Do YOU ever "sabotage" your friends?

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kassiebby1124
kassiebby1124 Posts: 927 Member
in Health and Weight Loss
My friend and I had an interesting discussion the other day about weight loss and people we know. My roommate is trying to lose weight and I offer her helpful tips without being too invasive now and then when she asks (I'm not really partial towards her but I live with her so..yeah) but my friend was saying that back in high school when her friend were losing weight, she wouldn't exactly "encourage" them to eat more or unhealthily, but when asked her opinion she wouldn't oppose their thoughts. That got me thinking that I used to do something similar because I didn't want to be the "Fat friend." I don't do this anymore, however. But have you ever been so envious of a friend's physique (or worried they'll look better than you when they do lose the weight) that you sabotage their efforts either directly or indirectly?
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  • Ninkyou
    Ninkyou Posts: 6,666 Member
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    Nope, can't say I ever have.
  • jimwon953
    jimwon953 Posts: 20 Member
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    No.

    In fact, I have a friend who I work with who is also monitoring his weight and he'll routinely say something like 'Ohhhhhh, I can't bothered. Let's just do massive burgers for lunch.' - to which I reply, 'You can do burgers if you like, but I'm going Boots for low calorie amazingness and then I'll come meet you in BK and completely defeat you with my amazing lunch,'.
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
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    Never. I don't see any reason to. I don't see other people as being in competition with me (other than in actual sports, and then it's a game and I should be gracious in victory and defeat). If I want something they have (e.g. if they have a better bench, squat or deadlift than me) then I find ways to get that for myself by what I do and how I eat and train. This doesn't affect them one bit, as in they can continue to improve their lifts and I can continue to improve mine. How much they can lift doesn't affect how much I can lift. And if ultimately they're still stronger than me....? well I'll be jealous of course, but that's life, and I'll be happy for them.

    as for sabotaging weight loss efforts... I see someone else's efforts to lose weight as their efforts to improve their health, so I'd see any attempt to sabotage their weight loss efforts as an attempt to sabotage their health, which IMO is a chaotic evil* thing to do. If a friend was hellbent on doing something unhealthy like one of those cleanses or something, then they might think I was trying to sabotage them through all my efforts to talk them out of it, but it would come from concern for their health and actually wanting them to succeed in the long term.




    *yeah some of my nerd tendencies just slipped out there :wink:
  • redpandora56
    redpandora56 Posts: 289 Member
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    I'm sorry but sabotaging a friend who is trying to lose weight does not improve your situation or make you magically slimmer - if someone is afraid a friend's attempts to become more healthy will make them look bad, then they should take accountability for themselves, and join them in their attempts.

    i have a friend that does it to me. constantly says stuff like 'but i'm fatter than you so you don't need to lose weight.' and then when i go to visit, she'll ask if i was something to eat (chips, cookies, ice cream etc.) I'll say no, but she'll bring it and put it in front of me anyway, again saying i 'can afford it.'

    To be honest it is hurtful, disrespectful, and it means I've been avoiding going to her house lately so she can't do that to me. If it happens again, I'm going to have to talk with her about it or I worry it will ruin our friendship.

    I'm pleased you say you don't do it anymore and I hope that it stays that way. Supporting and joining in with your friends will allow you to keep them and achieve more for yourself than trying to sabotage them.
  • craftywitch_63
    craftywitch_63 Posts: 829 Member
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    I'm guilty of being envious of some of my friends' amazing bodies (not to mention my daughter who is drop-dead gorgeous!) but I can't honestly think of any time that I've actively sabotaged it. Unless you count the times that I took my then-pregnant daughter to Taco Bell at her insistence. That was mostly fear of pregnancy hormones, though . . . :explode:
  • pixie_mills
    pixie_mills Posts: 103 Member
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    Yes and No...

