Husband Is Mad I Am Fat
jasminemars01
Posts: 27
Ok, I had a fight with my husband tonight. The jist of it is he is sick of having a fat wife that doesn't take care of herself. I think he is exaggerating a little bit. I was supermodel thin and attractive when he met me 15 years ago. I have had a pretty rough time the past several years, working two jobs and taking care of two kids. I have zero time to myself. He says it is just an excuse and I could make time. When? Quit one of my jobs? Not feed our kids? My husband works away from home and is gone five nights a week, so he is no help. He gives me no credit for what I do to keep the house hold running, and makes me feel bad on top of it that I am not maintaining a svelte figure and keeping my nails done. WT heck. I am so ripping mad I could scream. He happened to be home tonight, and watched sports all night while I did our taxes. And then he has the nerve to complain we are all slobs and don't take care of the house when he is gone (not true).
I want to lose weight and take better care of myself, but now I don't want him to think I am doing it to appease him. I have this rebellious streak in me now. He says I won't lose weight because it is just too hard ... and I am not capable of hard work. So now I don't feel like making any effort at all.
I am so beside myself I can't sleep tonight. Of course, he is snoring away upstairs.
I want to lose weight and take better care of myself, but now I don't want him to think I am doing it to appease him. I have this rebellious streak in me now. He says I won't lose weight because it is just too hard ... and I am not capable of hard work. So now I don't feel like making any effort at all.
I am so beside myself I can't sleep tonight. Of course, he is snoring away upstairs.
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Replies
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Yeah.... That sounds like you guys need counseling as a whole.
Instead of being mad at you, if he cares, he should be there to help you...0 -
I would be re-evaluating the relationship if that was happening in my house!0
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you work two jobs and take care of two kids and the house? And he thinks you aren't capable of hard work?
Counseling is definitely needed.
Or a new husband who stays home and helps out.0 -
Hi Jasmine,
Take a deep breath. When wanting to lose weight don't ever do it to appease someone like you said before. I can imagine how hard it is doing all you do, and you sound like a wonderful mother. Keep it up. Your husband will come to terms with it eventually. If you do want to lose weight do it for yourself not because someone else is breathing down your neck. Remember to try your best to be healthy as always. Don't put more pressure on yourself.
All the best
I hope everything works out. 0 -
I would be re-evaluating the relationship if that was happening in my house!
Agreed, if he doesn't appreciate you encourage him to work out with you and eat well with you. I would also suggest counseling and if that doesn't work maybe consider other options.0 -
He sounds like a total loser. Of course I don't know him, or you and am merely assuming off of what you said. Girl, screw him. If you want to lose weight who cares what he thinks. Do it for YOU. Have pride in yourself, and forget the rest. If a man ever talked to me like that he wouldn't be my man long. He also might not live long. Just saying.0
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No one has the right to speak to you like that. If you are going to lose it, it has to be for you. He sounds like an angry man that is putting you down to make himself feel better as most bullies do. You basically function as a single mother. Counseling together can be helpful but I suggest you go for yourself first.0
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Ok I'm going to just come out and say it.
WHY are you with someone who obviously doesn't respect you? What a jerk. I would not be putting up with that nonsense. I suggest you set him straight and don't continue to allow him to treat you this way. This has nothing to do with you losing weight or what he thinks of your weight. It's all about how you're allowing him to treat you. I sincerely hope everything works out for you.0 -
Ok I'm going to just come out and say it.
WHY are you with someone who obviously doesn't respect you? What a jerk. I would not be putting up with that nonsense. I suggest you set him straight and don't continue to allow him to treat you this way. This has nothing to do with you losing weight or what he thinks of your weight. It's all about how you're allowing him to treat you. I sincerely hope everything works out for you.
Keep in mind you arent getting an unbiased option. Everyone paints themselves in a good light when trying to get people to side with them in a disagreement.0 -
You can lose weight just by eating at a calorie deficit. Doesn't really take that much time to figure out. So it is possible to lose weight with your crazy schedule.0
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I don't mean to be rude, and I know sometimes you just have to vent, but why not talk to him about it instead of posting about it on here? Ask for his assistance and support rather than judgment?
Of course some men just don't listen no matter what you say... :indifferent:0 -
That sounds terrible to deal with. As a father and husband I would not expect anything positive back if I treated my wife that way. In fact taking care of the home and kids without two jobs is a task I'm sure. Hopefully you find some resolution even if it means difficult decisions ahead.0
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Ok I'm going to just come out and say it.
WHY are you with someone who obviously doesn't respect you? What a jerk. I would not be putting up with that nonsense. I suggest you set him straight and don't continue to allow him to treat you this way. This has nothing to do with you losing weight or what he thinks of your weight. It's all about how you're allowing him to treat you. I sincerely hope everything works out for you.
