Anyone else's parents ignorant and sabotaging in dieting?
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My Dad is a first-generation American. He was raised in an Italian family and has NO CONCEPT of calories, salt limits, actually ANYTHING related to nutrition. He doesn't know what carbs are, thought that 'artificial sweeteners' meant something had no sugar in it, and tried to make a case to me that because honey is not 'artificially sweetened' it had not only 'no sugar' but also 'no calories.' He doesn't believe in the TDEE and has no clue what a BMI means. He thinks that his BMI is obese because he is an 'athlete.' Yeah, an athlete who is on heart medication for his high cholesterol, has had 10 kidney stones, and a beer belly. Yeah. Athlete. Sure. [/quote]Wholy crap that was way to long for me, to read..
but lets go over a few thing.. I believe that both your parents are typical parents, coming from their time frame. I would guess hundred of kids ate the same way, as you, but you gained the weight while others did not.
When you were 10 years old and you saw that you were bigger then everybody else, what activities did you participate in?
Not everybody knows what BMI or TDEE is, but that doesn't have any bearings on weight loss
Well lets talk to about this, Just pure Chicken broth, as 10 calories per serving and for veggies you would need 2/3 of a cup for it be 100 calories. Although its 100 calories its not going to break the bank, which means even if you were to eat at your BMI and then have a cup of soup w/veggies, you would not gain weight.My mom once made a soup she declared had 'no calories' in it cause it was "All vegetables, and veggies don't have calories. Duh
I think you need to get a grip and do something about your weight issue.
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WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT
You just admitted to not even reading my post and your offering half-assed advice? No. My mom dumps a whole bottle of extra virgin olive oil in her soup. That's a heaping of calories.
And I didn't say my dad was ever trying to lose weight regardless of his knowledge of the TDEE. He calls it all 'witchcraft'. YOu don't even get it, he doesn't "believe" in anything his doctors tell him about his heart condition inflicted by poor diet, even when it is FACT0 -
By the time I was nineteen I had been living on my own for a few years already. When you want to leave, you will figure out a way to get a job and save up the money to get somewhere to live. Until then, it's their house and you are an adult in their house. If you are that unhappy, WALK to work. I walked three miles to work and three miles home to save up money to move out, if you WANT to do it, you will find a way.
I don't get why people keep giving me the same advice over and over and over again. I've read at least 10 posts now advising the same thing. Please, before you post just read or at least SKIM the other 9000 posts saying the same exact thing. Also, I'm going to college and NOT giving up on my dreams or my life because of my dad, i.e., i'm not quitting school and getting a crummy part time job (AGAIN FOR THE FOURTH TIME) and abandoning any actual chance at success.0 -
The OP should be thankful for her parents.
Are you sh*tting me? They abuse her! How is that something to be thankful for? Did you even read the OP?:noway:
No half the idiots here admit to not reading the original post. I want to punch this guy in the face.0 -
To answer the question that the OP asked originally: Yes. Some of us have done quite well for ourselves coming from families where our parents had no clue about how to eat and thought that buttermilk was healthier for kids because kids "need fat," and that 178 pounds in FOURTH grade was normal because we were "big-boned." It happens. Do I hate them? No. Was it a learning experience for me--absolutely. I lost 80 pounds my freshman and sophomore year of college and was also called anorexic by family, but I still weighed 170 after losing that weight. I was never beaten for not finishing my food, but I did get it for breakfast the next day. Now I am finding that after 20 years, my parents are asking my advice because they are literally afraid for their health.
So that being said: The fact that your father has isolated you so much causes me much more concern than your weight at this point. I think that perhaps you could be spending the hours that you "do nothing in the city sitting in coffee shop" could be spent WORKING in said coffee shop or someplace nearby to start to save money. You are in a city with businesses and such. Find a bank. Open an account. Start saving. Talk to people and make friends. Ask questions. Use the time to work out on campus and talk to students. Volunteer to tutor on campus. I can think of a myriad of things you could be doing with that time to better yourself. I have a mental image of you sulking in Starbucks in the corner all day. It's time to lose your fear of growth and well...grow. You are 19...the world is your pond. Go swimming sister! I hope you are able to move forward...it is really scary to change. But change is the only true constant in life.
