Question for the single ladies of MFP
Replies
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Yes, he at least needs to know how to make me a sammich. I mean 19 years with no sammich. How long do I allow this nonsense to continue? I'm gonna starve in my dirty clothes and no sammich in my tummy.I'm not single nor a "lady", but I don't like that this is only for single ladies because rules are stooopid.
I don't think I would ever ask these questions. It seems offensive to ask something that everyone should already have. I think they would reveal themselves quickly if they didn't have any of these things, but I could be wrong.
Whew, I'm glad I'm married and don't have to deal with this crap. Oh, and he has a car, job and a place to live. He just doesn't know how to use our washing machine yet. I should have asked that question.
In his defence it is women's work. Do you expect him to learn to cook too?
PERFECT response!! LOLOL0 -
I can see that my #1 dealbreaker would eliminate most of the women in this thread.
That they aren't single!?
No, I actually prefer they are married.
Then what is it!0 -
When I was single and dating, it wasn't necessarily a lack of job or car, people hit hard times especially in this economy. But the dealbreaker for me is if he wasn't even trying to look for a job and had no future goals/drive/work ethic etc. If he was just content with being jobless and broke all the time then that was just pretty much an automatic negative.0
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I can see that my #1 dealbreaker would eliminate most of the women in this thread.
That they aren't single!?
No, I actually prefer they are married.
Then what is it!
Lack of faithfulness and loyalty.0 -
They are not deal breakers for me but they are red flags. Its all about context.
Job? Yes..maybe. I prefer a man with a career. I say career, not job. If he slings burgers (and its not because its his passion) there is a good chance there will be other differences in our outlook on life. Having a career does mean that a guy between jobs stands a chance. Life happens. I was without work for several months in 2010- it happens. I'm not a fundamentally lazy person, being with someone who is wouldnt work for me. Having employment is just as important as being proud of what you do. I dont require education either although its attractive in a man and gives us a better chance of being intellectual equals.
Home? I live with my parents so I cannot judge. I'm saving to buy a house, alone- so I need to have greater finances in order to make it happen. Banks prefer couples when negotiating mortgages. I've lived at home twice now as an adult to achieve my financial goals but I've also functioned successfully on my own. I will NEVER regret spending more time with my parents while they are still with me! I am not ashamed that I am back at home. I'm fully independent, I pay them some rent, I have to participate in the group cooking/cleaning chores or cook for myself, and I do my own laundry. Living at home could be a dealbreaker though if he is basically still under the child paradigm where his mother cares for his every need. I prefer men to boys.
Car? Nope. Not an issue for me. I sold my car 4 years ago and have never looked back. I carpool, take transit, or walk everywhere I need to go. I am capable of carrying 40lbs of groceries on my back and when I lived alone- I did, every week. Its a lifestyle choice. I might not be so interested in a guy though if the reason he doesnt own a car is because he lacks the ability to budget appropriately to afford the upkeep.0 -
I can see that my #1 dealbreaker would eliminate most of the women in this thread.
That they aren't single!?
No, I actually prefer they are married.
Then what is it!
Lack of faithfulness and loyalty.
LOL!!!
How long do you wait to know someone, before you have faith in them and are loyal to them only?
I'm curious as to your age. :flowerforyou:0 -
I'm not single nor a "lady", but I don't like that this is only for single ladies because rules are stooopid.
I don't think I would ever ask these questions. It seems offensive to ask something that everyone should already have. I think they would reveal themselves quickly if they didn't have any of these things, but I could be wrong.
Whew, I'm glad I'm married and don't have to deal with this crap. Oh, and he has a car, job and a place to live. He just doesn't know how to use our washing machine yet. I should have asked that question.
In his defence it is women's work. Do you expect him to learn to cook too?
My head just exploded. You just set women back about 50 years right there.0 -
Honestly, when I'm single, those are all deal breakers.
I don't want to be the only one responsible for driving.
