Overweight daughter

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Replies

  • Rays_Wife
    Rays_Wife Posts: 1,173 Member
    Did you actually post a picture of her with you as your profile picture? Did she give permission for that?

    Not that that is relevant but no and no.
    It would definitely be relevant if you told us all about your daughter's weight problem and included a picture, while she obviously doesn't want to be on MFP.

    If you read her profile you will realize that is not her daughter in the picture ;)
    Good information. But do you read every poster's profile? :wink:

    No just the ones that interest me ;) Here I'll open mine :laugh:
  • spara0038
    spara0038 Posts: 226 Member
    I'm 25, 145 lbs, and 5'2"- so, I don't have as far to go as your daughter but I'm aiming to be down to around 120lbs

    When I was in college, I got up to 150lbs or so. It wasn't because of overeating- I was eating 900 cal/day and was very active, so I kinda just forgot to eat. My junior year, my mom bought me a scales and some diet books to try to "help." In all honesty, it was one of the most hurtful things that my mom did. At the time, I was happy with where I was at and focused on college and my jobs, and feeling like my mom was trying to tell me I was fat made me really upset. I ended up losing about 15 lbs, but gained it right back because I honestly didn't care at the time. In fact, I kind of avoided the gym out of spite...

    Fast forward 4 years, and I'm flipping through pictures of my friend's wedding and I see this person I don't recognize- me! I thought I looked alright, I thought I ate alright, I was *sorta* active... but it was the kick in the pants that I needed to get going. That was almost 2 months ago now, and although I haven't lost much weight, I've definitely lost inches off my waist due to exercise and eating right. I've gotten to the point now where I actually WANT to excercise to get the results I want.

    In all honesty, I feel like the best things you can do are be supportive and lead by example. If she still lives with you (which I assume she does), start your own "diet' plan. Don't have junk food in the house, and make yummy meals and snacks that are satisfying but healthy. My fiance and I have eliminated chocolates and chips from the house. Not gonna lie- I still crave taco bell like crazy, but I try to take a different route home from work so I don't pass it every day. Having junk food be so inconvenient helps to reduce a lot of consumption!

    Do your own thing, make your own choices, and show her that it's not terribly hard, but never EVER discuss it in a way that sounds like you're pressuring her. That'll backfire bigtime.

    Edit: Assuming she doesn't live with you, invite her over and have a healthy meal or go out to the mall for a bit of a walk around. Seeing healthy habits get much better results than being told about it.
  • missbp
    missbp Posts: 601 Member
    WOW... this is exactly why I don't post in forums.... You people are forgetting that she is her MOTHER and was just asking to see if any other mother is going through this.... All she wants is the best for her daughter, who the hell wouldn't??? You lot make out that she has been pestering her daughter. All she said is that she "encouraged" her daughter to join MFP... Jeez, if my mum said that to me, I wouldn't have a breakdown, I would actually thank her for her advice.

    Actually . . . that is untrue. She also said that because her daughter lives in a different state, it is difficult to "stay on her", about this. She asked for feedback from other moms who are going through similar struggles with their own daughters. I am one such mom. Which is why I commented.

    I can't speak for anyone else who commented, but I know that I did in fact point out that is was clear that she was well meaning. It was quite obvious actually. But, it still doesn't mean that all of us who suggested that she back off, are wrong. Or that we were wrong to offer our honest opinions and thoughts. We were after all asked for them.

    Look, it's usually not that difficult to find people who will tell you what you want to hear. But finding folks who will give it to you straight, is not always so easy. I think the general consensus here is that it might be wise for the OP to back off a bit and give her daughter some room to figure this all out on her own.
  • boredlimodriver
    boredlimodriver Posts: 264 Member
    ITT: OP picks out the 3 responses that support her. Now she thinks shes right.

    O lordy.
  • missbp
    missbp Posts: 601 Member


    Thank you everyone for your responses. The good, the bad and the ugly.

    Props to you OP! As I mentioned in my first response . . . I am also the mother of a daughter, who happens to be overweight. I truly understand how difficult this is. I, like you, only want the best for my daughter, because my love for her is infinite. But, I saw my eldest sister develop an eating disprder as the result of the way our father, addressed her weight issues. I know how he made me feel too. So, my comments were truly based on my own experiences as a daughter and a mother of a daughter.

