Do YOU ever "sabotage" your friends?
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According to the people on this site, yes i do. It's called "my diet plan allows for pizza, cookies, ice cream, and buffalo wings and i will keep it in my house and eat it whenever the urge strikes me but since YOU are dieting on leafy greens and boiled poultry i am sabatouging you."0
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My mom does this, I suspect. Every time I start losing weight, she sends me a "care package". I got one just this week, full of Ghiradelli chocolates. The last one was cookies, and homemade fried chips. I don't think people do this on purpose, but maybe it's subconscious that they don't want to be the unattractive one of the bunch. It's easier to drag someone else down than to change your own habits.
But, I legitimately turned to my husband maybe two days ago and said that I think she's trying to get me to gain weight again. And I can't exactly cut her out of my life...she's my mom.
Um, can you give your mom my address? I will take those care packages off your hands....0 -
My mom does this, I suspect. Every time I start losing weight, she sends me a "care package". I got one just this week, full of Ghiradelli chocolates. The last one was cookies, and homemade fried chips. I don't think people do this on purpose, but maybe it's subconscious that they don't want to be the unattractive one of the bunch. It's easier to drag someone else down than to change your own habits.
But, I legitimately turned to my husband maybe two days ago and said that I think she's trying to get me to gain weight again. And I can't exactly cut her out of my life...she's my mom.
How about you just don't tell her you're trying to lose weight?
Considering cutting your mom out of your life because she sends your care packages? Wow.0 -
I hate when I hear people say things like "eat a burger" to people that are thin. When I had gotten down to my goal weigth last year, I got so many compliments, but then the people I truly care for (like my mom) would tell me that she really wished that I would eat a burger and stop "starving" myself. I had lost weight gradually, so I wasn't starving myself - I worked really hard to lose weight and then that's the reaction I got, that I was too thin (which I wasn't, at 5'3" small frame, I was 120+ lbs). Most of these burger comments came from people who are overweight or obese, so I see the psychological effects that it must have to see someone that has been overweight succeed at losing where they have failed. But I have been on both ends. I've been the fat girl with a thin friend, and I always think it's great when people accomplish their goals, weight related or not.0
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I don't think I've ever intentionally sabotaged anybody, although I remember a situation involving hot dogs when I was at my heaviest that I was rather inconsiderate of my friend who was trying to be healthier and lose weight at the time.
Nowadays, I'm way too quick to help. Sometimes it's unasked for, but I can't help it. I'm working on it, promise!!
I'm also really guilty of being envious of a friend's body. Honestly, I don't think the green-eyed monster has ever come out of me as hard as it does when I look at her pictures or see her. This girl really has the PERFECT body, and she makes no effort to hide that. She knows. Not that she should, mind you, but it's hard when I know this girl personally, and know for a fact she spends her day eating chips and smoking weed....
Kinda discouraging when you work your *kitten* off and eat clean, but no matter. It'll catch up to her one day, and then I will have my revenge :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
....just kidding. Haha. The best thing to do is just keep working hard and staying positive, and loving myself/yourself for who I/you are!0 -
Not intentionally! I did, however, realize that I was using my friend as a bread bin. I limit the amount of carbs I eat for medical reasons. Anytime I'd order something with bread, rice, fries, pretzels, croutons, tortillas, dessert, etc, he'd be the one to get it. I got into this habit and didn't think anything of it, other than the food wasn't going to waste. I didn't realize that this meant he was eating his entire meal PLUS my assortment of carby goodies. Don't even want to think about the calories! I stopped the second he said he wanted to lose weight.
I also make an effort to never say things like, "Just one bite won't hurt" or "You don't need to lose anything else." I feel that if a person makes a decision to lose weight, that's their business and I will not stand in their way. They tell me they're doing a specialized diet like low carb, vegan, or whatever else, I will make sure I'm not standing in their way of those diets. I think a diet is a personal choice that should be respected. I hate it when people try to sabotage me so I'd never do it to someone else!0 -
Nope. Not at all.
I have, however, occasionally used them for the "turkey theory": Whenever you have a goal you're doubtful you can reach, look around and find someone who's progressing towards or who has already achieved the same goal, then tell yourself "if this turkey can do it, *I* can do it."0 -
Some horrible people out there to do that to someone... wtf is wrong with people ...0
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Tend to only sabotage myself :frown:
I'm actually very supportive to all my friends and family who try to better their lives.
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Tend to only sabotage myself :frown:
I'm actually very supportive to all my friends and family who try to better their lives.