AHH It is so frustrating to have to sit here and tell my life story so people don't assume I don't work. I go to school every day of the week. I have class every two hours. For the time in between, I have down time. But my school doesn't have a campus so there is nowhere to sit. So i sit in coffee shops. While I'm there, I do homework.
When I'm getting there at 5 AM, however, and all my homework is done, i just sit there. I do at least 7 clubs and organizations on campus, have entered many contests, and even joined some groups. But THAT DOESNT CHANGE THE FACT THAT IT IS 5 AM AND I PHYSICALLY CANNOT GO ANYWHERE.
It is snowy here, it is still winter here, no I'm not giving away my location, thats personal.
Since its like a blizzard a day here I can't really go outside, riding the train feels like freezing hell, although i still tough through it.0 -
By the time I was nineteen I had been living on my own for a few years already. When you want to leave, you will figure out a way to get a job and save up the money to get somewhere to live. Until then, it's their house and you are an adult in their house. If you are that unhappy, WALK to work. I walked three miles to work and three miles home to save up money to move out, if you WANT to do it, you will find a way.
I don't get why people keep giving me the same advice over and over and over again. I've read at least 10 posts now advising the same thing. Please, before you post just read or at least SKIM the other 9000 posts saying the same exact thing. Also, I'm going to college and NOT giving up on my dreams or my life because of my dad, i.e., i'm not quitting school and getting a crummy part time job (AGAIN FOR THE FOURTH TIME) and abandoning any actual chance at success.
Because you're *****ing, rightfully so, about your whackadoodle parents. Find a way to get out.
If its that, bad, you will.0 -
So what is it you want to hear, exactly?0
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The OP should be thankful for her parents.
Are you sh*tting me? They abuse her! How is that something to be thankful for? Did you even read the OP?:noway:
Remember, we are only hearing one side of the story.
yeah and apparently most of you are only RETAINING about ...00044444% of the story cause thats how intricate your answers are. there is no way i could explain my whole life to you in one post, no one would even read through it, some of these answerers actively admitted to not reading it too...
to clear some s*it up right now:
-I have had MANY MANY jobs
-my dad doesn't like when i get jobs because my independence freaks him out
-he only drives me to the train because it is two feet (literally) away from his work
-here's an important one:
*I HAVE NEVER KNOWN A LIFE OUTSIDE OF THIS ONE, HOW THE HELL AM I GONNA STAND UP AND WALK OUT OF MY HOUSE AND LIVE IN A HOMELESS SHELTER? That is literally a stupid idea. this post was to ask people WHO HAVE BEEN IN MY SITUATIOn how to tough it out and muddle through, even maybe how to change the ignorance of my mom and dad. i know you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but i was hoping there was a separate case for humans.
-i don't think you know what it is like to maintain a 3.9 GPA...you all act like i don't 'work.' well if my grades slip below a 3.6 guess who LOSES THEIR FREAKING SCHOLARSHIP? My scholarship pays for 2/3rds of my tuition. its not the tuition I'm worried about, its the whole 'i have no family' thing that bothers me.
even if i can stand on my own two feet in this world without them,it still hurts to know they are so abusive!0 -
So what is it you want to hear, exactly?
Um, let's see, OTHER PEOPLE WHO SURVIVED THIS BULL.0 -
So what is it you want to hear, exactly?
Um, let's see, OTHER PEOPLE WHO SURVIVED THIS BULL.
You did get responses from others who survived and the consensus was that you are now an adult and you should find a means to move out if you want to get away from your parents. Not one person who lived in an abusive home said you should stay. If it were bad enough you'd find a way to get out, perhaps you are being a bit overly dramatic about things that your parents do to annoy you. So what if your dad doesn't believe in dieting? Or if your mom cooks food you don't want to eat because they don't fit your nutrition goals?
