Husband Is Mad I Am Fat

I would be re-evaluating the relationship if that was happening in my house!

Once you have kids, you are more or less trapped.

Wow. No.

I'm also disgusted about all of you talking about how she shouldn't post this on here... relationships VERY much effect our eating and health habits! And who cares if it is a one sided representation SHE is part of the MFP community and I am constantly astonished how you people are so quick to put someone down rather than lift them up especially when regaurdless of the circumstances it seems she gets enough of that at home!!!

I'm disgusted with the lack of personal accountability/responsibility.

I you!!!

Losing weight is easy.*

Making the choice to do what it takes to lose weight can be hard.

The question is why have you not made that choice?

As far as the issues with your husband are concerned, having heard only one side of the story I can't really comment. But it sounds like you need an open and honest conversation and/or counseling. It's not realistic to expect that you will stay the same size for the rest of your life, but if you've gained a significant amount of weight I can understand that being an issue, as it can affect your health and quality of life. Love my boyfriend, but if he gained 50 or 100 pounds or more, I'd be mad too.

House chores are not terribly time-consuming, but when both people are super busy, it's easy to let that go. You may want to look into hiring someone to clean your house a couple of times a month. Costs money, but it's one less thing to stress about.

Bottom line is that there are solutions to your issues. Go find them and put them into place.

(* - I understand that some medical conditions make losing weight harder, but generally it is easy if you are doing what you need to do.)

I'd love to hear the other side of this story.

This.

And I especially enjoyed the replies that suggested a man doesn't deserve a wife who stays in shape unless he makes enough money that she can stay home and work out and have plastic surgery. You people are nuts.

This...I mean really...lots of people have kids, jobs, housework etc and a husband who works and is away a lot...but they manage...

I personally was a single mom for 14 years, worked 50 hours a week, kept my house clean, gardens tended, flowers planted, had a great social life etc and managed it all and lose weight...(put it back on after I got married)

And if we were to hear his side of the story I suspect it would go something along the lines of...

"she is always complaining she is over weight and fat but wont do anything about it and I am sick of hearing about it...if you don't want to be fat stop eating, start movng more etc".

All true. To be honest, after I reading the first post the first thing I thought was "...Yeah, but how fat did you get?"

We have the power to change ourselves. The OP got married to someone and now, because of time, kids, life, whatever other reasons is vastly different looking than she was when they met. If he is no longer attracted to her because she's obese, that's not his fault. He could maybe be kinder about how he goes about telling you how he feels, but maybe he's close to the "straw that broke the camel's back."

My point...I got my biggest after marriage...hit my top weight of 205...

I took the power to change because I am a priority to myself and I want my husband to look at me as a sexy wife, not as a doudy fat blob...

I can actually empathize with the husband...even tho I was the one that got fatter...if my husband got "too big" I would be blunt and tell him..hit the weights buddy...

Absolutely. My boyfriend and I both had gotten well past the "few extra pounds" around the holidays this year and we were both honest with each other. "We're fat and need to change." It's harder on one person when they are the only fat one, but I'd rather have honesty than someone blowing smoke you know where.

I said this on another thread and I'm going to say it again even if it's unpopular. But here I go, the devil's advocate.

In my opinion, "for better or worse" isn't a free pass to make huge negative changes in your body and have your spouse stay silent. Yes, pregnancy and illnesses and stuff that truly is out of a person's control happen. But barring those temporary changes, I believe that spouses owe it to each other to maintain a similar (or better) standard of physical appearance throughout the relationship. Aging happens, and ten pounds/grey hair/sagging skin/whatever happen. That's not what I'm talking about. But if you gain 30, 50, 80, 100 + pounds, stop grooming yourself well, and expect your partner not to have an issue with it, I think that's crazy.

Physical attraction is a big part of relationships. It's not everything but it does matter, and if your partner isn't attractive to you anymore because of something that can be easily changed, that's really not okay...and frankly, in my opinion, it's kind of asking for infidelity and/or divorce. It absolutely goes both ways, too.

