Husband Is Mad I Am Fat

I understand the divorce rate being so high, after reading the responses. The reason marriages don't work is both sides quit trying. Also, most couples don't talk enough.

Should he talk to you that way, no. However, he talked to you, and not a public forum. How would you feel if he blasted the problems to complete strangers?

Sounds to me like 2 very tired individuals, that are not working together. Both feel like they are working harder then the other, and both feel under appreciated.

Work the problem with your best friend, your spouse.

ditto

For those talking about how it's not fair to the husband that he married someone supermodel thin and then she gained weight....that is incredibly unfair to say. You have no idea about this woman's history. Being supermodel thin (or dancer thin as I once was) usually means you're UNDER weight. How easy do you think it would be to remain underweight as you age, have children, etc? Overeating sometimes does it - how about the hormone changes women go through? The widening of the hips during pregnancy/childbirth? The number of medications out there that have weight gain as side effects, like steroids? And is it somehow fair for men to gain weight, too? Lose their hair? Both groups change PLENTY with age, and it takes work to stay healthy. That somehow a guy gets away with aging for the most part, but women must remain teenaged-looking trophy wives is ludicrous. If he wants that, he needs to make six figures so she can stay home all day and work on just herself and get plastic surgery.

Now that I have most of my health in order I'm losing weight because I want to...because it helps my joint pain, because it's nice to feel healthy after being so sick for so many years, including losing a lot of my hair from lupus/chemo drugs.

To the OP, my SO doesn't quite *say* things like that, but his actions speak the same thing. But I've come to realize over the years that I'm not his problem - he's his own problem. And frankly, some men will always find a problem. You could reach model thin and have him blast you for being too thin and wanting someone with "meat on their bones".

You cannot lose weight for him because you will fail. You won't be motivated enough. Do so for your kids so you can be there for them, and for yourself so you can function better. Even if you never reach model thin again, you'll be a healthier you. :flowerforyou:

Maybe it's that she's pretty much just drawn conclusions as opposed to stating what exactly "happened" and followed up with excuses? Two sides to this, and I bet she's not a princess either.

For those talking about how it's not fair to the husband that he married someone supermodel thin and then she gained weight....that is incredibly unfair to say. You have no idea about this woman's history. Being supermodel thin (or dancer thin as I once was) usually means you're UNDER weight. How easy do you think it would be to remain underweight as you age, have children, etc? Overeating sometimes does it - how about the hormone changes women go through? The widening of the hips during pregnancy/childbirth? The number of medications out there that have weight gain as side effects, like steroids? And is it somehow fair for men to gain weight, too? Lose their hair? Both groups change PLENTY with age, and it takes work to stay healthy. That somehow a guy gets away with aging for the most part, but women must remain teenaged-looking trophy wives is ludicrous. If he wants that, he needs to make six figures so she can stay home all day and work on just herself and get plastic surgery.

Now that I have most of my health in order I'm losing weight because I want to...because it helps my joint pain, because it's nice to feel healthy after being so sick for so many years, including losing a lot of my hair from lupus/chemo drugs.

To the OP, my SO doesn't quite *say* things like that, but his actions speak the same thing. But I've come to realize over the years that I'm not his problem - he's his own problem. And frankly, some men will always find a problem. You could reach model thin and have him blast you for being too thin and wanting someone with "meat on their bones".

You cannot lose weight for him because you will fail. You won't be motivated enough. Do so for your kids so you can be there for them, and for yourself so you can function better. Even if you never reach model thin again, you'll be a healthier you. :flowerforyou:

Maybe it's that she's pretty much just drawn conclusions as opposed to stating what exactly "happened" and followed up with excuses? Two sides to this, and I bet she's not a princess either.

Never said she was. I was going off of her original post where she quoted his comments. I was also responding to those talking about how her gaining weight was unfair to the husband.

There are always 3 sides to a story - his side, her side and the truth somewhere in the middle. I understand that. Been with my SO for 20 years, so I definitely don't recommend the divorce route especially with kids involved. But she needs to lose weight when SHE'S ready and for herself. Not for him.

I want to lose weight and take better care of myself, but now I don't want him to think I am doing it to appease him. I have this rebellious streak in me now. He says I won't lose weight because it is just too hard ... and I am not capable of hard work. So now I don't feel like making any effort at all.