I'm going to buck the trend and suggest you find a way to suck it up and deal with your parents since you are so against getting a job so you can move. Maybe you should buy a lottery ticket or something.0 -
My mother was an overeater, but the damage was by example, not because she made me do anything I didn't want to do.
Your life will be your own when you move out, but I can see that you're not ready. I joined the air force so that I could move out of my mother's house. It was tough but totally worth it.0 -
i can't believe i made this post hoping to get support from people who suffered like me, only to get a bunch of answers pointing the finger of blame at me like i'm some sort of wild child rebel teenager.
please. you do not know me. i'm known as the sweet goody-two-shoes who has never touched a drip of alcohol, smoked, partied, hell, i never even was allowed to go over my friends houses, and NO ONE was allowed to come to my--I mean 'my dad's' house.
no *kitten* my parents own the house i live in. no *kitten* I can go to a homeless shelter. but you know what? this question was a cry for help and support from people who have changed the abusive ways of their parents and learned to live with them. i don't want to run away from my parents or my problems. because guess what? I'm not wrong in this situation. i'm not some bad kid. I've done nothing to deserve this kind of neglect, and I want love from my parents. now how does that make me a rude 'rebel teen?' as some of you described? how was this question in any way a bratty comment? i want my parents to be educated. i want them to change. but the only thing i thought i would get out of this post was some consolation and others who have experienced the same thing
and you know what? some really cool people have taken the time to message me and share their stories. and it was inspiring and what i hoped id get from this post.
you know what else? about 80% of the other answers i got made me feel even WORSE about myself and my life and almost want to kill myself because it made it feel like there was no hope for people understanding me or what I've been through.
so please, if you're gonna make another stupid comment, save your time and GO AWAY. support does not = rude comments.0 -
So what is it you want to hear, exactly?
Um, let's see, OTHER PEOPLE WHO SURVIVED THIS BULL.
Those types of people are generally out there living life, not reminiscing about the bad old days with anonymous strangers on a chat board.
Besides, you DID get a bunch of those, and they all had exactly the same advice, which you immediately rejected.
At this point, it just sounds like you want to ***** some more...which is cool, we all have times like that...0 -
So what is it you want to hear, exactly?
Um, let's see, OTHER PEOPLE WHO SURVIVED THIS BULL.
You did get responses from others who survived and the consensus was that you are now an adult and you should find a means to move out if you want to get away from your parents. Not one person who lived in an abusive home said you should stay. If it were bad enough you'd find a way to get out, perhaps you are being a bit overly dramatic about things that your parents do to annoy you. So what if your dad doesn't believe in dieting? Or if your mom cooks food you don't want to eat because they don't fit your nutrition goals?
I'm going to buck the trend and suggest you find a way to suck it up and deal with your parents since you are so against getting a job so you can move. Maybe you should buy a lottery ticket or something.
-_-
i made one final post and now i'm done with this.
i was answering the other people because i couldn't stand to have them think they understood the situation and since they didn't read my post i was defending myself.
i think I'm pretty damn sick of not being able to defend myself. i get enough of that at home, i don't need it in a supposed support forum too.0 -
So what is it you want to hear, exactly?
Um, let's see, OTHER PEOPLE WHO SURVIVED THIS BULL.
Those types of people are generally out there living life, not reminiscing about the bad old days with anonymous strangers on a chat board.
Besides, you DID get a bunch of those, and they all had exactly the same advice, which you immediately rejected.
At this point, it just sounds like you want to ***** some more...which is cool, we all have times like that...
