Daughter needs help

Labeling food as "good" or "bad" is not the best start in creating healthy behaviors.

Good luck mate, I appreciate your fears. Good luck with this thread too, I anticipate a lot of people will jump on you about this.

It's good that you're getting her active and making it fun for her, but I'd stop with the "good food/bad food" mentality because you're doing more harm than good. There are no bad foods; there are just bad quantities of food. Teach her (and yourself) moderation and you'll be way better off.

Why would they jump on them. They are trying to help their daughter. You can do that in a way that won't teach her to be an obsessive diet minded woman. Remember she needs to eat. Small deficit is best. Don't restrict her. Provide healthy foods.

Good luck and she will thank you later! I grew up a fat kid stayed that way clear into my late 20's! Just remember you cant out exercise a bad diet! Make sure everything you bring in the home is good and make sure if you have other children for them not to bring in bad food or eat anything bad around her!

Do you use a pedometer or anything to track the progress? That might get her motivated, seeing how many miles or how much time she's committing to her walking. Maybe set a goal each month to get in X miles and if the goal is met you can do something fun as a reward? With warmer weather coming up maybe you can start doing bike rides as an alternative or checking out a local YMCA. They have tons of fun kid classes.

Also, check with your insurance benefits. I work for a health care provider and we offer a program for kids and teens, its a family type program that focuses on diabetes prevention through better eating habits and working towards a healthy weight and is offered at no cost to the family.

Its really smart getting rid of junk foods from the house. It helps me and I'm 34 years old, having it not around is huge. If she likes to cook and bake maybe you can check out Pinterest for some healthy meal ideas together? Maybe if she starts helping prepare meals that are healthy it will help get her in that mindset? Maybe go walk around a farmers market and plan a fresh produce meal that she is part of.

Other kids can be so cruel.

My daughter is 11 years old also and weighs closer to 150... i have tried and tried to motivate her but she has no interest in changing. I am lost. I have been getting her to walk with me once or twice a week. I am really hoping wih the weather getting nicer that I can get her outdoors more. If you find something that works please let me know.

Good luck, I know there are millions of kids that need this kind of help from their parents, keep up the good work !

I'm not going to address any of the issues but one. By labeling foods as good and bad you are setting her up to fail. It's good to be knowledgeable about nutrition, but by 'banning' some foods from your house, you will be setting her up to binge on the foods she craves. Trust me, she will find and succeed in getting these foods sooner or later. It will also encourage secret eating.

It's a learning experience to eat healthy. Do it together. Talk about the benefits of eating well 80% of the time and leaving some room for treats in moderation. If you can help her learn this - she will have a mighty tool in her tool belt for being a healthy weight in adulthood.

I agree with much of what has been said. You want to be careful about labeling foods as good or bad, and you want to ensure that your daughter learns moderation so that when she is "allowed" cookies or cakes or sweets, she doesn't want/need to eat all of it. When I was growing up, we always had a choice to have some kind of dessert--homemade cakes or ice cream or cookies. As a result, I never felt like I was denied sweets, but I also never felt like I had to have them because they were available. Also, I would encourage you to offer fruit as a snack or dessert.

I'm impressed that you are willing to work with her and not just tell her to get off her butt and get moving. Lead by example.

Saw your post and will say with 5 out of 6 children I had good success. I like what my son said when he came to visit..."where are the chips? Hey your refrigerator only has fruit, veggies, and other healthy food in it" I did this to help with my weight management issues. For the others...I always played games with them when they were little and even workout with them now. I have one on the track team in school and another in soccer. These are the only two left at home. The others are adults. For the track team one, we run together and talk about once a week. It is part of our date together. For the soccer one I take her to practice, go to the gym while she is at practice and often on the weekend work out with her on her soccer stuff. Getting the girls outside is important to me. When the others come to visit or I visit them we normally go for a short run. I demonstrate through my commitment to my health that they too have to do so as adults. To the younger ones I workout with them in support of their healthy lifestyle. I asked one why she played her sport and she said, "I need something to stay in shape and this is fun for me." She is 12. What works for the children seems to be twofold.... and I am not the superdad here...but from just my small experience...
1. Playing with them when younger working out with them when they get older.
2. Living a healthy lifestyle and seeing me workout (headed off to the gym or out to run) even when I am tired or just don't feel like it.

Good on you for assisting your daughter...keep do it because she will benefit in the long run as will you.

