Childish deletions

The online "Friends" concept is an interesting one. It says a lot about how our idea of friendship has devolved.

Maybe it's a term started on Facebook? I don't know. I'm not on it.

In actuality, unless we decide to meet in person and develop an ongoing face to face relationship, none of us are friends. No matter how friendly our online interactions are. And I'm not dismissing friendly online interactions. I like them.

The bottom line is, if a gal finds a lump in her breast or if a guy wakes up and discovers gangrene on his balls, these online "friends" aren't coming over with chicken soup and a DVD. They won't be taking your call at 2 a.m. to walk you through the panic attacks.

We're words on a screen.

That's about it. And we can still have fun with it.

But friends? Support? <eyeroll>

Aren't you sweet? :flowerforyou:

I've deleted people for minor reasons before, and I've been deleted as well. I normally don't even notice I've been deleted until I see another forum post by the person and then realize they're not on my FL anymore. There's only been a couple times I've been deleted that have left me wondering why, but I don't waste any sleep over it.

I accepted a FR from a guy one time, and then a few mins later decided I was tired of the profile pic I had up of my squatting. As soon as I changed it, he sent me a PM demanding to know why I had taken the pic down. DELETE!

Why would you care if random people from the internet delete you?

The online "Friends" concept is an interesting one. It says a lot about how our idea of friendship has devolved.

Maybe it's a term started on Facebook? I don't know. I'm not on it.

In actuality, unless we decide to meet in person and develop an ongoing face to face relationship, none of us are friends. No matter how friendly our online interactions are. And I'm not dismissing friendly online interactions. I like them.

The bottom line is, if a gal finds a lump in her breast or if a guy wakes up and discovers gangrene on his balls, these online "friends" aren't coming over with chicken soup and a DVD. They won't be taking your call at 2 a.m. to walk you through the panic attacks.

We're words on a screen.

That's about it. And we can still have fun with it.

But friends? Support? <eyeroll>

Huh.

While I haven't brought over chicken soup and a DVD to anyone, I HAVE actually done the 2 a.m. phone calls for people I only knew online. I've been the go-to for more than one person going through a very difficult time and been happy to do it.

Most of the people I've "met" online live very far away and meeting in person isn't convenient or easy. I have met a few of them when one of us happened to be in the other's vicinity. I've introduced online friends to real life friends and they've become friends.

I have a couple friends in town who I met through here and I'm actually going to one's wedding next month. We exercise together, get together for girls' nights, do races together and they have become friends with my local circle, as well.

I'd say my definition of friendship has not devolved one little bit. It's actually expanded.

You know what I think is childish? Whining about being unfriended by a random Internet person. Few things about this site annoy me as much as all the hand-wringing over being deleted from someone's friends list. Even posting the names of people who delete you so that the rest of your friends can tell you how much better off you are without them reeks of middle school. Seriously, some of you need to get a life.

Besides, if the person was that good of a friend, then you ought to know how to contact them outside of this site, and you ought to have enough respect for them to try to resolve the matter privately and spare the rest of us your emotional breakdown.

Yes.

Might have but I don't really pay attention.

Close friends are different. I would only consider someone I meet with in person to be a close friend. If I have someone I consider a close friend, I would miss them terribly if they suddenly disappeared. And no, they aren't many.

Exactly my point. I'm not saying I'm super close to everyone I "meet" online, but the percentage of people from online who have become closee friends is about the same as the ones I meet in person all the time.

There are people I meet in person (not online first) who I end up being very close to and some who are friends for a little while and then disappear and others who I meet once and never interact with again.

Just like online ...

That said, there are people I have met online who have been my "friends" through places like this and then on FB who I have never met in person, but I've known them for almost a decade and definitely feel close to them in many ways. If they lived closer, we would meet in person no doubt.

So to say online friendships are superficial and real life ones aren't is silly. They're very, very similar.

Close friends are different. I would only consider someone I meet with in person to be a close friend. If I have someone I consider a close friend, I would miss them terribly if they suddenly disappeared. And no, they aren't many.

Exactly my point. I'm not saying I'm super close to everyone I "meet" online, but the percentage of people from online who have become closee friends is about the same as the ones I meet in person all the time.

