I Hate my Gym/Confidence Issue
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I started going to my gym at 315 lbs. a little over a year and a half ago. Walking the treadmill made me feel really foolish and fruitless. I wanted to be one of the "athletes" in the gym! In my mind, I could hear them lining up to take bets on how long this guy would stick with it (i wonder what the over/under was?) I kept telling myself that i knew something that they didn't know and i used this as motivation. I still have a ways to go but my goals are within sight (250 now with a goal of 225 as I'm 6'5") and am frequently approached by longtime members who ask how much i've lost and giving me props. I don't look like a fitness model by a long shot, so why are they approaching me now with respect? I realized that if people are going to judge, let it be the effort, focus and consistency that they see. This mindset worked for and got me through all the doubt and self-consciousness.0
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do you have a planet fitness in your area?? I used to feel the same at the gym and i started going to planet fitness last week and i love it!!! You even have a trainer available all the time. Good luck and congrats on your weight loss
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When I started going to the gym I weighed over 300 pounds. And I'm a grandma. I felt very embarrassed and self conscious. I live in a college town and the gym is full of young, fit people. But I'll never forget the day I was on the treadmill watching some guys lifting weights (the tv was boring and I had to look at something!) and just suddenly had the though, "You should be PROUD to be here changing your life!" I don't know where it came from, but everything changed for me in that moment. Since then I have always walked into the gym with confidence, even if I have to fake it. I am not working on this weight loss thing for any of the people in the gym. If they even notice me, which they probably don't, what they think is not my business. I am there to take care of myself, and to make sure I can actively play with my grandkids for a long time. Why are you there? Focus on that.0
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That's a great question.
Why am I there at all? To avoid the embarrassment of being that person who lost a lot of weight and gained it back. I'm not there for my health; in the middle of this I had cancer, so clearly the damage was already done.0 -
I belong to a reputable gym in my area, known for exactly what you describe!! I toured all of the other gyms within my area and found this one with all that it offered to be what I wanted and needed in a gym. BUT I was terrified for the exact same reasons that you've stated...let me tell you, they are NOT gawking at the fat chick for coming through the door and with each time I come or each accomplishment I make or each pound lost, I have more cheerleaders than MFP offers me. So don't think that way at all!! OMG they are the driving force that keeps me on my toes there!! And really they are more impressed when they see you coming everyday than when you're NOT there!!0
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I spent 30+ years in south county (now I live in Florida) and I know exactly what you are talking about. SoCal is in its own realm. (I lived in Silverado/Lake Forest/Laguna) and when I initially was losing a lot of weight I felt very intimidated....but like others have said, its really just us being paranoid. When I see someone walk into the gym now I generally give them a glance, and never look at them again. My husband and I just visited Laguna in March and its weird because I felt just like I did when I lived there...not good enough....BUT I am, and I am getting stronger every day, just like you are. Keep it up and don't worry about them... 0
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I feel and maybe I am wrong but most people, almost all people in the gym aren't judging anyone. They are in there getting a workout done for them. In the end people need to get past that so that they can build a healthier version of themselves. I do understand easier said then done but in the end its just another obstacle to get over.0
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This is the kind of stuff that makes me glad I go to the gym dark and early in the morning. No one's there yet and I get free reign to workout without distraction.0
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When I lost all this weight, people acted like I hit the lottery. Nothing happened and nothing really changed. Of course I feel better physically. But I'm still single and I have the same career.
That's a great question.
Why am I there at all? To avoid the embarrassment of being that person who lost a lot of weight and gained it back. I'm not there for my health; in the middle of this I had cancer, so clearly the damage was already done.
I think you've touched on a topic many of us think about. Maybe it's more common than you think, that feeling that 'if only...' If only I lost weight, or if only I quit drinking, whatever.... I think there's actually a statistic that most lottery winners wind up broke within a certain number of years. So, you've done it, and your life didn't 'magically' change. But, you're forgetting just exactly how you felt before, and have lost sight of how much better you feel now. Because you just do. So, hopefully, the cancer is 'gone' and you have a much brighter future in front of you. I bet most of us, who have lost, and regained lost sight of what was important, and thought we'd reached some 'goal....' which isn't just your goal weight... You don't for a minute think that exercising isn't helping to keep you healthy, and alive, and cancer-free, do you?
