Question for the single ladies of MFP

Options
123578

Replies

  • askeates
    askeates Posts: 1,490 Member
    Options
    I don't necessarily ask the question out-right, but it is definitely conversation topics.... Like what do you do for a living? Do you work close to where you live? Lot's of things tend to come out in the open with a simple "standard" question.

    For me, I'm not looking for a man that is a millionaire (that would be a bonus, not a requirement), but I do want a man that supports himself! And honestly, I THINK most men are looking for the same thing in a woman.
  • sweetcurlz67
    sweetcurlz67 Posts: 1,168 Member
    Options
    You could look at it like a very biased points value system..

    Place to live:
    Parents or streets = 0
    Roommates = 1
    Rents alone = 1.5
    Owns house w/ roommates = 2
    Owns own place = 3

    Car:
    No ride and super reliant = 0
    No ride but very self sufficient = 1
    Bikes everywhere, kinda hot =1.5
    Has motor vehicle = 2
    Has sweet motor vehicle and probably a bike too = 3

    Job:
    Is unemployed and needs you to pick up the check = 0
    Is unemployed but doesn't need your help = 1
    Is employed = 2
    Makes tonnnnnnssssssss of money = 3


    Did he receive 0 points? maybe don't date him.

    I ain't sayin she's a gold digger... but.....

    No... just can't be too careful these days. Many guys see my profile pics on the dating websites and all they see is money with legs. I have a business suit on. I should take that pic down. THEY are the gold diggers, NOT me!

    I do like the above rating system! :flowerforyou:
  • silver_arrow3
    silver_arrow3 Posts: 1,373 Member
    Options
    You could look at it like a very biased points value system..

    Place to live:
    Parents or streets = 0
    Roommates = 1
    Rents alone = 1.5
    Owns house w/ roommates = 2
    Owns own place = 3

    Car:
    No ride and super reliant = 0
    No ride but very self sufficient = 1
    Bikes everywhere, kinda hot =1.5
    Has motor vehicle = 2
    Has sweet motor vehicle and probably a bike too = 3

    Job:
    Is unemployed and needs you to pick up the check = 0
    Is unemployed but doesn't need your help = 1
    Is employed = 2
    Makes tonnnnnnssssssss of money = 3


    Did he receive 0 points? maybe don't date him.
    3+3+2.5(?) I do okay, but I don't consider myself making tons of money.

    3 cars, plus a bike, and all paid for :wink:

    Hellooooo nurse! :love:
  • jennk5309
    jennk5309 Posts: 206 Member
    Options
    I spent a lot of time single and dating between my divorce and getting remarried. Of course, I would ask them about those things, but whether they mattered much was dependent on their situation. It only mattered to me if unemployment/living with parents/having no car was something that was chronic and obviously because of their character. When I met my current husband had a crappy job as a security officer who lived in his company's crappy trailers, guarding construction sites overnight. Had a crappy car, too, and was in school full time That's a lot of crappy adjectives....anyway, I fell in love with HIM, not his circumstances. The thing is, he was trying to work towards something better. That was always what was important to me.

    However, I am lucky enough to have a good job and can take care of myself. Many women look to men to be their providers, so they won't consider dating a man in the circumstances you describe. It's messed up, but it's reality.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
    Options
    I can see that my #1 dealbreaker would eliminate most of the women in this thread.
  • ThinLizzie0802
    ThinLizzie0802 Posts: 863 Member
    Options
    I can see that my #1 dealbreaker would eliminate most of the women in this thread.

    That they aren't single!?
  • in_the_stars
    in_the_stars Posts: 1,395 Member
    Options
    Is he funny? Smart? Does he respect me and value my opinion? Do we share interests? Is he nice? If all those things are present, I could not care less about his financial situation, so long as he doesn't expect me to support him.

    I agree. :)
  • lolosensan
    lolosensan Posts: 251
    Options
    You could look at it like a very biased points value system..

    Place to live:
    Parents or streets = 0
    Roommates = 1
    Rents alone = 1.5
    Owns house w/ roommates = 2
    Owns own place = 3

    Car:
    No ride and super reliant = 0
    No ride but very self sufficient = 1
    Bikes everywhere, kinda hot =1.5
    Has motor vehicle = 2
    Has sweet motor vehicle and probably a bike too = 3

    Job:
    Is unemployed and needs you to pick up the check = 0
    Is unemployed but doesn't need your help = 1
    Is employed = 2
    Makes tonnnnnnssssssss of money = 3


    Did he receive 0 points? maybe don't date him.

    I ain't sayin she's a gold digger... but.....

    lol the bar was set at ZERO! but yea I fly my standards flag high.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
    Options
    I can see that my #1 dealbreaker would eliminate most of the women in this thread.

    That they aren't single!?

    No, I actually prefer they are married.
  • WeepingAngel81
    WeepingAngel81 Posts: 2,232 Member
    Options
    I have noticed that the longer I go beign single, the pickier I get about some thing. Maybe this will change when the right guy comes along, but for now, there are things that would be a deal breaker. Not having a car is one of them. I have recently discovered that not having a job is now on the list as well. If there are circumstances that come up that have cost someone to lose their job, I would want that person to figure things out before feelings got involved. Who knows where that person could end up and it's not fair to be up in the air like that when dating. As for the car, it also depends on circumstances. Being in a car accident is much different than having their car repo'd.
  • jennk5309
    jennk5309 Posts: 206 Member
    Options
    I'm not single nor a "lady", but I don't like that this is only for single ladies because rules are stooopid.