There are people I meet in person (not online first) who I end up being very close to and some who are friends for a little while and then disappear and others who I meet once and never interact with again.

Just like online ...

That said, there are people I have met online who have been my "friends" through places like this and then on FB who I have never met in person, but I've known them for almost a decade and definitely feel close to them in many ways. If they lived closer, we would meet in person no doubt.

So to say online friendships are superficial and real life ones aren't is silly. They're very, very similar.

:flowerforyou:

I'm still trying to figure out how someone gets deleted for "no reason." I mean even in the most silly example I can think of, the person doing it still has a reason.

But other than close friends, anyone I have friendly interaction with I refer to as a friend.

In the interest of not appearing contradictory, I'd like to clarify that this sentence refers to a face to face relationship.

Here on this site, as I've said before, I consider every member my Fitness Pal. And I welcome the full range of expression as declared on my profile.

That's why I don't restrict the viewing of my posts, my diary or my profile to an exclusive Friend list.

Because as I see it, I'm just words on your screen and you're just words on mine. And it can be friendly and fun indeed and I'm glad I'm here and glad all of you are here

And I don't expect you to come over with Robitussin or a cuddly stuffed animal. Or to give me psycho therapy via email. So the pressure's off

I don't think anyone starts out expecting things like that. But you interact and over time get to know people.

WAY back in 1993, in the very, very early days of the Prodigy bulletin boards, my parents got to know a group of people online and we all met up at Hershey Park and had a grand time. So I guess to me, it's pretty normal. I've met a lot of people from online in person and found that the people they were online is who they are in person and I like them just as much.

Not everyone I meet online is going to be a close friend. But neither is everyone I meet in person. Some will become lifelong friends. Some will fade away.

There are few people on my FL whose loss would hurt me, but there are several. Same with real life. I have friends I enjoy spending time with and talking to, but if they moved on with their lives and we lost touch, I'd survive. Others, I would be devastated.

Don't let it get you down
Some times people actually find they have too many friends to keep up with.
I have been deleted, it's ok.
Maybe I was the newest.
Maybe I was the least talkative.
Maybe I forgot to log on for 2 months.
Maybe they dislike my color choices for running wear.
Whatever it is, it's ok.

I have no idea how you can delete someone for 'no reason'. If I delete someone I have a reason, I don't feel the need to write people messages or explain my reasons nor do I expect people to give me reasons if they remove me.

If I have deleted someone it's usually because I don't find them a good fit in terms of jokes or personality, they are TOO needy or expect me to baby sit them and "make" them lose weight somehow or they just don't log in enough. I think in my time here I have sent maybe 3 invites to people - all but 1 of those I have since removed just because it wasn't a good fit anymore. I don't wish anyone ill will or anything lol

Don't take it personally, just find more friends if you have a need to be social or just go about doing what you're doing and let the friends take care of themselves. In my case I find that when I post more often I get more invites as people can get a good idea what I'm about and decide that maybe I'm interesting or funny or maybe just odd

I got tricked and started communicating via private email with an online personality who described itself as friendly, caring, harmless and fascinated by me. Long story short, it turned out to be a trickster with many online personalities communicating both publicly and privately within the existing group with the intention of luring out personal information about the members and then posting that information publicly on the main forum for a laugh.

That's where you went wrong. You don't believe what people TELL you about themselves. You pay attention to how they behave. And if someone PM'd me that they found me "fascinating," it would be the first indication of something wrong.

The fascination word was mine. The trickster was much more subtle in conveying the idea of fascination. But over the months it was very effectively implied.

Even a smart chick like me can be played. It happened then and could maybe happen again. Like Al Pacino said "Vanity. My favorite sin." With that salacious toothy grin and the corners of his eyes crinkling. Be still my beating heart. I love you Al.

But it's all water under the bridge. Lesson learned.

I understand your reluctance.

I think my experience is different because my interactions are more public for a long period of time. And once I feel I can trust someone a bit, we end up FB friends and you see a lot more of a person's life on there. I'm not saying there aren't awful people online or that you shouldn't be careful. I just think there are as many awful people online as in the real world.

Yup! My battle with depression and 'coming out of my shell' has caused a lot of people deleting me.