Daughter needs help

Hang in there. Your not alone. My son is 14 and overweight and we struggle with food issues. Some days, I feel like we got a good handle on it. Other days not so much. I am grown and I now only have 12 pounds on him. He has grown quite a bit so that's where I wonder did he gain cause he grew it or ate too much? Well good luck.

We have a 10 year old who has a little bit of pudge. We've never told her she's overweight, or addressed it with her. She's still growing. When she was little, she'd get a bit of a belly, and then would get tall (and the belly would go away). Then she'd do it again....get a bit of a belly, then get tall. Last couple of years, she keeps getting tall, but still has a bit of pudge.

We don't have any foods that are completely off limits, but we do limit things. For example, she likes Paradise Café chocolate chip cookies. She has 1 a night as a snack while we're winding down.

If she's hungry, we encourage her to have something like yogurt, applesauce, a banana, peanut butter crackers, cheese....something my 7 year old would call "a healthy choice." (I'm convinced she's going to be a dietician when she grows up! LOL)

That same applies to the 7 year old. If she wants a reese's peanut butter cup, we tell her she has to have something healthy first....preferably something protein. (Yeah, I know peanut butter has protein, but still.)

I've been told by dr's and nutritionists that since I have PCOS and insulin resistance, if I have a snack or a carb, to make sure I have a protein first. Protein's take longer to digest, and since carb's burn off rather quickly, it's important to have that protein in the belly first. That's why we chose to apply this concept to our girls. They have no problem with it either.

Our youngest is constantly on the move, but our oldest would rather sit and play on the computer. With the weather getting warmer, she does like to play outside - so we'll go outside to play - they can ride their bikes or scooters - and I've started taking walks with them so I can get healthier too. Before I lost the 88 ish pounds, I wasn't able to do that. (take walks).

Just keep encouraging healthy choices with foods, encouraging physical activity whether it's walking around the subdivision or taking them to a playground, and ABOVE ALL - make sure you let your child know YOU LOVE HER NO MATTER WHAT. Her weight is NOT what defines her. It is NOT the determining factor over whether or not people like you. People who only see pudge do not see who she really is. I tell my daughters every day that I love them, that they are smart, pretty and awesome. I tell them WHY too....My oldest daughter has red hair. I tell her how pretty it is and that not many people have hair that color and/or pay for their hair to be that color. It makes her special. When they talked about genetics in her science class, they "sorted" the kids by who had blonde hair, brown hair, etc. She was the only one with red hair. We tell her that's because she's unique and that it's in her genes.

Just like my youngest has blue eyes. Mine are green, and my husbands are brown. My sisters, brother, and father all had blue eyes - most of my cousins on my dad's side have blue eyes. We tell her that's part of what makes her beautiful.

Do everything you can to build up her self esteem so that when the kids at school pick on her, she'll have built up her armor enough that she's confident enough in herself to just let it slide off like it was nothing. Let her know that sometimes people aren't nice, and there's nothing you can do about it. It comes from negativity within themselves, not from anything she's said or done. Since she knows what it feels like when people treat her a certain way, she now knows that she shouldn't treat others that way either. Show her how to be the best version of herself she can be.

My parents harped on me ALL MY LIFE about my weight. That's all they saw. They focused on "what" I was instead of "who" I was. They told me nice boys don't want to go out with fat girls. They badgered me that I should lose weight for them because children are supposed to out-live their parents. They insisted I lose weight for my kids because they'd grow up without their mother. They used guilt, intimidation, bribery (We'll pay you to lose weight), shame...all things that tear people down. There was no focus on building me up. I felt like people who were fat were nothing/nobody, and that they would only love me if I were skinny. PLEASE DO NOT TREAT YOUR DAUGHTER THIS WAY!! It doesn't work. There's nothing worse than thinking people will only love you or think you're worth knowing if you're skinny.

*climbing off my soap box*