Husband doesn't show support :(
Replies
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...but apparently men are jerks no matter what...
Can't quite put my finger on it, but something in the OP tells me there just might be more than one side to this story....0 -
You have a marriage problem. Get to counseling with or without them. I am sure you would never allow your child to taunt another child over wt. I am in my 40's and if I spoke to my mother like that my 70 yr old father would end me.0
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OP not only are you allowing your husband to destroy your self-esteem and self-confidence (what he's doing is a major mind f***), but you are allowing your daughter to see this. What you and your husband do now influence her behavior and self-image for the rest of her life. She's not just a b**** and shouldn't be written off like that. At 15, she may not have the language skills or self-awareness to tell you how she feels, but she is certainly screaming it out loudly and clearly by her actions.
Not only do you need to do what you need to do to make yourself mentally, physically and emotionally healthy (counseling, maybe, or a support group in your area) but you need to get her counseling because she's crying out for it.
:flowerforyou:0 -
I think he's feeling insecure, he thinks that if you lose weight then you'll leave him. I've been there before!!it's no fun at all. If I where you, I would keep on trying to lose the weight and keep trying to live healthy anyway. And if your relationship is meant to be, he'll come around.0
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Whatever decision you make, I'd also caution you against offering up this much PRIVATE information on a very public forum. You've given us your first name, probably your last name, your photo, your age, your location, and intimate details of your family life. Including others.
A quick google, and I have your husband's name.
Just a caution about putting that much out there. It's tough to take things back from the world wide web.0 -
Whatever decision you make, I'd also caution you against offering up this much PRIVATE information on a very public forum. You've given us your first name, probably your last name, your photo, your age, your location, and intimate details of your family life. Including others.
A quick google, and I have your husband's name.
Just a caution about putting that much out there. It's tough to take things back from the world wide web.
This. People can't be this naive. :noway:0 -
I'm sorry your husband doesn't got your back but not all men are jerks. At the end of the day you have to do what's best for you and not worry about any one else. If he does leave you (and I truly don't think he will) then it's because of deeper issues and hopefully you both will work it out.
Either way there is a great support group here and you can feel free to add me if you want to talk.0 -
I too have a family who does not really support my weight loss efforts. My husband always says I look fine and my boys are typical boys who don't really pay attention to my weight. You have to do this for you and only you. If any negative comments come out from others you just tell them that you are getting healthy for YOU! Your journey like all our journeys will have ups and downs, but take it one day at a time.......you will get there! I don't exercise in front of my family......I am up everyday at 4:30 a.m. to workout for and hour before getting everyone up to start the day. My body now craves a morning workout. If that is something you can do I say give it a try for a month and see how you feel during the day. I know if I don't workout in the morning and sleep in instead, I find I am more tired throughout the day than if I had gotten up and done my workout. I wish you all the best in your journey!0
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Howdy there maam. I am no psychologist and I don't have a pHd. I'm just a simple down home country boy thats been around the way a time or two in my life. I will not comment about your husband or your daughter. I will simply tell you straight up that there is a difference between LIVING and BEING ALIVE. People work for a living, but its up to you to be alive. We get one life in this world. As a paramedic and a former firefighter and former police officer, I have seen alot and done alot. Lots of lives are cut short DAILY. Sometimes of their own accord and sometime by pure accident. You have to ask yourself, god forbid, if you were called home to the maker and you looked back on your life, would you say that you were LIVING or were you ALIVE?
You seem like a down to earth young lady with alot going for you. I wish you nothing but the very best. PEACE
AMEN!0 -
Add me if you like0
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Your daughter sounds like a trip, looks like she got her **** attitude from her dad. Hang in there girlfriend, explain to him that you just want to be healthier and your doing it for yourself and hope he can respect that and if not you will find a younger hotter man!woot woot!0
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*hugs* It's hard having to deal with negativity around you when you are trying your best to improve yourself. I know because I've been there and still working on it. But I have learned that sometimes you just have to ignore those who are negative and do your own thing. Do what makes you happy regardless of what others think or say. Overall it is your happiness that is important. Give yourself all the self-love you need.
Exercise doesn't have to be the aerobic videos that you see online and on tv. It can be as simple as walking or doing household chores. Dance to your favorite music. Enjoy yourself and all that life has to offer. When you do things like that, you'll notice that things change around you. People won't be so negative to you or around you.
I'm still on my own weight loss journey, but I've noticed already how good I feel, how happy I am to do the things that are improving my life. I'm doing this for me, to let my inner Goddess shine brightly. Just do what makes you happy. That's what is important.0 -
1. Don't freak out too hard about a guy looking at hot women on the internet. We all do it. ESPECIALLY those who claim they don't. Its a problem if he's making sure you SEE him doing it.
2. The guy (presumably the father of four?) threatens to leave you on the basis of weight? Creep alert. Control freak. Insecurity issues.
3. The daughter is calling the mother fat? This is acceptable? My daughter wouldn't see anything but the inside of her room for about a month on the first offense. But that's me.