I don't want to be the only one responsible for money issues.
I don't want him trying to immediately move in with me because it's "easier".
PLUS, in my experience, these issues are often (not always) accompanied a lack of maturity and responsibility. THOSE are MAJOR deal breakers for me.0 -
I can see that my #1 dealbreaker would eliminate most of the women in this thread.
That they aren't single!?
No, I actually prefer they are married.
Then what is it!
Lack of faithfulness and loyalty.
LOL!!!
How long do you wait to know someone, before you have faith in them and are loyal to them only?
I'm curious as to your age. :flowerforyou:
I usually know them for a few months before we start dating.
I will be 30 in a few weeks.0 -
I'm not single nor a "lady", but I don't like that this is only for single ladies because rules are stooopid.
I don't think I would ever ask these questions. It seems offensive to ask something that everyone should already have. I think they would reveal themselves quickly if they didn't have any of these things, but I could be wrong.
Whew, I'm glad I'm married and don't have to deal with this crap. Oh, and he has a car, job and a place to live. He just doesn't know how to use our washing machine yet. I should have asked that question.
In his defence it is women's work. Do you expect him to learn to cook too?
My head just exploded. You just set women back about 50 years right there.
I think when your head exploded, your sarcasm-meter was broken. :ohwell:0 -
lol at the single moms in here.....
brb gets knocked up
brb can't even keep a man
brb thinks she deserves the world
just lol
maybe if you didn't take of your knickers for every skeezer who looked at you, you might actually find a decent man.0 -
I don't think the married or committed women who are responding are showing lack of loyalty/faithfulness-they just have valid opinions as well. Opinions from when they were single, opinions from being mothers, friends, sisters, etc.0
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I'm not single nor a "lady", but I don't like that this is only for single ladies because rules are stooopid.
I don't think I would ever ask these questions. It seems offensive to ask something that everyone should already have. I think they would reveal themselves quickly if they didn't have any of these things, but I could be wrong.
Whew, I'm glad I'm married and don't have to deal with this crap. Oh, and he has a car, job and a place to live. He just doesn't know how to use our washing machine yet. I should have asked that question.
In his defence it is women's work. Do you expect him to learn to cook too?
My head just exploded. You just set women back about 50 years right there.
I don't know why you're mad after we let you gals vote after your incessant nagging.0 -
I don't necessarily ask those questions but I think the subjects come up naturally during conversation. No job is a red flag but not necessarily a dealbreaker if he is ACTIVELY looking. No car is not always a deal breaker as long as he is saving for one. And living with mom and dad doesn't have to be a dealbreaker but it would be a very large red flag for me. And if the guy had no job, no car, and lived with mom and dad, the combo would be a dealbreaker for me. Just being honest.0
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I don't think the married or committed women who are responding are showing lack of loyalty/faithfulness-they just have valid opinions as well. Opinions from when they were single, opinions from being mothers, friends, sisters, etc.
Hmm. Maybe you are right. Some of the married ones were hot too, I will see if they are interested.0 -
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I can see that my #1 dealbreaker would eliminate most of the women in this thread.
That they aren't single!?
No, I actually prefer they are married.
Then what is it!
Lack of faithfulness and loyalty.
I don't understand your reasoning. If you prefer a woman to be the kind of person who wants something in her life, would that automatically make you unloyal?0 -
Woman - I have certain standards and I expect the man I'm with to live up to them. He had best have a decent job, I ain't supporting no bums. And he'd better have his own car and his own place. If he doesn't have a 401K he better get one. I have a certain lifestyle and I expect to be taken care of.
Man - I don't date fat chicks.
Woman - WHY ARE MEN SO SHALLOW?!?!?!
Maybe "Man" should up his standards?0 -
I can see that my #1 dealbreaker would eliminate most of the women in this thread.
That they aren't single!?
No, I actually prefer they are married.
Then what is it!
Lack of faithfulness and loyalty.
