Husband Is Mad I Am Fat
Replies
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Sorry to hear you're going through all that. I understand the part of not being able to find time for yourself. I am a stay at home mom and cannot find time to work out, so I can imagine how much harder it is to find time when you're working and being two parents five days a week. The stress alone will not help you with weight loss!
I haven't been working out, but I managed to lose 22 pounds in three months just by counting calories, so if you can do that, you should be able to see some progress. Try calculating TDEE minus 20% to get the calories you need for weight loss (or less than 20% if you want to lose weight slower). I do not log my foods, and I never count the calories in non-starchy vegetables. I drink water, coffee and whole milk. Lol, and there are plenty of times when I do go over the amount of calories with either pizza or ice cream, but I don't sweat it too much, I just try to do better the next day. I eat everything, I don't have a list of bad foods, but I do try to limit desserts (my weakness) and I drink coffee without sugar (I don't like artificial sweeteners). I am not saying that these are the things that will work for you, but maybe you can find a tip or two that will help you with weight loss? Different things work for different people, and I'm sure other people will let you know what worked for them as well, so out of all that you can maybe find what could work for you.
And as far as your husband is concerned, it is sad that after two kids his priority when he is home is your weight. I've had men and women 'commenting' about my fat *kitten*, too. But at the end of the day it's your (or my) fat *kitten* and if you'd like to lose the weight, make sure you do it for you and for your children, not for your husband. And if he still feels like he needs to fix something, then he should start with himself. I don't know the guy, but nobody's perfect, especially the people that have a constant need to put other people down just so they can feel better about themselves.
I wish you good luck! Try to de-stress, and take care of yourself and your children. You will lose the weight, eventually, but do it for yourself :-)
I don't understand how as a stay at home mom you don't have time to work out????
I work a full time job (overtime and on call included), take 17 credit hours at College, cook, clean, take care of 3 dogs (1 being a young puppy) and still have time to work out.
Its called time management. Learn to manage your time.
And YES, women (as well as men) should keep themselves up for their mate.
Come on, ditch the common sense and grab your pitchfork and torch!
this poor guy has probably already woken up, fixed himself breakfast, strapped on his boots, and started the job he hates so he can provide for his family, never knowing that all the while, the Women Supporting Women Union has labeled him as public enemy number 1 and has this story already logged in their standard curriculum for training daughters. Meanwhile, the covert rebel group known only as Those With Healthy Relationships, have put this lady's post, as well as many of the replies, in a pamphlet to spread amongst their members titled, What Happens When You Ask The Internet For Help...
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0 -
My husband doesn't need to tell me that I am fat, I know that I am fat. I would get very mad if he would insult me in anger. Mine hints here and there but never throws it at me in anger or to hurt me. He wouldn't have a nice life if he did...
I don't know your husband, did he change suddenly, or was he always unsatisfied with whatever it is he is telling you now?
There are a million reason why he is behaving like this. If it is a sudden change, I would be very wary is all I can say.
One more thing... If your children are 7 or older, it is time to do some chores! start with small stuff
So, your one of those women whose spouse can't tell you how he REALLY feels or you will make his life miserable?????
SMH. Women wonder why men don't want to get married. These are the reasons why.0 -
I'd love to hear the other side of this story.
This.
And I especially enjoyed the replies that suggested a man doesn't deserve a wife who stays in shape unless he makes enough money that she can stay home and work out and have plastic surgery. You people are nuts.
This...I mean really...lots of people have kids, jobs, housework etc and a husband who works and is away a lot...but they manage...
I personally was a single mom for 14 years, worked 50 hours a week, kept my house clean, gardens tended, flowers planted, had a great social life etc and managed it all and lose weight...(put it back on after I got married)
And if we were to hear his side of the story I suspect it would go something along the lines of...
"she is always complaining she is over weight and fat but wont do anything about it and I am sick of hearing about it...if you don't want to be fat stop eating, start movng more etc".