    Good luck to both you and your daughter.
  • mrslcoop
    mrslcoop Posts: 317 Member
    Let me just clarify something. I do not nag my daughter about her weight. I actually only talk to her about it once in awhile and usually only in the context of her asking about my weight loss. I can see where when I said "stay on top of her about it" it gave the impression that we talked about her weight constantly, so I apologize for that misconception.

    I have read through each and every response and while I felt some of them were very harsh, I admit, I cried when I read some of them, they were eye opening.

    Nobody on here has said anything that I did not know in my heart. I know she is going to have to do this for herself. I think I was just wanting to know what others have done in a similar situation.

    Thank you everyone for your responses. The good, the bad and the ugly.

    I’m glad you kept reading. I know a lot of these posts were harsh (mine included), but sometimes the truth is harsh. If she is the one bringing it up all you can do is talk about yourself and what works for you. Be that good example. Since you’re both adults there isn’t anything you can do, but be that example that you know she needs. There will be a day when she honestly wants to talk about this with you openly, looking for help or suggestions or to finally let you know that she has dropped 20 lbs on her own. Until then, this needs to be her journey to decide to start. For all you know she might already be a member of MFP, but doesn’t want to talk about it. Give it time, love, and support.
  • pajouey79
    pajouey79 Posts: 39 Member
    ok, so clearly you have gotten a lot of replies already, but i just wanted to share my perspective from the daughter's point of view. I went 3 seperate times to WW with my mom. Partially for her and partially for me. After a while we both gave up with showing up and the weight not coming off anymore (and frankly some of the people there were just annoying and pissing me off). I finally took the initiative to go and do something else about my weight and have lost 25 pounds (for now). I did not have my mom by my side this time, but she checks up on me and supports me. Just be there for her when she makes that choice. At some point something will happen and it will click for her that something needs to be done. Support her and check up on her and if she quits, support her the next time. We know that our moms want the best for us, but we aren't in high school anymore and we can (and should) do this ourselves.
    If you can't help yourself though :wink: , encourage her to do small things like a walk or a group fitness class, don't rag her about her diet.
  • sargessexyone
    sargessexyone Posts: 494 Member
    ITT: OP picks out the 3 responses that support her. Now she thinks shes right.

    O lordy.

    Not sure where you got that idea since I did later post and Thank EVERYONE.
  • tapirfrog
    tapirfrog Posts: 616 Member
    leave her alone her body is not your business she is a grown women

    you have probably contributed to her feeling like massive **** about her self too btw ..so you really need to stop & be supportive of how and who she is NOW

    she is okay and loved and perfect just the way she is good looorddd

    I know that by asking for advice in a public forum that I should be prepared for the good and the bad, however this is a little harsh don't you think? Especially knowing none of the details about the kind of relationship I have with my daughter. You make it sound like I called her a fat pig to her face. I have NEVER told her she needs to lose weight. Thank you for making me feel like a piece of **** mother.

    This is a valuable lesson to you.

    Did the person call you a piece of **** mother?

    No. That's what you took from the advice.

    So when you tell your daughter, "honey you could stand to be a bit healthier" (or however you put it) she hears, "I'm disgusted by my fat daughter."

    You have to let her make her own choices for herself. All you can do is love her unconditionally and be there to support her. That's it.

    This ^^^^^^^^^ is friggin' brilliant. It might be the best piece of logic I've ever read on this site. Yes, yes, yes! [/braingasm]
  • spara0038
    spara0038 Posts: 226 Member
    Let me just clarify something. I do not nag my daughter about her weight. I actually only talk to her about it once in awhile and usually only in the context of her asking about my weight loss. I can see where when I said "stay on top of her about it" it gave the impression that we talked about her weight constantly, so I apologize for that misconception.

    I have read through each and every response and while I felt some of them were very harsh, I admit, I cried when I read some of them, they were eye opening.

    Nobody on here has said anything that I did not know in my heart. I know she is going to have to do this for herself. I think I was just wanting to know what others have done in a similar situation.

    Thank you everyone for your responses. The good, the bad and the ugly.