Keep in mind you arent getting an unbiased option. Everyone paints themselves in a good light when trying to get people to side with them in a disagreement.
Absolutely. But we have no other information to go off of. If she is being completely truthful, then I stand by my previous statement. If not, well, whatever. Either way she needs to figure her *kitten* out.0 -
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Ok I'm going to just come out and say it.
WHY are you with someone who obviously doesn't respect you? What a jerk. I would not be putting up with that nonsense. I suggest you set him straight and don't continue to allow him to treat you this way. This has nothing to do with you losing weight or what he thinks of your weight. It's all about how you're allowing him to treat you. I sincerely hope everything works out for you.
Keep in mind you arent getting an unbiased option. Everyone paints themselves in a good light when trying to get people to side with them in a disagreement.
Agree. This is why I didn't comment on the husband's alleged behavior. The main focus of the OP's question should be how can she lose weight with her crazy schedule.0 -
Counseling is a good idea to help you work things out. It sounds like he is tired and stressed just like you are, but he is not handling it in the best way. It sounds like he's taking it out on you. Yes, it's sad to have a spouse put on weight (both men and women), but he is supposed to be supportive. Why not exercise together as a family so it is about everyone getting healthy and not "I'm so mad my wife got fat?"
I would work out but for myself and not for him. You'll have more energy and better health in general, especially as you get older it'll be good to have better health and good habits. I would ignore what he thinks as far as if he assumes you worked out to appease him. You know you did it for yourself and that's what matters (and if he comments you can tell him that, tell him how much better you feel, how much more energy you have, etc.). And if it makes your husband happy that should be a bonus.
As for kids, I think it depends on their ages as to what you can do to work out. Go for walks after dinner (the days are getting longer so this will be easier now that it's not dark by the time most people get home from work. Turn on some music and start dancing (all ages can get involved in that). Do everyday activities standing instead of sitting to burn a few extra Calories. Keep moving and cut out soda, salty snacks, sugary snacks and the weight will come off.0 -
:huh: Don't give up on your health just to spite your husband, that's ridiculous. If you want to stay together, just talk to him. If you can't "just talk to him" then WTF get a divorce.0
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Its obvious you can't please him, so....please yourself. By that I mean, what do you want? Do that.0
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Screw everyone and live life for yourself.
I need to finally do what I want for myself and my life.
Ring any bells?0 -
you can lose the weight with a calorie deficit even with no time to do extra working out don't let anyone's opinion on what your doing affect how you get to this goal if its what YOU want as far as your relationship with your husband some couple councelling is all I can suggest0
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The question you might want to ask yourself, and then him is "What was that all about?"
His attack on you makes me wonder what is really eating him.
There is an old saying, so old it might be new to you.
"If it's not your sh**, just duck."0 -
I'm gonna play a bit of devil's advocate here -
Perhaps something is going on with him making him snap at you. I've been with my SO for 15 years as well and I find that when he has a "what do you do around here anyways?!" moment that he's not mad at me, it's something else. Be it something at work, with his family, etc. I'm not saying that it's right for him to snap at you cuz he's stressed but I know I do it to him as well. I don't mean it but he's in the crosshairs being home.
Just a thought but I find when someone is being a jerk there is often a reason more behind it than what we can see on the surface.
Just a thought.0 -
I'm gonna play a bit of devil's advocate here -
Perhaps something is going on with him making him snap at you. I've been with my SO for 15 years as well and I find that when he has a "what do you do around here anyways?!" moment that he's not mad at me, it's something else. Be it something at work, with his family, etc. I'm not saying that it's right for him to snap at you cuz he's stressed but I know I do it to him as well. I don't mean it but he's in the crosshairs being home.
Just a thought but I find when someone is being a jerk there is often a reason more behind it than what we can see on the surface.
Just a thought. That's what I was trying to say. 0 -
Sorry to hear you're going through all that. I understand the part of not being able to find time for yourself. I am a stay at home mom and cannot find time to work out, so I can imagine how much harder it is to find time when you're working and being two parents five days a week. The stress alone will not help you with weight loss!
I haven't been working out, but I managed to lose 22 pounds in three months just by counting calories, so if you can do that, you should be able to see some progress. Try calculating TDEE minus 20% to get the calories you need for weight loss (or less than 20% if you want to lose weight slower). I do not log my foods, and I never count the calories in non-starchy vegetables. I drink water, coffee and whole milk. Lol, and there are plenty of times when I do go over the amount of calories with either pizza or ice cream, but I don't sweat it too much, I just try to do better the next day. I eat everything, I don't have a list of bad foods, but I do try to limit desserts (my weakness) and I drink coffee without sugar (I don't like artificial sweeteners). I am not saying that these are the things that will work for you, but maybe you can find a tip or two that will help you with weight loss? Different things work for different people, and I'm sure other people will let you know what worked for them as well, so out of all that you can maybe find what could work for you.
