I Hate my Gym/Confidence Issue
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It's no more acceptable to judge people's personality because they are attractive than it is to judge them because they're ugly. Being cute does not mean someone is worse, better, selfish, generous, cruel or kind. It just means they're cute.
^ This.
As for the OP's original issue... Everyone is self-critical. In our own minds there will always be someone hotter than us, fitter than us, smarter, richer, happier, etc. Going to the gym and getting depressed over the 'gym bunnies' isn't helping, but I'm sure you're not alone in that issue. If it's that incredibly hard to do, there are some other options. There's the home gym option for one. Another is maybe therapy? It might help to talk out some of your issues, even if it's just with a friend or family member and not a paid professional. Just hang in there and know that everyone deals with jealousy and with self-confidence issues. You've just got to keep remembering how far you've come. 95lbs is a major victory! Congrats on that!0 -
I`m not small - by any stretch of the imagination. And I certainly have no athletic background - I did no sports in school etc. I was over 40 when I started to work out. I have done a few things I am quite proud of since then - I ran a marathon, I completed a triathlon. I got to the point where I thought maybe I have a tendency to be athletic - but I am not an athlete.
A couple of months ago I was approached by a coach at my gym and recruited onto a competitive lifting team ( kettle bells ). He is on the US team and is building his own team, When I walked into the first team training session - the guys and girls were all 20-odd and fitness professionals. I almost sprinted out of there - but then I remembered - I was asked to join the team - so this guy must see some potential At the time I didn't realize he wanted me to compete a few weeks later. But I did and achieved a level 1 ranking in my first event.
Last week I met a guy who had joined the team because he saw me compete ... Today I start training for the US nationals.
If I had sprinted out of that room - I would have denied myself the chances to excel - the experience of getting to compete at a national level and ... maybe that guy would not have found my coach and he would not have reached his goals either
The coach refers to us as his athletes to his lifters - it blows my mind every time I hear it - but it is true. Athletes are made in all shapes and sizes ... I have had some many women and men tell me I inspire them - I had another trainer tell me he tells his clients they should aim to be like me because I work so hard. Put your heart into your workouts and enjoy yourself -0 -
"Comparison is the thief of happiness."
I LOVE THIS! This should be the Planet Fitness theme NOT "no gymtimidation and judgement free zone" since that is just not realistic. It should not matter if people are judging me that is stealing THEIR HAPPINESS!
My mother always said never compare yourself to others because you will ALWAYS compare your WORST to their BEST.
That being said I am the worst at comparing. If only I listened to Mom. I was the fat girl that got skinny and worked out like a beast, and then GOT FAT when I quit working out due to life changes. So now when I go to the gym and I see others that are struggling my attitude is very different. i want to encourage them. If only I could remember that about the "skinny girls". I constantly find myself saying I need to follow her so I can have her arms, or butt.0 -
I haven't gone through and read all the post, but I will tell you what someone told me. Most fit people that go to the gym have to go to the gym to look like they do, and most people that go to gyms don't care what other people look like, they are too busy focusing on themselves. I was told that if they do pay attention to someone that isn't quite fit, they usually think things like "good for them" or something along those lines.
I have this issue when i go the gym as well, but it is more my own mental issue than anything else. Just know that you are there for you and they are there for them, don't worry about them.0 -
Give up the gym you are going to and find yourself a Planet Fitness....felt the same way you do about gyms but tried Planet Fitness and it is awesome....
Another one? Isn't this the same statement the other Planet Fitness person used a page ago? :huh:
While I do enjoy going to Planet Fitness I don't feel they give enough support/encouragement/guidance to someone that really DOES want to make REAL changes in their body. This whole "no gymtimidation" "judgement free zone" is hog wash. Those are still PEOPLE in there and I am here to tell you that is just what people do. There are lots of heavy lifters in their making us little lifters feel just a bit whimpy. I would love to see them be open and inviting but also give that extra push when someone needs it. I was actually told by their trainer (at our local PF) that she COULD NOT design a workout plan for me because it was a "judgement free zone". HOGWASH.0 -
I feel and maybe I am wrong but most people, almost all people in the gym aren't judging anyone. They are in there getting a workout done for them. In the end people need to get past that so that they can build a healthier version of themselves. I do understand easier said then done but in the end its just another obstacle to get over.