I've made one last post and I'm done, I'm not sitting here responding to every post any more because its not worth my time. you don't know me, i don't know why i thought this 'support community' would help. the people who actually PM'd me helped. not people like you, sorry.0 -
i can't believe i made this post hoping to get support from people who suffered like me, only to get a bunch of answers pointing the finger of blame at me like i'm some sort of wild child rebel teenager.
please. you do not know me. i'm known as the sweet goody-two-shoes who has never touched a drip of alcohol, smoked, partied, hell, i never even was allowed to go over my friends houses, and NO ONE was allowed to come to my--I mean 'my dad's' house.
no *kitten* my parents own the house i live in. no *kitten* I can go to a homeless shelter. but you know what? this question was a cry for help and support from people who have changed the abusive ways of their parents and learned to live with them. i don't want to run away from my parents or my problems. because guess what? I'm not wrong in this situation. i'm not some bad kid. I've done nothing to deserve this kind of neglect, and I want love from my parents. now how does that make me a rude 'rebel teen?' as some of you described? how was this question in any way a bratty comment? i want my parents to be educated. i want them to change. but the only thing i thought i would get out of this post was some consolation and others who have experienced the same thing
and you know what? some really cool people have taken the time to message me and share their stories. and it was inspiring and what i hoped id get from this post.
you know what else? about 80% of the other answers i got made me feel even WORSE about myself and my life and almost want to kill myself because it made it feel like there was no hope for people understanding me or what I've been through.
so please, if you're gonna make another stupid comment, save your time and GO AWAY. support does not = rude comments.
I'm sorry this post has caused you so much angst. I don't think that was anyone's intention. Just because you don't agree with advice you are given it does not mean people are being rude.
I too was a really good kid, got great grades and never got into trouble. My home-life was out of control, abusive, and controlling to the extreme. No one would have ever guessed. It was awful. But I survived, here I am living life and in a wonderful place. :flowerforyou:
One thing you need to understand is that you can not "change" your parents, you can only control how you respond to them.
Good luck, I hope things get better for you.0 -
So what is it you want to hear, exactly?
Um, let's see, OTHER PEOPLE WHO SURVIVED THIS BULL.
You did get responses from others who survived and the consensus was that you are now an adult and you should find a means to move out if you want to get away from your parents. Not one person who lived in an abusive home said you should stay. If it were bad enough you'd find a way to get out, perhaps you are being a bit overly dramatic about things that your parents do to annoy you. So what if your dad doesn't believe in dieting? Or if your mom cooks food you don't want to eat because they don't fit your nutrition goals?
I'm going to buck the trend and suggest you find a way to suck it up and deal with your parents since you are so against getting a job so you can move. Maybe you should buy a lottery ticket or something.
-_-
i made one final post and now i'm done with this.
i was answering the other people because i couldn't stand to have them think they understood the situation and since they didn't read my post i was defending myself.
i think I'm pretty damn sick of not being able to defend myself. i get enough of that at home, i don't need it in a supposed support forum too.
You probably shouldn't be on the internet then. You need a thicker skin.0 -
So what is it you want to hear, exactly?
Um, let's see, OTHER PEOPLE WHO SURVIVED THIS BULL.
those people are responding to you but they survived doing something you don't seem to want to do.0 -
OP, you sound like your dad, berating anyone who tells you something you don't want to hear.0
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I was seriously about to mention joining a branch of the military lol.That might be great for you but I'm not gonna join the army to escape my parents, it seems irrational when there are other options.
If there are other options, then why are you on this forum asking others for help with such desperation? There is more than just the Army...this question was a cry for help and support from people who have changed the abusive ways of their parents and learned to live with them. i don't want to run away from my parents or my problems.
Thinking you have the power to change your parents, as if you have control over them to begin with, is a bit naive. You cannot change your parents, nor change anyone who is unwilling to change. You have to choose your battles... so let me put it this way: I keep a healthy distance from my mother because she's sober for once and I haven't talked to my father in years. I hope that example brings to light what reality you will have to deal with if they continue down their path and you decide to move on. It's absolutely their choice to fix their ****ty behavior, not yours.I grew up in an abusive environment. After turning 18 I was still isolated and controlled by my parents. I understand what hopelessness and fear feels like. My escape was joining the military, literally I just left home and went to MEPS without telling anyone until after I left. I then stayed with a friend for two weeks prior to leaving for bootcamp. It was extreme but my home life was extreme and it was the only way I saw out of it. It was the best decision I ever made and I credit that move for the wonderful life I have now. I have no doubt that my life would be drastically different otherwise.