    Even mentioning it once ever can be too much for someone with very low self esteem. If she has that much to lose, I'm sure that she's not only hearing about her weight from you, but from peers also. I used to get bullied at high school for my weight, and then my mom talked about it once in a while, it just piled up. But, she didn't know that I was being bullied. I was too ashamed to even bring it up because I didn't think she'd be sympathetic, and when she brought it up, it just felt like a continuation of the same thing I'd been dealing with all day at school. That's why being supportive of her as a person is the best. Try picking up a mutual hobby. For me, I felt like weight, exercise, and dieting was all I ever talked with my mom about (it wasn't), but having a hobby to enjoy together probably would have broken the ice better.

    Now that I feel like I'm doing better than most of my peers (great job, own a house, getting married, etc), my self esteem has been improving and I feel better about working out- and this time I'm sticking with it!
  • gregs_gal
    gregs_gal Posts: 18 Member
    When I was younger I was fit, healthy, and thin, so I never had these moments with my parents. I did, however, watch as my younger sister (now 27) dealt with it and continues to deal with it. My dad would make semi-joking comments like "don't eat that or you'll end up as big as a house" or "I think you've had enough" if she reached for seconds. My mom, on the other hand, would say things directed to how big she'd gotten and how she needed to lose weight. She didn't ever say them in mean ways, but it didn't matter. The reaction my parents wanted was for her to start eating better and exercising. The ACTUAL outcome was a stubborness that stemmed from a thought - "Oh, you think I'll be big as a house if I eat that? Well, watch this. I'll show you how big I can get." It was sad and heart-wrenching to watch because I wanted fantastic things for my sister. I also knew that no amount of force was going to make her change until she was ready (just like so many other have mentioned already).

    Recently she made up her mind that she was tired of it all and has started really working hard to move more and eat healthily. When she first began, her doctor put her on a limited diet (to rule out allergies and such that may affect her weight) and she was completely overwhelmed. We talked about what she was being asked to do and searched for healthy recipes that fit the guidelines she was following. I told her she could ask me questions or talk to me or rant at me or tell me I needed to help her when she was faced with a hard temptation. I would be there for her in any way she needed me to be.

    Since January she has lost over 20 pounds.

    When she first began, she found out that they were coming out with butterfinger peanut butter cups - two of her favorites candy bars. She texted me about it and how she wanted one. I told her not to get one; not because I didn't think she should have one, but because I was proud of her for being so good with her diet so far and it encouraged me to continue being good on mine. I also told her that I wanted her to be proud of herself for resisting the temptation to have the candy. She left the store without one and I posted on facebook that I was proud of my little sister. I left no other information in my post, just that I was proud of her.

    I guess my point is that when your daughter is ready, she will attack this whole thing full force and not much will stop her. Be proud of her. Be proud of her now, during her journey, and when she reaches her ultimate goal. And don't just be proud, tell her you're proud of her. Announce it! Celebrate her accomplishments, no matter how big or small. So many people are focused on that big final goal that they forget that a pound lost is a big deal too and sometimes leaving the store without buying a piece of candy is monumental. And finally, when she does lose weight, don't say things like "Great! Now imagine how much better you'll feel when you've lose another 5!" You may think that's encouraging, but to her (like my sister) it may seem belittling and like her accomplishments don't mean anything.
  • lolosensan
    lolosensan Posts: 251
    I have dealt with pressure from my mom to lose weight. She has never said anything negative, only supportive things like "I want you to be healthy." One time she offered to pay for WW...which doesn't seem like that big of a deal but I know I hold resentment toward her from that. I know she was just trying to do what she thought was best but I despised her for that. If I had expressed interest in WW, it would have been a very generous offer, but otherwise, it was extremely offensive to me. I am constantly struggling with the belief that she loves me more when I'm skinny, and would love me more if I were skinnier. It's the worst feeling in the world.

    I just wanted to say even if you're only saying the utmost supportive things to her, they are probably far more detrimental than you know or than she lets on. Weight is a deeply rooted emotional issue and in my experience, any comment my mom has ever made has only made my journey more difficult.
  • KxCoyote
    KxCoyote Posts: 122 Member
    Love her as she is. Stop putting pressure on her to lose weight, I know it's because you care about her, but even with the best of intentions, it's likely not coming across as such. I was an overweight teen, and my ex.step-mother and Father kept pushing me to lose weight all the time and all it did was destroy my self-confidence and instill issues with food that I still struggle with now.