And as far as your husband is concerned, it is sad that after two kids his priority when he is home is your weight. I've had men and women 'commenting' about my fat *kitten*, too. But at the end of the day it's your (or my) fat *kitten* and if you'd like to lose the weight, make sure you do it for you and for your children, not for your husband. And if he still feels like he needs to fix something, then he should start with himself. I don't know the guy, but nobody's perfect, especially the people that have a constant need to put other people down just so they can feel better about themselves.
I wish you good luck! Try to de-stress, and take care of yourself and your children. You will lose the weight, eventually, but do it for yourself :-)0 -
I'm so sorry you're losing sleep over his bad attitude. Sounds like he's not too happy with his OWN life right now and is reflecting. If you are going to lose weight it has to be a personal thing that you do for yourself, not to please him. The reverse is just as true. If you choose not to try to lose weight it shouldn't be to spite him.
The best way to get even is to succeed despite his efforts to bring you down. You can do it. You don't need his approval or disapproval.
Edited to add: Take good care of yourself. It's hard to live with a person who is in a negative head space. Have a nice hot bath and cuddle up with a movie or a good book. You will soon be asleep.0 -
:huh: Don't give up on your health just to spite your husband, that's ridiculous. If you want to stay together, just talk to him. If you can't "just talk to him" then WTF get a divorce.
He might just be taking out his anger upon you. It's not the appropriate way for him to treat you anyways. It could be something else that's eating him inside. Just a thought. If you want to lose weight do it for yourself no one else. Maybe talk with him when the atmosphere is a little bit cooler. Try talking about it and working things out not everything these days is about DIVORCE.0 -
Dont get me wrong but men very rarely understand the pain of running the household and think that is cake walk.My husband is very understanding regarding other matters but the only thing we fight about is the household chores,he simply says why can't I do it.I tried to drill it into his head that im already doing too much out of my capacity.
what helped what in a paper really write down your daily chores and times you spend in each and show it to him.Seeing it physically in paper can help getting the point across.
On a different note,you can try taking the stairs or cutting a few calories or a soda or make smart substitutions in your food to get the weight loss started and workout when you can.0 -
I'm sorry to hear that your husband isn't being more supportive. Two things to keep in mind might help:
1. Whatever your husband says and does is about him, and the things going on in his head, and not necessarily about you.
2. You get to choose your reaction. No one can make you feel bad unless you give them permission. It's much more difficult to brush off hurtful words from someone close to you than it is a stranger, but it helps to remember #1. What he said is about him, not you.
I don't know what your work schedules are like, but just as a suggestion, you could take this approach: Sit down with a smile and say you've been thinking about what he said, and you would like to get back to a healthy weight, and you appreciate his concern for your health. Then tell him that the best way to do this is to join a class/gym/etc. (be prepared, do your research for what's available in advance). Make sure this occurs at a time that is workable by having him take care of the kids/house, even if it's only once or twice a week. Not only will this allow you the time you need to work on you r health, but it will also give you an established time away from the hectic work/kids stuff, and it will allow your husband time to fully participate in the household chores and child rearing, and his participation might give him a greater appreciation for what you do, not to mention he will be actively supporting your journey back to health rather than just complaining to you.
As I said, I don't know your schedules, so this may not work, but at the very least he should be able to take over kid duty on his nights off so that you can take a walk or bike ride or something.0 -
Ok I'm going to just come out and say it.
WHY are you with someone who obviously doesn't respect you? What a jerk. I would not be putting up with that nonsense. I suggest you set him straight and don't continue to allow him to treat you this way. This has nothing to do with you losing weight or what he thinks of your weight. It's all about how you're allowing him to treat you. I sincerely hope everything works out for you.
Keep in mind you arent getting an unbiased option. Everyone paints themselves in a good light when trying to get people to side with them in a disagreement.
This.0 -
So sad to read how many people think you should dump your husband and get a divorce because of him acting like a jerk. There is no need to throw him away over something so simple.
Just lose weight. Men are visual as we all know, and he fell in love with a super-model thin woman. There is no reason you can't try to maintain close to that. It truly isn't fair to men. It sounds superficial to woman, but it is important to men. I'm not saying you need to look exactly like you did, but you owe it to your marriage to look as good as you can. If you aren't putting a good effort into the way you look, the romance is going to (and seems to have already) fizzle.
I know you say you don't have time, but that is just an excuse. You may not have time to go to the gym, but you certainly have time to watch what you eat, you just don't want to.
Okay okay, you can feel rebellious if you want, go ahead, the choice is yours. You are then headed to divorce.
Or, you can simply eat less calories, get healthier, feel better, be a good role model of health for your kids, and reignite the spark between you and your husband. It's as simple as controlling your calories.0
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