    Situation: My mum is very thin and going to be 60 this year, she doesn't go to the gym and her only exercise consists of walking the dogs a couple of times a day, she has always been very thin with her heaviest weight being 8st 7lbs...now in the past and if being totally honest, i am envious of that weight particularly when she suits "young fashion" better than someone who is 35 years younger than her! I try to get her to eat more, but moreso because I'm really worried about her health like the onset of osteoporosis or her having a fall and breaking a bone. She also doesn't have much muscle...so its more of a cruel to be kind thing...I really doubt she gets more than 1500 kcal a day...
  • craftywitch_63
    craftywitch_63 Posts: 829 Member
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    i have a friend that does it to me. constantly says stuff like 'but i'm fatter than you so you don't need to lose weight.'




    :huh:
  • Othelie24601
    Othelie24601 Posts: 21
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    Two examples:

    - A friend who desperately wants me to join weight watchers with her and asks me all the time what I eat since I'm losing weight, while at the same time telling everyone that the only way to lose weight is to join weight watchers. And to be fair weight watchers is an amazing fit for her, because she looks more gorgeous every time I see her. I still feel I have the right to mess with her as much as I want, until she stops shaming me for not doing things her way.

    - A colleague who is trying to lose weight by eating big "salads" consisting of cheese and ham, covered in dressing and drinking 200ish calories with every meal. I tried to tell her to drink water and maybe have an actual salad, but after doing that twice I gave up and now make sure not to have the same lunchtime as her. I don't need to sabotage her diet because she is doing it all by herself.
  • kbmnurse
    kbmnurse Posts: 2,484 Member
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    No I don't.
  • rosebette
    rosebette Posts: 1,659 Member
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    I did that once, not with mean intentions. I was staying with a dear friend who was doing WW, and meticulously counting points. Her husband, who was Latino, was a fantastic cook, so as I was the houseguest, he would cook for me, and I would kind of join him in "enjoy life" eat whatever, but I was a temporary guest, so I could afford the extra calories for just a week, but for her it was a daily struggle, Then, once when we went out, she was craving ice cream, and I treated her. I felt very bad about it afterwards, even though I wasn't being mean. I was just in vacation mode, and she wasn't, but I should have supported her.
  • craftywitch_63
    craftywitch_63 Posts: 829 Member
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    Two examples:

    - A friend who desperately wants me to join weight watchers with her and asks me all the time what I eat since I'm losing weight, while at the same time telling everyone that the only way to lose weight is to join weight watchers. I feel I have the right to mess with her as much as I want.

    I doubt I could stop myself from messing with her either. :devil:
    - A colleague who is trying to lose weight by eating big "salads" consisting of cheese and ham, covered in dressing and drinking 200ish calories with every meal. I tried to tell her to drink water and maybe have an actual salad, but after doing that twice I gave up and now make sure not to have the same lunchtime as her. I don't need to sabotage her diet because she is doing it all by herself.

    Sometimes all you CAN do is sit back and watch them self-destruct. Depending upon the person and how much you care about her it can be (a) frustrating and disheartening or (b) satisfying (sorry if that offends anyone but sometimes it's just TRUE!) :indifferent:
    [/quote]
  • kandell
    kandell Posts: 473 Member
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    I don't think I've ever done that. Although...I hate to admit it, but I had a slight feeling of joy when my younger sister gained weight. She has always been so thin and gorgeous, and then she gained weight and we were about the same size. But now she's lost that weight and I feel so happy for her, and encouraged that I can lose that weight too!
  • kassiebby1124
    kassiebby1124 Posts: 927 Member
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    Thanks for your input everyone. Now I'm gonna vent about my roommate. I don't care if she loses weight. She weighs less than me already (my body fat is lower though. Thanks weights!) but the thing that bothers me is that she complains about it. B*TCH I'M FAT TOO. Shut up. If she complained and did something about it, I'd support her more but she complains and sits on her *kitten*. When she does work out, she eats afterwards which is more than she burned off. I want to be supportive and happy for her and if she asks me something I'll give her advice, but I can do much if she continues her habits then complains about how things fit and how she's gained weight.
  • lauren3101
    lauren3101 Posts: 1,853 Member
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    No, I have never and would never sabotage my friends efforts to lose weight. My friends are all incredibly supportive of me and I would be to them.