It's probably of no help to you.... but, I work out in a community gym, there is every kind of person there. And sometimes, I look around, and I think to myself, that every single person in this gym could beat the *kitten* outa me. The muscle boys, the young student kids, the old people with muscles, and all the girls. All of 'em. Then, I just smile and keep lifting. The alternative would be to cry. :sad:0 -
I'm busy working and checking myself out in the mirror. I'm not looking at others too much. Maybe the occasional cardio bunny who catches my eye. But nothing more than to objectify her for a moment. )
I respect almost everyone that walks into the gym. They're helping our obesity epidemic.0 -
Dude if you live in Hollywood, etc., that's what you have to deal with on a daily basis. Just go to the gym, work out, and go home. That's all you're paying for, that's all you need to do.0
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Had the same feelings, until I realized that if I compared myself to the young, thin, buff babes at the gym - my 54 yr old overweight body with two rebuilt knees would never, ever measure up. But, if I compare myself to the general population - dang, I look good!
So, having said that - I have a radical proposal for you and all the MFP'ers. The next time you go to the gym, make an effort to smile or say something nice to someone else. Who knows, you may make a friend.0 -
I'm a 5' 9" 145 lb blonde from SoCal that moved to Fort Worth, TX a few years back. I didn't judge other folks at the gym back in CA and I do not judge folks at the gym here in TX. I'm gratified to see women, especially women my age (44), getting it done! I felt that way in my 20's too. If someone is judging you for ANY reason, in any situation, they are jerks. My mom used to say, "If someone tells you something, CONSIDER THE SOURCE". Let's say, for arguments sake, someone is judging you. By considering the source, they, and their attitude, are worthless by definition.
I can understand not being too thrilled with an overpriced gym. My step-sister swore the workout she got at her overpriced gym was better than my cheap-o gym workout. We had a "contest". As it turns out she was losing more than fat! They were taking her money too! LOL. Still, as long as you're happy...0 -
Most of the super cute are so self absorbed they are not paying attention to anyone except how to get themselves ahead--I don't think they think about us mere mortals at all!0
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I wear little short shorts to the gym, I'm defo not a leggy 6 footer but I weigh 100lbs and am in the best shape I've been for a while. However, I can guarantee you that I will feel just as insecure/paranoid as you and will be comparing myself to someone else who I perceive to be better than me. What I'm getting at is that these 'leggy gym bunnies' you mention will have just as many hang ups about their appearance and will still compare themselves to others. If I see anyone in the gym regardless of their size I have this automatic respect for them, simply for making the effort to be there.0
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So, having said that - I have a radical proposal for you and all the MFP'ers. The next time you go to the gym, make an effort to smile or say something nice to someone else. Who knows, you may make a friend.
Making friends, even with those you seemingly have little in common with can go a long way. I try to smile and acknowledge everyone whose path I cross. Doing this, I've met professional bodybuilders, professional athletes and many stepping into a gym for the first time Ever. I try to help with the confusing new equipment and encourage when I can.
Don't make assumptions... You never know ...0 -
I think that you should feel proud of yourself that you are going to the gym, and not worry about what other people are probably not even thinking anyway. You're all there for the same reason - to work on your health and get/keep your body strong, so why would anyone judge you for doing the exact same thing that they are doing?
Kudos on losing almost 100 lbs, by the way!0 -
I'm a college professor and I can use the gym for free. As a 55 year old woman, being naked or in a bathing suit in front of bunch of a 20 year olds is not my idea of a good time.
So I hear you!
Close your eyes and think of England. Have fun in spin. They're too busy looking good to pay attention to you.0 -
It's fascinating how many people chose to focus on the fact I noticed other people's appearances to the exclusion of everything else I wrote. I know no one is looking at me. I've been at this for eight years and am bored out of my ****ing mind with all of it.0
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I lost around 95 pounds (not using MFP- on my own) and lately I've just been feeling really bad about myself when I go to the gym. It all started when I started taking new classes and everyone, including the instructor, turned out to be endurance athletes. I live in SoCal, and currently in a VERY image-conscious part, and all I see in the gym are these tiny 5'10 blonde women with really long legs who I highly doubt ever had a weight problem in their lives. I just feel like I don't belong in this gym. It's high end, expensive, and doesn't live up to the hype or price in many ways, but the alternatives are very undesirable due overcrowding and general crappiness. In general, I enjoy the ritual of going to the gym; I often work out by myself but I also like to take spin.
On top of this, I have been struggling with health problems that cause me to bloat up, so my clothes are a bit tighter than normal and I feel even bigger, then I feel even worse when I observe the booty shorts around me. It's ridiculous because I started at the gym weighing 250 pounds and just did my thing. Now, I'm haunted by "not thin enough, not hot enough, and not enough of an athlete to be here." Imposter syndrome.
I'm mainly looking for commiseration by posting this and wondering if anyone else has gone through something similar.
Just put your headphones on and rock on. Let these tiny women be your motivation. You can do it,Hun.0
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