So...yeah. I'm not going to go much further into it, but I did want to say that I really don' t think maintaining one's appearance to a reasonable standard of what it was when you met is a fully unreasonable request. I'm fully cognizant that most women don't stay 120 pounds and perfectly manicured their entire lives, but neither do they all put on dozens of pounds just because they've had kids.

I'm not intending to attack the original poster here, I just wanted to point out that her husband isn't alone in these feelings and isn't necessarily a bad guy. I don't think that he went about it in the best way and I don't think complaining about the house etc. at the same time was a smart move, but I do understand the frustration behind it and can see why it might have been said.

As a woman, I am ashamed at how so many women let their emotions rule their lives.

No wonder there are so many unhappy husbands that go around cheating on their wives. They can't say anything without the wife getting their poor little feelings hurt and then have to broadcast it to the world for all to see so all other women jump on the bandwagon and burn the poor guy at the stake.

Men shouldn't have to walk around on egg shells not being able to express their feelings to their spouse. Even if the truth hurts.

SMDH.

x1...

A good relationship is one of open communication where you can trust your partner...if you can't tell your spouse how you really feel without being burned at the stake who are you gonna tell???? Yup that's right the one who wont judge you for your feelings...I often tell my husband stuff he may not want to hear but we have a great relationship because of it...and he tells me too...hmm trust, love and open communication.

And to the ones who are saying just break up...no wonder the divorce rate is so high...do you not take your vows seriously...he expressed how he is feeling...so she should kick him out...

SMDH too.

Folks, FYI, there is such thing as abusive spouses. I don't know this guy, so I can't say. But no man, woman, or child deserves to be put down, called names, or made to feel like they are less of a person simply because they are carrying some extra weight.

That being said, If she wants to lose weight, she should do it for HER, not for HIM.

I hope my current relationship never ends, but if it does I pray that I never end up dating 99% of you in this thread.

hehe the one's you would wanna date wont be single...kind of kick in the pants isn't it...so yes stay in your relationship cause this is what is out there.....

You would be in the 1%, I know nothing about you, but everything you post has substance and/or validity. I enjoy reading your posts and you are one of the few who keep me sane on this site.

As a woman, I am ashamed at how so many women let their emotions rule their lives.

No wonder there are so many unhappy husbands that go around cheating on their wives. They can't say anything without the wife getting their poor little feelings hurt and then have to broadcast it to the world for all to see so all other women jump on the bandwagon and burn the poor guy at the stake.

Men shouldn't have to walk around on egg shells not being able to express their feelings to their spouse. Even if the truth hurts.

SMDH.

x1...

A good relationship is one of open communication where you can trust your partner...if you can't tell your spouse how you really feel without being burned at the stake who are you gonna tell???? Yup that's right the one who wont judge you for your feelings...I often tell my husband stuff he may not want to hear but we have a great relationship because of it...and he tells me too...hmm trust, love and open communication.

And to the ones who are saying just break up...no wonder the divorce rate is so high...do you not take your vows seriously...he expressed how he is feeling...so she should kick him out...

SMDH too.

Your exactly right.

I know my husband and I sometimes say things to one another that other people would be severely butt hurt and heading to divorce court over it.................

Sometimes when your upset and it doesn't seem like the other person cares, the words just don't come out right.

The difference is.........my husband and I will go stew over what the other one said, then come back and talk about it.

We both called each other fat. That is right, my husband and I both stated to one another that we have become lazy fat *kitten* and so have our dogs (except for the new puppy) and we need to change that and become the active people we once were.

We use it as motivation to make ourselves better, not only for ourselves, but for our spouse also.

My husband has loved me from the day he met me unconditionally. He never once stated that I had to lose weight or else. He has loved me at 125 pounds and at 298 pounds and every where in between. He always stayed attracted to me also............

BUT, does that mean he doesn't yearn for me to be the smaller version of myself that I once was???? He does and he tells me. I know he gets more attracted to me as I lose weight because he gets more touchy feely............

I am the same with him.