So true. Very few people GO to the gym just to gawk at the other gym go-ers. And when we realize that no one really cares what we are doing as long as we don't get in their way, that is when the real magic starts to happen.0 -
Hey! I'm 5'10", young, thin and (not blonde but blue eyed?)
I have to work REALLY, really hard to maintain my weight. I gain it SO easily. I was a fat kid growing up due to parents unhealthy habits and I was made fun of so much, and I have really low self esteem.
I bet you most of those women work really hard and are very accepting of everyone around them... if they even notice them at all! Chances are most of them don't even notice you.
However, if they do have negative thoughts, just remember that it's probably because they have really sad, unfulfilling lives - or are simply very uneducated (you know how they say intelligent people talk about ideas, rather than people?)
It makes me happy to see people at the gym and I do feel jealous sometimes of girls who are in really good shape, but I try to convert my jealousy into inspiration. It usually works
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I lost around 95 pounds (not using MFP- on my own) and lately I've just been feeling really bad about myself when I go to the gym. It all started when I started taking new classes and everyone, including the instructor, turned out to be endurance athletes. I live in SoCal, and currently in a VERY image-conscious part, and all I see in the gym are these tiny 5'10 blonde women with really long legs who I highly doubt ever had a weight problem in their lives. I just feel like I don't belong in this gym. It's high end, expensive, and doesn't live up to the hype or price in many ways, but the alternatives are very undesirable due overcrowding and general crappiness. In general, I enjoy the ritual of going to the gym; I often work out by myself but I also like to take spin.
On top of this, I have been struggling with health problems that cause me to bloat up, so my clothes are a bit tighter than normal and I feel even bigger, then I feel even worse when I observe the booty shorts around me. It's ridiculous because I started at the gym weighing 250 pounds and just did my thing. Now, I'm haunted by "not thin enough, not hot enough, and not enough of an athlete to be here." Imposter syndrome.
I'm mainly looking for commiseration by posting this and wondering if anyone else has gone through something similar.
That's sounds like california. I'm from NY and I've heard that my whole life. Can't wait to go to Cali and see for myself the clownage that is Cali.
Anyway, I would never go to a trendy, expensive gym. You can 1) change gyms, 2) wear comfortable clothes 3) stay out of classes if you can't keep up or go to beginner classes 4) just do your own workout and pretend they are not there.
They are just people and they are probably more insecure than you are. Put on your headphones, do the workout you love, don't worry about the Jones' and the so-called gawkers, and remember why you started to lose weight in the first place.
Keep at it. You will get stronger and fitter and the post you just wrote will be a thing of the past as you rock your hard body along with the other fit pals. But, definitely try to find a way to eliminate the chatter between your ears. Your thoughts and feelings are not facts and they can be changed. Be strong because you are strong. You can get past this. ROCK ON!!!0 -
Hey! I'm 5'10", young, thin and (not blonde but blue eyed?)
I have to work REALLY, really hard to maintain my weight. I gain it SO easily. I was a fat kid growing up due to parents unhealthy habits and I was made fun of so much, and I have really low self esteem.
I bet you most of those women work really hard and are very accepting of everyone around them... if they even notice them at all! Chances are most of them don't even notice you.
However, if they do have negative thoughts, just remember that it's probably because they have really sad, unfulfilling lives - or are simply very uneducated (you know how they say intelligent people talk about ideas, rather than people?)
It makes me happy to see people at the gym and I do feel jealous sometimes of girls who are in really good shape, but I try to convert my jealousy into inspiration. It usually works
LIKE!0 -
This is not meant to be rude at all, so take it exactly as I say it, no subtext, alright?
Don't watch the 5'10 blondes. Put your head down and do your work. Worry about yourself. Work out so hard that the very idea of pausing to people watch becomes absurd. Keep doing this until you stop caring.
Good luck. :flowerforyou:
Thank you for this. I have the same problem as OP but this clicked. I am going to take this advice tonight and use the heck out of it : )!0 -
this ^^^This is not meant to be rude at all, so take it exactly as I say it, no subtext, alright?
Don't watch the 5'10 blondes. Put your head down and do your work. Worry about yourself. Work out so hard that the very idea of pausing to people watch becomes absurd. Keep doing this until you stop caring.