All true. To be honest, after I reading the first post the first thing I thought was "...Yeah, but how fat did you get?"
We have the power to change ourselves. The OP got married to someone and now, because of time, kids, life, whatever other reasons is vastly different looking than she was when they met. If he is no longer attracted to her because she's obese, that's not his fault. He could maybe be kinder about how he goes about telling you how he feels, but maybe he's close to the "straw that broke the camel's back."0 -
Talk to a counsellor and your husband, not strangers on the Internet.
But if you want the opinion of a stranger, don't try to change for somebody else (losing weight for yourself might help you feel healthier and live longer for your kids, but it has to be your choice).0 -
MFP is one of the worst places to ask for relationship advice. People will answer emotionally, especially if they have had a bad experience with a SO.
I would say grow up and communicate with the person causing you strife. I won't comment on his behavior because this is one sided and I think if we were to have his side there would be very different comments.0 -
Ugh I'm disgusted and sad for you girl!!! First off you are absolutely beautiful and CLEARLY capable of hard work since you are the sole care taker for his kids and home. I say lose the weight and lose that man!! Show him that you can not only do it but you can do it without him!!0
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So sad to read how many people think you should dump your husband and get a divorce because of him acting like a jerk. There is no need to throw him away over something so simple.
Just lose weight. Men are visual as we all know, and he fell in love with a super-model thin woman. There is no reason you can't try to maintain close to that. It truly isn't fair to men. It sounds superficial to woman, but it is important to men. I'm not saying you need to look exactly like you did, but you owe it to your marriage to look as good as you can. If you aren't putting a good effort into the way you look, the romance is going to (and seems to have already) fizzle.
I know you say you don't have time, but that is just an excuse. You may not have time to go to the gym, but you certainly have time to watch what you eat, you just don't want to.
Okay okay, you can feel rebellious if you want, go ahead, the choice is yours. You are then headed to divorce.
Or, you can simply eat less calories, get healthier, feel better, be a good role model of health for your kids, and reignite the spark between you and your husband. It's as simple as controlling your calories.
Best response.
He may have responded to you in a way that is completely wrong. He may be a jerk for the way this conversation went, but that doesn't mean that everything he said was null and void.
People are too willing to use situations like this to give up on their marraige. You can tell this story to the girl's club and they will all pat you on your back and tell you how you were right to leave him and how he doesn't deserve you. Or you can do everything that YOU can possibly do to save your marraige. Him being wrong in the way that he speaks to you doesn't negate the fact that you have things to work on yourself.0 -
I'd love to hear the other side of this story.
This.
And I especially enjoyed the replies that suggested a man doesn't deserve a wife who stays in shape unless he makes enough money that she can stay home and work out and have plastic surgery. You people are nuts.
This...I mean really...lots of people have kids, jobs, housework etc and a husband who works and is away a lot...but they manage...
I personally was a single mom for 14 years, worked 50 hours a week, kept my house clean, gardens tended, flowers planted, had a great social life etc and managed it all and lose weight...(put it back on after I got married)
And if we were to hear his side of the story I suspect it would go something along the lines of...
"she is always complaining she is over weight and fat but wont do anything about it and I am sick of hearing about it...if you don't want to be fat stop eating, start movng more etc".
All true. To be honest, after I reading the first post the first thing I thought was "...Yeah, but how fat did you get?"
We have the power to change ourselves. The OP got married to someone and now, because of time, kids, life, whatever other reasons is vastly different looking than she was when they met. If he is no longer attracted to her because she's obese, that's not his fault. He could maybe be kinder about how he goes about telling you how he feels, but maybe he's close to the "straw that broke the camel's back."
My point...I got my biggest after marriage...hit my top weight of 205...
I took the power to change because I am a priority to myself and I want my husband to look at me as a sexy wife, not as a doudy fat blob...
