For my overweight child...

Keep in mind that with the hormone fluctuations at that age a lot of teenage girls gain visible excess weight no matter what foods they're eating.

It's likely she already knows and doesn't need her mom to tell her and make her feel more self-conscious at a sensitive age. Just keep doing what you're doing and teaching positive eating habits and exercise. By example is the best way! She'll appreciate the support.

You are so sweet. I wish my mom could be like you. I went home for the Christmas holidays and all she said things like "don't you want to look pretty oh you should lose some weight, wear these clothes to cover your body, stay away from anything sleeveless, cover your ugly fat arms"....... ahhhh..... I'm sorry I didn't actually have any good advice for you, I just want to say you are so sweet and I'm sure you are a great mom. Best of luck.

OK, I was a chubby child for as long as I could remember, was teased, felt bad about my body *always*, and ate for emotional compensation - mostly chocolate (1 100g bar a day, often) and cookies (by the packet). I've thought about what I would have *liked* my family to have don, in retrospect, and what I'd have liked them to refrain from doing, so here are some suggestions based on my personal experience. Take them with all the grains of salt they deserve:

- I'd have liked someone to *teach* me what has been so easy to learn after a week or two on MFP:
** That food is fuel for our activities. That we expend energy through moving and physical effort and compensate that by eating. It's like buying gas for your car, except the tank size is limited. (Yes, that's simplistic and obvious, but really have it sink in is the key.) If we give the body a little less than it needs, it'll use the fat reserves. If we give it a lot less than it needs, it'll balk - that's unhealthy.
** Macro nutrients (the US "food pyramid" thing will do), and how much we need of every one every day. Basic calorie calculations.
** That the way we evolved our bodies aren't really prepared for the conveniences of modern life (cars, elevators...) and the abundance of very highly digestible food -- it's very easy to take in more than you need.
** Most importantly, that we have *control* over this process. If she wants to be less heavy, she CAN be. If clothes shopping is a chore now (I don't know how overweight she is in terms of children's clothing), she CAN get to where she wants. If she wants to run faster in PE class or learn how to play some sport, she CAN.

- Include her in shopping and cooking, and show her how you make decisions, how you estimate ingredients and portion sizes. As far as I can see you're on your way to losing 40 pounds or so and can explain to her why and how -- show her how you're in control.

- Don't ever make it a judgement-laden issue. My parents used to make remarks about me having "a few rolls of fat" on my belly, as if I could just magically make them go away. I didn't have the beginning of an inkling of how to go about it! Well, yes, i knew that chocolate = bad, but hey, I was hungry, and I had no concept of long-term lifestyle choices. Pointing out what "should" be (no emotional eating, "if you go on like this you'll have medical problems" etc.) only increases the feeling of not being in control and doesn't show a way to take control.

- Yes, encourage physical activities. Any sports she's interested in. But don't link it up with "it'll be good for you because it'll make you lighter", but celebrate her achievements. Is there something she is good at, or better, something she struggled with, got better at and is proud of (could be anything - music, drawing, maths...)? Lead her to understand that many things in life are like that - you aren't good at it when you start out, but if you just keep at it, you'll get better and better and one day you'll be great.

- I would advise against hiding junk food or going behind her back in any significant way. She'll just hide it and eat when you can't see her -- that's the reaction of a normal, intelligent child.

- Taking away all her junk food and making it taboo looks like a dangerous way of action to me (except of course if SHE wants to do that to avoid bingeing). First of all she will find ways to circumvent it and it's part of her peer group's socialization, and second it won't increase her ability to control her food choices. Teaching moderation is teaching a much more valuable lesson. That eating until you're full is going to end with you taking in excessive amounts, but listening to your body and eating until your desire is JUST satisfied is going to be much better. You might be able to do something like making it clear that you disapprove (and make SURE she knows why), but letting her have it if she, I don't know, is able to tell you how many extra calories are in it, or some other "payment" for junk food.

- Be very clear about supporting her against bullies, and that she is just as loveable and beloved at any weight.

- I'm sure she knows she's overweight. Bringing up the topic may be traumatic, and this may be easier once you've already established a non-judemental conversation between you about food. (*Learning* about this stuff can make it interesting. Being confronted with your imperfections before you know enough to do anything about it is discouraging.)

Now the fact that you don't want to take her to the physical exam should be a red flag, but hey, I'm European and don't believe in yearly exams anyway! You should go, though, if that's in your habit, but preparing her for the realisation that there might be some work on her weight in the future would help. If she's going to grow a lot, and is on the cusp of puberty, there'll be a lot of changes in her body, and it's a great opportunity to catch this early enough on and instill some good habits in her that will give her the tools to make better and better choices about food.

