A question for people who've lost 150lbs+

A bunch of great contributions here. I would jsut add that if the self-esteem is that low, that perhaps you get some counseling as you go through the journey. Best of luck.

My solution to the upcoming social awkwardness is to move
to an altogether different part of the country, with my fiancé.:bigsmile:

And this!

People who knew me when I weighed 245 still see me as unhealthy.

(It's a documented psychological phenomena.)

But people who move to your town (or in her case, in the new town) that had never seen me big will view me as really healthy.

I would like to be added to the group. I have lost 77 lbs and still need to lose 130 or so. I am struggling with not seeing any difference in my size even though my pants are about to fall off. I'm also having a really tough time with no weight loss even though my calories are about the same. I am always under my allotted calories but am seeing little if any loss. I know I have been retaining some fluid but for 2 weeks? I am really frustrated!!

I know what you are going through. I am in the same boat and im terrified of losing the one thing that I was able to excuse my self as to why I im not going out. I just blame it on the fat and weight instead of turning inwards to face my demons and work through them.
feel free to add me.
Im writing a personal blog that I started today that every few days I force my self to look at a demon and fight it.

good luck and having your support would be amazing

Im bumping this so I can comment better later,but yes.There is a part of me that is terrified to be little.
I value my strength and theres something about being bigger that I somehow equated to strength.

I don't know how to be slim. Or even just regular chunky. It's alien to me. And it's kind of scary.

I don't have as much to lose as you, but I feel you. I've never been thin until now. It's taken spending some time in maintenance to get my head wrapped around it even just a small bit. I still feel like the 245 pound chick wearing really tight 24s because she didn't want to buy the 26s some days. I still look at the size 10 tag in my jeans and wonder how I got this far because I thought being smaller than a 14 was a pipe dream. The day I was told I actually *didn't* have a large frame, but a small one was a strange one; I'd always been told I was destined to be large because of my bone structure and size. I'm still absorbing that information. But, I'm getting there and quite happy!

Basically this: any kind of large life change is scary. Especially one that will take a while that will involve many smaller life choices along the way. Thankfully, being slim isn't a learned thing, it's something you'll adapt to along the way as this is a slow process. And it gets less scary the more you do it.

Me again, as if that post ^ wasn't long enought! :P

Also just wanted to say that I have the exact same fear! I don't have as much to lose as the OP, but I've been chunky my whole life. That's what people know me as, that's what I know myself as. I'm scared that if I become slim, and I still have the same dating issues, confidence issues etc then I can't blame my weight anymore...it's all down to me. I have been working through these issues the past few years, and it has gotten better. I really do recommend The Garbiel Method book mentioned above for this. Maybe not for the diet aspect...well it didn't work for me anyway, but for the physcology of weight gain/loss it's really interesting.

Interesting topic.

I think my biggest fear of losing the weight is not being happy. I wasn't happy in the past but could always blame it on being fat. If I get fit and I'm still not happy maybe that just means I'm a miserable person.

And if you are miserable then maybe you could find out why and fix that . Miserableness is not a permanent condition, an aspect of personality that cannot be changed.

Nope! Actually I never really put a number on it when I started! I never said I would lose 100, 150 etc.. I just started losing it. Never in a million year would I of thought I would of lost 127pds! Now that the weight has come off I have decided on a goal weight so no I have 40 left!

I get EXACTLY what you are saying. I lost 50 pounds, then worked through all those emotional issues for almost a year, before I could continue with my weight loss.

I was worried that who I was would change, or that I wouldn't be able to cope with the changes. So far, at about half way there, that hasn't been the case. The people around me are happy and excited for me, and for all the progress I have made. They have been nothing but supportive.

I've had a few comments from idiots (one person actually asked me, after I'd lost 50 pounds, how I was able to do my job at my size), but I finally feel like I am no longer the fattest person when I go places. I don't worry about fitting into chairs, or airplane seats.

I would definitely recommend some counselling about the issues that might be holding you back, wether they be low self esteem (me), or previous life traumas (me as well).

Feel free to add me as a friend, I am on MFP every day

I have been going through the emotional stuff too. I almost am fearful of what and who that person will be at another 49 pounds lost, because I just lost 51 pounds.
I am grateful, and love it, but woooaawwww..... a whole new person. A person everyone isn't used to at all. It should be interesting. I find my mind hasn't changed much as I still think I'm the 51 pounds heavier person, and sometimes see the greatness of it, but fail to completely change my mind set.
I do look forward to it, but wonder the difference in men and their views too because I've never had a hard time attracting men at my starting weight so, what will be different.
There's a lot to change with the mind too, that's for sure, and it's an emotional roller coaster of gratitude.
I feel deserving of it, but wonder if it really matters. Thank you for sharing.

Sharing is part of what makes MFP so powerful

I love this thread and have sat here reading every single post so far. I have a significant ways to go on this journey. I chose 100 lost as a nice round number for a goal but in reality, that should be more like 125 or so. I too was always one the biggest in my class growing up, although I really packed on the lbs in college when the combo of PCOS and a broken relationship really threw me off course.

I am already enjoying the benefits of losing almost 40lbs. I feel much more confident and at work have really begun standing my ground on certain things. It's like, hey if I can be successful at losing weight then I can be successful at changing anything I want right? I'm now able to shop the regular ladies section but it definitely feels weird to be there. And don't get me started on bathing suit shopping....

