How to not start a juice cleanse

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Replies

  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,136 Member
    meat...lots of meat...
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  • chelseafxx
    chelseafxx Posts: 251 Member
    OMG people on MFP so HORRIBLE, this poor person only wants advice on how NOT to do a clense..... I heard from my friend's mother's pet dog's goldfish that it will help so don't bother trying to convince me otherwise with science or health studies.

    I just peed a little bit :x can be so true though hahah
  • ndj1979
    ndj1979 Posts: 29,136 Member
    Hey guys, I'm trying to not start a juice cleanse, how do I go about doing that?? So confused here.
    Eat meat until you have heart disease. Remember to add some hydrogenated oils, because remember, calories is the only measurement that counts. Wrap your oil covered steak in bread, sprinkle some candy bars on top, and then melt a little mozzarella on top! At least it's not as bad for you as evil, evil sugar containing fruit.

    that is how I got to 12% body fat....
  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
    In...

    ...not to find out which toxins aren't being eliminated by not doing this detox that would otherwise not be eliminated by the body while not still eating food.

    You do have to name all of them...not just one.

    Please, OP, don't just give the name of *ONE* toxin.

    Thanks in advance. :flowerforyou:

    :huh:

    (You'll figure it out. I have faith in you.)
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  • MirrorLove
    MirrorLove Posts: 2 Member
    Can the juicer be used to make some kind of alcoholic beverage? After the wang is removed of course.
    2 oz. Vodka
    1/2 oz. Raspberry Liqueur
    1/2 oz. Blue Curacao
    Sweet & Sour Mix
    Cranberry Juice

    No, no, no, the whole point was to not do a juice cleanse! May I suggest instead:

    1 oz. Kahlua
    1 oz. marshmallow vodka
    4 oz. heavy cream
    Mix and pour chocolate syrup all over it.

    (BTW that's about 660 cals for a 6 oz. drink - yikes!)
  • jofjltncb6
    jofjltncb6 Posts: 34,415 Member
    In...

    ...not to find out which toxins aren't being eliminated by not doing this detox that would otherwise not be eliminated by the body while not still eating food.

    You do have to name all of them...not just one.

    Please, OP, don't just give the name of *ONE* toxin.

    Thanks in advance. :flowerforyou:

    :huh:

    (You'll figure it out. I have faith in you.)

    So rude and mean.

    Oops, sorry...typo.

    What I meant to type was:

    You won't figure it out. I don't have faith in you.
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,088 Member
    ice cream.

    Sounds good!! That's my kind of cleanse!!
  • GBrady43068
    GBrady43068 Posts: 1,256 Member
    Hey guys, I'm trying to not start a juice cleanse, how do I go about doing that?? So confused here.
    Eat meat until you have heart disease. Remember to add some hydrogenated oils, because remember, calories is the only measurement that counts. Wrap your oil covered steak in bread, sprinkle some candy bars on top, and then melt a little mozzarella on top! At least it's not as bad for you as evil, evil sugar containing fruit.
    A candied steak sub? Hmm...we may be onto something here...
  • GBrady43068
    GBrady43068 Posts: 1,256 Member
    God you people are so mean. All I want o do is not juice things and you're telling me things to juice. GAWD

    more ice cream and oreo's

    I have found the oreo's in the juicer really help you get away from that whole not juicing thing.
    I have never tasted oreo juice but I now suspect this is the magical weight-loss elixir I have needed all this time. Maybe I just need to squeeze the Oreos harder? Anyone know if there's an isometric exercise for Oreo juicing on MFP so I can log?
  • judyde
    judyde Posts: 401 Member
    I vote for cheese. And steak.

    Here in Philly, we combine these and eat a cheesesteak. :-)
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
    God you people are so mean. All I want o do is not juice things and you're telling me things to juice. GAWD

    more ice cream and oreo's

    I have found the oreo's in the juicer really help you get away from that whole not juicing thing.
    I have never tasted oreo juice but I now suspect this is the magical weight-loss elixir I have needed all this time. Maybe I just need to squeeze the Oreos harder? Anyone know if there's an isometric exercise for Oreo juicing on MFP so I can log?

    add them to your ice cream and mix that up- that will get you what you need.

