I Hate my Gym/Confidence Issue

"Comparison is the thief of happiness."

You don't know these women at all. Many probably struggle every day, and are just as trapped by the image norms surrounding them as you are. Maybe you can try to make some friends and stop viewing them as a foreign species to yourself. If you can't, it sounds like that gym is a bad fit. ideally, you leave the gym feeling awesome, not down on yourself!

I also think that you are feeling some really normal stuff. I've heard that a lot of people are much more self-critical after losing weight, maybe because your self-esteem gets very tied to the work you're doing on your body. Can you shift your focus to performance goals? You know you rock- you lost 95 pounds!

THIS!!!

Good luck.

I think a lot of us have that fear at the gym that everyone is looking and comparing.

But the reality is, so are we, right?

We are noticing others and subconsciously assessing their level of fitness/weight and scaling ourselves lower and sometimes even higher (though I don't ever look down upon someone no matter their level, I do notice it)

There were a lot of people at my gym who I assumed (maybe wrongly) must have been either bodybuilders or definitely just there for fitness/maintenance, so that was intimidating for me as well. It was hard to think "Wow thats motivating, if I keep it up I can look good too" instead of "I look awful, please don't notice me...I don't wanna be here....I wont be here."

BUT, looks aside, we do not know what they really think of us. We don't know what they started out like. We have no idea whether or not that fit person next to us used to be many pounds heavier, and it can be tempting to think they have it easy. The reality is, they probably just worked hard and came back again and again no matter what.


I think that there are three choices really:


1. Continue going, get some looser clothes that make you feel more comfy, and try to maybe talk with people in your class before or after. You might be surprised to find some friendly people. Getting to know people at your gym might make it seem less intimidating.

2. workout alone or with someone you are comfortable around for a while to re-gather your confidence and make some progress. Are you able to workout on your own as effectively?
Maybe you could bring your focus inwards with your own music, or by watching tv if they have screens on the exercise machines. Or personal training to get you some personalised workout goals you can do alone. Group fitness is really hard sometimes, and it is not for everyone. It's not something I enjoy as much as being on my own.

3. Try another gym/class/place to workout. The demographic can be different in different places. I've been a member of a regular looking all female gym, and a member of a fancy brand new state of the art gym. The womens gym felt much more comfortable than the new gym.

Give up the gym you are going to and find yourself a Planet Fitness....felt the same way you do about gyms but tried Planet Fitness and it is awesome....

Most of the super cute are so self absorbed they are not paying attention to anyone except how to get themselves ahead--I don't think they think about us mere mortals at all!

It's no more acceptable to judge people's personality because they are attractive than it is to judge them because they're ugly. Being cute does not mean someone is worse, better, selfish, generous, cruel or kind. It just means they're cute.

"Comparison is the thief of happiness."

I love this quote, why have I never heard it before?

Neither have I! And it's so true. I used to be OBSESSED with what other people thought of me and how I compared to others. Over the years I have come to realize if I'm not thinking about them, they probably aren't thinking about me. Living in a world of constant comparison will suck you dry.

If you are really worried about it though, I would consider switching gyms. At least where I live there are definitely different groups of people who go to different gyms. That's why I go to the local YMCA and not the most elite top of the line gym. Its just more comfortable for me.

Believe it or not but most of those "hot blondes" probably work their butt off and eat right to wear those booty shorts. It sounds like you know what you're doing with all the weight you have lost! I would keep at it and try to focus more on yourself during your workout rather than the surroundings. Otherwise maybe it's time to find a gym where you feel more comfortable!

I lost around 95 pounds (not using MFP- on my own) and lately I've just been feeling really bad about myself when I go to the gym. It all started when I started taking new classes and everyone, including the instructor, turned out to be endurance athletes. I live in SoCal, and currently in a VERY image-conscious part, and all I see in the gym are these tiny 5'10 blonde women with really long legs who I highly doubt ever had a weight problem in their lives. I just feel like I don't belong in this gym. It's high end, expensive, and doesn't live up to the hype or price in many ways, but the alternatives are very undesirable due overcrowding and general crappiness. In general, I enjoy the ritual of going to the gym; I often work out by myself but I also like to take spin.

On top of this, I have been struggling with health problems that cause me to bloat up, so my clothes are a bit tighter than normal and I feel even bigger, then I feel even worse when I observe the booty shorts around me. It's ridiculous because I started at the gym weighing 250 pounds and just did my thing. Now, I'm haunted by "not thin enough, not hot enough, and not enough of an athlete to be here." Imposter syndrome.

I'm mainly looking for commiseration by posting this and wondering if anyone else has gone through something similar.

OP, I can sympathize with the feeling gross about bloating. It does make one feel less attractive and less confident. It sucks. I can look great for most of the day but in the evening I look at myself, 107 lb short little me, and still be like, "ew, I don't like what I see." And it's because of my darn stomach. GRR.

I don't go to gyms because I am generally leery of/intimidated by them. I'd rather workout outdoors anyway but I know many people like going to the gym.

Now I don't know how helpful this is, but if you like taking a spin class, perhaps you could take some of the $ you spend on this gym where you feel uncomfortable, and buy yourself a nice road bike and ride outside? I imagine that would be an option for much of the year in SoCal.

I have to say that I feel some of the same discomfort when I look at the Athleta catalog, which carries clothing I love, and I compare myself to the models in the magazine. They are tall and more muscular than I'll probably ever be since I don't want to take up heavy lifting. . . it's just not healthy to dwell on it too much.

OP, I promise I am not saying this to be mean, but you sound absolutely miserable/borderline depressed. Somehow I feel like there is a lot more going on with you than the fact that you hate your gym.