Overweight daughter

My daughter is 26, 287 lbs and about 5'7".

I think it is negligent to simply ignore this and "just wait for her to come around" at some point. Really, just wait it out? How has that worked out so far? When is mom supposed to get concerned? 335? 385? When she has hypertension,diabetes, or some other affliction crippling her? Great parenting.

She's 26 years old.
She doesn't need to be parented anymore.
She needs to grow the *kitten* up and deal with her own problems, which is hard to do if your mother is still babying and nagging you.
You, sir, are (as Archer would say) a stupid idiot

And you miss, are 18. Come back when you're old enough to have the slightest idea what it might be like to be a parent.

Everyone makes their own decision to do this - you are ready when you are ready and not a moment sooner. By "getting on top of her" about this - you are likely putting her off because if she is afraid of failing you are adding pressure.

Perhaps you should try to focus your concern on her being healthy as opposed to losing weight. I mean, not to sound harsh or anything but if someone was constantly telling me that I needed to lose weight it would break my heart. I think the best thing for you to do is have one final conversation and basically say listen, whether or not you want to lose weight is your prerogative however you need to find some healthier habits otherwise you are going to face obstacles like diabetes, depression, high blood pressure, cholesterol problems, heart problems, etc.

Focus on her HEALTH not her image. It may be the key to opening that door.

Actually, I disagree. My mother used to nag me to go exercise when I was a younger adult. "You should go walking, it'll make you healthy. Did you know that being overweight increases your risk of breast cancer and diabetes! I would hate for you to get those"

You know what it did? I didn't go to a doctor for about 8 years. "Well, I'm already fat, so I'm going to get diabetes. I might as well eat that hamburger because it's not going to make a difference and at least I'll be happy. The doctor will only tell me I have to lose weight too". It's CRUSHING when it feels like everyone around you is telling you that you need to lose weight. Like that's the only thing about me that people see.

My mom hasn't said a thing about my weight in about 4 years. And I'm FINALLY getting motivated to actually change. Not just diet, but actually CHANGE. She's had nothing to do with my decision. I've talked to her about things I'm finding out, and she's being supportive and even trying a few things with me. But seriously, it took about 4 years of not nagging and dropping (not so subtle) hints for me to feel comfortable talking to her about it again.

I can totally see your side of it. For me I was (and am at the moment) overweight. Looking back I wish I people wouldn't have focused on my image and more of my health. Seeing family overweight with diabetes, with high blood pressure, etc propelled me to get the reins on my situation. It did crush me when people commented on my weight and it still bothers me which is why I like to and now tend to focus on the effect a healthier lifestyle has on your insides as opposed to the effect a healthier lifestyle takes on your image. Everyone is beautiful as long as they are kind. Thank you for your view of it, it is a very sensitive subject to breech.

Granted, I am not a daughter, but as a severely up and down with my weight son, it was tough. I live in FL now, originally from MI, and used to hate going home for Thanksgiving because I didn't want to be judged. Then, out of the two times a year I see my parents, my mom would bring up her concerns. Here is the weird thing...I am grateful.

At the end of the day, there are objective truths. You are her mom. She is in an unhealthy situation. Your job is not to force her to do something, however, it is to make it clear (lovingly) that you are concerned about her health. It does not need to be a drawn out conversation, but it is good to let her know what is on your mind and heart. I think most of us on here have had a come-to-Jesus moment (or whatever you wanna call it) and have realized sometimes the truth sucks.

What finally broke through for me was the move from "fat" to "healthy" in the conversation. My mom wanted me to live a long time, she didn't want to bury me, she wanted me to see my grandkids. She was proud of the man I was, but afraid I wouldn't live to see my full potential. I am sure it is similar for you and your daughter. So, maybe it just starts with eating better, or walking further to the car (hell, my parents gave me 100 for every ten lbs so I could buy a new wardrobe) and see where it goes from there. Be loving, give her room, but don't be afraid to be a mom.

Stop bothering her about it. It doesn't help, in fact you can believe it breaks her down and does allot more harm that good.

I am obese, my wife is obese. Her mother is always on her and brings her things like sugar substitutes and personal blenders and tells her "it's special for weight loss". My mother in law is about a dysfunctional as they come.