    I don't think I would ever ask these questions. It seems offensive to ask something that everyone should already have. I think they would reveal themselves quickly if they didn't have any of these things, but I could be wrong.

    Whew, I'm glad I'm married and don't have to deal with this crap. Oh, and he has a car, job and a place to live. He just doesn't know how to use our washing machine yet. I should have asked that question.


    In his defence it is women's work. Do you expect him to learn to cook too?
    Yes, he at least needs to know how to make me a sammich. I mean 19 years with no sammich. How long do I allow this nonsense to continue? I'm gonna starve in my dirty clothes and no sammich in my tummy.

    PERFECT response!! LOLOL
  • ThinLizzie0802
    ThinLizzie0802 Posts: 863 Member
    Options
    I can see that my #1 dealbreaker would eliminate most of the women in this thread.

    That they aren't single!?

    No, I actually prefer they are married.

    Then what is it!
  • jchap389
    jchap389 Posts: 54
    Options
    When I was single and dating, it wasn't necessarily a lack of job or car, people hit hard times especially in this economy. But the dealbreaker for me is if he wasn't even trying to look for a job and had no future goals/drive/work ethic etc. If he was just content with being jobless and broke all the time then that was just pretty much an automatic negative.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
    Options
    I can see that my #1 dealbreaker would eliminate most of the women in this thread.

    That they aren't single!?

    No, I actually prefer they are married.

    Then what is it!

    Lack of faithfulness and loyalty.
  • CorlissaEats
    CorlissaEats Posts: 493 Member
    Options
    They are not deal breakers for me but they are red flags. Its all about context.

    Job? Yes..maybe. I prefer a man with a career. I say career, not job. If he slings burgers (and its not because its his passion) there is a good chance there will be other differences in our outlook on life. Having a career does mean that a guy between jobs stands a chance. Life happens. I was without work for several months in 2010- it happens. I'm not a fundamentally lazy person, being with someone who is wouldnt work for me. Having employment is just as important as being proud of what you do. I dont require education either although its attractive in a man and gives us a better chance of being intellectual equals.

    Home? I live with my parents so I cannot judge. I'm saving to buy a house, alone- so I need to have greater finances in order to make it happen. Banks prefer couples when negotiating mortgages. I've lived at home twice now as an adult to achieve my financial goals but I've also functioned successfully on my own. I will NEVER regret spending more time with my parents while they are still with me! I am not ashamed that I am back at home. I'm fully independent, I pay them some rent, I have to participate in the group cooking/cleaning chores or cook for myself, and I do my own laundry. Living at home could be a dealbreaker though if he is basically still under the child paradigm where his mother cares for his every need. I prefer men to boys. :wink:

    Car? Nope. Not an issue for me. I sold my car 4 years ago and have never looked back. I carpool, take transit, or walk everywhere I need to go. I am capable of carrying 40lbs of groceries on my back and when I lived alone- I did, every week. Its a lifestyle choice. I might not be so interested in a guy though if the reason he doesnt own a car is because he lacks the ability to budget appropriately to afford the upkeep.
  • spicy618
    spicy618 Posts: 2,114 Member
    Options
    I can see that my #1 dealbreaker would eliminate most of the women in this thread.

    That they aren't single!?

    No, I actually prefer they are married.

    Then what is it!

    Lack of faithfulness and loyalty.


    LOL!!!

    How long do you wait to know someone, before you have faith in them and are loyal to them only?

    I'm curious as to your age. :flowerforyou:
  • hidbee
    hidbee Posts: 52 Member
    Options
    I'm not single nor a "lady", but I don't like that this is only for single ladies because rules are stooopid.


    I don't think I would ever ask these questions. It seems offensive to ask something that everyone should already have. I think they would reveal themselves quickly if they didn't have any of these things, but I could be wrong.

    Whew, I'm glad I'm married and don't have to deal with this crap. Oh, and he has a car, job and a place to live. He just doesn't know how to use our washing machine yet. I should have asked that question.


    In his defence it is women's work. Do you expect him to learn to cook too?

    My head just exploded. You just set women back about 50 years right there.
  • _JPunky
    _JPunky Posts: 508 Member
    Options
    Honestly, when I'm single, those are all deal breakers.

    I don't want to be the only one responsible for driving.
    I don't want to be the only one responsible for money issues.
    I don't want him trying to immediately move in with me because it's "easier".

    PLUS, in my experience, these issues are often (not always) accompanied a lack of maturity and responsibility. THOSE are MAJOR deal breakers for me.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
    Options
    I can see that my #1 dealbreaker would eliminate most of the women in this thread.

    That they aren't single!?

    No, I actually prefer they are married.

    Then what is it!

    Lack of faithfulness and loyalty.


    LOL!!!

    How long do you wait to know someone, before you have faith in them and are loyal to them only?

    I'm curious as to your age. :flowerforyou:

    I usually know them for a few months before we start dating.

    I will be 30 in a few weeks.
  • silver_arrow3
    silver_arrow3 Posts: 1,373 Member
    Options
    I'm not single nor a "lady", but I don't like that this is only for single ladies because rules are stooopid.


    I don't think I would ever ask these questions. It seems offensive to ask something that everyone should already have. I think they would reveal themselves quickly if they didn't have any of these things, but I could be wrong.

    Whew, I'm glad I'm married and don't have to deal with this crap. Oh, and he has a car, job and a place to live. He just doesn't know how to use our washing machine yet. I should have asked that question.


    In his defence it is women's work. Do you expect him to learn to cook too?

    My head just exploded. You just set women back about 50 years right there.

    I think when your head exploded, your sarcasm-meter was broken. :ohwell:

Categories