    Looking back of course I know they were worried about my health but all it did was make me feel not good enough for them, like a disappointment and a failure(Though my relationship with both those people were unstable borderline abusive-them towards me) but they really pushed me into a really unhealthy mindset. They made me afraid to eat for fear of being a failure.

    Thankfully my Mother(who I lived with during the week) was the opposite, left me alone mostly, and cooked me good meals and never really said a word either way. Though that's not very good either, as she never really taught me how to eat right, or about portions.

    Now please, do not get me wrong. I'm not saying you shouldn't worry, but please don't pressure her, I'm just speaking from experience from my own past, though neither of my parents were in the right in way of teaching about food, as my ex-Step-mother was constantly jumping from one diet to another and trying to pull me with her(From ages 3-15), while my Mother ate anything and everything whenever she wanted.
    and even after my step-mother and father divorced, and he stopped pushing me, her words and the fears she pushed onto me still stick with me, and in part to that, I suffer still. 6 years later since I last saw her, her words haunt me.

    Please, please, please just love and accept her as she is. And show it. Call her beautiful every chance you get, let her know she's good enough, and always will be no matter what. Do stuff together, take her out and do things she enjoys, and I know, sometimes little comments sneak in, but try to not let them(My Mother has recently become VERY body-shaming of everyone 'big' or 'small'. and it hurts, and though she believes them meaningless comments, are very hurtful)
    Your body is not what makes you beautiful, remember this. Because what good is a beautiful body, if the soul and spirit that makes you-you, is destroyed?
  • eta diet used to help my overweight friend was here I leave the link
    Website
    http://tinyurl.com/kyrlp68

    under 30 kilos in 3 weeks and we are now boyfriends
  • OP - to your original post, I am the overweight daughter and have been since I was 8. I feel incredibly fortunate to have a wonderful mother who has only ever supported me in all my endeavours.

    Her approach to my weight was one of those suggested by multiple posts already. She left me to it. She trusted me to make my own decisions in life because she had faith in my ability to understand the consequences. If you have educated your daughter on what is healthy and what isn't as she was growing up, then she knows what she has to do. But her motivation will come from within.

    My mum never pressured me, never teased, never nagged. Yet she has been my biggest cheerleader on this weight loss journey. I can't wait to tell her how much I've lost or what delicious and healthy dinner I have planned. She set a good example for me and raised me to understand that actions have consequences. She had faith in me, and maybe that's all your daughter needs.
  • yolohunter
    yolohunter Posts: 79 Member
    Leave her alone. Seriously. Leave. Her. Alone. You have undoubtedly already said and done things that have hurt or angered her so deeply that she will never forget them. Stop. Stop now.

    Letting her find her own way is the only way for (1) you to keep a relationship with her and (2) for her to lose weight. Just STOP.

    ^^^I know this is probably really harsh to hear, but I wish someone said this to my mom! How different would my life be if someone would have made my mom understand this years ago??

    The amount of pain and the low self esteem that I suffered through for YEARS (just starting to get a little better now that I'm 30!) was undoubtedly from my mother and father and grandfather making comments/suggestions and trying to be "helpful" about me maintaining or losing weight. So many times it seemed that is all they cared about and that my worth was based on my appearance instead of being based on them loving me unconditionally because I'm their daughter. Also, the fact that my mother seems to base her value on her appearance totally messed me up too.

    All of their comments and suggestions about weight definitely overshadowed them showing any pride in me for being a fantastic athlete, a straight A student, and now running my own company- which really hurts- instead of being supportive/happy about me being awesome, they only wanted to talk about what I LOOK like...really??? is that REALLY what matters?? Even when they try to say it is for my health, it just would make me want to rebel and not care because it is a reminder that I'm not good enough. All the time they spent trying to sneak weight or diet tips or asking me how much I'm exercising into the conversation (just had a call like this with my Mom yesterday) just makes me feel like ****. I KNOW HOW TO LOSE WEIGHT, I don't need their help, and I never have. It has always come down to ME and CHOOSING to take care of myself, which I DON'T do when I feel like **** about myself. When I am trying to take care of myself and lose weight, they are the LAST people I tell about it.