I have begun this journey. My wife has not, I have not said a word to her, I have not pressured her. I don't make her feel guilty about not joining me in weight loss. My wife has stated to me how proud she is of me, how much of a change she see's in me and I simply say thank you. Every now and then she joins me in the home gym I have put together. When she does I don't say a word, and after she is done.... I give her a smile and a high five as I continue on with my routine.

I know, She has to decide to make the life change, I can't make it for her and me putting pressure on her will only hurt her, hurt our marriage and drive a wedge between us.

Don't do that to your daughter

Wow, way to go guys, let's ream the woman out for being worried about her daughter. Good job there are so many experts in here.

And for the people that are describing her as 'perfect' and 'fine just the way she is' Get a grip. She's very overweight, and at risk of all the health problems come along with that. You can't understand why the woman feels the need to address that with her daughter?

What do you think her doctor should do when she goes? Should her Doctor just let her be too? I'm sure she'll be a regular before long....high blood pressure, blocked arteries, coronary heart disease.

Well done MFP. Another win.

You're commenting an awful lot without any helpful suggestions.

Everyone I've ever known who lost weight has done it when they decided to. Everyone I know who needs to lose weight has been encouraged by their family to be healthier, but it hasn't gotten them to actually do anything about it. Loving the people who matter to you and being there if they want help is really all any of us can do.

This is a valuable lesson to you.

Did the person call you a piece of **** mother?

No. That's what you took from the advice.

So when you tell your daughter, "honey you could stand to be a bit healthier" (or however you put it) she hears, "I'm disgusted by my fat daughter."

You have to let her make her own choices for herself. All you can do is love her unconditionally and be there to support her. That's it.

+1

Patronising, unhelpful and not true.

Well then please enlighten everyone, genius.

Someone's daughter doesn't want to lose weight. How do you think she should go about making her without demolishing her self esteem with a side helping of an eating disorder?

You're taking shots at everyone else for saying that she needs to back off, now why don't you post your brilliant idea for how to make someone else lose weight?

I don't have the answer any more than you do. This isn't about forcing her daughter to lose weight, It's about the responsibility that a parent (a good one) would feel to try and do something to make her daughter realise that she's killing herself. If her daughter was an alcoholic or a drug addict, would you be telling her to tiptoe around it then? What's the difference? She's killing herself.

Clearer?

Granted, I am not a daughter, but as a severely up and down with my weight son, it was tough. I live in FL now, originally from MI, and used to hate going home for Thanksgiving because I didn't want to be judged. Then, out of the two times a year I see my parents, my mom would bring up her concerns. Here is the weird thing...I am grateful.

At the end of the day, there are objective truths. You are her mom. She is in an unhealthy situation. Your job is not to force her to do something, however, it is to make it clear (lovingly) that you are concerned about her health. It does not need to be a drawn out conversation, but it is good to let her know what is on your mind and heart. I think most of us on here have had a come-to-Jesus moment (or whatever you wanna call it) and have realized sometimes the truth sucks.

What finally broke through for me was the move from "fat" to "healthy" in the conversation. My mom wanted me to live a long time, she didn't want to bury me, she wanted me to see my grandkids. She was proud of the man I was, but afraid I wouldn't live to see my full potential. I am sure it is similar for you and your daughter. So, maybe it just starts with eating better, or walking further to the car (hell, my parents gave me 100 for every ten lbs so I could buy a new wardrobe) and see where it goes from there. Be loving, give her room, but don't be afraid to be a mom.

+1

Exactly. If they have a good relationship then her daughter will understand it's out of love and not some kind of 'disgust', which I know my own mother never felt about me even at my heaviest.

Common sense at last.

My daughter is 26, 287 lbs and about 5'7".

I think it is negligent to simply ignore this and "just wait for her to come around" at some point. Really, just wait it out? How has that worked out so far? When is mom supposed to get concerned? 335? 385? When she has hypertension,diabetes, or some other affliction crippling her? Great parenting.

She's 26 years old.
She doesn't need to be parented anymore.
She needs to grow the *kitten* up and deal with her own problems, which is hard to do if your mother is still babying and nagging you.
You, sir, are (as Archer would say) a stupid idiot

You look, think, and communicate like a child - spend some time out n the real world, get an informed opinion, and learn how to communicate muturely as an adult, and maybe people will take your opinion seriously. Now off you go, let the adults chat.