How to not start a juice cleanse

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  • RivenV
    RivenV Posts: 1,667 Member
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    http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1234119-30-day-gelato-ice-cream-cleanse-diet

    This is an excellent cleanse for beginners.
  • Lleldiranne
    Lleldiranne Posts: 5,516 Member
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    In

    For popcorn, pizza, chocolate, pie, ice cream. Let's see, what did I miss?
  • RhonndaJ
    RhonndaJ Posts: 1,615 Member
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    Do not drink juice reconstituted with contaminated water.
  • Chickee8586
    Chickee8586 Posts: 155 Member
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    Ok I'm so confused, I bought the juicer but now what do I do?

    I can tell ya NOT to put your wang in it... but that's all I know.

    too late, wang stuck in juicer. wat do??!!?

    First, relax...
    Second, ice water...

    Shrinkage is key here.

    Then get an appointment at one of those gender reassignment clinics. Cause you ain't any use to us anymore doll.
  • LucasEVille
    LucasEVille Posts: 567 Member
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    God you people are so mean. All I want o do is not juice things and you're telling me things to juice. GAWD

    Your totally right, because looking out for your health is mean. May I apologise on behalf of the MFP community as an official representitive of teh interwebs.
  • 89nunu
    89nunu Posts: 1,082 Member
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    Recent forum topics actually had 'how to start a juice cleanse' and 'how not to start a juice cleanse' one after the other!

    tumblr_m4c18nD7hn1qhr47r.gif

    Well played mate!!
  • Sharon_C
    Sharon_C Posts: 2,132 Member
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    WHY WOULD YOU NOT CLEANSE??? It detoxifies and does stuff like...like...cleans things.
  • Rocbola
    Rocbola Posts: 1,998 Member
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    Hey guys, I'm trying to not start a juice cleanse, how do I go about doing that?? So confused here.
    Eat meat until you have heart disease. Remember to add some hydrogenated oils, because remember, calories is the only measurement that counts. Wrap your oil covered steak in bread, sprinkle some candy bars on top, and then melt a little mozzarella on top! At least it's not as bad for you as evil, evil sugar containing fruit.
  • Lifts4IceCream
    Lifts4IceCream Posts: 77 Member
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    Wait, so you want to do something other than what Dr. Oz promotes! Your not going to be "healthy" if you go against the great and all-knowing Oz!
  • determinedbutlazy
    determinedbutlazy Posts: 1,941 Member
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    Hey guys, I'm trying to not start a juice cleanse, how do I go about doing that?? So confused here.
    Eat meat until you have heart disease. Remember to add some hydrogenated oils, because remember, calories is the only measurement that counts. Wrap your oil covered steak in bread, sprinkle some candy bars on top, and then melt a little mozzarella on top! At least it's not as bad for you as evil, evil sugar containing fruit.

    Anyone else strangely aroused?
  • navyrigger46
    navyrigger46 Posts: 1,301 Member
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    Hey guys, I'm trying to not start a juice cleanse, how do I go about doing that?? So confused here.
    Eat meat until you have heart disease. Remember to add some hydrogenated oils, because remember, calories is the only measurement that counts. Wrap your oil covered steak in bread, sprinkle some candy bars on top, and then melt a little mozzarella on top! At least it's not as bad for you as evil, evil sugar containing fruit.

    Vegans don't get heart disease?

    Rigger
  • The_Enginerd
    The_Enginerd Posts: 3,982 Member
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    Go to macdonalds and order anything but juice. Repeat until not on a juice cleanse.
    I tried, but I wanted some OJ with my Deluxe Breakfast. Do you think the pancakes and bacon will balance it out, or am I on my way to an early death?
  • The_Enginerd
    The_Enginerd Posts: 3,982 Member
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    Hey guys, I'm trying to not start a juice cleanse, how do I go about doing that?? So confused here.
    Eat meat until you have heart disease. Remember to add some hydrogenated oils, because remember, calories is the only measurement that counts. Wrap your oil covered steak in bread, sprinkle some candy bars on top, and then melt a little mozzarella on top! At least it's not as bad for you as evil, evil sugar containing fruit.

    Anyone else strangely aroused?
    I'm Horngry now...
  • determinedbutlazy
    determinedbutlazy Posts: 1,941 Member
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    Go to macdonalds and order anything but juice. Repeat until not on a juice cleanse.
    I tried, but I wanted some OJ with my Deluxe Breakfast. Do you think the pancakes and bacon will balance it out, or am I on my way to an early death?

    The sugar will all immediately turn to fat and lodge itself in your throat and choke you to death. Unless you're eating before 7pm, in which case you're fine.
  • Escloflowne
    Escloflowne Posts: 2,038 Member
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    Hey guys, I'm trying to not start a juice cleanse, how do I go about doing that?? So confused here.
    Eat meat until you have heart disease. Remember to add some hydrogenated oils, because remember, calories is the only measurement that counts. Wrap your oil covered steak in bread, sprinkle some candy bars on top, and then melt a little mozzarella on top! At least it's not as bad for you as evil, evil sugar containing fruit.

    That actually sounds like a fantastic meal....
  • RivenV
    RivenV Posts: 1,667 Member
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    Hey guys, I'm trying to not start a juice cleanse, how do I go about doing that?? So confused here.
    Eat meat until you have heart disease. Remember to add some hydrogenated oils, because remember, calories is the only measurement that counts. Wrap your oil covered steak in bread, sprinkle some candy bars on top, and then melt a little mozzarella on top! At least it's not as bad for you as evil, evil sugar containing fruit.

    Anyone else strangely aroused?

    Yes... but I don't find it so strange. Different strokes.
  • skullshank
    skullshank Posts: 4,323 Member
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    Ok I'm so confused, I bought the juicer but now what do I do?

    instructions unclear...stuck **** in juicer.
  • determinedbutlazy
    determinedbutlazy Posts: 1,941 Member
    Options
    Hey guys, I'm trying to not start a juice cleanse, how do I go about doing that?? So confused here.
    Eat meat until you have heart disease. Remember to add some hydrogenated oils, because remember, calories is the only measurement that counts. Wrap your oil covered steak in bread, sprinkle some candy bars on top, and then melt a little mozzarella on top! At least it's not as bad for you as evil, evil sugar containing fruit.

    Anyone else strangely aroused?

    Yes... but I don't find it so strange. Different strokes.

    I think he was referring to a coronary infarction, but a stroke could be possible too! Meat and oils have a myriad of fantastical ways to kill us... That's why all meat eaters drop dead at 35!

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