    We talk sometimes, but it is still an issue to this day, and it pains me to look back on all the time I spent miserable and feeling like **** about myself because I thought I was never good enough because of my weight or looks- I seriously never thought I was good looking and always felt fat (even when I was 5 10, 135 pounds and super athletic!). The low self esteem cast a huge shadow over my life so far and I've tried so hard not to blame them or resent them for it, but sometimes I think of how amazing it would have been to have parents that love and support me and believe in me and don't judge me for my appearance and don't try to CHANGE me- I'm guessing my life would have been dramatically different and probably full of so much more joy- and who knows what else I would have achieved since I wouldn't have focused so much of my life on my weight! My only hope is that if I have children that I don't pass on this insanity to them!
  • Iknowsaur
    Iknowsaur Posts: 777 Member
    This made me call my mum and thank her (I cried) for not doing this to me. When I wanted her help, I always brought her MY plan for change and asked her to do what she could or what I needed (drive me to the gym, help me cook, buy different groceries.) She is the greatest, and never once pushed me (well, maybe one time, but she learned!)
  • galprincess
    galprincess Posts: 683 Member
    Im 29 and im also a mum however after my 2nd baby I piled on the pounds and my mum etc told me it made no difference she needs to find her reason to do it and self motivation, I can understand as a mum that you want whats best for her. Why not plan a girlie holiday and she may find that a reason to start, for me it was about feeling more like me now im a mum im also me and I want to be healthy for my children, why not see if she has any hobbies that could help maybe cycling, gym ,dancing etc but unfortunately when mummy says "I love you and I want you to look after yourself, lose weight etc" she wont hear it
  • skullshank
    skullshank Posts: 4,323 Member
    WOW... this is exactly why I don't post in forums.... You people are forgetting that she is her MOTHER and was just asking to see if any other mother is going through this.... All she wants is the best for her daughter, who the hell wouldn't??? You lot make out that she has been pestering her daughter. All she said is that she "encouraged" her daughter to join MFP... Jeez, if my mum said that to me, I wouldn't have a breakdown, I would actually thank her for her advice.

    Thank you!

    of COURSE this is the response you appreciate and reply to.

    consistent MFP is consistent.

    Keep reading. I posted a Thank you to EVERYONE!!!

    Please, Skully hurt his brain just reading this far. Anymore and his nose will start bleeding.

    (I figure at this point we can leave you be and just start bagging on him for funsies)

    boy is this the truth.
    i just got back to my desk because my nose DID start bleeding from all the words i was attempting to comprehend.
    im feeling light-headed.

    good luck OP!
    i sincerely hope your daughter comes to the conclusion on her own to get healthy, and that you are able to team up with her and support her along her way to ultimate success. :drinker:
  • EmotionalEater84
    EmotionalEater84 Posts: 311 Member
    I agree with the VERY first response. I'm 5'7, 30, 300lbs .. my mom told me she was worried about me and I honestly was nothing but offended. It took ME to want to change my lifestyle.

    If she decides to take some interest in her health you can support her then. I realize this isn't what you want to hear.. I hope she rounds that corner sooner than later. Best of luck!!
  • cuinboston2014
    cuinboston2014 Posts: 848 Member
    WOW... this is exactly why I don't post in forums.... You people are forgetting that she is her MOTHER and was just asking to see if any other mother is going through this.... All she wants is the best for her daughter, who the hell wouldn't??? You lot make out that she has been pestering her daughter. All she said is that she "encouraged" her daughter to join MFP... Jeez, if my mum said that to me, I wouldn't have a breakdown, I would actually thank her for her advice.

    Thank you!

    of COURSE this is the response you appreciate and reply to.

    consistent MFP is consistent.

    Struck me too. I don't think she really wanted advice. She wanted someone to tell her she was right.

    I really think you should listen to the advice given to go through the thread and count the replies agreeing with you and the ones not. It's pretty heavily lopsided.

    Also take note of something else. The tiny handful of people saying "She's just concerned for her daughter, she should say something, I'd appreciate my mother if she ever did that" seem to NOT have mothers who got on them about their weight. So the only people condoning this plan never actually went through it. I still haven't read one post that said "My mother got on me about my weight and it was a big help and I thank her for it."