That sounds terrible to deal with. As a father and husband I would not expect anything positive back if I treated my wife that way.

Ok I'm going to just come out and say it.

WHY are you with someone who obviously doesn't respect you? What a jerk. I would not be putting up with that nonsense. I suggest you set him straight and don't continue to allow him to treat you this way. This has nothing to do with you losing weight or what he thinks of your weight. It's all about how you're allowing him to treat you. I sincerely hope everything works out for you.

Keep in mind you arent getting an unbiased option. Everyone paints themselves in a good light when trying to get people to side with them in a disagreement.

Sorry to hear you're going through all that. I understand the part of not being able to find time for yourself. I am a stay at home mom and cannot find time to work out, so I can imagine how much harder it is to find time when you're working and being two parents five days a week. The stress alone will not help you with weight loss!
I haven't been working out, but I managed to lose 22 pounds in three months just by counting calories, so if you can do that, you should be able to see some progress. Try calculating TDEE minus 20% to get the calories you need for weight loss (or less than 20% if you want to lose weight slower). I do not log my foods, and I never count the calories in non-starchy vegetables. I drink water, coffee and whole milk. Lol, and there are plenty of times when I do go over the amount of calories with either pizza or ice cream, but I don't sweat it too much, I just try to do better the next day. I eat everything, I don't have a list of bad foods, but I do try to limit desserts (my weakness) and I drink coffee without sugar (I don't like artificial sweeteners). I am not saying that these are the things that will work for you, but maybe you can find a tip or two that will help you with weight loss? Different things work for different people, and I'm sure other people will let you know what worked for them as well, so out of all that you can maybe find what could work for you.

And as far as your husband is concerned, it is sad that after two kids his priority when he is home is your weight. I've had men and women 'commenting' about my fat *kitten*, too. But at the end of the day it's your (or my) fat *kitten* and if you'd like to lose the weight, make sure you do it for you and for your children, not for your husband. And if he still feels like he needs to fix something, then he should start with himself. I don't know the guy, but nobody's perfect, especially the people that have a constant need to put other people down just so they can feel better about themselves.

I wish you good luck! Try to de-stress, and take care of yourself and your children. You will lose the weight, eventually, but do it for yourself :-)

Sorry to hear you're going through all that. I understand the part of not being able to find time for yourself. I am a stay at home mom and cannot find time to work out, so I can imagine how much harder it is to find time when you're working and being two parents five days a week. The stress alone will not help you with weight loss!
I haven't been working out, but I managed to lose 22 pounds in three months just by counting calories, so if you can do that, you should be able to see some progress. Try calculating TDEE minus 20% to get the calories you need for weight loss (or less than 20% if you want to lose weight slower). I do not log my foods, and I never count the calories in non-starchy vegetables. I drink water, coffee and whole milk. Lol, and there are plenty of times when I do go over the amount of calories with either pizza or ice cream, but I don't sweat it too much, I just try to do better the next day. I eat everything, I don't have a list of bad foods, but I do try to limit desserts (my weakness) and I drink coffee without sugar (I don't like artificial sweeteners). I am not saying that these are the things that will work for you, but maybe you can find a tip or two that will help you with weight loss? Different things work for different people, and I'm sure other people will let you know what worked for them as well, so out of all that you can maybe find what could work for you.

And as far as your husband is concerned, it is sad that after two kids his priority when he is home is your weight. I've had men and women 'commenting' about my fat *kitten*, too. But at the end of the day it's your (or my) fat *kitten* and if you'd like to lose the weight, make sure you do it for you and for your children, not for your husband. And if he still feels like he needs to fix something, then he should start with himself. I don't know the guy, but nobody's perfect, especially the people that have a constant need to put other people down just so they can feel better about themselves.

I wish you good luck! Try to de-stress, and take care of yourself and your children. You will lose the weight, eventually, but do it for yourself :-)

I don't understand how as a stay at home mom you don't have time to work out????

I work a full time job (overtime and on call included), take 17 credit hours at College, cook, clean, take care of 3 dogs (1 being a young puppy) and still have time to work out.

Its called time management. Learn to manage your time.

And YES, women (as well as men) should keep themselves up for their mate.

