? Mine is-my husband is my best friend, my confidante, and my biggest challenger, and I love him every day for it.

I will say that, like a lot of things, marriage isn't for everyone. There are a lot of people out there who get really excited about "the wedding" but don't focus on "the marriage" and it's a hard road for them once the wedding event itself is over. It's not all puppies and sunshine. It's arguments over the laundry, sucky family members, where are we going for Christmas this year, and sick kids. But it's also beach vacations, inside jokes, Thursday nights on the couch, and knowing that you've got someone to talk to when you need them.

OP - you said, "In today's world where adultery & betrayal has become a sort of a norm, so why should one invest his lifetime & money into a scheme which would gives nothing in return other than a life filled with pain and suffering?" If we're doing it right (and it's admittedly very hard - you have to be willing to and actually work at it every single day), then this life shouldn't be filled wit pain and suffering. There should be far more love and happiness than that.

I'll admit, I know I'm lucky. I love my husband very much. Has every day of the past 10 years been great? No, it hasn't. And those times when it's bad, it would be easy in a lot of ways to quit. But, I am fortunate enough to have chosen someone who is equally committed to this lifelong oath as I am, and we show that by being honest and faithful. There is a song out right now that says "The bad times make the good times better." I'm a believer.

Everything @Carly said is what I would have said before I found out that my ex-wife was cheating on me. 19 years together...13 years married, 3 great kids, two great jobs, one great house, 3 vacations a year, wonderful supportive families...and I thought we were on the same page, but it turns out that her page was cheating on me for the last year of our marriage with her boss (who was 20 years older, and married as well).

I know that my story is my story and not yours. My story is 7 years in the past, but it has kept me from moving into any sort of serious stage with any woman since then. I don't believe that I will ever trust a woman in a relationship again for the remainder of my life, and yes, that is upsetting to me. I loved being in love. I loved having someone to talk to in bed at the end of the day. I loved having intimate moments, and secrets, and jokes that only we knew the meaning of. I loved planning and thinking about the future and watching our wonderful children grow up and make mistakes and find successes. I loved being romantic. I loved having someone that would accept me when I cried and light up when I smiled.

But if there was ever a person on the planet that I trusted, it was her, and I feel stupid for what seems like a naive trust that I had and gave her. I trusted her to be honest and true to me and our family. She was a good person, the best I knew. And so, when the best person you know, the person who made you a better person, the person who you strived to be more like, the person that meant everything to you, violates you in that way, it tends to shatter you from the inside out. It tends to scream at you from inside your head that "IF THAT PERSON CAN'T BE TRUSTED, THEN NOBODY CAN!" And so, since then, each time I begin to trust a person, I back off because I'm reminded, in a powerful way, that my "trust" reality is a false sense of security and in order to avoid the fall and the pain, I need to avoid the relationship to begin with.

I'm disappointed that I've become a person who shakes his head and gently sighs/laughs/mocks the people who could stand up and say, "if you want it to work, you make it work", or "you have to work everyday at marriage, and if you do, then it works", or, "if you love each other enough, things will be great". I did. It didn't work. And again, I realize that I'm just one story and maybe I'm the exception and not the rule...and of course there probably is no rule. But there is human nature to consider. And I no longer believe that human nature dictates that it is normal or natural for two people to be true to one another for their entire adult lives.

I believe that it was easier 150 years ago when there weren't so many distractions in life, opportunities for finding new things, and the ease at which we can shift gears from one happiness to a brand new happiness; whether it's a new exercise class, a new cell phone, a new vacation spot, a new restaurant, new friends, a new job, or even a new lover.

For those of you that are still reading, and wondering if I gave her a second chance. Of course I did. If nothing else, we had children together. Even if I didn't want to fight for us, I wanted to fight for them. Within 5 minutes of her telling me about cheating, I forgave her opening and truthfully. I did not want this cloud cast over our children, and so I told her that I forgave her, asked her to talk to me, asked her to stop, asked her to go to counseling, asked her to talk with her friends, and asked her to consider how a divorce would impact her children (at the time they were 3, 7, and 11). She replied by handing me a book about co-parenting after divorce, told me that she had already seen a lawyer, and told me that she hadn't been in love with me for a long time. Tell me honestly, those of you happily married, if this happened to you, how would it impact the way you view marriage, relationships, and trust?