I can actually empathize with the husband...even tho I was the one that got fatter...if my husband got "too big" I would be blunt and tell him..hit the weights buddy...0 -
I'm also disgusted about all of you talking about how she shouldn't post this on here... relationships VERY much effect our eating and health habits! And who cares if it is a one sided representation SHE is part of the MFP community and I am constantly astonished how you people are so quick to put someone down rather than lift them up especially when regaurdless of the circumstances it seems she gets enough of that at home!!!0
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First off, you need to remember that you are a beautiful creation and capable of things beyond your imagination. You really need to take care of yourself so that you will be there for your children and so that you can live life to the fullest. You do need to get some time to yourelf, and stress releif. If you try to lose weight for somebody else you will end up resenting them and it will make you bitter (at least that has been true for me in the past). You can do it, when you feel as though you can't remember that "all things are possible through Christ". Have a blessed day:)0
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Thank you all so much for your supportive, kind words. I am overwhelmed by the responses to my post. I am reading through them this morning. Thank you, thank you all so much. I feel better already.
I'm sure you do feel better because everyone just jumped on the bandwagon with you and burned your husband at the stake.
I don't even why someone would get on the internet and bash their spouse like this for the world to see.
It shows where he is at in your life and it definitely is not #1 where he should be.0 -
Ok, I had a fight with my husband tonight. The jist of it is he is sick of having a fat wife that doesn't take care of herself. I think he is exaggerating a little bit. I was supermodel thin and attractive when he met me 15 years ago. I have had a pretty rough time the past several years, working two jobs and taking care of two kids. I have zero time to myself. He says it is just an excuse and I could make time. When? Quit one of my jobs? Not feed our kids? My husband works away from home and is gone five nights a week, so he is no help. He gives me no credit for what I do to keep the house hold running, and makes me feel bad on top of it that I am not maintaining a svelte figure and keeping my nails done. WT heck. I am so ripping mad I could scream. He happened to be home tonight, and watched sports all night while I did our taxes. And then he has the nerve to complain we are all slobs and don't take care of the house when he is gone (not true).
I want to lose weight and take better care of myself, but now I don't want him to think I am doing it to appease him. I have this rebellious streak in me now. He says I won't lose weight because it is just too hard ... and I am not capable of hard work. So now I don't feel like making any effort at all.
I am so beside myself I can't sleep tonight. Of course, he is snoring away upstairs.
I think you need to lose something else other than weight....hint hint....0 -
I'm also disgusted about all of you talking about how she shouldn't post this on here... relationships VERY much effect our eating and health habits! And who cares if it is a one sided representation SHE is part of the MFP community and I am constantly astonished how you people are so quick to put someone down rather than lift them up especially when regaurdless of the circumstances it seems she gets enough of that at home!!!
Speaking the truth is not putting someone down. I don't see where anyone put the OP down, no one has called her a name or anything.
Learn what constructive criticism is.
Her husband, above all people, should be able to tell her how he REALLY feels without her coming on the internet and bashing him making him sound like he is a bad person.0 -
Thank you all so much for your supportive, kind words. I am overwhelmed by the responses to my post. I am reading through them this morning. Thank you, thank you all so much. I feel better already.
I'm sure you do feel better because everyone just jumped on the bandwagon with you and burned your husband at the stake.
I don't even why someone would get on the internet and bash their spouse like this for the world to see.
It shows where he is at in your life and it definitely is not #1 where he should be.
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[/img]0 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you should be mad that he's lazy and sounds like a bully.
Be happy in your own skin and **** everyone else.
Her husband speaking the truth about how HE FEELS makes him a bully?????
Wow, just wow............I can't.0 -
Thank you all so much for your supportive, kind words. I am overwhelmed by the responses to my post. I am reading through them this morning. Thank you, thank you all so much. I feel better already.
I'm sure you do feel better because everyone just jumped on the bandwagon with you and burned your husband at the stake.
I don't even why someone would get on the internet and bash their spouse like this for the world to see.
It shows where he is at in your life and it definitely is not #1 where he should be.
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[/img]
Not sure why you posted that to me???