Sorry to hear you're going through all that. I understand the part of not being able to find time for yourself. I am a stay at home mom and cannot find time to work out, so I can imagine how much harder it is to find time when you're working and being two parents five days a week. The stress alone will not help you with weight loss!
I haven't been working out, but I managed to lose 22 pounds in three months just by counting calories, so if you can do that, you should be able to see some progress. Try calculating TDEE minus 20% to get the calories you need for weight loss (or less than 20% if you want to lose weight slower). I do not log my foods, and I never count the calories in non-starchy vegetables. I drink water, coffee and whole milk. Lol, and there are plenty of times when I do go over the amount of calories with either pizza or ice cream, but I don't sweat it too much, I just try to do better the next day. I eat everything, I don't have a list of bad foods, but I do try to limit desserts (my weakness) and I drink coffee without sugar (I don't like artificial sweeteners). I am not saying that these are the things that will work for you, but maybe you can find a tip or two that will help you with weight loss? Different things work for different people, and I'm sure other people will let you know what worked for them as well, so out of all that you can maybe find what could work for you.

And as far as your husband is concerned, it is sad that after two kids his priority when he is home is your weight. I've had men and women 'commenting' about my fat *kitten*, too. But at the end of the day it's your (or my) fat *kitten* and if you'd like to lose the weight, make sure you do it for you and for your children, not for your husband. And if he still feels like he needs to fix something, then he should start with himself. I don't know the guy, but nobody's perfect, especially the people that have a constant need to put other people down just so they can feel better about themselves.

I wish you good luck! Try to de-stress, and take care of yourself and your children. You will lose the weight, eventually, but do it for yourself :-)

I don't understand how as a stay at home mom you don't have time to work out????

I work a full time job (overtime and on call included), take 17 credit hours at College, cook, clean, take care of 3 dogs (1 being a young puppy) and still have time to work out.

Its called time management. Learn to manage your time.

And YES, women (as well as men) should keep themselves up for their mate.

Come on, ditch the common sense and grab your pitchfork and torch!

Hi Jasmine,

Take a deep breath. When wanting to lose weight don't ever do it to appease someone like you said before. I can imagine how hard it is doing all you do, and you sound like a wonderful mother. Keep it up. Your husband will come to terms with it eventually. If you do want to lose weight do it for yourself not because someone else is breathing down your neck. Remember to try your best to be healthy as always. Don't put more pressure on yourself.


All the best I hope everything works out.

I would start to wonder what exactly he's doing on the side while he's gone those five nights a week, since he's suddenly so unhappy with his home life...

Sorry to hear you're going through all that. I understand the part of not being able to find time for yourself. I am a stay at home mom and cannot find time to work out, so I can imagine how much harder it is to find time when you're working and being two parents five days a week. The stress alone will not help you with weight loss!
I haven't been working out, but I managed to lose 22 pounds in three months just by counting calories, so if you can do that, you should be able to see some progress. Try calculating TDEE minus 20% to get the calories you need for weight loss (or less than 20% if you want to lose weight slower). I do not log my foods, and I never count the calories in non-starchy vegetables. I drink water, coffee and whole milk. Lol, and there are plenty of times when I do go over the amount of calories with either pizza or ice cream, but I don't sweat it too much, I just try to do better the next day. I eat everything, I don't have a list of bad foods, but I do try to limit desserts (my weakness) and I drink coffee without sugar (I don't like artificial sweeteners). I am not saying that these are the things that will work for you, but maybe you can find a tip or two that will help you with weight loss? Different things work for different people, and I'm sure other people will let you know what worked for them as well, so out of all that you can maybe find what could work for you.

And as far as your husband is concerned, it is sad that after two kids his priority when he is home is your weight. I've had men and women 'commenting' about my fat *kitten*, too. But at the end of the day it's your (or my) fat *kitten* and if you'd like to lose the weight, make sure you do it for you and for your children, not for your husband. And if he still feels like he needs to fix something, then he should start with himself. I don't know the guy, but nobody's perfect, especially the people that have a constant need to put other people down just so they can feel better about themselves.

I wish you good luck! Try to de-stress, and take care of yourself and your children. You will lose the weight, eventually, but do it for yourself :-)

I don't understand how as a stay at home mom you don't have time to work out????

I work a full time job (overtime and on call included), take 17 credit hours at College, cook, clean, take care of 3 dogs (1 being a young puppy) and still have time to work out.

Its called time management. Learn to manage your time.

And YES, women (as well as men) should keep themselves up for their mate.

Come on, ditch the common sense and grab your pitchfork and torch!