Bad, bad, bad

Damn, now I want three grilled cheese sandwiches instead of my grilled shrimp Caesar salad I brought to work.

People used to always think it was strange how much I could eat for being so little (I haven't been overweight since I was about 12). Anyway, I didn't lose my obese appetite, apparently. I would go to Taco Bell and order (4) 5 Layer Beefy Bean Burritos, (2) Chicken/Rice burritos, (3) Caramel Apple Empanadas, (1) Churro, (1) beef chalupa, and if I was really feeling dangerous, a crunch wrap supreme. I would eat all of it by myself between 7PM-10PM, every single Sunday, except on alternating weeks where I'd go to Checkers and get (1) Strawberry Cheesecake Hole-Lotta, (2) Big Bufords, (2) Bacon Roadhouses, (1) Cheese Chilli Cheese Fries and (2-4) Cinnamon Apple Pies. On Checkers nights, I'd usually follow a few hours later with half a container of peanut butter - The Checkers food was generally finished within 1-2 hours. Everytime I'd go for Fast Food, they'd look at me with this amused face like I was joking, and sometimes ask if I was having a party. The staff at Checkers started to know me and would kinda give me this knowing nod and have me pull around whilst they prepared my food, then chit-chat about the day's drama for a few minutes before we went our separate ways. It was all for me. I was 5'4, 130lbs at my max (after losing weight when I was 12). Surprisingly, a lot of this was water weight too. I lost about 8 pounds in the first few days of controlling my calorie intake, lol.

I could eat a whole bag of any type of barbeque chips (or regular chips really) in a sitting. Also if ice cream was in the house I felt the need to consume a huge bowl every evening. I've always been an ice cream lover. I still allot myself calories to have one of those weight watchers little cups or a 1/2 cup serving of Bluebell every few days though ;P A lot better than eating a pint's worth (and then adding syrups, malt, any cookies or preztels or crunchy candies I could find, and nuts!).

took a turn for the worse when I got my desk job. We used to have potlucks on fridays. That allows for me to go back and get seconds or snacks. I gained 30 lbs (weighed 150lb prior) in my first year of working here. I was pushing a size 16/18 with xl shirts. It became so mindless that I toppled over 200 lbs. I knew my heaviest was 212 or more. I went through a bad breakup and it made me realize where I was. Now I weigh near 200 after 9 years but I can run miles, do yoga, push-ups, weights, breath, and I do wear smaller clothes than before.

I used to eat an entire large bag of Doritos without even thinking about it, or Cheetos, or trail mix (the giant costco bag).

I did that with Doritos, too!!

2 cups of ice cream, but 1400 calories.

Late night cereal. Sounds harmless enough right? Except that the bowl I used held at least 3-4 cups of cereal, and I filled the milk to the brim. Then, when the cereal was gone there would be milk left so...I'd add more cereal to finish off the milk with. Easily 800-1000 calories worth of cereal in one sitting. And was a "snack".

When I order a pizza these days, I get a small pie. That's it. SOMETIMES a small soda. I used to get a large pie, with toppings, plus a cheeseburger and fries or onion rings, and an order of hot wings. Plus a 2 liter of coke. I lived alone. All the food was gone by morning. Wow, it makes me kinda nauseous to think about that.

Cereal is still my guilty pleasure I used to use a mixing bowl because those stupid cereal bowls aren't big enough! Now I use the right bowl, still 2 servings (1 serving is still unrealistic, to me ), with unsweetened almond milk. I know the pizza nights too. Loaded large pizza with a hot sub. You apparently can't have just a pizza, right? So proud of the cutbacks we can make and still live. I enjoy MFP more and more everyday

I hate how pizza turns into 15 different things. I remember a time, not that long ago, when we had some subs, chips and cookies delivered. We decided to wait on the cookies while we ordered a pizza, salad and hot wings. I imagine that cookie got eaten in bed with a beer...

But no idea how I gain weight. I don't think the 4200 calories / day ever did it...

I used to eat an entire large bag of Doritos without even thinking about it, or Cheetos, or trail mix (the giant costco bag).

Damn those large bags of trail mix with the M&Ms. Yeah, I never ate a "serving", I'd eat ALL THE SERVINGS....

Thing is, I never really had terrible eating habits- always ate lots of veggies, deferred to whole grains and the like (the bread in my house was always Ezekial.) I had a sweet tooth, but could never conceive of eating an entire pint of ice cream in one evening.

Yet somehow, I slowly (and largely unconsciously) went from just under 180 lbs to almost 230 lbs between the ages of 23 and 30.

For me, it was having no semblance of portion control with dinner- even if I ate chicken and kale and quinoa three nights a week, the 2 or so pasta nights per week, where I'd end up having two large bowls (maybe half a pound of pasta), ended up being close to 1,500 calories apiece when you count vodka sauce and grilled chicken. And the occasional Chinese or thai delivery (God knows the nutritional stats on what amounted to a tub of pineapple fried rice) would usually make up at least another night per week. All this coincided with a switch from an active career and gym attendance to a sedentary desk job with no gym attendance. It takes 3,600 excess calories beyond what's burned to create a pound of body fat- that was contributed to slowly, over time, like direct deposit into some perverse bank account.

And now, of course, I know that you can't eat mountains of pasta every night and NOT go to the gym. You can't eat like you're carbo loading for a marathon and then skip the marathon.

Point is, it was gradual- you don't have to have a trail of unthinkable, horrific gluttony in your past to explain your weight gain. For a lot of us, it was very slow, very gradual, over a long-ish period. I'm down over 20 pounds in under three months, but there's about 30 more to go, and they'll be harder. Paying the piper is something I can deal with- vanity and shame are highly motivating. It's recalibrating my lifestyle to maintaining a healthy weight over the long term that I think will be most challenging.