What is the proper etiquette for children's sleepovers?

odusgolp
odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
in Chit-Chat
I had a recent invite for my son to have an overnight that caught me off-guard. So, I'm wondering, in YOUR opinion/experience, what is the proper etiquette for sleepovers, or how would you handle this situation?

“Nikki” (the mom) called me last week at work. She found my number in the school directory. She sounded “rough” for lack of a better explanation, and a bit like she was so incredibly preoccupied she was having a conversation with me and three other people around her at the same time.

The conversation went something like, “Hey, this is Nick’s mom, the blonde basketball player. He’s been buggin me non-stop about having a sleepover with your kid.”

“I’m sorry, who is this?”

“This is Nikki. My kid is the basketball player!” (Note, our kids are 7 years old, and we don't have sports at our school... so what he does outside of school, I would be clueless to).

“I really think you must have the wrong number.”

“Isn’t this LL's mom.”

“Oh, yes, this is… our kids are in class together?”

“Yeah, I’ve got the blonde kid. So is he free tomorrow or Saturday? We’re going bowling Saturday, but I think he could just come along…”


It was SO fast, completely caught me off guard, and I don’t know this lady for *kitten*. I said, “Well, Leland’s dad and I are divorced, so I’ll have to talk to him....” blah blah blah.


Anyhow, my ex is of the opinion it's no big deal, just say yes and let him go. I say, I'd like to at least meet these people first? But I don't also know how to tactfully say that, cause i'm a huge p*ssy. LOL


Give me your parenting advice/opinions....
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Replies

  • miss_jessiejane
    miss_jessiejane Posts: 2,819 Member
    I agree with you, I'd have to meet the parents first!
  • _crafty_
    _crafty_ Posts: 1,682 Member
    I wouldn't allow it. I'd suggest they have a play date (or two) prior to any sleep over so you can meet the kid and the parents. You may not even want him around this other kid. Sounds like the mother is an idiot. And yes, I'm judging.

    I would tell her that he can't do a sleep over this weekend because he has (make an excuse) the following morning but a play date for the afternoon/early evening would be do-able.
  • KrazyDaizy
    KrazyDaizy Posts: 815 Member
    I would say, "we need to meet 1st".


    I just did this Saturday to a kid that wanted my daughter to come over to her house and play inside. I said "Ummm, how about no. And if your Mom comes over to meet me then we can talk".

    And you aren't a huge p*ssy.
  • FoxBean
    FoxBean Posts: 910 Member
    I would suggest a play date with that parents involved before hand, you have to get to know these people and feel comfortable. Sounds pretty odd just calling out of the blue, I would be skeptical too!
  • kmm0034
    kmm0034 Posts: 46 Member
    Miss Manners advises a two week notice on any sleepover activities, and that you meet the parents first. I have a tendency to consult her on these things.
  • Rosplosion
    Rosplosion Posts: 739 Member
    You say, I'd like to meet you before hand. Then you tell your child and them that you'll come over to their house for a bit. See how the kids play together. See what their house is like. See what the family is like.

    Then go with your gut. Not much more you can do.


    OR have them sleep over at your place.

    XOXO Being a parent is friggin hard.

    ETA: get their last name and call your local Parole & Probation office and ask if the parents are on Probation.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    I DO like the kid from class. Nick is a sweet little kid with the biggest smile ever. He's been in my son's class since Kindergarten, so it's not him I have a problem with. And I may not have a problem at all with his mom and dad, I'd just like to know them a little.
  • maab_connor
    maab_connor Posts: 3,927 Member
    they're meeting for bowling first. I would take the narl to the bowling portion of the evening, but decline the sleepover invite. and get ready to rent some shoes.
  • taranj21
    taranj21 Posts: 83 Member
    i have a 12 year old, and we have the same with the sleepover issue.
    i told her she is not allowed to sleep out at peoples houses, at all, period.
    she can have anyone over our house, but she is not allowed to sleep out.

    i would just tell the mom that you aren't comfortable with your son going, as you haven't met them yet.
    if they are as flaky as they sound, they probably aren't interested in meeting you, and will move on to the next kid.
  • DamianaKitten
    DamianaKitten Posts: 479 Member
    My parent's rules: They had to know the kid, and they had to know the parents. This included them coming to our house, and my folks and I going to theirs.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Miss Manners advises a two week notice on any sleepover activities, and that you meet the parents first. I have a tendency to consult her on these things.

    I can't trust you! You have a tattoo on your face! :) J/k.

    This was actually last week. She called Thursday for a sleepover on Friday *LOL* I ended up just saying this weekend wouldn't work out, but now the kids are begging to do it this weekend, so I need to pull my head out of my *kitten* and figure this out.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    My kids already know not to ask about sleeping over at someone's house if I don't know them. Of course, in this instance, the mother asked and not your kid.

    Maybe you could go bowling with them, get to know mom, and if you feel comfortable after say yes or no to the sleepover.
  • PghPensFan69
    PghPensFan69 Posts: 2,393 Member
    Playdate first
  • Derp_Diggler
    Derp_Diggler Posts: 1,456 Member
    I wouldn't allow it. I'd suggest they have a play date (or two) prior to any sleep over so you can meet the kid and the parents. You may not even want him around this other kid. Sounds like the mother is an idiot. And yes, I'm judging.

    Pretty much this. It's your child, not a houseplant. You should be concerned with whom he spends his time.
  • Escloflowne
    Escloflowne Posts: 2,038 Member
    Whatever, just let your kid go! You can always make more if something happens to it!