Good luck. :flowerforyou:0 -
all I see in the gym are these tiny 5'10 blonde women with really long legs
where is that gym!?
...and now to be even more serious, you shouldn't care about others, f*** others, its your world, concentrate on your goals only, be patient, whatever discipline it is, hard work always bring good results. Don't decrease your self-esteem and keep doing what you do. Project your goals in your mind and dont let them out from there0 -
and if one more guy interrupts me to hit on me, I'm going to knee him in the junk and run away.
LMFAO!!!!0 -
If you have lost sight of a goal, do you need help with searching for one? Are you unhappy with what life has dealt you? I agree with the poster that says there's more going on here than you disliking your gym. You seem unhappy overall, especially with yourself. Did you have any goals beyond weight loss? Career-wise? Starting a family? It sounds like you need to make changes - because something is making you feel bitter about tall blonde people who happen to be near you, and it isn't them!0
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It's fascinating how many people chose to focus on the fact I noticed other people's appearances to the exclusion of everything else I wrote. I know no one is looking at me. I've been at this for eight years and am bored out of my ****ing mind with all of it.
You know, I read the first two things you wrote. I see your issue, and am acknowledging it. The problem is between your ears. You need to change your thinking. I noticed you are 34. With all of the love I can muster for a stranger, I'm saying this in the spirit of positivity.....you need to change your thinking and quickly. You will blink and one day you will notice you are 44 years old and still thinking the same way.
You seem to be aware of all this but in the end, you have to do soemthing aobut your stinking thinking. Yes, you had some health issues and but you are still young. Get off the pity pot and get busy finding your goals. No one is going to love you more than you love yourself. I'm pretty sure you know this too. So, unless you are looking for people to reiterate what you already know, I think you are here to have someome say somehing to you that maybe kick-starts your engine.
Well, here's the kick. BANG! I just broke my foot off in your butt. Did you feel that?
Now put on your big girl sneakers, go to the gym and get f*cking fabulous, YOU HEAR ME??!! That's an order!0 -
I have the same problem.. i dont go to a gym, but ive been trying to start running around the neighborhood. and its so hard because even if no one is out, i imagine them looking out their windows and judging me.. i know how ridiculous that is, but when im there and doing it, it doesnt feel ridiculous at all.
Hey, have you been in my head listening to my thoughts? LOL I am in the middle of a C25K training program and up until now I've been on the TM but knew once the weather broke I would have to go outside and I'm trying to do it as early as possible or on roads where nobody will see me because I keep thinking in my head they are pointing and laughing at "the fat old lady" trying to run.
To OP - I've been a member of my gym for almost 19 years and while I don't feel awkward or embarrassed about getting on the machines I do have that fear when I'm trying out a new class for the first time. I feel like everyone is looking and laughing at how I'm doing. But I tell myself that "every person in the class had their first day at one time or another". For that matter when ever there is a new person (female at least) at the gym and they ask about classes or equipment I always tell them "do the best you can do. If you can't keep up (spin for example) then don't worry about it. Everyone working out had their first day when they couldn't do the moves or keep up too".0 -
I used to be self conscious walking around and jogging in my neighborhood. But now, I just listen to my music and focus on my workouts. I've even been stopped and complimented for walking my son to school every morning. We all start at different starting places too, maybe some of the those women started off overweight themselves. Thats why I just try to focus on myself. I don't know others backgrounds and personal stories,struggles.0
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OP, remember that everyone has moments when they feel awkward, self-conscious, embarrassed. Even the leggy blondes. It's fine to feel that way. But, it's not fine to give up because of it - though, if you're really uncomfortable there's nothing wrong with changing gyms.
Honestly, it sounds like the real problem is that you have no goal. Find one - try a new type of exercise, set new performance goals, or set new body composition goals - or all of the above. Find something that keeps you concentrating on what you're doing and not what they're doing/have done.