    So you can look for advice from people who've been there, or you can just look for posts agreeing with you. One will help you to learn and grow, the other is the same as looking in a mirror and telling yourself how pretty and smart you are.

    I have to comment on this - while I agree with another poster who said that the OP is in a lose-lose situation.

    i was always fat. When i was younger my parents would make comments that would try to be motivating. I either didn't care, got motivated for a few days, or took it the wrong way. They always kept me in sports but never changed the food in teh house. So I was always a big athlete - not the worst thing for a college softball player - obviously I would be no track star :)

    However, after I had my daughter at the age of 21 my weight went from like 220-230 to 290...I'm 5'10". i went from being fat to huge. I looked disgusting. Everythin gabout me was different. Nobody said anything then.

    I went back to my mom and said "why didn't you tell me I gained so much weight? I was always big I didn't even realize it until i looked at pictures."

    SO yes, that does happen. Unfortunately you can't say anything to her to MAKE her want it but you can just be supportive if she brings it up. I do agree though, as well, with another poster who compared it to another disease or addict. Yes, obesity is a disease and a serious one at that. Most avoidable deaths can be prevented through maintaining a normal weight. Someone needs to let their child know they care about them and are worried. It's not about how someone looks, but as a parent you want only the best for your kids. It's just a touchy subject as to how to do this. Anyone who thinks that someone who is morbidly obese (as said daughter is) is not killing themselves slowly is fooled by something I'm not sure of. So yes, touchy subject and no good way to approach it, but seriously you guys, it's a huge deal!

    My mom still makes comments about my weight - i'm 5 lbs overweight now. Her latest "helpful" comment after I have been diagnosed with ovarian cancer is "They found that being overweight is a probably cause for ovarian cancer." She was just trying to be helpful and I know that. It pissed me off a little but I know she loves me and she wanted me to know that (BTW the study she referred to was ridiculous, while it is true that weight can heighten your risk for multiple cancers - including ovarian it doesn't increase your risk by much).

    I would suggest trying to do fun trips together or something that isn't related to health but you can sneak things in there - like walks. Make healhty meals at home that are still funw hen you guys visit each other. Just because it's healthy doesn't mean it's boring and you don't even need to tell her it's "healthy" as she could take that the wrong way.

    Talk about her job, build up her confidence. In time she will see that she is worth fighting for!

    good luck OP
  • Lexandrei
    Lexandrei Posts: 38
    Don't single her out anymore. Make lifestyle changes for all of you. Toss out the junk food in your house and ask her to go on walks with you. Instead of sitting around watching TV or something, plan a hiking trip. Lead by example
  • CynthiaT60
    CynthiaT60 Posts: 1,280 Member
    My mom still makes comments about my weight - i'm 5 lbs overweight now. Her latest "helpful" comment after I have been diagnosed with ovarian cancer is "They found that being overweight is a probably cause for ovarian cancer." She was just trying to be helpful and I know that. It pissed me off a little but I know she loves me and she wanted me to know that (BTW the study she referred to was ridiculous, while it is true that weight can heighten your risk for multiple cancers - including ovarian it doesn't increase your risk by much).
    I can't believe this. :noway: :flowerforyou:
  • midwestspitfire
    midwestspitfire Posts: 46 Member
    My daughter is 26, 287 lbs and about 5'7". She knows she needs to lose weight to be healthy and yet does nothing about it. I have tried everything I can think of to encourage her to start this journey. When I was doing WW I actually got her to join. She lost about 15 lbs and then for whatever reason gave up on it. I am now trying to get her to join MFP. I keep hoping that by seeing my success she will realize that it can be done. She lives in a different state then I do so it is really hard sometimes to get on top of her about this. Especially without hurting her feelings. Any mothers out there in a similar situation? Or maybe some girls in her age group that could tell me what they would want to hear from their mothers.

    Well done on your weight loss.

    But I have to ask, what made you decide to go on this journey at this point in your life? Had you tried losing weight before? I mean, from the amount of weight you've lost and have yet to lose, it clearly wasn't an issue that popped up overnight. We have to then assume that you lived as severely overweight for quite some time.

