Husband Is Mad I Am Fat

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  • chelseafxx
    chelseafxx Posts: 251 Member
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    I would be re-evaluating the relationship if that was happening in my house!

    This. I would NEVER let anyone talk to me like that. He'd better cover his balls cause he's got a swift kick coming right at em!! That being said being married is different. I would try to find a time to sit down with him and explain to him that it is something you want to do but you will need his help, love, and support. Not his current attitude. Best of luck!
  • spsanderson
    spsanderson Posts: 39 Member
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    What is the root cause of his anger, it's certainly not weight related, there is something deeper going on here then, the house is a mess, your not looking the way I want. Since you have been married for 15 years and have 2 children the weight did not appear one week while he was away at work.

    Try and have a date night or something, maybe there is an unknown stress that is causing this, don't really know. When was the last time just the two of you were able to get away for a night?

    All things to think about, I know when my wife and I get into it, it's usually because I'm under to much stress from work or school or she is.
  • jenmom2myboys
    jenmom2myboys Posts: 311 Member
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    There's a lot more going on in that house and relationship then a weight issue. Time to get brutally honest with yourselves and figure things out.

    This. I dont think this is really about weight.
  • g44219
    g44219 Posts: 3,665 Member
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    15 years together would be a lot to throw away. Sounds like there were some words said out of anger that can't be taken back. I hope you guys figure it out. I know those kids would like for you to. I agree with some though, you have to have mutual respect for each other and remember some words can't be taken back and hurt for a long time. It's the easiest to hurt the ones that care about you the most. Hopefully there will be some apologies today. And after 15 years, he should know you can't win an argument with a woman! :)
  • rockmama72
    rockmama72 Posts: 815 Member
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    You need to grow some self-esteem, girl! The very best way to do that is to start doing healthy things for yourself. Eating less takes no extra time. (Of course tracking takes a LITTLE time, but NOT buying a bunch of junk food, eating more vegetables and making some simple light dinners WILL make an impact with the amount of weight you have to lose... And it takes no extra time.) I will note that I really don't buy the no extra time excuse. I think you can find it. Lots of people do. :)

    All the advice you've received about getting out for walks and fun with the kids--yes! Kids like to play, you have to take care of them. There you go! Two birds with one stone. Be the super-fun mom. Again, this extra movement WILL have an impact on your weight.

    You need this for yourself. If you keep it up, you'll get that piece of yourself back that you need to be able to be a strong, equal partner in your marriage.
  • RobsGirl_lds
    RobsGirl_lds Posts: 211
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    I don't know if this has been said but, it sounds like he wants to have a show wife. What he is forgetting is he dosnt make enough money to be able to expect one. If he can't pay to give you the time to do what is needed to keep up his ideal lookin woman he can't complain.

    I think his anger may come from his inability to provide for his wife and family with out help from you.
  • SonicDeathMonkey80
    SonicDeathMonkey80 Posts: 4,489 Member
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    I'd love to hear the other side of this story.
  • joyfuljoy65
    joyfuljoy65 Posts: 317 Member
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    :smile: :smile:
    I understand the divorce rate being so high, after reading the responses. The reason marriages don't work is both sides quit trying. Also, most couples don't talk enough.

    Should he talk to you that way, no. However, he talked to you, and not a public forum. How would you feel if he blasted the problems to complete strangers?

    Sounds to me like 2 very tired individuals, that are not working together. Both feel like they are working harder then the other, and both feel under appreciated.

    Work the problem with your best friend, your spouse.

    ditto :smile:
  • StaciMarie1974
    StaciMarie1974 Posts: 4,138 Member
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    Haven't read all the posts. But assuming your husband knows you well, perhaps he is using an angle that he knows will make you mad. Doing it on purpose to fire you up.

