Overweight daughter

If the daughter didn't want to talk about weight with her mother, her mother wouldn't know how much she weighs. They're obviously having conversations about it. So with that...

OP, let her be the one to bring it up. Every time. If she asks for advice, give it. If she doesn't, don't. Talk with her like you would a good friend. (You'd never push a friend to lose weight, but you might share a delicious healthy recipe you found or a fun exercise video you tried. And I don't mean to actively seek out "helpful" stuff to tell her about--I mean just sharing your own experiences.)

My sisters and I don't live close, but we always do fitness challenges together and keep each other updated through email. Maybe if your daughter expresses an interest in losing weight during a conversation, you could suggest something like this? My family also always does something active when we get together for holidays, like roller skating, bowling, or we've talked about doing a turkey trot at Thanksgiving. We are genetically lazy so this is quite a feat! I'm just throwing it out there because I really do feel my entire family is supportive to each others' health, and these are some of the reasons why.

Here's the thing... none of us know your daughter. None of us know the relationship that you and your daughter have. As an adult, I would assume that she could handle a sit down conversation with her mom.

To me, parents are tasked with the hardest task out there, which is balancing the line of taking care of a child and letting a child take their own path.

My own personal experience was one in which my parents conveyed that they were worried about my weight. They knew that it bothered me, they knew that I got teased at school for it, and wanted to know if I wanted to do something about it. I said no. I remember thinking that I was fine the way I was. However at home, the food didn't change. They still bought dessert, fried food, bought potato chips. We weren't an extremely active family and our eating habits were horrible.

I wish that rather than asking me, my parents would just changed the way we lived. I wish they would have gotten us more active, that they would have gotten us eating healthier foods. You learn from example, but their talk didn't match their walk and it was confusing. I'm now 27, and have finally started to want to lose weight. Not just for me, but for my future. My mom, every now and again, would pipe up that she was worried about me. Diabetes runs in our family, so she didn't want me to get sick when it was completely preventable. I understood that she loved me, but to say it didn't hurt is a lie. It's a tiny little pinch in my heart, but I knew it was in love. I don't resent my mom for bringing it up at all, I just wish that while I was little, there would have been more action and less talk.

From all of the responses that you've gathered, you just need to take them in mind and then think about your daughter. Does she complain that she's overweight? Is she receptive to suggestions and to general advice? You could even ask her to join MFP to help keep YOU accountable. Maybe she'd learn something along the way that would make her want to get fitter. You could throw out a family hiking trip/camping trip as a goal, if you're into that. Or ask her to do a 5k walk with you to honor XYZ. A good one is the Disney 5K.... because it's in Disney! And people dress up, and its so much fun! I can see that as a mother/daughter trip.

One thing, that I definitely suggest NOT doing... is telling her that she's fat. Or that she's overweight. Or obese. She could be completely happy where she's at, and if so, then you can say your piece and move on from there. But say it once, and then let it be. Let her know that you're there for her, and that you'll always love her.

Good luck, OP. It really is difficult ground to stand on.

WOW... this is exactly why I don't post in forums.... You people are forgetting that she is her MOTHER and was just asking to see if any other mother is going through this.... All she wants is the best for her daughter, who the hell wouldn't??? You lot make out that she has been pestering her daughter. All she said is that she "encouraged" her daughter to join MFP... Jeez, if my mum said that to me, I wouldn't have a breakdown, I would actually thank her for her advice.

Thank you!

of COURSE this is the response you appreciate and reply to.

consistent MFP is consistent.

My daughter is 26, 287 lbs and about 5'7". She knows she needs to lose weight to be healthy and yet does nothing about it. I have tried everything I can think of to encourage her to start this journey. When I was doing WW I actually got her to join. She lost about 15 lbs and then for whatever reason gave up on it. I am now trying to get her to join MFP. I keep hoping that by seeing my success she will realize that it can be done. She lives in a different state then I do so it is really hard sometimes to get on top of her about this. Especially without hurting her feelings. Any mothers out there in a similar situation? Or maybe some girls in her age group that could tell me what they would want to hear from their mothers.