OP - use the time you have while you are waiting for your dad to formulate some options that will help you to get out of this situation. Gather up some strength and start living your life.
BTW - when my parents found out I left for MEPS they called the police, reported me as a runaway, and expected them to bring me home. I was 18. Seriously.
Broken home and the whole nine myself. Got tired of being some drifting 19 year old and went into the Navy. Best four years of my life. Been out for 4 years, got a college degree with the GI bill, and now have a family. Going back in May and staying in, since I loved it so much; Army this time though.
Seriously OP... with your situation, your life would be changed all around in so many positive ways. It's nothing that should be mindlessly disregarded. I highly suggestion you give it some consideration.
"Each player must accept the cards life deals him or her; but once they are in hand, he or she alone must decide how to play the cards in order to win the game." -Voltaire.0 -
OP, you sound like your dad, berating anyone who tells you something you don't want to hear.
Bingo.
Sometimes the fruit doesn't land far from the tree, it seems....0 -
This is the second thread I have read from you where you ask for advice then ignore or belittle the advice you get and say it doesn't apply to you or whatever excuse suits you at the time.
Sorry OP, either listen to the advice or stop asking for it and stop responding rudely to everyone who takes the time to give you what I think is bloody good advice.
1) grow up
2) get a job
3) save money and move into a share house where you are in control of your food
4) stop blaming your parents and everyone else for your weight and problems
5) you have serious issues, get some counselling.
That is all.0 -
My parents were first generation, too, but Irish. My mother was 98 pounds when she got married, mostly because she was from a large, financially challenged family (born in the Depression). Both parents are gone now, and I understand completely what you mean, although my mother always cooked decent meals so there wasn't really that much junk for meals. And we had plenty of fruits and vegetables, BUT my parents always bought cookies, ice cream, coffee cake, etc. I didn't know until I was an adult that there was a cause-effect relationship between food and weight.
I'm much older now, old enough to be your mom. Here's my take: you can't change your parents. You can only create the life you want for yourself. I don't know what I would do about your past experiences, but it sounds like they may never get it.
As an adult, I still feel the sting of my mother telling me to lose weight, even when I was normal weight, and she kept buying cookies, and other sweets which are my weakness. I felt fat when I so clearly wasn't, mostly because my mother was disappointed that I was a bigger girl (I mean taller and athletic, not fat or even chubby). My nearly 6 foot tall sister was very thin (about 120 lbs) but she heard about being flat-chested. You just can't win!
But, you can find a way to love yourself in spite of this. It's hard not to be angry, so I won't tell you not to be angry. But the more you love yourself, the less anger you'll feel.0 -
Italian households can be super overwhelming. I know because I am in one. In the traditional Italian house, it is not as simple as "you're an adult so you can make your own choices"... It just does NOT work that way. So to just tell her to just leave when she doesnt have money or any support system is foolish.
To the OP: I didnt read everyones responses but it seems like not alot of people have been in a similar situation. I'll refrain from stating what everyone else has said about going into therapy because you can take their advice or leave it. But the one thing I want to say to YOU is, and I know this is hard, but you NEED to start finding out a way to move past it. Move past your parents mistakes, your ruined childhood/life up until this point ... You lost close to 100 pounds! that takes alot of courage and strength ... You are DOING IT! You have shown your strength by figuring out a toxic environment still fairly early on. If counseling isn't an option, go to the library and read some self help books .. Walk there if you need to . Use the library at school to look up self-help books, I'm sure they are there. If you have noone who loves you, YOU NEED TO LOVE YOU. Seriously. I know it sounds like hokey BS, and its totally going to suck and be the hardest thing you've ever had to do, but you need to dig deep inside yourself to pull out that strength to move past this
Secondly, I do agree with the other posters: get a dorm next semester. Stay out of your parents house as much as you can. Find a job on campus to get you a little cash. While it sucks to say, you might not be able to move out until after college .. but once that time comes, just go. They'll be pissed, they'll scream and cry and throw temper tantrums ... just let them. It sucks and Im really sorry you have to be in this situation because noone deserves to be treated like that . Just know that it is not normal how they are and pat yourself on the back for figuring that out early in life instead of blindly going in their direction .. Goodluck!0 -
By the time I was nineteen I had been living on my own for a few years already. When you want to leave, you will figure out a way to get a job and save up the money to get somewhere to live. Until then, it's their house and you are an adult in their house. If you are that unhappy, WALK to work. I walked three miles to work and three miles home to save up money to move out, if you WANT to do it, you will find a way.
