Asking my boyfriend to lose weight...without hurt feelings!
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bunnerfly
Posts: 197 Member
Let me just say that I love my boyfriend, and would stick with him no matter the weight. He was on the chunky side when he and I first got together, but that's ok with me.
However, over the last several months, he has put on a lot of weight. It's because he eats out at least once a day, it's always junk food, and it's always a pretty large amount. He's also a pretty big pop drinker. This has also affected my own weight because sometimes it is easier to say, "yeah let's go get something on the way" rather than make something at home. That's something I've worked hard at fixing, and aside from what I gained from my cycle, I've actually lost about 6 lbs so far, but his eating habits have remained, and it's getting hard to deal with. Even our sex life is affected. He pretty much squishes me. (Sorry, tmi)
He has expressed interest in working out and will say he wants to go for walks etc... But when it comes down to it, he doesn't go.
We have actually argued a couple of times over how expensive eating out is, and since he also smokes a pack a day, he's dropping approximately $400 a month on fast food and cigs.
I realize he's a grown man, and can make his own choices, but I worry about his health. Diabetes runs in his family, not to mention the smoking. I don't want to nag him, I don't want him thinking I'm no longer attracted to him, but I would like a healthier boyfriend. Not only for his sake, but for my own health as well.
Any advice?
However, over the last several months, he has put on a lot of weight. It's because he eats out at least once a day, it's always junk food, and it's always a pretty large amount. He's also a pretty big pop drinker. This has also affected my own weight because sometimes it is easier to say, "yeah let's go get something on the way" rather than make something at home. That's something I've worked hard at fixing, and aside from what I gained from my cycle, I've actually lost about 6 lbs so far, but his eating habits have remained, and it's getting hard to deal with. Even our sex life is affected. He pretty much squishes me. (Sorry, tmi)
He has expressed interest in working out and will say he wants to go for walks etc... But when it comes down to it, he doesn't go.
We have actually argued a couple of times over how expensive eating out is, and since he also smokes a pack a day, he's dropping approximately $400 a month on fast food and cigs.
I realize he's a grown man, and can make his own choices, but I worry about his health. Diabetes runs in his family, not to mention the smoking. I don't want to nag him, I don't want him thinking I'm no longer attracted to him, but I would like a healthier boyfriend. Not only for his sake, but for my own health as well.
Any advice?
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Replies
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Come up with some healthy recipes and then maybe you can go grocery shopping together and cook together. You can package the food you made into tupperware containers for on the road. I also find it is helpful to clean and cut up my fruit as soon as I bring it home, then it is quick and easy to grab when you need a snack.0
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You can't make a man do anything he doesn't want to.
Share your concerns with him, and be an example, but that's about it.0 -
The best advice I can say, is start doing the cooking. If there's dinner made before he can even say "Let's go out" - he will likely eat in......though granted, that'll leave less time for the 2 of you together.....since you'll be stuck cooking while he's out.....errrr......eating.....but if he comes home from work, and there's dinner on the table, he will be less likely to want to go out to eat.....just maybe....0
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Come up with some healthy recipes and then maybe you can go grocery shopping together and cook together. You can package the food you made into tupperware containers for on the road. I also find it is helpful to clean and cut up my fruit as soon as I bring it home, then it is quick and easy to grab when you need a snack.
We've done that. He had access to ready-made meals and stuff, but left them at home or sometimes in his truck, lol. He's starting to get nervous about my weight loss too. He keeps telling me not to lose too much (I'm currently 45lbs over my highest "allowable" healthy weight) and is acting strange over the whole thing. Like, he was totally ticked off yesterday when we had made plans to go for a walk when he got home, but when he got home he wanted to take a nap. We had storms moving in, so I asked if he could take a nap after the walk, which would have only been 30-45 minutes due to the weather. He got frustrated, and told me to just lay down with him and take a nap. I told him no thanks, and went on my own.
He warned me in the past that he was VERY prone to being a couch potato, and we are both working a lot, so sometimes all we want to do is sit on our butts! That's not getting us to a healthy place though, and I am trying to make that change.0 -
LOL you sound like me a couple years ago. My husband was a serious smoker and was gainign weight, as was I. I was also pregnant at the time. Just letting you know my experience here. I nagged him by giving him every reason why he should quit and make himself better. I let him know how much it was costing us in money and in health. He would argue with me and I would end it by saying something along the lines of "well, someone's gotta care about your health". He would argue back telling me that if he quit, he would just take up another habit because that's just the way he is. I explained to him how will power works and that there were other things more important than his smoking or junk food. After a few months of this he finally quit smoking and took up chewing. He traded one bad habit for another, but at least this habit wasn't affecting our kids with the second hand smoke. He eventually gave up the chew also. Then he gained more weight due to needing candy all the time to stop chewing. Now, a few months ago he decided enough was enough when I told him we couldn't have sex anymore until I could either lift him or he lost weight. I had started working out long before he did so he had that little bit of motivation. My husband is also one of those types of guys that will eat a deer slug for breakfast before ever admitting thawt his wife was stronger than him. I know you don't want to nag and it may not be the best practice for your relationship. My husband has aolways said the only way he'd ever leave me is if I cheated on him so I could do or say whatever I wanted, short of that, and he'd stick around. This statement got rid of all the eggshells I ever walked around him and made me stand up for us. Two years of nagging and now he's tobacco free (great for the life insurance policy) and he's lost 20 lbs the last couple of months. The sex life has gotten better too. He can still lift more than me. LOL0
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The best advice I can say, is start doing the cooking. If there's dinner made before he can even say "Let's go out" - he will likely eat in......though granted, that'll leave less time for the 2 of you together.....since you'll be stuck cooking while he's out.....errrr......eating.....but if he comes home from work, and there's dinner on the table, he will be less likely to want to go out to eat.....just maybe....