One final tidbit - keep in mind that it is much harder to get to the shape you want to be than it is to maintain once you get there. Those women can come later and leave earlier because they are presumably where they want to be and are only doing what is necessary to stay the same - not putting in extra effort to change. At some point when you are happy with where you are, you will be able to ease up as well.0 -
So...correct me if I'm wrong, but...it sounds to me like this thread is more about your loss of drive (direction, motivation, goal) than about how others perceive you. You've reached your goal, lost the weight, reached the destination. Now what? The journey consumed much of your time and focus, and now you're feeling withdrawal. Working out to maintain, with no end destination, isn't enough. Yes, I've been there. Now that I recognize it, I wish I could go back. I gained the weight back, and can't get it back off for anything. But that's not the point. The point is, you felt proud of your accomplishment, and thought it would somehow transform your life, that the only thing holding you back from everything you ever wanted was at the end of that goal weight. And it's not. Believe me, it never will be. So, my suggestion is to find out what you truly lost the weight for, and find what you need to motivate you to keep at it. And it doesn't have to be a gym. Try new things, meet new people (you mentioned you were still single, this may help). Try zumba, salsa dancing, hiking, rollerblading, surfing, rock climbing, something that challenges you, but that you enjoy. Do you have a favorite charity? Participate in 5ks (no running needed, if that's not your thing) that benefit something you're into. There's a sense of accomplishment crossing that finish line, and a lot of them have "bling" if you're looking for something to keep you motivated.
Just a few suggestions. These are all things I fully intend to do, so that I don't end up back where I am now. I cursed those last few vanity lbs I couldn't get rid of, put my life on hold at 135 thinking "128. If I can just get there, I'll be happy and secure". And I never got there. And now I'm back here, because my motivation was wrong from the beginning. I resented that I had to exercise to be a certain size, instead of enjoying all the cool things my lighter body could do.
End rant/ :blushing:0 -
"Comparison is the thief of happiness."
I love this quote, why have I never heard it before?
This is my new favorite quote! :flowerforyou:0 -
I'm 65 and carry weight around my waist. I've always been big, 6'2" 235lbs. So now, being older I work out for me. Let me clue you to something.....nobody. cares what you look like! Any serious person realizes that you are working to better yourself, and will encourage your efforts. If those at your gym do not...change gyms.0
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I just go and workout. I am who I am.0
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OP, it just sounds like you need to mix it up - you've been at this a while, you've put in the work but you're still not one of those fitness freaks who love to live at the gym, you sound like the happiest thing for you in the world would be to never see the inside of those four walls again...so don't. Why not look for another, more pleasurable way, to be active? So many types of dance, sports, hiking, volunteer house-painting...something out there must speak to you more than an activity you seem completely - and legitimately - burned out on.0
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Not every gym is like that. Ours is mostly -normal- people and only a few of those robots from outer space you described. You may find a more comfortable place if you shop around.0
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I agree with this poster. We're all just thinking about our selves anyway, those girls are probably thinking about what that even better looking girl next to them is thinking about them. Just do it, you'll feel great!0
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I read your post again. My issue is always boredom. I just get tired of routines, and eventually I want to escape from the routine I'm in and forget it all and then i'm in some new routine of over eating and denial that can take months or years to settle before I'm desperate again to lose it. I lost a lot of weight once like you. You might be fighting a set back, Your mind might be playing tricks on you in preparation for a setback. Just be sure you have a back up plan if your health issues start to take priority over maintaining your weight loss. What are you really complaining about? Yes the regular thin world and it's gyms and mania can be just as boring as a fat world? Your Topic is "Gym/Confidence Issue" what's your issue exactly?0
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I'm not even going to sugar-coat it. My entire self-worth is wrapped up in my appearance. I was fat for the first 30 years of my life and no one ever let me forget it. I knew what fat was and that it was bad when I was five years old. When I lost all this weight, people acted like I hit the lottery. Nothing happened and nothing really changed. Of course I feel better physically. But I'm still single and I have the same career.
To me this seems to be your whole problem in a nutshell; because you've bought into the whole “fat is bad and I am fat” thing from a very early age maybe you too had the expectation that losing the weight would be like winning the lottery? Like it was the only thing standing in the way of a perfect life.
I too learned this mantra when I was only five, and I fully admit that the above has unfortunately been my thinking process ever since then. I've delayed living my life (still am, as unlike you I have not lost the weight yet nor have I completely broken this thought-cycle) because LIFE, the “proper kind”, doesn't start until I am thin. Except that's not how it works, is it... it's just that when your self-worth is tied to your appearance it is easy to hide behind the fat and pretend all the issues in your life are caused by it. But once the fat is gone so is the excuse you've used your whole life, but things didn't magically change either.