I'm guilty of self-sabotage SO much! I get to a point where I've screwed up for the day and then say to myself "oh well, if I eat horribly the rest of the day, it doesn't matter because I have already failed". I know I have to get out of that cycle, but I haven't figured out how to make that happen for ME. Telling myself that I'm ok, just do what you're supposed to, just does not work on those days.0 -
Some horrible people out there to do that to someone... wtf is wrong with people ...
I know! And congrats on the 152 lbs lost! You are amazing!0 -
I've never set out to sabatage someone... but I have enabled someone to justify my own enablement. For example, a friend says shes seriously craving pizza and donuts but probably shouldn't have them. I reallyyy want pizza and donuts also....so I'll kinda laugh it off like... "wellll...... we can work out tomorrow?" And then both of us feel justified for eating pizza and donuts. It's not that I set out to sabatage her, I just feel like less of a loser than if I ate it all alone.0
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Never.
But I have, however, lost a few friends when I got increasingly serious about being consistent with my diet.
People come and go.0 -
I do that sometimes lol. And as others said, I sabotage myself to an extent. When I feel like I've made an accomplishment for the day or in the gym, I tend to overcompensate with what I eat the day after and tell myself "I'm gonna work out tomorrow so it's worth it."I've never set out to sabatage someone... but I have enabled someone to justify my own enablement. For example, a friend says shes seriously craving pizza and donuts but probably shouldn't have them. I reallyyy want pizza and donuts also....so I'll kinda laugh it off like... "wellll...... we can work out tomorrow?" And then both of us feel justified for eating pizza and donuts. It's not that I set out to sabatage her, I just feel like less of a loser than if I ate it all alone.0 -
No, I've never done something like that. I'm very supportive and encouraging of when someone wants to better themselves, especially the people I love and care about. Seeing them happy makes me happy. Why would I want to stop them from feeling great?0
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My boss/best friend keeps leaving me "treats," just to be a jerk. haha0 -
^^^ LOL That's horrible!! Omgosh!!0
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How about you just don't tell her you're trying to lose weight?
Considering cutting your mom out of your life because she sends your care packages? Wow.
Not quite. What I meant is that when someone tries to sabotage your efforts at anything in life, it's better to suck the poison out of your life. I'm not going to hide the fact that I'm trying to live a healthier lifestyle, because I would like to inspire my family to join me on this path. I think what someone wrote earlier could be correct though. Maybe she is concerned that I'm limiting myself too much. I know that she means well, but it isn't helpful to have that much tasty chocolate in the house.0 -
Wanting to sabotage someone doesn't make them your friend...it makes them someone you don't care about.
And no, I've never done that or wanted to do that.0 -
Thanks for your input everyone. Now I'm gonna vent about my roommate. I don't care if she loses weight. She weighs less than me already (my body fat is lower though. Thanks weights!) but the thing that bothers me is that she complains about it. B*TCH I'M FAT TOO. Shut up. If she complained and did something about it, I'd support her more but she complains and sits on her *kitten*. When she does work out, she eats afterwards which is more than she burned off. I want to be supportive and happy for her and if she asks me something I'll give her advice, but I can do much if she continues her habits then complains about how things fit and how she's gained weight.
This reminds me of a friend I used to have...she was literally a size 2, and would complain all the dang time about how fat she was! I was a size 16ish (which I am finally just now back down to) at the time. One day I turned to her and said, (not meanly), "If you think you are fat, you must think I'm a beached whale." She looked genuinely surprised, but STFU about it after that.0 -
I would never sabotage someones efforts to live healthier or to lose weight because someone I thought was a friend did it to me and I gained A LOT of weight with her help.
I was overwhelmingly depressed and just in a really bad place and she would use that against me. At first i thought she was just trying to be comforting then I noticed that she'd get really really pushy about it and try to use guilt to get me to eat stuff she would buy just for me. My weight was the last thing on my mind at the time and when I moved out (we were roommates) and realized how much weight I had gained, I started eating normal and exercising again and lost 10 pounds before I next saw her.
I had suspected that she was trying to sabotage my weight before but brushed it off because I felt like I was just being paranoid.
As I came closer to my normal weight she would get meaner and pushier. I noticed that when I was eating clean and no longer craved sweets, carbs, and stopped drinking soda. She would offer those specific things to me and became increasingly agitated every time I said no thank you.
I don't know why she was so intimidated or insecure but I wish her the best. . .I'd chose 20-30lbs of weight gain over being a nasty vindictive person like her any day.0 -
LOL!! I can honestly say that I have SERVERAL friends who try and do this to me, especially since they are stuck at a certain weight and can't seem to lose. However I DON'T sabotage because at the end of day, I hope everyone is fit and healthy.0
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Yes and No...