Haha! This is where some of our most frustrating conversations have come in!! I will make dinner almost every night I can, and he'll come home and say he isn't hungry because he ate a huge lunch or ate on the way home. A couple of hours later, he's raiding the pantry for snacks.
I'm sorry for sounding like a nagging old crone, I really don't nag at him like this, but it's really starting to bug me, and I don't want it to fester into resentment and trouble.0 -
You're not alone but the truth is that there's nothing you can do about it. Heck my husband bought a stationary bike (well, I bought it, after he suggested we get one), he did it the first three days... now nothing in the last two. Basically there's nothing I can do about it until he's ready to do it (and he's older than me, on three different meds, always complaining about his blood pressure and headaches it causes him, and not doing a damn thing about it).
So yeah, I sympathize.0 -
Survey says:
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Let me just say that I love my boyfriend, and would stick with him no matter the weight.
Stress this part first, and often. Then anything else you say will go over a lot better, at least it will if he believes you. It's probably not a fun conversation to have regardless, though. As others have said, stress health over appearance.0 -
Survey says:
I don't understand the relevance of your gif. Should I avoid talking to him about it? Tell him he needs to stop? Dress in Roman garb, stand on the kitchen counter and give him a thumbs down every time I see him go for a bowl of ice cream?0 -
Let me just say that I love my boyfriend, and would stick with him no matter the weight.
Stress this part first, and often. Then anything else you say will go over a lot better, at least it will if he believes you. It's probably not a fun conversation to have regardless, though. As others have said, stress health over appearance.
On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being least important and 10 being super important, I gauge appearance at about a 3. I can hear his health problems getting worse. His snoring, wheezing, getting out of breath on walks... It's worrisome.0 -
You're not alone but the truth is that there's nothing you can do about it. Heck my husband bought a stationary bike (well, I bought it, after he suggested we get one), he did it the first three days... now nothing in the last two. Basically there's nothing I can do about it until he's ready to do it (and he's older than me, on three different meds, always complaining about his blood pressure and headaches it causes him, and not doing a damn thing about it).
So yeah, I sympathize.
At least we can co-sympathize! I'm hoping that the more active I get, the more active he will get. He actually loves hiking and being outside, and is so much fun and loves playing around, but he seems to forget when Netflix comes on, haha.0 -
Let me just say that I love my boyfriend, and would stick with him no matter the weight.
Stress this part first, and often. Then anything else you say will go over a lot better, at least it will if he believes you. It's probably not a fun conversation to have regardless, though. As others have said, stress health over appearance.
On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being least important and 10 being super important, I gauge appearance at about a 3. I can hear his health problems getting worse. His snoring, wheezing, getting out of breath on walks... It's worrisome.
None of those sound like a good sign of health at all! Hopefully he will want to do something about it soon. At least he'll have your support when he does.0 -
I totally empathize with your situation. For me, it was the opposite, my husband stayed healthy and fit and I gained 35 pounds after we were married. Some of that was from having a baby, but a lot of it was just eating unhealthy and not working out. Unfortunately, until I was ready to do something about the weight gain, no one could have convinced me otherwise. Be patient and I'm sure he'll eventually realize it. Now I'm 4 pounds from the weight I was when we got married and hope to be 20 pounds lighter than that soon!0
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You aren't going to change him until he is ready to change. So do your own thing. Plan most of your meals so you eat at home even if he wants to "get something on the way". If he doesn't eat what you make that is his problem, not yours, you now have lunch for tomorrow too.0
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If any guy said he wanted his girlfriend to lose weigh this thread would become a nightmare. If he doesn't want to do it, you can't make him and shouldn't try.0
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Well not much to say about the cigarettes. That is a hard thing to stop someone from doing if they want to.
As for fast food, I would suggest just cooking healthy all the time. When it gets close to lunch or dinner, just start cooking something. That way when he says "lets go out" you can say "But I've already made something"0 -
Let me just say that I love my boyfriend, and would stick with him no matter the weight.
Stress this part first, and often. Then anything else you say will go over a lot better, at least it will if he believes you. It's probably not a fun conversation to have regardless, though. As others have said, stress health over appearance.
On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being least important and 10 being super important, I gauge appearance at about a 3. I can hear his health problems getting worse. His snoring, wheezing, getting out of breath on walks... It's worrisome.
None of those sound like a good sign of health at all! Hopefully he will want to do something about it soon. At least he'll have your support when he does.
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Leave him alone or dump him. If he wants to be fat, let him be fat.0
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How about some kind of a reward system - like say if you save enough $$$ from eliminating eating out that you can plan a trip somewhere or buy something you both want.
Just incorporate meal planning into your life, once a week sit down and plan your meals for the upcoming week, this is both healthy and budget friendly. Get used to preparing foods ahead of time to make meal prep easy, pack your lunches the night before, etc.
As for the exercise, just be enthusiastic and approach him to go for a walk with you, plan your walks around other activities like say going to a movie (walk to the theatre and back home), go hiking on your days off, try geocaching or rock climbing for fun things, go bowling, WII fitness games, anything just to get your bodies moving and eventually he might just buy into it without even realizing he's doing it.
You obviously have a good and healthy relationship and you love him. Good luck! :flowerforyou:0
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