My daughter is now 15 and is a varsity swimmer and cheerleader at her high school. She was a very heavy child and at the age of about 12 - 13 she just grew like a beanstalk. She grew 7" in nine months and finally grew into her weight. In all honesty....she was overweight because I was lazy (key word I was lazy, I am NOT trying to imply that you are) I was an overweight single mom and was always in a rush....so hot dogs, chips, macaroni and cheese and cartoons were the norm in our house. As she got older she started to make healthier choices, started sports and now she is the perfect size. My advice would be to do just what you are doing and please do not be hard on her about it. It sounds like she gets enough grief as it is at school. She only needs support, not ridicule from the ones she loves.... Also I would incorporate XBOX Kinect....or the Wii. We still love playing the dance games like Dance Dance Revolution or Just Dance. Its fun and it gets them up and moving along with myself. It is a journey but it is a journey that can be conquered. Good luck to you and yours

I Did not see your other post - however I too have a daughter that is overweight. She is a twin - her sister is petite sadly she since birth has always been SOLID!!!

My daughter is 9 - little younger than yours however same thing..HATES exercise. What I found is doing it as a family (walks etc.) REALLY helped. It has been far too cold here so we have not been able to. I bought the kids all sorts of games for the WII and xbox that require you move...I hid all the others lol

I losing weight over the last year also was VERY careful how I spoke about me dieting. I am also the adult therefore I slowly started removing junk from the house and slowly switched their snacks. I believe these two things have helped. She is more conscious of what she eats. She is starting to read food labels and will even ask which is better when comparing food.

Doing it in a careful and slow manner I think over all had a positive influence for her. I do not use the words "diet" or "fat" in my house. When they first started asking why i was eating something different (this was before I got everyone on the same train) I simply stated..I like to eat as healthy as possible so I have the energy to keep up. I used that term over and over again. And now...so does she!!

Getting her to be active is a challenge - swimming...when we can is the best exercise because she loves it and will do it for hours!! When it gets warmer we will all go to the local track and do a few rounds. I bought them basketball hoop & tennis net which we will also utilize. If it is just her and her sister - she will not do it. If all of us get involved she doesn't hesitate.

So the more things you can join in with your daughter...the less she may resist. Try to stay clear of the bad words (diet - fat - etc). Teach her about healthy eating..not dieting!!

Also - juice was an issue here. I myself always have something to drink!! I switched their juice to Water Fruits - it is only 40 calories verse the other stuff and far less sugar. My kids can not have artificial sugar so finding something other than water and 100% juice has been a challenge. The water fruits beat that challenge. My girls have 2 veggies with dinner and the same amount of protein as I do. They have fruit with breakfast & lunch. I tend to do 150 - 200 calorie snack limit (includes juice is they opt for that instead of water)- lunch usually about 300 calories and dinner varies. We do not use school lunches - I make them lunch! School days - they get water with their snacks and juice or unsweetened almond milk with lunch.
No complaints from either child I have found countless alternatives to their favorites at a much lower calorie count!

There is no "diet" for a child so it is hard - Dr.s usually just say limit the juice and make them exercise...easy for you to say! Especially when my girls both eat the same exact thing and do the same things yet one weighs a heck of alot more. She is built like her Dad Making small changes here and there and staying on that train with her...will give her the tools she needs to be successful..just be sure to "teach" not preach

OP, I applaud you for taking steps to help your daughter. Has she been evaluated psychologically? I ask this, because I was a chubby kid. Turns out I was dealing with generalized anxiety disorder and depression. Back in those days, no one thought to evaluate children for those types of things. I was just labelled a 'worrier'. So I over ate as a means to self medicate. Later in life, I finally got treated, and my life changed dramatically. I had long since gotten control of my weight, but being treated for the disorders meant it was even easier for me to moderate my desire for sweets.

I agree with everyone here who cautioned about the 'good food, bad food' mentality, and banning things from the house. If she wants the sweets (needs them) she will get them and hide it from you. Then she will feel guilty, resort to secret eating and a whole host of disordered eating habits MAY ensue.

I wish you the very best of luck. Your daughter is lucky to have a dad like you. :flowerforyou:

(she hates all forms of exercise and because she is fat she feels self conscience about playing outside.. because children pick on her..)

My first suggestion is that you remove the word "fat" from your vocabulary. We all come to a point where we face the fact we are overweight... but "fat" is such a hateful word that will resonate negatively on her for life. And coming from a parent, the memory of the hurt will never go away (when I was young my mother told me, because I was thin, I should not think too much of myself and then proceeded to tell me my thighs looked like a slab of "Ham". Coming from a parent that spent her life obese... these hurtful words I have never forgotten, that was nearly 45 years ago.

All that said I think you are off to a great start by removing unnecessary sugars and candies from the home, encouraging walk and active play and most importantly setting a good example.

As far as suggestions, I suggest you start reading nutritional labels. The was my big awakening with food! Then prepare your own prepackaged snacks, things like fruits and vegetables. Rice cakes with a little peanut butter are a great snack for pre-teens. Peanut butter, although high in fat (you can purchase the low fat alternative) is great in moderation and provides a good amount of protein.

Again, congrats to you for taking the first step in better fitness for your daughter. Parenting is such a challenge and it appears you are moving in the right direction!