I'm a good person. I'm in tune with things around me. I am a great father. I run my own business. I have friends, I'm a good cook, I can build acoustic guitars, I can sing and write and be playful even at 43 years of age. I absorb current events regularly and stay connected with things and people in my community. My point is that I'm a regular man. I wasn't ignoring my wife while burying my head under the hood of a hot rod that would never be completely restored and rarely emerging from a constant semi-drunk-state-of-mind wasting my life in my recliner wondering if I'd get my turkey pot pie brought to me before halftime. That person might deserve my fate, but I didn't.

But I digress.

She appeased me for about 5 counseling sessions that I realize now were more for outward appearances than any true effort on her part. She was sure that she was in love with this new man and nothing was going to stop or change that.

Today she's married to him, and lives almost the exact life that we had together, but just a mile and a half away. She goes to work, she has the same handful of friends, few hobbies, same car, new furniture, same favorites spots, etc. But she comes home to a different man than I was/am. I don't know if you would think he's better or worse than I am, but he's different and I guess that's what she wanted. We raise our kids a week at a time. She gets them for a week, and then we switch, and so forth. I'm sure that they hate the planned transience that has been forced on them even though we have tried our best to create two comfortable and consistent homes.

As for me, I was deeply depressed for the first two years. Almost overnight, I lost my identity. I was a husband and father, and I would become single and a part-time father. I would, in an instant, lose 26 weeks each year of watching my kids laugh, and learn, and grow. Gone, just like that. I didn't have a purpose. In that life, everything I did was for my wife and children. In my new life, my "kid" weeks would be hectic (at first) and confusing and rushed trying to accomplish everything on my own. In my new life, on my "kid-less" weeks, I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I would go from 100MPH to 0, week after week after week. My married men-friends would say, "Oh, what I'd give for a week to myself", not realizing just how ignorant that statement could be. Afterall, I wasn't on vacation.

Today, I'm father of the year in my kids eyes. I'm funny, caring, creative, supportive and most importantly, I'm present. After having a handful of failed relationships (likely due to my lack of trust) that took an enormous amount of time, energy and money, I have settled into the idea of staying single and being the best dad that I can be while my kids finish the short time they have living at home before going to college.

My youngest, my daughter, my princess, is 9 years old, and I know that she's happier when my attention is on her and her brothers, and nobody else. And I know that once she goes off to college, I'm going to be a mess, but that I spent my time doing what was important for them, rather than spending effort and energy on trying to replace something missing in my life. I'll have time for that in 10 years, and maybe I'll find something again, or maybe I won't. While I feel less fulfilled today in some aspects of my life, I don't feel fooled and I always feel like I'm in more control of my destiny and not leaving the most important parts of me in the hands of another person.

Let me begin by saying that I am not against the institution of marriage.Also i wish all of those blissfully married people all the happiness in the life.May your marriage be blessed with love, joy and companionship for all the years of your lives.

Marriage is a very hard thing and requires people with qualities like selflessness,magnanimity,pragmatism,empathy & candor.Unfortunately these qualities are getting rarer & rarer these days as the world is becoming full of self-centered,egoistic & inconsiderate narcissist's.It seems people get into relationship for fulfilling lustful desires & to attain financial gain.The good old love has been lost forever.

In today's world where adultery & betrayal has become a sort of a norm, so why should one invest his life,time & money into a scheme which would gives nothing in return other than a life filled with pain and suffering? Why work hard for a thing only to end up beneath a gravestone remembered by none.Rather that time and energy could be devoted to drawing a beautiful painting or writing a new scientific theory or inventing a new machine and be forever immortalized into the minds of the future generation.