Please help!

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  • favoritenut
    favoritenut Posts: 217 Member
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    I would love to talk to my husband about this, but sometimes he isn't very understanding on things, somehow I'm afraid he will think this is all my fault.

    You have a more serious problem than getting felt up by a 70 yr old man.


    ya, I know, I'm working on that too.
  • ElliottTN
    ElliottTN Posts: 1,614 Member
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    My personal opinion is to let your husband know what happened and you all decide how to handle this situation as a family. As much as you think this is about you specifically it actually reaches further than that. He basically not only degraded and violated you personally but he gave your whole family the big F you at the same time. Just my 2 cents.
  • Sinisterly
    Sinisterly Posts: 10,913 Member
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    I would love to talk to my husband about this, but sometimes he isn't very understanding on things, somehow I'm afraid he will think this is all my fault.

    You have a more serious problem than getting felt up by a 70 yr old man.


    ya, I know, I'm working on that too.
    I believe in communication to get things resolved, perhaps this issue might help bring you guys closer :flowerforyou:
  • dreawest
    dreawest Posts: 208 Member
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    I was just so shocked that I couldn't say anything at the time. and all I could feel was like when I did back when I was 20. a stupid naive girl.

    He did back away and kept saying he was sorry. and then asked if I was okay. I wanted to say no, that he it bothered me. I don't want it too because then I really feel I loss something. I want to pick myself up and say what ever like I did before.

    Speaking up doesn't mean you've lost something. I totally understand the freeze, and the not saying anything, and the internal screaming while acting like everythings fine and just brushing it off.

    Speaking up is a gift to yourself. It says I will protect and defend myself. I can be my own warrior. I do not accept that I need to pretend everything is okay when its not.

    It is liberating. You've got to give it a try (at least in my overly experienced with unwanted touches opinion) I feel so much better now than I ever did.
  • RozayJones
    RozayJones Posts: 409 Member
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    1. Talk to him and tell him how uncomfortable you felt but do this with others around.
    2. Explain to him that you no longer feel comfortable interacting with him in any way.
    3. Tell your husband - he has the right to know!
    4. If you truly feel threatened enough to keep your kids away from this man - tell other moms in the area or co-workers with kids.
  • favoritenut
    favoritenut Posts: 217 Member
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    I was just so shocked that I couldn't say anything at the time. and all I could feel was like when I did back when I was 20. a stupid naive girl.

    He did back away and kept saying he was sorry. and then asked if I was okay. I wanted to say no, that he it bothered me. I don't want it too because then I really feel I loss something. I want to pick myself up and say what ever like I did before.

    Speaking up doesn't mean you've lost something. I totally understand the freeze, and the not saying anything, and the internal screaming while acting like everythings fine and just brushing it off.

    Speaking up is a gift to yourself. It says I will protect and defend myself. I can be my own warrior. I do not accept that I need to pretend everything is okay when its not.

    It is liberating. You've got to give it a try (at least in my overly experienced with unwanted touches opinion) I feel so much better now than I ever did.


    I work every other weekend there, I hope he doesn't come in but if he does, I'm really going to try to confront him and tell him that it made me feel really gross. I really just want to forget it, but I'm thinking if he does again to me or to someone else.

    I will try to remember your words that it is a gift to me. I just never have been strong enough to stick up for myself,
  • 3P0X
    3P0X Posts: 302
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    Why do you women not react in the moment and stop it right there and then? I can assure you your husband is going to wonder why you didn't stop him....
  • favoritenut
    favoritenut Posts: 217 Member
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    1. Talk to him and tell him how uncomfortable you felt but do this with others around.
    2. Explain to him that you no longer feel comfortable interacting with him in any way.
    3. Tell your husband - he has the right to know!
    4. If you truly feel threatened enough to keep your kids away from this man - tell other moms in the area or co-workers with kids.


    I live in a very small town less than 800 people so everyone is related to everyone, except me, so one of my very good friends...this is her father-in-law,,,, which it makes it really hard to mention it to anyone in town. I normally would never come on the internet about something like this, but right now I feel I have no one to talk to...
  • favoritenut
    favoritenut Posts: 217 Member
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    Why do you women not react in the moment and stop it right there and then? I can assure you your husband is going to wonder why you didn't stop him....


    this is why I feel he will blame me...and say I did something to provoke him.
    and the last time I reacted in the moment, I ended up with a broken jaw and bruised ribs.
  • Sinisterly
    Sinisterly Posts: 10,913 Member
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    Why do you women not react in the moment and stop it right there and then? I can assure you your husband is going to wonder why you didn't stop him....


    this is why I feel he will blame me...and say I did something to provoke him.
    Just tell him the truth, you were in shock.
    It happens.
  • 3P0X
    3P0X Posts: 302
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    Why do you women not react in the moment and stop it right there and then? I can assure you your husband is going to wonder why you didn't stop him....


    this is why I feel he will blame me...and say I did something to provoke him.
    Just tell him the truth, you were in shock.
    It happens.