I am a daughter that needed to lose weight. My mom never nag but I knew she was not happy with my weight. It took me a while to hit the bottom where I said enough is enough. I tried WW and I did the same as your daughter. I lost 20 Lbs and just stopped. A lot boiled down to me being a poor college student and that was an easy excuse. About 1 year ago, I hit bottom, it took a good friend of mine to make me see what I looked like. I never took pictures but last April I did and when he showed me pictures from when he met me two years previously, I was horrified. It has been a long journey and really it is just beginning. She needs to decide this on her own. She has to want it herself not for other people.

When I did decide to lose the weight.. I bought a fitbit one (any activity tracker really). It really helps keep me motivated! Now my mom and I are both on MFP and love it. Good luck and she will come around just be supportive.

As a mother I really feel for you. My suggestion is just to demonstrate your love and support for everything she does but not mention her weight at all. Just let her know that she is really valued as the person she is now (I am sure you do but kids, especially daughters will ignore all the positive messages and pick up on a small negative message). When she feels valued enough to deserve to be slimmer/healthier she will do it for herself. Set an example for her in your use of mfp but do not discuss it with her unless she asks.

I remember once saying to my pre-teen daughter, who was complaining about her looks/legs/weight etc, that she was fortunate that she was a beautiful person and a pretty girl and that, even though she may wish her ankles slimmer, she should be thankful her legs worked. From that day to this she accuses me of telling her she has fat ankles!! I learned the lesson.

You obviously adore your daughter - let her know it is for who she is now - she may be on the heavy side but I am sure you tell her all her good qualities - that's all you need to do. She has a mirror - she knows the rest

.:flowerforyou:

This made me laugh, because my daughter would have reacted the exact same way.

OP: save yourself and your daughter a lot of heartache, just let her get there on her own. When she is ready, she will do it. Not before. If she never does, then will you really have wanted to have spent all your time with her arguing over THAT?

She is 26, and unless she has a significant developmental disability I guarantee she A) knows she is obese and knows she should do something about that...but the actual change MUST come from her. No matter how badly you want it for her, it's in her hands.

WOW... this is exactly why I don't post in forums.... You people are forgetting that she is her MOTHER and was just asking to see if any other mother is going through this.... All she wants is the best for her daughter, who the hell wouldn't??? You lot make out that she has been pestering her daughter. All she said is that she "encouraged" her daughter to join MFP... Jeez, if my mum said that to me, I wouldn't have a breakdown, I would actually thank her for her advice.

Thank you!

of COURSE this is the response you appreciate and reply to.

consistent MFP is consistent.

Struck me too. I don't think she really wanted advice. She wanted someone to tell her she was right.

I really think you should listen to the advice given to go through the thread and count the replies agreeing with you and the ones not. It's pretty heavily lopsided.

Also take note of something else. The tiny handful of people saying "She's just concerned for her daughter, she should say something, I'd appreciate my mother if she ever did that" seem to NOT have mothers who got on them about their weight. So the only people condoning this plan never actually went through it. I still haven't read one post that said "My mother got on me about my weight and it was a big help and I thank her for it."

So you can look for advice from people who've been there, or you can just look for posts agreeing with you. One will help you to learn and grow, the other is the same as looking in a mirror and telling yourself how pretty and smart you are.

What struck me is that she was looking for caring advice, not people jumping to conclusions as to what she was saying to her daughter. Lots of projection going on in this thread, like in many threads on MFP.

Did you actually post a picture of her with you as your profile picture? Did she give permission for that?

Leave her alone. Seriously. Leave. Her. Alone. You have undoubtedly already said and done things that have hurt or angered her so deeply that she will never forget them. Stop. Stop now.

Letting her find her own way is the only way for (1) you to keep a relationship with her and (2) for her to lose weight. Just STOP.

This. All of this!