I speak the truth. You all are bashing her husband without hearing the WHOLE story. Shame that women just gang up on men like that.
I would expect my husband to be very upset with me if I spread our personal business out for the whole world to see.
She should be talking to him, not us. She just came here for a pity party and I am not part of that.0 -
I think that people post their marital problem on sites because it is "safer" than having a conversation face to face.
Personally, I think that these relationships where the guy is away for a long time at a crack and then comes home and vents about how horrible things are, these dynamics are really hurtful. The stress is unbelievable. The kids never really see a home where both parents are relaxed.
I have a friend who lives a similar life. Good luck to you, Original Poster. Guard your heart and stand up for yourself.0 -
Was right where you are and now I'm divorced! And although the first thing that comes to mind is "What a freakin B@st@rd" I truly get where my ex was coming from now... he saw it as a sign of disrespect and that I did not love him enough to care about myself anymore.. stupid as it may sound, he is probably right.. I had so much resentment toward him for that and other stuff that I refused to do anything for him that he would gain any joy from.. STUPID! I made myself FAT to punish someone!
I'm not saying that is what you are doing, but I do get why your husband is mad about it. There comes a point where enough is enough and he has made it to that point. If i learned anything out of my past mistakes, don't let the anger and resentment of his hurtful words and actions push you to the point of not doing anything about your weight IF YOUR not happy with it just to punish him. Don't do what I did and live in the depths of "he should love me for me regardless of my weight"because yes he still loves you but he may not be proud of the way you look and that's a BIG deal to some men.
Good Luck and if you ever want to talk just message me!0 -
I'm also disgusted about all of you talking about how she shouldn't post this on here... relationships VERY much effect our eating and health habits! And who cares if it is a one sided representation SHE is part of the MFP community and I am constantly astonished how you people are so quick to put someone down rather than lift them up especially when regaurdless of the circumstances it seems she gets enough of that at home!!!
The reason you shouldn't post that kind of stuff here is simply because this is "drive-thru" counseling. It is greasy and delicous, but too much of it and you don't realize the damage it can do. People have widely varying opinions, few ever agree. More to the point, stress and marriage might certainly affect the way someone eats, but where is the post citing good eating advice? She asked for relationship advice from a group of strangers, who are not invested at all in her success or failure. Kind of like in a game show where the guy can risk it all and bet on the next door, or take his winnings home; what is the crowd usually chanting? They don't care if he loses since it doesn't impact them at all. Go home and deal with your spouse between yourselves. If that is an unlikely scenario, then get a mediator who is important to both of you and will honestly care whether your marriage succeeds or not.
As one last note, women who bash their husbands have a lot to learn. It is a crippling mentality to carry. I've never seen anyone come out of a chair as quick as my mother did at a party when a friend of mine was bad mouthing her husband to a group of ladies. There is a time and place, and publicly is not it.0 -
Hmm, I wonder. If someone comes here posting how he/she feels their partner does not care at all about them, does not make the slightest effort to look good or attractive, completely ignores their feelings on this topic, what would the advice be? Shut up, and pray? Be patient, do not talk and hope that it will change with time? Have an affair? Live as room-mates and forget there ever was romance in your marriage? At 30 years old?0
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I get it... I am a busy mom, work full time, pick up my son, drive home (30 minutes in traffic), change to my workout clothes right away while the dinner is warming up and do my exercise while my 4 year old is having his dinner. We all have busy lives. I personally nag my husband to start exercising becuse he's starting to have a little beer belly, i don't think i'm a bully? no.. i want him to look good and be healthy. BTW, my husband appreciates when i remind him to eat less, beause he wants hi "fit" body back.0
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Better be careful. You say your husband is away 5 days/week---ugggg. Maybe your husband should chip in a little more so you have more time for yourself. Does he still look like he did when you married him?0
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So sad to read how many people think you should dump your husband and get a divorce because of him acting like a jerk. There is no need to throw him away over something so simple.