I don't get why people keep giving me the same advice over and over and over again. I've read at least 10 posts now advising the same thing. Please, before you post just read or at least SKIM the other 9000 posts saying the same exact thing. Also, I'm going to college and NOT giving up on my dreams or my life because of my dad, i.e., i'm not quitting school and getting a crummy part time job (AGAIN FOR THE FOURTH TIME) and abandoning any actual chance at success.
I'm not sure why "getting a crummy part time job" has anything to do with "abandoning any actual chance at success." I worked part time jobs all the way through college- on campus and off- and wouldn't have made it through without them. Why can't you get a part-time job again? It's going to remain incredibly hard for you to get any distance from your father without some income source. You're turning down a lot of good advice without giving it much consideration.I don't know where you live, (or all of the circumstances) but if you are in the US, here are some places you can contact for some help. Also, chat with your school to see what options are available there. If need be, you can always show them your post.
By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7.
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
http://www.211.org/
http://www.mentalhealth.gov/get-help/immediate-help/index.html
eta:
adding this link just in case
http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/find-help-support
and +1 (or 9, or whatever number we're at) to this advice0 -
By the time I was nineteen I had been living on my own for a few years already. When you want to leave, you will figure out a way to get a job and save up the money to get somewhere to live. Until then, it's their house and you are an adult in their house. If you are that unhappy, WALK to work. I walked three miles to work and three miles home to save up money to move out, if you WANT to do it, you will find a way.
I don't get why people keep giving me the same advice over and over and over again. I've read at least 10 posts now advising the same thing. Please, before you post just read or at least SKIM the other 9000 posts saying the same exact thing. Also, I'm going to college and NOT giving up on my dreams or my life because of my dad, i.e., i'm not quitting school and getting a crummy part time job (AGAIN FOR THE FOURTH TIME) and abandoning any actual chance at success.
Ma'am. I have a bachelors degree. I worked a full time job while getting it and graduated in under the four years, when you WANT something, you find a way,
You, my dear, just want to complain.0 -
I grew up in an abusive environment. After turning 18 I was still isolated and controlled by my parents. I understand what hopelessness and fear feels like. My escape was joining the military, literally I just left home and went to MEPS without telling anyone until after I left. I then stayed with a friend for two weeks prior to leaving for bootcamp. It was extreme but my home life was extreme and it was the only way I saw out of it. It was the best decision I ever made and I credit that move for the wonderful life I have now. I have no doubt that my life would be drastically different otherwise.
OP - use the time you have while you are waiting for your dad to formulate some options that will help you to get out of this situation. Gather up some strength and start living your life.
BTW - when my parents found out I left for MEPS they called the police, reported me as a runaway, and expected them to bring me home. I was 18. Seriously.
Seriously awesome advice, SJ46!! Free housing, medical, dental, fitness training, a paycheck and $$ for education! Plus, OP would get to see the world (not everyone goes to Baghdad!) I was an Army wife for 20 years. This will give OP a "break" from her parents and possibly some distance.
That might be great for you but I'm not gonna join the army to escape my parents, it seems irrational when there are other options.