    Why didn't you ever lose weight before? Surely you looked in the mirror and realized that you weren't at an acceptable weight. You must have known that carrying so many pounds on your frame would have negative health impacts both in the future and in your day to day life.

    So what changed?
    What set you on your path?
    What finally brought you to the point that you realized you needed to change your entire life?

    I couldn't say what that moment was for you. It could be any number of things. It's different for all of us, every one. And there's never any predicting what it might be.

    But.
    When it comes to your daughter, you've tried to imply, encourage, nudge, nag, inspire her to start her own journey to no avail. So it may just be that nothing YOU do is going to make HER be any more ready to begin her journey. You can be concerned. You can plot and scheme and rend your garments. But you're never going to make someone else do something just because you want them to.

    Your daughter is a grown woman living on her own. I can assure you she knows she's overweight. She knows the health risks associated with it. But the fact is this: nothing YOU do is going to change that. YOU cannot force her to be ready to start your journey any more than anyone could have forced you to start yours.

    What you can do until that day is love her, support her, and be a positive influence in her life.

    But you can't force someone to start their journey before they're ready.
    That's just not the way this works.
    And you know it.
  • thejoergers
    thejoergers Posts: 2 Member
    I AM the "Overweight Daughter" referred in this post, and i just wanted to make clear that i never felt pressure or "nagged" by mother to lose weight only encouraged, i appreciate those of you who made kind remarks , and to those who think you know who i am and what i was thinking and how i was feeling , get off your high horses ,it just goes to show you my moms effort paid off , bc the night PRIOR to her blog i did actually join MFP (she was unaware) simply bc we had another conversation that >I< brought up .in my opinion any time is a good time as long as it was on my time! , im proud of my mothers success and if not for it i would not be doing it myself. love you mom :smooched:
  • sargessexyone
    sargessexyone Posts: 494 Member
    I AM the "Overweight Daughter" referred in this post, and i just wanted to make clear that i never felt pressure or "nagged" by mother to lose weight only encouraged, i appreciate those of you who made kind remarks , and to those who think you know who i am and what i was thinking and how i was feeling , get off your high horses ,it just goes to show you my moms effort paid off , bc the night PRIOR to her blog i did actually join MFP (she was unaware) simply bc we had another conversation that >I< brought up .in my opinion any time is a good time as long as it was on my time! , im proud of my mothers success and if not for it i would not be doing it myself. love you mom :smooched:

    I've said it before and I will say it until the day I die, I love you Baby girl and I am so proud of the woman you've become!
  • urban_ninja
    urban_ninja Posts: 175 Member
    I AM the "Overweight Daughter" referred in this post, and i just wanted to make clear that i never felt pressure or "nagged" by mother to lose weight only encouraged, i appreciate those of you who made kind remarks , and to those who think you know who i am and what i was thinking and how i was feeling , get off your high horses ,it just goes to show you my moms effort paid off , bc the night PRIOR to her blog i did actually join MFP (she was unaware) simply bc we had another conversation that >I< brought up .in my opinion any time is a good time as long as it was on my time! , im proud of my mothers success and if not for it i would not be doing it myself. love you mom :smooched:

    I've said it before and I will say it until the day I die, I love you Baby girl and I am so proud of the woman you've become!

    Argh! Where's the damn "like" button at?!?!?!?
  • annette_15
    annette_15 Posts: 1,657 Member
    Awww thats too cute <3. Wish u both the best!
  • sargessexyone
    sargessexyone Posts: 494 Member
    Awww thats too cute <3. Wish u both the best!


    Thanks!!!
  • deksgrl
    deksgrl Posts: 7,237 Member
    I AM the "Overweight Daughter" referred in this post, and i just wanted to make clear that i never felt pressure or "nagged" by mother to lose weight only encouraged, i appreciate those of you who made kind remarks , and to those who think you know who i am and what i was thinking and how i was feeling , get off your high horses ,it just goes to show you my moms effort paid off , bc the night PRIOR to her blog i did actually join MFP (she was unaware) simply bc we had another conversation that >I< brought up .in my opinion any time is a good time as long as it was on my time! , im proud of my mothers success and if not for it i would not be doing it myself. love you mom :smooched:

    I'm glad that you haven't had the negative experiences that a lot of people were worried about. And I think it is really super that you are here and ready to make a change!