Situation: My mum is very thin and going to be 60 this year, she doesn't go to the gym and her only exercise consists of walking the dogs a couple of times a day, she has always been very thin with her heaviest weight being 8st 7lbs...now in the past and if being totally honest, i am envious of that weight particularly when she suits "young fashion" better than someone who is 35 years younger than her! I try to get her to eat more, but moreso because I'm really worried about her health like the onset of osteoporosis or her having a fall and breaking a bone. She also doesn't have much muscle...so its more of a cruel to be kind thing...I really doubt she gets more than 1500 kcal a day...
If she's 60 years old and slightly built, she doesn't NEED more than 1500 calories a day.0 -
Nope I would hate myself if I did.0
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Interesting thread. I would never intentionally sabotage anyone. I probably have encouraged someone to "relax about calories" just because I was young and ignorant. I truly didn't understand how hard it can be, when you're addicted to dope in the form of food. I apologize to my friends for this.
I believe the only person I should compare with is myself. Comparison is a zero-sum game. Someone is bound to come off worse or better in any relative comparison. If the other is better off, it stimulates envy. If you are better off, it might lead to hubris. So the real question, should maybe be: "Am I a better or worse version of the person I want to be? And what can I do to change that status?"
I don't need sabotaging friends. I have someone right under my skin. I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to sabotage. I will make up excuses or rationalize why I can continue with bad habits. Choose any of fitting excuses below:
a) I'm tired, I deserve something to cheer me up
b) I exercised so much, now I can gorge a bit, "eat back" kcal
c) I'm so happy, I deserve a treat
d) I'm so sad, I need a treat.
e) I don't have time to prepare a real meal, I'll have this fast food instead.
When I think about it, I have quite a distorted perception of my own body. I grew up with a mom who had weight issues herself. She would always nag about my weight if I had gained a couple of kilos. But literally she will offer cakes, ice-cream etc an hour later...To give you guys an example, this is a convo between me and her a couple of years ago:
Mom: Your sister has put on sooo much weight. Puffy and doughy all over, she is now like a little whale!
Me: Ok...but how much does she weigh?
Mom: I don't know, maybe about 58 kg?
Me: Thx, mom. So if you think she is grossly overweight at 58, what would I be then at 63?
...Silence...
The interesting thing is, that I really think she doesn't understand what she is doing and what impact it has. I do not believe in blaming people for your actions in the present. But I do know that I have to limit spending time with my mom when she is like this.0 -
Once by accident. I asked a friend on a diet twice if she wanted some of my ice cream -- it was so delicious that I couldn't believe she would refuse it. And I'd forgotten she was on a diet because she made zero big deal about it.
When I realized later that I'd been tempting her like tempting an alcoholic by waving a beer around, I was mortified. I didn't mean to be a sh*thead -- I just wasn't watching what I ate then, so I didn't realize how important it was, and I had forgotten what she was doing. Mea culpa.0 -
My boss/best friend keeps leaving me "treats," just to be a jerk. haha
My boss throws candy at me. Like, literally throws it. I'll be working away and get hit in the back of the head with a candy bar hurled from across the room.0 -
No although people do it to me all the time and I hate it.0
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Yes..and no. Yes I suppose I do with ONE friend, but I believe I have a good reason. She's, in a nutshell, very obsessive about her weight. She's not ill but if it wasn't for my "support"/"sabotage" she'd be under 100 pounds and probably end up quite ill.
PS I don't generally do it to others at all because I HATE it when my friend does it to me.0 -
Thanks for your input everyone. Now I'm gonna vent about my roommate. I don't care if she loses weight. She weighs less than me already (my body fat is lower though. Thanks weights!) but the thing that bothers me is that she complains about it. B*TCH I'M FAT TOO. Shut up. If she complained and did something about it, I'd support her more but she complains and sits on her *kitten*. When she does work out, she eats afterwards which is more than she burned off. I want to be supportive and happy for her and if she asks me something I'll give her advice, but I can do much if she continues her habits then complains about how things fit and how she's gained weight.
This reminds me of a friend I used to have...she was literally a size 2, and would complain all the dang time about how fat she was! I was a size 16ish (which I am finally just now back down to) at the time. One day I turned to her and said, (not meanly), "If you think you are fat, you must think I'm a beached whale." She looked genuinely surprised, but STFU about it after that.
Yeah, one friend I have is size 6 or 8 (US 2 or 4) and she put on 4 pounds once and kept saying she was so fat. She was still about 25 lbs lighter than me and 2 or 3 sizes smaller… I was like STFU and, relatively politely, I did say that to her a couple times. I was like can you stop saying that because you're still tiny and I find it really offensive? She didn't really seem sorry, she was almost angry and said she was allowed to say she feels fat if she does. But I said there was a difference in saying you felt bloated and heavier (fine) and saying you looked and felt so fat (not fine).0
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