    Did you pre-crush them? it doesn't work the same if they are whole- it's a totally different calorie content when you don't pre-crush them.

    also try this- this is a close second to the ice cream thing
    http://www.heatovento350.com/2011/04/brownie-cookie-dough-sandwiches.html
  • zoeysasha37
    zoeysasha37 Posts: 7,088 Member
    Coffee enemas.

    Lmao!
  • disneygallagirl
    disneygallagirl Posts: 515 Member
    I put out my fruits and veggies and got ready to juice, but then I remembered I don't have a juicer and that I was hungry so I ate them. Is that ok? Then I ate some yogurt, too. I'm pretty sure it all turned into a smoothie in my belly, so I'm counting it as a juice.

    Winner :laugh:
  • Mav3rick54
    Mav3rick54 Posts: 180 Member
    Dear OP, at 99, I would have thought you would know better than to put your wang in the juicer. :grumble: That being said, my suggestion is to……. Uh sorry, got nothing for you so good luck.

    Now as far as the juicer is concerned, I would suggest you place said juicer in a garage sale or on Craig’s list(once the wang is removed, of course). That is where my juicer ended up many years ago after I figured out it was a whole lot cheaper to eat the fruit and veggies than it was to throw them into said juicer to grind to a pulp so I could drink them.

    Good luck to you and happy non juicing. :drinker:
  • TR0berts
    TR0berts Posts: 7,739 Member
    1) Go to store.
    2) Buy orange juice.
    3) Go dumpster diving.
    4) Pull out orange peels.
    5) Put orange juice into orange peel.*
    6) Tape orange peel back together.*
    7) Eat whole orange.



    * Steps 5 and 6 may need to be reversed and done multiple times, depending upon level of orange peel destruction.
  • Showcase_Brodown
    Showcase_Brodown Posts: 919 Member
    You could try something that's kind of not juicing: The goat's blood cleanse. It's all the rage.

    However you may need to trade in your blender for a larger capacity model. And there's a nutritional difference between just juicing the goat and blending it.
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  • LiftAllThePizzas
    LiftAllThePizzas Posts: 17,857 Member
    You could try something that's kind of not juicing: The goat's blood cleanse. It's all the rage.

    However you may need to trade in your blender for a larger capacity model. And there's a nutritional difference between just juicing the goat and blending it.
    If you need practice before doing it IRL you can try Goat Simulator first.
    http://www.goat-simulator.com/
  • jaya_lakshmi27
    jaya_lakshmi27 Posts: 50
    Ok I'm so confused, I bought the juicer but now what do I do?

    You could just make a smoothie (fruits and yogurt) or a vegetable one-juiced vegetables. Pretty much, just juice/blend anything fresh.
  • smooothieluver
    smooothieluver Posts: 40
    Lolololol
  • TR0berts
    TR0berts Posts: 7,739 Member
    1) Go to store.
    2) Buy orange juice.
    3) Go dumpster diving.
    4) Pull out orange peels.
    5) Put orange juice into orange peel.*
    6) Tape orange peel back together.*
    7) Eat whole orange.



    * Steps 5 and 6 may need to be reversed and done multiple times, depending upon level of orange peel destruction.

    That sounds disgusting and unsanitary!


    Well, yeah. That's part of "not doing a cleanse."
  • judyde
    judyde Posts: 401 Member
    Hey guys, I'm trying to not start a juice cleanse, how do I go about doing that?? So confused here.
    Eat meat until you have heart disease. Remember to add some hydrogenated oils, because remember, calories is the only measurement that counts. Wrap your oil covered steak in bread, sprinkle some candy bars on top, and then melt a little mozzarella on top! At least it's not as bad for you as evil, evil sugar containing fruit.

    Vegans don't get heart disease?

    Rigger
    At a much lower rate than meat eaters. Many vegans still eat junk food, like oils, or else it would probably be a "no" to your question.

    So I suppose a diehard "frugivore" like yourself would simply live forever?

    Rigger

    He won't live forever, but it will FEEL like forever.

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