I don't understand your reasoning. If you prefer a woman to be the kind of person who wants something in her life, would that automatically make you unloyal?
I do not understand your question.0 -
READ THE POST: IT SAYS "....FOR THE SINGLE LADIES........."
Ladies who cannot read is #2.0 -
READ THE POST: IT SAYS "....FOR THE SINGLE LADIES........."
Are you having problems weeding out the attached ones?0 -
Wasn't this a topic on the Montel Williams show?
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Woman - I have certain standards and I expect the man I'm with to live up to them. He had best have a decent job, I ain't supporting no bums. And he'd better have his own car and his own place. If he doesn't have a 401K he better get one. I have a certain lifestyle and I expect to be taken care of.
Man - I don't date fat chicks.
Woman - WHY ARE MEN SO SHALLOW?!?!?!
haha0 -
I can see that my #1 dealbreaker would eliminate most of the women in this thread.
That they aren't single!?
No, I actually prefer they are married.
Then what is it!
Lack of faithfulness and loyalty.
I don't understand your reasoning. If you prefer a woman to be the kind of person who wants something in her life, would that automatically make you unloyal?
I do not understand your question.
Never mind, I misunderstood. I thought you meant those who have these standards are not being supportive or loyal to the person they are dating, which made no sense to me since it takes time to know someone enough to be loyal to them.0 -
I can see that my #1 dealbreaker would eliminate most of the women in this thread.
That they aren't single!?
No, I actually prefer they are married.
Then what is it!
Lack of faithfulness and loyalty.
I don't understand your reasoning. If you prefer a woman to be the kind of person who wants something in her life, would that automatically make you unloyal?
I do not understand your question.
Never mind, I misunderstood. I thought you meant those who have these standards are not being supportive or loyal to the person they are dating, which made no sense to me since it takes time to know someone enough to be loyal to them.
No, I meant fidelity.0 -
Woman - I have certain standards and I expect the man I'm with to live up to them. He had best have a decent job, I ain't supporting no bums. And he'd better have his own car and his own place. If he doesn't have a 401K he better get one. I have a certain lifestyle and I expect to be taken care of.
Man - I don't date fat chicks.
Woman - WHY ARE MEN SO SHALLOW?!?!?!
Don't forget he also has to be over 6' tall.0 -
I would never outright lead with that in a conversation, but really not having a job is the biggest dealbreaker. I live near Boston, so a car isn't always necessary and I'm pretty young so living at home still isn't an issue if there are student loans, etc.
In terms of my potential men in my life, of which there are none.0 -
When I was single...
-ok I'm not single, but honestly whose advice do you want, people who are happily in relationships for years? or people who can't quite stay in a relationship?-
...I would look for compatibility, intelligence, humor, willingness to do man things like kill spiders, good looks, strength, good at sex, and other key stuff that would make the relationship good.
if you're really compatible, these things matter *way* less. but if you're not really compatible they will definitely be red flags.
if it were me and we hit it off hugely I would NOT care. If we didn't, I'd be thinking the following:
-you don't have a place to stay: why? are you broke? how come you can't take care of yourself? oh god you are NOT moving in with me, I hope you're not looking for that.
-you don't have a job: well really as long as you're not expecting me to pay for dinner I don't care until it's way later in the relationship. that said, what I'd be thinking: I hope it doesn't get awkward, 'cause I'm not paying your 1/2 of this date. don't rub it in my face, cause if it really doesn't matter to you, then you should be able to act like it.
-you don't have a car? the least important on the list, especially if you're in a city. now, you don't have a car cause it's been repo'd several times and live in the suburbs and are always asking for rides? we will not be going out again.
Now how to tell if you/a girl are hitting it off? You'll know. If you can't tell if it's going well, then chances are yes those are red flags.0 -
the guy I am extremely interested in right now does not have a "real" job just busking playing music on the street & in bars
sooo that says something0 -
Whatever, you love it.
^ That gif right there?
Consider it stolen.0
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