    I have looked for 'validation' with them though. If I want dessert, for example, I ask if they are getting one, and if they are, in my mindset that means that it's ok for me to have one too. Bad habit that I'm trying to break. :laugh:
  • SezxyStef
    SezxyStef Posts: 15,268 Member
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    real friends don't sabatage friends...

    If you are actually doing that you are not a friend, if they are doing it they are not friends...
  • Madame_Goldbricker
    Madame_Goldbricker Posts: 1,625 Member
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    Yes and No...

    Situation: My mum is very thin and going to be 60 this year, she doesn't go to the gym and her only exercise consists of walking the dogs a couple of times a day, she has always been very thin with her heaviest weight being 8st 7lbs...now in the past and if being totally honest, i am envious of that weight particularly when she suits "young fashion" better than someone who is 35 years younger than her! I try to get her to eat more, but moreso because I'm really worried about her health like the onset of osteoporosis or her having a fall and breaking a bone. She also doesn't have much muscle...so its more of a cruel to be kind thing...I really doubt she gets more than 1500 kcal a day...

    Encourage your mum to try yoga or pilates with you. It'll help prevent osteoporosis far better than her eating more cals.
  • SonicDeathMonkey80
    SonicDeathMonkey80 Posts: 4,489 Member
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    My friends sabotage themselves very well without any assistance from me.
  • Othelie24601
    Othelie24601 Posts: 21
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    - A colleague who is trying to lose weight by eating big "salads" consisting of cheese and ham, covered in dressing and drinking 200ish calories with every meal. I tried to tell her to drink water and maybe have an actual salad, but after doing that twice I gave up and now make sure not to have the same lunchtime as her. I don't need to sabotage her diet because she is doing it all by herself.

    Sometimes all you CAN do is sit back and watch them self-destruct. Depending upon the person and how much you care about her it can be (a) frustrating and disheartening or (b) satisfying (sorry if that offends anyone but sometimes it's just TRUE!) :indifferent:
    [/quote]

    Yeah, she is really strange and more then a little annoying so I'm planning on sitting back and watching the show.
  • sjohnny
    sjohnny Posts: 56,142 Member
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    If I want to sabotage someone I usually cut their brake lines or wire explosives to detonate when they open their front door.
  • craftywitch_63
    craftywitch_63 Posts: 829 Member
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    Thanks for your input everyone. Now I'm gonna vent about my roommate. I don't care if she loses weight. She weighs less than me already (my body fat is lower though. Thanks weights!) but the thing that bothers me is that she complains about it. B*TCH I'M FAT TOO. Shut up. If she complained and did something about it, I'd support her more but she complains and sits on her *kitten*. When she does work out, she eats afterwards which is more than she burned off. I want to be supportive and happy for her and if she asks me something I'll give her advice, but I can do much if she continues her habits then complains about how things fit and how she's gained weight.

    Okay, I absolutely feel your frustration. My advice? Stop giving her advice. Even if she asks. Even if she BEGS. Tell her it's her life and you have a new policy: no more advice. The up side for you? You don't have to listen to her b!tch anymore. If she starts, cut her off. You don't have to be rude about it but you must be consistent. If she starts to complain, excuse yourself and walk away. Lock yourself in the bathroom for a few minutes. Take a walk around the block. Whatever. Don't give any reasons, just excuse yourself and leave. By listening to her, you are enabling her, so stop. She won't get it the first time, she may not get it the 50th time or the 100th time but she will get the message. Or one of you will move out first - problem solved! :laugh: If you can't leave, change the subject. Don't let her finish her first sentence, interrupt her (Oh, excuse me for interrupting, but are the dishes in the dishwasher clean or dirty?) Keep a list of topics in your head (Oh, did you see _________ in the morning paper? What do you think about that?)

    ETA: I use this constantly in my work to redirect demented elderly people. It sounds easy - it's not - but it does work. You have an advantage in that your roomate may be a PITA but she's not demented. :flowerforyou:

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