    LIfe is busy. If you want to be healthier - start making choices to benefit yourself. Doesn't have to be sacrifice yourself for family or sacrifice family for yourself. Good luck!
  • MapleFlavouredMaiden
    MapleFlavouredMaiden Posts: 595 Member
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    Unless this is just him in a depressed type mood and he's normally not like this, then I would get out. I live with a person who goes up in down extremely in mood and that's hard enough because my happiness depends on his moods. Not fun. If you're husband is like this all the time. you need to consider leaving in my opinion. I wont suggest counseling because I've never ever seen that work, it usually just drags things out.
  • galprincess
    galprincess Posts: 682 Member
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    Oh wow I had this 11 yrs ago I had given birth to my first child (went from uk size 6-14) and he was so nasty to me anyways when he was at work id work out secretly and within 5 months I was a size 10 and looking damn fine so I left him as I got confident and felt strong and great about MYSELF I didn't give a flying monkeys what he thought.
    Im now with the man of my dreams ive had 2 more children and im a size 12 because he makes me feel good, he encourages, he doesn't join in my exercise or healthy eating but he doesn't tarnish my efforts and he always tells me how beautiful I am so forget him do it for you and he may just regret it!!!!!
  • galprincess
    galprincess Posts: 682 Member
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    Just to add I am a mum of 3 my partner works everyday but on days off I hand him the children and I go get nails done , hair done and whatever else I want because I deserve it , he probably wouldn't care if I didn't do it but its for me not him and I think that's your biggest mistake do what makes you feel good and know you are worth the effort
  • gino715
    gino715 Posts: 169 Member
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    For what ever the reasons he has, that's a mean man and no respect for his wife.
  • Arsenal1919
    Arsenal1919 Posts: 211 Member
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    I sense your pain in dealing with this.

    Your husband needs some advice about mutual respect in communication.

    Sounds like he takes a lot for granted (based on your anecdotal evidence).

    You might need to bring a counsellor into your situation ... someone who can verbally but the brakes on your husband.

    Good luck.
  • getdancing2013
    getdancing2013 Posts: 72 Member
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    For those talking about how it's not fair to the husband that he married someone supermodel thin and then she gained weight....that is incredibly unfair to say. You have no idea about this woman's history. Being supermodel thin (or dancer thin as I once was) usually means you're UNDER weight. How easy do you think it would be to remain underweight as you age, have children, etc? Overeating sometimes does it - how about the hormone changes women go through? The widening of the hips during pregnancy/childbirth? The number of medications out there that have weight gain as side effects, like steroids? And is it somehow fair for men to gain weight, too? Lose their hair? Both groups change PLENTY with age, and it takes work to stay healthy. That somehow a guy gets away with aging for the most part, but women must remain teenaged-looking trophy wives is ludicrous. If he wants that, he needs to make six figures so she can stay home all day and work on just herself and get plastic surgery.

    Now that I have most of my health in order I'm losing weight because I want to...because it helps my joint pain, because it's nice to feel healthy after being so sick for so many years, including losing a lot of my hair from lupus/chemo drugs.

    To the OP, my SO doesn't quite *say* things like that, but his actions speak the same thing. But I've come to realize over the years that I'm not his problem - he's his own problem. And frankly, some men will always find a problem. You could reach model thin and have him blast you for being too thin and wanting someone with "meat on their bones".

    You cannot lose weight for him because you will fail. You won't be motivated enough. Do so for your kids so you can be there for them, and for yourself so you can function better. Even if you never reach model thin again, you'll be a healthier you. :flowerforyou:
  • silverstarrlyte
    silverstarrlyte Posts: 83 Member
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    Dern girl... you must be married to my husbands brother. My husband basically said the same things but with our issues... I have wanted to lose weight, but it hasn't been my priority. So fine, I am going to lose weight. For me. Then he has NO reason to be an *kitten*, and if he doesn't get it straight, I will be svelte and sexy and find me someone that will love me from the inside out. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband very much. But our whole relationship is not ruled by my weight. and if it is, I don't know if I will want to stay in it.
  • SonicDeathMonkey80
    SonicDeathMonkey80 Posts: 4,489 Member
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    For those talking about how it's not fair to the husband that he married someone supermodel thin and then she gained weight....that is incredibly unfair to say. You have no idea about this woman's history. Being supermodel thin (or dancer thin as I once was) usually means you're UNDER weight. How easy do you think it would be to remain underweight as you age, have children, etc? Overeating sometimes does it - how about the hormone changes women go through? The widening of the hips during pregnancy/childbirth? The number of medications out there that have weight gain as side effects, like steroids? And is it somehow fair for men to gain weight, too? Lose their hair? Both groups change PLENTY with age, and it takes work to stay healthy. That somehow a guy gets away with aging for the most part, but women must remain teenaged-looking trophy wives is ludicrous. If he wants that, he needs to make six figures so she can stay home all day and work on just herself and get plastic surgery.