But sometimes when I look in the mirror, I just don't see the changes. I still have bumps and lumps, just a little smaller bumps and lumps. My friends say my face looks so much different but I don't see it. For me, I have a medical reason for making this lifestyle change so that is how I am truly measuring my success. The rest are amazing side benefits of getting healthy.

Hi there
Because it's a slow process, I'm thinking (hoping) the fat protection habits will slowly change too. I know for me my confidence is higher when I'm not carrying as much weight & can do more physically. Also take a look at the Success Stories forum, there are a LOT of changed people on there who describe how good it feels to have achieved their aims

I've heard it takes over three YEARS for your "skinny" mind to catch up.

What a great thread! So many candid contributions! Thank you all! Many replies resonated with me - especially the ones about being treated differently when smaller as opposed to bigger. I know that my experiences were not all in my mind! It DOES happen. And, as someone who has lost and regained 40, 75, 90 and 100+ lbs in my lifetime, I know a little about fearing the unknown of being thinner and also the horror of regaining. I've been relosing since January 2012, and lost most of my weight through March of last year. For the past year or so, I have maintained (more or less) about a 100lb loss. I regained about 15 lbs through the holidays and winter, but was totally aware of what was happening.... it wasn't just something that crept up on me and I was surprised by the pounds (as in the past).

While I was losing, I visited a counselor weekly and I think that has been the key to my keeping the weight off for the FIRST time in my life. We talked about so many things and I usually came away amazed that she had such insight into my life - I had thought that all my fears and personal hangups were unique to me! She made me see that most were almost universal and that there were ways to cope. I have read a ton of books -- my counselor recommends the author Martha Beck, and I recommend Shrink Yourself by Dr. Gould. Both were packed with insight into my own behavior.

To the OP - I do recommend counseling, and if you don't hit it off with the first one, try another (I went through two - the second counselor was a much better experience for me - the first one seemed to be just going through the motions) I'd be interested in joining the group, too. There's so much wisdom to be gained from each other.

Weightloss for me has been a struggle, I completely understand what your saying, and I've over the course of my progress struggled. I sometimes feel weird in my own body, I am insanely scared of forming new relationships because what if they only like me for the body thats now more acceptable, and less for me.

I had to take a giant step back and look at me, and know that I got to ~400lbs because I wasn't emotional healthy, and trying to figure out how to make myself emotionaly healthy has almost been more daunting then the weight loss its self.

I have only just started my weight loss journey, and I can identify with a lot of what has been said here.

I was terrified of what would happen if I lost weight, so even when I tried to lose weight, it would only last a short while and then I would put it all back on, with interest. I knew what I had to do, I just kept stopping myself from doing it because being fat did provide me with "protection". At a young age I decided if I was going to be with someone, they had to like me for myself, NOT for how I looked. This meant I have been single for almost all my adult life. I have always been the fat friend, the one who had lots of male friends (since I was not threat to their girlfriends, it was ok to have me around) and the one slimmer girls didn't really want to be around. I didn't feel at all feminine because I was "one of the boys" and I hated it. Even as a dancer, I was not considered a threat to any girls, nor attractive enough for men to dance with. I would always have to ask people to dance with me. It used to really frustrate me that men who know I danced well would still go and ask women to dance who could barely manage a basic step simply because they were attractive.

I also hated the bullying that I had to put up with, mostly from strangers making fun of me when I was out, calling me names, pointing, laughing, shouting at me on the bus, and on one occasion, running up from behind me to slap my backside and run off laughing (they were unlucky as I can actually run, and I chased them halfway across town while I had the police on the phone. When the police finally arrived, they gave the guys a good fright. I hope they haven't picked on anyone else since). In one dance class I used to attend, one of the men refused to change partners when asked as he wouldn't dance with me. When the instructor forced him to move, he just stood before me and looked away, he simply would not dance with me.

I decided that I needed to change my mindset if anything else was going to change. I had been to see therapists before, but I didn't feel that I had resolved any issues. I finally went to see a hypnotherapist a few months ago. I was very skeptical, but during the first session she helped me realize that one of my main problems with letting go of the fat me is that this is how my late mother knew me, and to change myself into someone she would not recognize would be almost like losing my connection with her (oddly enough, it was my mum telling not to eat things in case I got fat when I was in my very early teens that had me eating them in defiance, and so began the weight gain). I was so shaken up it took me over a month to go back, but I did, and I had a series of sessions and managed to address all sorts of issues that I hadn't even dared to mention to other therapists. I was terrified of how I would look, how I would feel, how my arms would hang by my sides when all the fat that pushes them out slightly went away, how I would sit on a smaller bottom, how would I walk, all sorts of things.

Dealing with all that has left me feeling, for the first time in my life, that I really can do this. Yes, I do still ask myself how my arms will hang etc. but now it is out of curiosity, not fear, and I can't wait to see what happens. I want to experience sitting on a smaller bum, and walking without the extra weight. I can't wait to become a better dancer (quite frankly, I am as good as I can be at my weight, the things I want to learn to do are physically impossible just now) and be able to teach dance class myself.

Another thing to come of these sessions was how much I wanted to feel like a woman rather than just a lump, I wanted to wear pretty dresses, and thought I would have to wait for months or years for that, but I didn't. With the help of a lovely tailor, I have had a few dresses made that fit me beautifully and look rather good, too. I feel like a woman, and this has helped me focus on the fact that I want to lose weight for my health, not to feed my vanity (another thing I was scared of, becoming vain and unpleasant).

I really do (finally) love myself, and I can't wait to see what good things life is going to bring my way, and I want to be fit and healthy enough to enjoy every moment.


Do please add me to the group!