A question for people who've lost 150lbs+

I get EXACTLY what you are saying. I lost 50 pounds, then worked through all those emotional issues for almost a year, before I could continue with my weight loss.

I was worried that who I was would change, or that I wouldn't be able to cope with the changes. So far, at about half way there, that hasn't been the case. The people around me are happy and excited for me, and for all the progress I have made. They have been nothing but supportive.

I've had a few comments from idiots (one person actually asked me, after I'd lost 50 pounds, how I was able to do my job at my size), but I finally feel like I am no longer the fattest person when I go places. I don't worry about fitting into chairs, or airplane seats.

I would definitely recommend some counselling about the issues that might be holding you back, wether they be low self esteem (me), or previous life traumas (me as well).

Feel free to add me as a friend, I am on MFP every day

I'm right there with you hun. My goal is to lose about 200, but I'm terrified of the after. I want to lose weight to be healthy, but I know people will act different. i've always been the big girl with the big heart. The nice big girl, the big girl with confidence. .... If I lose weight I'm afraid people will just see me as everyone else. I'm terrified I'll be the skinny girl without confidence after.... If you wanna talk add me, I'm on daily!

eh I am probably NOT the person to respond to this, as I haven't lost over 150 lb, I'm still in the obese category around 192 lb and have not had exactly the same type of issues as you describe. But I have kind of lost a whole person (114 lb lost since 2008).

I do kind of understand about insulating/protecting yourself with the weight. One major thing I've realized is that people pitied me a lot when I was heavier. I ranged between 260-307 at 5'8" for most of my adult life and was already over 200 lb in my teens, and I think I had a lot of girls & women who were super nice to me partly because I was soooo non-threatening to their competitive sides. For example, I had some half-a** friends through the years who clearly liked being the "skinny friend" and I was generally cute enough to not turn all the guys away in a club, but not thin or attractive enough to give them any competition. Harsh, but totally true. I also believe 100% that I was, in more than a few situations, treated differently on the job due to my size...but in a way that is kind of unexpected. I think less was expected of me because of my size. I think that I came across as such a people pleaser and was seen as that "sweet, fat lady" and therefore they didn't really expect me to be smart, strong, or have a lot of energy. I am all of those things. I started my current job wearing a size 18 which in my Midwestern town is pretty average, not that big for this area, and I can tell that they just expected more of me automatically - mentally and physically - then when I was much bigger. It was a bit weird, but I have come to get used to it. Also, even though I'm still just a 37 yr old spaz I get "checked out" all of the time by women...I don't mean lesbians (although that does happen and I am flattered) I mean women sizing me up, my body, my outfit, etc. It feels weird. I am not used to it!

Anyway. I do think it's awesome that you're already thinking about all of this stuff. There are so many people out there who are at a high weight and believe that all of their problems and insecurities will vanish and their lives will be perfect if they get to a "normal" or "healthy" weight. You are already ahead of the game in addressing these things.

If counseling is an option for you, I'd definitely recommend giving that a shot. Now OR later (or both)! I know in some situations it can be difficult and/or expensive to obtain. I've had counseling in the past couple of years and while it wasn't for weight-related reasons, usually all of a person's "issues" kinda mesh together and it can really help you out.

Good luck to you!!

eh I am probably NOT the person to respond to this, as I haven't lost over 150 lb, I'm still in the obese category around 192 lb and have not had exactly the same type of issues as you describe. But I have kind of lost a whole person (114 lb lost since 2008).

I do kind of understand about insulating/protecting yourself with the weight. One major thing I've realized is that people pitied me a lot when I was heavier. I ranged between 260-307 at 5'8" for most of my adult life and was already over 200 lb in my teens, and I think I had a lot of girls & women who were super nice to me partly because I was soooo non-threatening to their competitive sides. For example, I had some half-a** friends through the years who clearly liked being the "skinny friend" and I was generally cute enough to not turn all the guys away in a club, but not thin or attractive enough to give them any competition. Harsh, but totally true. I also believe 100% that I was, in more than a few situations, treated differently on the job due to my size...but in a way that is kind of unexpected. I think less was expected of me because of my size. I think that I came across as such a people pleaser and was seen as that "sweet, fat lady" and therefore they didn't really expect me to be smart, strong, or have a lot of energy. I am all of those things. I started my current job wearing a size 18 which in my Midwestern town is pretty average, not that big for this area, and I can tell that they just expected more of me automatically - mentally and physically - then when I was much bigger. It was a bit weird, but I have come to get used to it. Also, even though I'm still just a 37 yr old spaz I get "checked out" all of the time by women...I don't mean lesbians (although that does happen and I am flattered) I mean women sizing me up, my body, my outfit, etc. It feels weird. I am not used to it!

Anyway. I do think it's awesome that you're already thinking about all of this stuff. There are so many people out there who are at a high weight and believe that all of their problems and insecurities will vanish and their lives will be perfect if they get to a "normal" or "healthy" weight. You are already ahead of the game in addressing these things.

If counseling is an option for you, I'd definitely recommend giving that a shot. Now OR later (or both)! I know in some situations it can be difficult and/or expensive to obtain. I've had counseling in the past couple of years and while it wasn't for weight-related reasons, usually all of a person's "issues" kinda mesh together and it can really help you out.

Good luck to you!!

SO AGREE! Iv'e lost close to 100 and I feel/notice how people see me as a threat now. I was once the fat, unfit kid that everyone was friends with. Now I am an issue. I am fit, I am a runner, I look a lot more sexier (handsome, whatever), and I am very driven to do things. This all happened in 2 years. IN those years I just passed up friends and family that are doing nothing with their lives. Now they realize how lazy they are and hate me for it.