I think maybe you feel quite disillusioned with the reality, and that's why you feel hostile against the people who you feel have had it easier, and who you for some reason still think are somehow better than you. And on top of this you've had a major health scare; I can't imagine how that feels, but I would imagine that can really mess with your head big time.
Maybe the solution is to really think what you want to do with your life, how to accomplish it, and then go out and do it. And maybe, if you feel like you have issues that you can't work through on your own talking to someone about it might be helpful.
Obviously, this is just me reacting to a few posts on an internet forum, so I could be way off base here. But if the whole problem you are facing is that you dislike your gym/the people in it, surely you would have changed gyms or started working out at home/outdoors by now..?
Whatever it is, I hope you find a way to feel better about things and enjoy your accomplishment. :flowerforyou:0 -
So...correct me if I'm wrong, but...it sounds to me like this thread is more about your loss of drive (direction, motivation, goal) than about how others perceive you. You've reached your goal, lost the weight, reached the destination. Now what? The journey consumed much of your time and focus, and now you're feeling withdrawal. Working out to maintain, with no end destination, isn't enough. Yes, I've been there. Now that I recognize it, I wish I could go back. I gained the weight back, and can't get it back off for anything. But that's not the point. The point is, you felt proud of your accomplishment, and thought it would somehow transform your life, that the only thing holding you back from everything you ever wanted was at the end of that goal weight. And it's not. Believe me, it never will be. So, my suggestion is to find out what you truly lost the weight for, and find what you need to motivate you to keep at it. And it doesn't have to be a gym. Try new things, meet new people (you mentioned you were still single, this may help). Try zumba, salsa dancing, hiking, rollerblading, surfing, rock climbing, something that challenges you, but that you enjoy. Do you have a favorite charity? Participate in 5ks (no running needed, if that's not your thing) that benefit something you're into. There's a sense of accomplishment crossing that finish line, and a lot of them have "bling" if you're looking for something to keep you motivated.
Just a few suggestions. These are all things I fully intend to do, so that I don't end up back where I am now. I cursed those last few vanity lbs I couldn't get rid of, put my life on hold at 135 thinking "128. If I can just get there, I'll be happy and secure". And I never got there. And now I'm back here, because my motivation was wrong from the beginning. I resented that I had to exercise to be a certain size, instead of enjoying all the cool things my lighter body could do.
End rant/ :blushing:
i found your post very meaningful. thank you for sharing. sincerely.0 -
It's fascinating how many people chose to focus on the fact I noticed other people's appearances to the exclusion of everything else I wrote. I know no one is looking at me. I've been at this for eight years and am bored out of my ****ing mind with all of it.
you know how therapists and interrogators poke at people to get at the truth? i feel like this is your truth right here.
I think you need to get OUT of the gym.
Now that you are thinner it's time to explore what your in shape body can do. Try any variety of challenging activities. Make a "bucket list" for this year or the next two. Go all out. At the end of the bucket list go back and make a habit of the ones that truly MOVED you in your soul. For me dance is life. For a guy I dated surfing fed his soul. For a woman I knew when I was a girl Rock Climbing challenged her every weekend. She said to me that she felt "triumphant" reaching the top EVERY TIME. Some people like the exploratory nature of mountain biking or trail running. Inside you, you are a dancer, a reacher for the top, an adventurer, a meditator, SOMETHING. And you now have given yourself this wonderful gift of the physical body to do it with. Go do it. Find it and do it. Do it now. While you can. The other lady is right, years pass fast, make them count. There's a song in spanish that says "Mrs. ____ don't take years off your life (lie about age), give life to your years". You will be X age one day like it or not, it's your choice what those years are filled with. Adventure or woe, it's up to you. YOU CAN DO IT.:flowerforyou:0 -
This is the kind of stuff that makes me glad I go to the gym dark and early in the morning. No one's there yet and I get free reign to workout without distraction.
PREACH! This is how I overcame my fear of the gym. For me, it causes great anxiety. GREAT ANXIETY. I start breathing hard as soon as I start putting on my shoes. I just kept pushing myself to go every day. By going at a time when there weren't many people, I was able to get more comfortable with the idea and turn it into a routine of sorts. Now, I can go at any time and feel pretty normal. I still get a touch of anxiety in the car but once I get there and put my headphones in, I'm great. You have to use some trial and error to find what makes you feel more comfortable.0
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