Husband Is Mad I Am Fat

Thank you, toofatnomore. Setting aside the fact that I need to lose weight, the way husband talks down to me is not acceptable I think. He comes across as being better than me. It is rubbing off my son, who is learning to insult me. I know I should not dig my
heels in out of spite. I very much want to start losing weight. It is very discouraging though when your husband tries to shame you Ito it. My attitude is, screw him. I spend all weekend cleaning the house and he still calls us all slobs. He is a perfectionist with his head up his *kitten*. I feel rebellious against losing weight even though I know that is wrong and hurtful to myself.

Jaw dropping at the number of women agreeing with the person who posted that the OP shouldn't 'rebel' but just lose weight as not doing so wasn't 'fair' to her husband because "men are visual creatures"... Um, no. There's that little line in marriage vows about 'for better, for worse' - that doesn't come with the disclaimer "unless you get, like, fat, or cut your hair, or something changes about your appearance that I don't like".

If the OP believes that her weight is impacting on their life together, then it's her decision whether or not to do something about it, and to what degree that is important to fixing their marriage. She's the only person who can make that call, and it will only work if she believes it will help and is sufficiently important to her. From what has been written, it sounds like there are many other issues to consider as well here - things that are probably more fundamentally important than her weight, like lack of communication, lack of mutual respect, lack of appreciation.

We, as outsiders, can't know exactly what's going on in this relationship, but to put the blame/responsibility for its' dysfunction so solidly on her shoulders because she doesn't look the way she did when they first married, or how he'd like her to look, is seriously, seriously messed up. This is not the 1890s - women are not expected to be merely decorative any more, and in case some of you ladies hadn't noticed, we women have a whole heck of a lot more to bring to any marriage/relationship than just looking good, however 'visual' men are.

"For better or worse" swings both ways. If he is supposed to stick it out even when she gains 200lbs, then shouldn't she stick it out even when he acts like a jerk because she gained 200lbs?

I don't think anyone is putting the blame completely on her shoulders. But she is the one posting for advice... so shes going to get the advice. If he were posting and telling the story I would tell him to speak to his wife in a more sensative manner. And sure, he should love his wife if she is 200, 300, 400lbs overweight.... but that still doesn't exclude her responsibility to take care of herself... for herself and for her marriage.

Yes, it swings both ways - marriage is hard work, and both parties need to take responsibility for actions/situations that undermine that. However, the post I was responding to, re-posted below (and its' adherents), basically says that the problems in her marriage are all her fault, and all because of her weight. I don't buy that, and I'm frankly alarmed to see how many people - young women, for the main - agree. Doesn't say much for our societal view of marriage that so many people seem to believe that a woman's main responsibility in a relationship is to look good.

So sad to read how many people think you should dump your husband and get a divorce because of him acting like a jerk. There is no need to throw him away over something so simple.

Just lose weight. Men are visual as we all know, and he fell in love with a super-model thin woman. There is no reason you can't try to maintain close to that. It truly isn't fair to men. It sounds superficial to woman, but it is important to men. I'm not saying you need to look exactly like you did, but you owe it to your marriage to look as good as you can. If you aren't putting a good effort into the way you look, the romance is going to (and seems to have already) fizzle.

I know you say you don't have time, but that is just an excuse. You may not have time to go to the gym, but you certainly have time to watch what you eat, you just don't want to.

Okay okay, you can feel rebellious if you want, go ahead, the choice is yours. You are then headed to divorce.

Or, you can simply eat less calories, get healthier, feel better, be a good role model of health for your kids, and reignite the spark between you and your husband. It's as simple as controlling your calories.

The poster acknoledged that he was acting like a jerk. Then gave HER a solution. I don't think she needs to try to go back to supermodel days... but she still needs to lose close to 200lbs. From the information the OP has given us, her weight is a problem in their marraige. Maybe it shouldn't be... but it is. Why not fight hard to resolve this problem. This is advice to HER not to him. If he was posting, and recieving it would sound as though he was completely to blame. The OP has recieved tons of advice about how big a jerk he is.. Great. Here are the possible solutions and what SHE can actually control: 1) Get a divorce. 2) Do everything you possibly can to save your marriage, including lose weight. In the end, it may still result in divorce. But at least she can say that she fought for it and look back with no regrets.

Thanks for the empathy. Wow.

There are plenty of folks on here who are showing you empathy, but in my opinion, you were looking for sympathy.

Guess what? My husband isn't happy that I got fat after we got married and NEITHER AM I!! I put on 50 lbs in a short time and 10 years later, I'm working my butt off so that I can lose that 50 lbs plus more!

I say my husband isn't happy, but I don't mean he's mad, and NO he has NEVER said anything to me about it. But I'm not stupid! I gained 50 flippin pounds!!!! He should be disappointed if he really loves me because it's MY HEALTH!!!! Him and I made a vow to stick together through sickness and health, and blah blah blah, so if I put my own health in jeopardy because I MADE THE CHOICE TO BE LAZY and not do anything about the weight when I started to put it on he has EVERY right to be upset in my opinion!!! Stop crying about it and do something about it! Put your energy towards something postive.

Ditch him and make him pay the earth in child support and then look after yourself!

Thank you, toofatnomore. Setting aside the fact that I need to lose weight, the way husband talks down to me is not acceptable I think. He comes across as being better than me. It is rubbing off my son, who is learning to insult me. I know I should not dig my
heels in out of spite. I very much want to start losing weight. It is very discouraging though when your husband tries to shame you Ito it. My attitude is, screw him. I spend all weekend cleaning the house and he still calls us all slobs. He is a perfectionist with his head up his *kitten*. I feel rebellious against losing weight even though I know that is wrong and hurtful to myself.

Thank you, toofatnomore. Setting aside the fact that I need to lose weight, the way husband talks down to me is not acceptable I think. He comes across as being better than me. It is rubbing off my son, who is learning to insult me. I know I should not dig my
heels in out of spite. I very much want to start losing weight. It is very discouraging though when your husband tries to shame you Ito it. My attitude is, screw him. I spend all weekend cleaning the house and he still calls us all slobs. He is a perfectionist with his head up his *kitten*. I feel rebellious against losing weight even though I know that is wrong and hurtful to myself.

MFP is one of the worst places to ask for relationship advice. People will answer emotionally, especially if they have had a bad experience with a SO.

I would say grow up and communicate with the person causing you strife. I won't comment on his behavior because this is one sided and I think if we were to have his side there would be very different comments.

I'm not going to comment on the relationship aspect of the post.