    Sure but be prepared as most men (myself included) overreact in such situations.
  • LankyYankee
    LankyYankee Posts: 260 Member
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    I think THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT bears repeating.

    However you choose to handle it, please, please remember those words and take them to heart.
  • Oldtimer_65
    Oldtimer_65 Posts: 89
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    Why do you women not react in the moment and stop it right there and then? I can assure you your husband is going to wonder why you didn't stop him....

    That is bull****. Things happen quickly sometimes, and take people by surprise. As a husband, I would not wonder so much why you did not stop him as I would wonder why you did not tell me about it.
  • favoritenut
    favoritenut Posts: 217 Member
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    Why do you women not react in the moment and stop it right there and then? I can assure you your husband is going to wonder why you didn't stop him....

    That is bull****. Things happen quickly sometimes, and take people by surprise. As a husband, I would not wonder so much why you did not stop him as I would wonder why you did not tell me about it.

    thank you
  • Sinisterly
    Sinisterly Posts: 10,913 Member
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    Why do you women not react in the moment and stop it right there and then? I can assure you your husband is going to wonder why you didn't stop him....


    this is why I feel he will blame me...and say I did something to provoke him.
    Just tell him the truth, you were in shock.
    It happens.

    Sure but be prepared as most men (myself included) overreact in such situations.
    I tend to overreact, but you must also remember people are different.
    She could have had a thousand things going through her mind. Her mental state wasn't "THERE" at the moment, shock does happen and this is not at all her fault. Perhaps next time, she will be more on guard when someone approaches her, but you must live and learn and this is a part of that.
  • eddiesmith1
    eddiesmith1 Posts: 1,550 Member
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    Are you kidding?? Let your husband handle this??

    This is YOUR life and YOUR issue. In NO way do you outsource the handling of your issues to someone else.

    Confront the guy. Tell him what he did was not okay. Make sure he understands that the next time he comes near you he gets hit hard.

    THEN tell your husband. AFTER you have handled it. And if he says anything to indicate you might be at fault even slightly then tell HIM that's not okay.

    THIS^^^
    I will add speak to your boss and then tell the old coot if it happens again he will be barred. it's beyond unacceptable to do this. Now on the other side if this guy is 70+ it may well be an indicator of a health issue (Alzheimer's has people doing weird stuff they would never have done previous to it, so can strokes so mention it to his family too because it may be this)
  • Oldtimer_65
    Oldtimer_65 Posts: 89
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    Why do you women not react in the moment and stop it right there and then? I can assure you your husband is going to wonder why you didn't stop him....


    this is why I feel he will blame me...and say I did something to provoke him.
    Just tell him the truth, you were in shock.
    It happens.

    Sure but be prepared as most men (myself included) overreact in such situations.
    I tend to overreact, but you must also remember people are different.
    She could have had a thousand things going through her mind. Her mental state wasn't "THERE" at the moment, shock does happen and this is not at all her fault. Perhaps next time, she will be more on guard when someone approaches her, but you must live and learn and this is a part of that.

    10 x 10
    Loud and clear.
  • Greywalk
    Greywalk Posts: 193 Member
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    You had a horrible experience in your past, and this has clearly brought back that unhealthy mindset. You wonder "what you did to make him think you wanted it," that's a victim voice and it's NOT who you are. Don't let that voice in. You did NOTHING to make him think his actions were okay. His illness is no excuse for having crossed that boundary.

    He is in the wrong.

    Tell your husband, and tell him how it made you feel, and stay the hell away from that man.

    bump
  • 3P0X
    3P0X Posts: 302
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    Why do you women not react in the moment and stop it right there and then? I can assure you your husband is going to wonder why you didn't stop him....

    That is bull****. Things happen quickly sometimes, and take people by surprise. As a husband, I would not wonder so much why you did not stop him as I would wonder why you did not tell me about it.

    Nonsense!! Have been there myself and I can tell you most women would object to such advances. Go grab a piece of *kitten* at your local store and see what happens....it ain't going to end well mate.

    This all boils down to the husband, whether he is possessive...emotional or perhaps insecure. This will determine how he will react in said situation.

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