Really? Because so far, you seem to be best at making excuses. In fact, if you put as much energy into finding and utilizing options other than staying in what you described as an abusive situation, you would already be out of the house, working, and on your own eating "healthy" (however you define that) foods and, I'm guessing, wasting away with an ED, because you also have more excuses why you can't continue with your ED recovery!0 -
no *kitten* my parents own the house i live in. no *kitten* I can go to a homeless shelter. but you know what? this question was a cry for help and support from people who have changed the abusive ways of their parents and learned to live with them. i don't want to run away from my parents or my problems. because guess what? I'm not wrong in this situation. i'm not some bad kid. I've done nothing to deserve this kind of neglect, and I want love from my parents. now how does that make me a rude 'rebel teen?' as some of you described? how was this question in any way a bratty comment? i want my parents to be educated. i want them to change. but the only thing i thought i would get out of this post was some consolation and others who have experienced the same thing
These people are trying to tell you, you can't change abusive people. You can't force them to show you the love you deserve.
They will continue to be the people they are. You can leave, or figure out ways to deal with it, but those are really the only options. You've made it clear you have no intention of figuring out how to get out of there, so your only real option now is dealing with it until you are ready or in a position to leave.
Many many people here have cut off their toxic families. Unfortunately having no family is sometimes better for a person than dealing with the family they were born into.0 -
"*I HAVE NEVER KNOWN A LIFE OUTSIDE OF THIS ONE, HOW THE HELL AM I GONNA STAND UP AND WALK OUT OF MY HOUSE AND LIVE IN A HOMELESS SHELTER? That is literally a stupid idea. this post was to ask people WHO HAVE BEEN IN MY SITUATIOn how to tough it out and muddle through, even maybe how to change the ignorance of my mom and dad. i know you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but i was hoping there was a separate case for humans. "
Been there, done that, freaked out, panicked, attempted suicide, survived. Because I rebelled. Which means, standing up for myself, making a plan, being ready to leave, calling the police when threatened, asking friends and relatives for help. You cannot change your parents. You cannot live by trying to please or change an abuser. You can get obsessed with this, let them control you, get so focused on trying to both please them and change them that you will go crazy (literally, my brother is a psychiatric patient). I know what you want to hear, every abused kid has wanted the same thing. It is not going to happen. Until you realise this and plan your life based on getting independent from your parents, nothing will change. Learn to drive, get a bike, use the bus, drop the clubs or whatever and look for a part time job, work on the weekends, look for paid job in school related activities, contact professors and labs etc to see if there are any research programs, funded activities etc where you could work part-time, ask them for references, contact your local church, look if the school cafeteria on any other shops in the area are hiring, look for jobs you can do from home at night, make plans to leave. There is no other way around it, sorry. And yes, you can do all this and have good grades, I was in top 1% of my year every year, then got a PhD, so did my husband who also had to work to support his family at the time. If you set your mind to it, stop focusing on wishing for a miracle and accept somtimes you have to live with what you have, not wishes, then anything is possible. Not in a day or a week, it might take months, or even years to ebe compeltely free, but unless you start doing something about it, it is not happening.0 -
...Anyone else have parents who are so devious, so slimy, so absolutely worthless and unsupportive that they try to sabotage your diet, your mind, and your life like this? I need to know others have problems like this, I'm absolutely freaking crazy over how stupid they are. The ignorance never ends with them. Luckily it ends with me.
My husband grew up in an abusive home. He hasn't spoken to his parents in years and has no plans to ever interact with them again. Just because they share genes, doesn't mean you're stuck with these toxic people forever. Do what you need to do to survive in the meantime, and once you've made your own life, detach from them. But please seek therapy asap. Bitterness and anger WILL destroy you over time. Good luck! :flowerforyou:
ETA: You can't, and won't, change your parents. The only thing you can change is yourself.
P.S. LOL at all the "join the military" comments. My husband joined the Marines. It worked for him! :drinker:0 -
So much anger and hatred... WHY do you really stay? There's also only one side to the story being told here. Your parents sounds like desperate ppl who has become frustrated trying to cope with a child that really does have an ED. You've lost so much weight why do you continue to need a scale to weigh everything when there are other methods you can use? I suspect tho that you need to be very precise and have become obsessive . Even after getting good advice here ,for which I might add you asked for, you're now attacking ppl here. I suspect there are other underlying issues going on. We all have options and you're now old enough to make reasonable choices and decisions. But I agree with the majority...you need to start with counseling first of all.0
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