You will go through many trial and tribulations in this process, guaranteed. As far as the massive weight loss, if you do it the right way, and lose the weight appropriately over several years, your mind will have time to keep up with your body's changes. It's the people that lose too much too quickly that one day snap, because they don't know who is in the mirror and they spiral out of control with self identity and revert back to old habits.

Great topic. Good luck in all your endeavors!

It gets easier to comprehend as you move progressively from start weight to goal weight.

I still have a long way to go, but I feel like a different person now. I'm happier. I have more energy. I'm not as angry at things anymore. I care more about my appearance.

I can't wait until I get to the end.

Feel free to friend me if you need a friend to help you on the way.

Frank

Fat protection. Man am I familiar with that. I remeber trying to explain to my father that being this size makes me feel safe in a way, like I won't be the target of sexual agression (yay for past traumas) and then it became a way of forcing my husband to prove he loves me. As in you should love me at any size and what I look like shouldn't matter. But I did the therapy and am happy now and I realized along the way that the risks and downsides to being heavy so outweigh the positives in my head that it was silly. And why would anyone deliberately make themselves harder to love? (My husband and I are fine, it was all inner dialogue and I'm sure he is glad I am tryig to lose weight but I believe he loves me regardless)

This guy has a lot of good stuff to say,
http://www.gainsthroughloss.com/

On a more positive note, I also find the prospect of losing weight exciting. The clothes, the ease of movement, the sense of pride. That, to me, makes the worrisome stuff a lot more bearable.

This. I want to try more adventurous stuff like zip lining. I'm too heavy right now for many things but watch out world. I can't wait to do things like zipline, raft, horseback ride with my family.

What an interesting post! I do believe that you've started something here. I don't think I've ever actually asked myself that question. If my perception of my normal self is 300+ lbs, how will I feel at 200?

While I don't have the same goal, it's still life changing and it does amount to losing the equivalent of a person. I'm struggling with words here, I keep wanting to say "small person" but, from our perspective, almost everyone else is a small person. I look in the mirror and see a normal guy. However, other people look at me and see a fat, middle aged, white guy. There is nothing those two perceptions have in common, save the gender.

If I consider that fear of losing the weight is at least a factor in my repeated failures then, perhaps it could be true. My self perception will change because there is more than a simple physical change happening. I will be different. Normal pants will be size 38, not size 48. Normal shirts will have one X, not three. Airline seats will fit. I could go on.

Am I afraid of not being the same man? Is this why I've been so dismissive of people who told me that I should lose weight?

You've really got me thinking about this. I'll get back to you with some answers.

One request, why don't you start a group?

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/lynneta71

thats my blog to my story


I have released over 200 pounds.. I started at 370.. I am now in the 160's.. my goal weight is 135..

I understand where your coming from right now your weight is like a force field a form of protection. your use to your life and what it consists of.. I wont tell you the changes will be easy, but you will still be you.. the difference is I gained so much confidence.. confidence to men =SEXY..

just think of all the things in your life that will change.. the rude remarks will be replaced with how great you look.. you can buy clothes off the rack and know they will fit.. . think of the adventurous things.. roller coasters. ziplining.. I did that when I got in my 180's WOW what a feeling.. being able to move.. lengthening your lifespan.. setting an example to family and friends about being healthy.

some homework for you sit down write out a list of all the things you can do that you want to do if you were at a healthy weight.. thats your WHY.. hold onto that.. read it often than when you get down to that healthy weight which i know you WILL start crossing them off.

trust me the process is worth doing.. you become a whole different person. someone that loves herself enough to take care of her body.. the new you will be unstoppable.. if you want support.. any of you.. I have been in your shoes .. feel free to add me or message me.

just remember your beautiful and you are worth it. you deserve to be the best version of you possible.nothing is impossible.. the word itself says im possible .. you are.. the only one that can hold you back from your goals is you.. lets do this together..

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The sad truth is that the world is a different place for you when you're at a healthy weight. You will get used to it. You'll still pick up clothes that are way too big, not realizing you're three sizes smaller. You'll still turn to squeeze in between an aisle, despite the fact that you'll fit fine either way. you'll still give the person sitting next to you on the airplane an "I'm sorry" smile, even though you fit in your seat just fine. You can't use your weight as an excuse. Turns out I just LIKE to stay home most Saturday nights, and my weight isn't the reason. Turns out I'm not particularly coordinated. Turns out some people just don't like me and it has nothing to do with my weight. The good parts of my personality have emerged more, but so have some bad parts (I'm a lot more confrontational now that the worst insult someone can lay on me is b!tch instead of fatas$)....I certainly feel a bit more vulnerable in certain situations because, like you, fat was an armor. But for me, getting strong and fast took away my *need* for that armor. I can fight back; I don't need the shield any longer.

But you adjust. It takes time, but you'll get there.

wow, I could have written this myself - I see so much of myself in this :flowerforyou:

I have not lost it yet, but the main thing that scares me the most is that my belly pouch wont go away. If I do manage to lose 150lbs and still have a flabby pouch it will seem as though it's for nothing. I'm not interested in trying to live forever, so this losing weight thing isn't to extend my life, it's all to just look better and be able to move around without making struggling sounds. But I don't want that belly pouch and wont have the money for cosmetic surgery...ever.

I have lost almost 80 pounds already, but I am sorry to tell you, that the skin is going to be saggy, unless you are blessed with great genetics. Start saving your money for some plastic surgery now, it will be a nice reward, once you reach your goal.

I would like to join the group!

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