Just lose weight. Men are visual as we all know, and he fell in love with a super-model thin woman. There is no reason you can't try to maintain close to that. It truly isn't fair to men. It sounds superficial to woman, but it is important to men. I'm not saying you need to look exactly like you did, but you owe it to your marriage to look as good as you can. If you aren't putting a good effort into the way you look, the romance is going to (and seems to have already) fizzle.
I know you say you don't have time, but that is just an excuse. You may not have time to go to the gym, but you certainly have time to watch what you eat, you just don't want to.
Okay okay, you can feel rebellious if you want, go ahead, the choice is yours. You are then headed to divorce.
Or, you can simply eat less calories, get healthier, feel better, be a good role model of health for your kids, and reignite the spark between you and your husband. It's as simple as controlling your calories.
Agreed! I would still be married today if I hadn't been a stubborn, rebellious idiot! LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES, PLEASE.0 -
As someone else mentioned, I hope he's physically fit. I get tired of people saying women should look their best for their men, while the men walk around looking like slobs. It is the job of both partners to keep themselves up. Not just the woman's.
It's his right to be concerned about her weight, especially if he is starting to find her unattractive or unappealing. But there's a way of communicating that to her. If it happened the way she said (who knows), then that was an unacceptable way to get that point across.
OP, lose weight and get healthy for yourself. You don't have to "have time" to do it. You can start by eating less.
Being rebellious is just going to hurt YOU in the long run.0 -
I would be re-evaluating the relationship if that was happening in my house!
Once you have kids, you are more or less trapped.
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I'm going to play devil's advocate and say you're looking for an excuse to stay the way you are. I'm busy too; full time job, single parent, 3 kids. I make it happen. It's what you do when you want it bad enough.0
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How dare he? He vowed to love you no matter what when you got married. How dare he now say he will love you only when you are skinny and with your nails done! Personally, I would be changing the locks on the house when he is working away from home. But that is just me and is easier said than done! I am really mad for you! :explode:
Honestly, counseling may be in order to help with the marriage part. Sounds to me like he wants a perfect house when he is home on the weekends. Life just does not work that way. Or maybe something isn't right with him and he is taking it out on you. Either way he is wrong.
I agree that you cannot lose weight for anyone but yourself. However, they can be motivators. Why don't you look at loosing weight so you can be more active with your kids? I am lucky. My hubby loves me no matter what size I am. Yes, he would prefer I were as thin as when we met but he realizes that life happens. He isn't what he used to be either.
Hugs to you and I will keep you in my thoughts.0 -
Thank you all so much for your supportive, kind words. I am overwhelmed by the responses to my post. I am reading through them this morning. Thank you, thank you all so much. I feel better already.
I'm sure you do feel better because everyone just jumped on the bandwagon with you and burned your husband at the stake.
I don't even why someone would get on the internet and bash their spouse like this for the world to see.
It shows where he is at in your life and it definitely is not #1 where he should be.
Probably the best post in this thread.
All of the women have joined forces and raised arms to crucify the poor husband who hasn't even told his side of the story.
I love it. We all tell each other that it is terrible to judge, but look at the filth in this thread.
I
the world we live in. 0 -
You can lose weight just by eating at a calorie deficit. Doesn't really take that much time to figure out. So it is possible to lose weight with your crazy schedule.
This ^^
But there seems to be a lot more going on in this household than weight loss is going to fix. Why must he work away from home 5 nights a week if he is not even making enough to support your family without you having to work 2 jobs? Why is he suddenly so upset over your weight gain? Surely you did not gain all your weight in the 5 days since he's seen you. These are questions I'd be asking myself.
Based on nothing but the OP, since that's all I have, it seems like you and your husband need to have a serious and civil discussion about a lot more than just your weight.0 -
you should be mad that he's lazy and sounds like a bully.
Be happy in your own skin and **** everyone else.
Her husband speaking the truth about how HE FEELS makes him a bully?????
Wow, just wow............I can't.
No, belittling her and making her feel worthless makes him a bully....0
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