    Now that I have most of my health in order I'm losing weight because I want to...because it helps my joint pain, because it's nice to feel healthy after being so sick for so many years, including losing a lot of my hair from lupus/chemo drugs.

    To the OP, my SO doesn't quite *say* things like that, but his actions speak the same thing. But I've come to realize over the years that I'm not his problem - he's his own problem. And frankly, some men will always find a problem. You could reach model thin and have him blast you for being too thin and wanting someone with "meat on their bones".

    You cannot lose weight for him because you will fail. You won't be motivated enough. Do so for your kids so you can be there for them, and for yourself so you can function better. Even if you never reach model thin again, you'll be a healthier you. :flowerforyou:

    Maybe it's that she's pretty much just drawn conclusions as opposed to stating what exactly "happened" and followed up with excuses? Two sides to this, and I bet she's not a princess either.
  • MagJam2004
    MagJam2004 Posts: 651 Member
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    :smile: :smile:
    I understand the divorce rate being so high, after reading the responses. The reason marriages don't work is both sides quit trying. Also, most couples don't talk enough.

    Should he talk to you that way, no. However, he talked to you, and not a public forum. How would you feel if he blasted the problems to complete strangers?

    Sounds to me like 2 very tired individuals, that are not working together. Both feel like they are working harder then the other, and both feel under appreciated.

    Work the problem with your best friend, your spouse.

    ditto :smile:

    for all the things that could be said, this is not about weight; there are deeper issues and discussions that must be had, and this forum is not the avenue for fixing your relationship. Talk to him, listen to him, and work it out. Best of luck.
  • Kejeco1970
    Kejeco1970 Posts: 14 Member
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    The question you might want to ask yourself, and then him is "What was that all about?"
    His attack on you makes me wonder what is really eating him.
    There is an old saying, so old it might be new to you.
    "If it's not your sh**, just duck."
  • getdancing2013
    getdancing2013 Posts: 72 Member
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    For those talking about how it's not fair to the husband that he married someone supermodel thin and then she gained weight....that is incredibly unfair to say. You have no idea about this woman's history. Being supermodel thin (or dancer thin as I once was) usually means you're UNDER weight. How easy do you think it would be to remain underweight as you age, have children, etc? Overeating sometimes does it - how about the hormone changes women go through? The widening of the hips during pregnancy/childbirth? The number of medications out there that have weight gain as side effects, like steroids? And is it somehow fair for men to gain weight, too? Lose their hair? Both groups change PLENTY with age, and it takes work to stay healthy. That somehow a guy gets away with aging for the most part, but women must remain teenaged-looking trophy wives is ludicrous. If he wants that, he needs to make six figures so she can stay home all day and work on just herself and get plastic surgery.

    Now that I have most of my health in order I'm losing weight because I want to...because it helps my joint pain, because it's nice to feel healthy after being so sick for so many years, including losing a lot of my hair from lupus/chemo drugs.

    To the OP, my SO doesn't quite *say* things like that, but his actions speak the same thing. But I've come to realize over the years that I'm not his problem - he's his own problem. And frankly, some men will always find a problem. You could reach model thin and have him blast you for being too thin and wanting someone with "meat on their bones".

    You cannot lose weight for him because you will fail. You won't be motivated enough. Do so for your kids so you can be there for them, and for yourself so you can function better. Even if you never reach model thin again, you'll be a healthier you. :flowerforyou:

    Maybe it's that she's pretty much just drawn conclusions as opposed to stating what exactly "happened" and followed up with excuses? Two sides to this, and I bet she's not a princess either.

    Never said she was. I was going off of her original post where she quoted his comments. I was also responding to those talking about how her gaining weight was unfair to the husband.

    There are always 3 sides to a story - his side, her side and the truth somewhere in the middle. I understand that. Been with my SO for 20 years, so I definitely don't recommend the divorce route especially with kids involved. But she needs to lose weight when SHE'S ready and for herself. Not for him.

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