    I.C.E. Cream Official Tester
    IKEA Professional Put Together-er
    Kickboxing Class Attender
    Been in fitness for about 2 years and have studied kitty-gif-ology, nutrition and Dinosaurs
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    I wouldn't allow it. I'd suggest they have a play date (or two) prior to any sleep over so you can meet the kid and the parents. You may not even want him around this other kid. Sounds like the mother is an idiot. And yes, I'm judging.

    Pretty much this. It's your child, not a houseplant. You should be concerned with whom he spends his time.

    *hi five* a man in agreement. My ex always makes me feel like I'm overprotective... which I am LOL But shouldn't I be? At least a little?
  • KrazyDaizy
    KrazyDaizy Posts: 815 Member
    Whatever, just let your kid go! You can always make more if something happens to it!

    I.C.E. Cream Official Tester
    IKEA Professional Put Together-er
    Kickboxing Class Attender
    Been in fitness for about 2 years and have studied kitty-gif-ology, nutrition and Dinosaurs
    Good sound advice here.




    Do you have have any left over ice cream?
  • SugarBaby71
    SugarBaby71 Posts: 3,630 Member
    In the same situation I might offer the kid to come to my place and not for a sleepover because for sure we've got something going on that doesn't work... until I got to know the kid and parents.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Whatever, just let your kid go! You can always make more if something happens to it!

    I.C.E. Cream Official Tester
    IKEA Professional Put Together-er
    Kickboxing Class Attender
    Been in fitness for about 2 years and have studied kitty-gif-ology, nutrition and Dinosaurs

    BTW, I've been keeping all the hex keys from your IKEA assembly and fashioning them into a spiny butt plug. Can't wait to shove it up your *kitten*, Eric.


    :smokin:
  • CompressedCarbon
    CompressedCarbon Posts: 357 Member
    "We're busy on Saturday, but how would you like to meet us at the playground [basketball court/whatever] on .... Will that work for you?"

    Or you could present them with the 3 page survey to be filled out by parents before child could be dropped off for any playdate. Everything from "Who will be present in the room where the kids are playing?" to "Has anyone in the household or visitors to the household been accused of child abuse?" to "Where and how are the guns in the house kept?"
  • Unknown
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  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,228 Member
    You know... you could just be honest and tell her that you would really like to know her better before you let your son spend the night her house.

    If she doesn't understand that, then the answer is automatically no.
  • JenGranzow
    JenGranzow Posts: 116 Member
    My kids are 5 and 8, so for the 5 yo it's easy - no sleepovers yet. For the 8 yo, we've had her BFF sleep over at our house but she has not yet slept over at a friend's house. I would absolutely need to meet and have a comfort level with the parents before I allowed a sleepover. If I don't know you, have not been to your house, my kid is not sleeping over.

    If you are not comfortable with it, just say so, and that's totally ok! If you feel like it's too confrontational, and are open to the idea of your son and this kid having a sleepover, how about turning it around and inviting HIM to your house, at least as a first step toward getting a better comfort level with the family.
  • MiloBloom83
    MiloBloom83 Posts: 2,724 Member
    It's not at Neverland Ranch, is it? Because that would be a NO!.
  • mamaspa4
    mamaspa4 Posts: 32
    I had a call last week for my 5 yr old to sleep out. I was like seriously, I dont let my 9 yr old sleep out. And,I totally agree I would set up a few play dates then go from there. You cant trust people these days and never know what goe son behind closed doors.So, I have meet his lady before and I have been to her house for a birthday party, and they are very nice people. But, I just told her he is not ready for sleep over yet, he actually cried for me last time I left him with his maw-maw that he see's weekly.
  • Mischievous_Rascal
    Mischievous_Rascal Posts: 1,791 Member
    I would need to meet the parents at their place for a playdate first. Especially if she sounded that distracted.

    What if their house reeks of pot or something? That happened to a friend of mine with her daughter.
  • Escloflowne
    Escloflowne Posts: 2,038 Member
    Whatever, just let your kid go! You can always make more if something happens to it!

    I.C.E. Cream Official Tester
    IKEA Professional Put Together-er
    Kickboxing Class Attender
    Been in fitness for about 2 years and have studied kitty-gif-ology, nutrition and Dinosaurs

    BTW, I've been keeping all the hex keys from your IKEA assembly and fashioning them into a spiny butt plug. Can't wait to shove it up your *kitten*, Eric.


    :smokin:

    59915-Dog-slap-smack-gif-NRiZ.gif
  • tomomatic
    tomomatic Posts: 1,794 Member
    I'm kinda with you.
    I've gotten to know my daughter's friends and their parents through interactions from play dates or b-day parties. If someone asked out of the blue and I didn't know that person, I'd probably say no or make some excuse.

    Also, make sure they know of all LL's allergies and junk. I freaked out when one kid came over for a playdate and he started hyperventilating. He pulled an inhaler out of his backpack and the crisis was averted.
  • _crafty_
    _crafty_ Posts: 1,682 Member
    I wouldn't allow it. I'd suggest they have a play date (or two) prior to any sleep over so you can meet the kid and the parents. You may not even want him around this other kid. Sounds like the mother is an idiot. And yes, I'm judging.

    Pretty much this. It's your child, not a houseplant. You should be concerned with whom he spends his time.

    *hi five* a man in agreement. My ex always makes me feel like I'm overprotective... which I am LOL But shouldn't I be? At least a little?

    yes. totally. because contrary to what Eric thinks . . . making babies isn't as easy as baking cookies.
  • BamaBreezeNSaltAire
    BamaBreezeNSaltAire Posts: 966 Member
    No. Just no. Every alarm bell as a mother is going off in me. I have a 12 year old, I learned some lessons and to this with a 7 year old. NO, no way no how.

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