Oh, and she won't always be receptive, at her age. Most of what you say will go into one ear and out through he other. Don't preach. But you'll be surprised at some point in the future what she retained -- it may have been that little remark about how an entire restaurant meal contains enough calories to fuel a person for a day and a half; or watching you do something or other you couldn't very well do before you lost the weight you want to.

You can help her most by being an example of health yourself! If you're bringing in unhealthy food and eating it, she sees the example and why wouldn't she think it's fine to eat it, Mom does, right?

Kids see us as their example, at a very early age they mimic our behaviors and create lifetime patterns of their own because of it.
She needs a healthy behavior example likely more than words at this point. Watching Mom workout and making it fun (not using the work 'diet' or I HAVE to exercise) not like a chore and creating healthy meals together can be lots of fun with the whole family.:flowerforyou:

Many of the previous posters have given you some pretty sound advice.

My feeling on the issue is to EMPOWER your daughter. Teach her how to read labels. Teach her why it is important not to indulge in trans fats, too much saturated fats and too much sugars. Teach her how to create a meal plan of healthy foods. Teach her how to ensure that she gets adequate exercise and why it is important.

Kids are sponges and they are great emulators. They want to be like Mom and Dad and they also want to spend time with Mom and Dad. This can give you a great opportunity to strengthen your bond with your daughter and start her on the road to healthy living habits.

My own daughter lost her father (my ex-husband) when she was 12. It was a huge wake up call for us as a family, not because of a weight issue (my daughter is average weight) but because her father was only 38 and died of a heart attack. On top of that, he was adopted so we don't know his family medical background. My daughter became worried that the same fate awaits her. We began to research healthy eating together. My daughter can now read a nutrition label with the best of them! We subscribed to Clean Eating magazine and plan our weekly clean, healthy meals together, grocery shop together and prepare the meals together. She has become a pretty confident cook! We also work out together, a minimum of three days per week - usually five or six days per week. Being healthy has become our family way of life. She is happier, she maintains a very healthy weight and we are strengthened as a family because we do it all together. She even packs her own healthy school lunch every night. My daughter now has the tools that she needs to live a full, healthy life and give herself the best chance of not suffering the same fate as her father.

Empower your daughter. Help her learn healthy lifestyle habits that she can carry with her throughout her life. You'll increase not only her health, but her confidence and self-worth.

Good luck to both of you!
Michelle

I didn't read all the responces and I'm sorry if this has already been addressed. But has she started puberty? Most girls put on some weight once the hormones start changing. I gained a good 10 pounds before my period started. Take her to the doctor for a routine checkup and see what the doctor says. See a nutritionist on top of a regular doctor as well. Get her involoved in some sort of activity that isn't nessicarily physical but keeps her busy for a bit, maybe an art class or an acting class. It would also boost her selfesteem without it being based on physical appearance.

PS oh my gosh I am so sorry about all of the typos, I just like melted out on the keyboard there and didn't bother to spell check. Yikes =/

I've read through most of the other posts here, and here's what I think -- coming from a 16-year-old girl who was probably close to 300 pounds when she was 11. I've got some recent experience.

1.) You do NOT want to be teaching your daughter how to diet at this age. That's the LAST thing she needs. What other 11-year-old reads nutrition labels?! Or makes food plans?! Oh my God; that's ridiculous.

2.) Starting her in karate is a great idea. Keeping her from the doctor? Not so much. In fact, her doctor may be the best source of advice. Don't give up with counseling/journaling either. Nip these emotional eating problems in the bud while you can.

3.) You're daughter definitely knows she's overweight. That's why you don't want her to get into the mindset of dieting at such a young age. (THAT's how you start eating disorders. Trust me.) I say you should remove most of the junk from your house; do it for you and for her! Start making healthier family meals and snacks and desserts. She doesn't have to know they're lower calorie/lower fat. Make mac-and-cheese with a mix of 2% cheese and fat-free, start using extra-lean ground beef, buy reduced fat or fat-free hotdogs, etc.

Just a few changes coupled with karate classes should do the trick. You have to remember the weight won't come off for her like it does for you. You might expect a pound per week, but it could take half a month for her.

Um....all of my kids read labels. Except for the 4 year old lol I teach them about the nutrition side of things & doesn't have anything to do with calories.

Ridiculous? I think not :P

I agree with this. Knowing what is in food isn't a bad idea. She doesn't need to be counting cals or fats or such but it's a good start for learning what is healthy and what is not. My 7 year old knows how to read labels. We also read labels because I'm a vegetarian and i try to avoid many animal byproducts...reading labels is the only thing to do in my situation.