I hope you find some support here and stand up to the abuse your getting from your family. Not cool.0 -
nice rant. I would say your husband deserves you0
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It took a long time for my husband to get on board. I had the mindset of "I am doing this for me, I do not need him to support me" It really stemmed from insecurities he had with himself. (But this didn't come out until I was in this for three years) I ignored the why are you logging, why do you focus on your health and not mine or the kids. I am the same. I have four kids, a SAHM. I workout every day. I love it. I went from 255 pounds to 159 pounds. He now understand it. He now gets it. But when you spend so much of your time as a mom and wife and all of a sudden you are focused on anything but that it scares them to death. They think why, whats going on in her head. You need to take all that and push it back. Waaaay back. If you want this then you do it for YOU. Not because he looks at other girls online. Not because you want him to look at you more. Do it so when you look in the mirror you like what you see. Do it for you and your health.0
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Sounds like SUPER controlling behavior on your husband's part ... and why do you allow your 15 year old to disrespect you like that?
Most likely the 15 year old learned it from dear old dad. Seen that horror show up close and personal before.
OP, this is tough love--grow a backbone. Stand up for yourself to your husband and daughter. That will give you the confidence to ignore others' opinions and achieve your goals.0 -
Sounds like he doesnt want other men looking at your pics like hes looking at the ladies on the internet. You need to do what is best for you and what makes YOU happy. In the end you may stay were you are and not be happy and he leaves later on anyway. Your number one and until your totally happy your kids will continue to see that. If you think you need to take off some weight go for it we can support you here it will make you healthier as well.0
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I love all these comments on here! I just wanted to say chin up and do what's best for YOU! That means having a healthy body and feeling good about yourself!
Tune out the negativity, we're all here for you.0 -
From a man's standpoint, I have to tell you this and don't get offended. I see alot of people on here saying that your husband "seems" like an *kitten*... The fact of the matter is that he IS AN *kitten*. There's no "seeming" like an *kitten* with this sorry excuse for a man. A man that truly loves his wife will support her in whatever she sets her mind to, regardless. My advice to you would be to set your foot down. Tell him you don't appreciate the comments he makes and if he doesn't like it, tell him there's a nice dark place that he can stick his opinion. As far as your daughter goes, the same applies (minus the last part, of course). Set your foot down and let her know that YOU are the mother.
You seem like you're genuinely in this for you, so send me a request if you like. I'll support you constructively. 0 -
This is definitely going to sound harsh and it is. You didn't need anyone's support to become overweight. You did that on your own. Why in the world do you need their support to lose the weight?
Why do you have to exercise in front of them? Do you want them to tell you that you're doing a good job? Put on your sneakers and head outside for a walk or a run.
As for your daughter, I would never tolerate anything of the sort coming out of my child's mouth, but as others have said, I'm not her parent. I will tell you this, your daughter's attitude is not a reflection of her father's. It's a reflection of her peers. I taught for close to 30 years and I will tell you that parents are fair game. If your mother is fat, you are made fun of for having a fat mother. That's how it is.
Now as far as the husband is concerned, he's going to look. That's just how it is. Don't get upset over it. Do something about it and do it without announcing it.
You want to lose this weight, you do it for you, not to stop your husband from looking at other women or to stop your daughter from calling you fat. This is your journey. They have their own.0 -
WOW I am just AMAZED at all the women who give men a free pass. Yes we all look at people....its one thing to be walking down the street or in a restaurant or at the beach. A married man who trolls the internet looking at pictures of other women is a cheater!! Maybe not a physical one but a cheater non the less.
Ditto what dwalt15110 said about support. Its nice to have but don't use it as a crutch!! It see way to much of that on MFP. Just another excuse of why we have not taken control of our lives. No one owes us anything!!
If you take care of you and believe in your self it will make you that much better at taking care of all other aspects of your life. Put yourself first. You can do this. Block out all the noise!!0 -
Seriously, if I ever sassed my mom like you say your daughter does to you, my mom would have had my @ss handed to me. And then my dad would have come home and handed it back to me all over again.
You don't get respect just for nothing. You need to earn it, and it sounds lie you aren't giving either your daughter OR your husband enough reasons to show you respect. Work on that, and other problems tend to take care of themselves.0 -
I agree. 0
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seems like you are in the wrong place ........ MFP is not set up to deal the issues you are facing. You need professional help to deal with the problems you have identified.0
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You have my support and we well lose the weight together, with or with out them we well succeed.0
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People will treat you the way you permit them to treat you. Perhaps a few weeks away from home would be a nice reset for you. Is there family or friends you could visit by yourself, or stay with if you need to stay close for work?0
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Bless your heart! I can only imagine how tough it is when you have no support from your family. But You are worth it!! Just hold your head high and do it for YOU.
On not wanting to exercise in front of them, I might would just begin with breathing exercises where you contract and relax your abs- you're exercising and they don't even know!!
And your hubby threatening to leave you if you loose weight, is just trying to keep you down - call his bluff.
Good Luck to You!
She's right. I get little support from my thin wife who eats a lot of sweets, never exercises and looks phenomenal. Hinging my MFP work on her support is a false move. I have to do it for my health and future. I cannot force her to support me. But I can help myself and hope to see enthusiasm for my accomplishments.
She's right.0 -
Firstly....you are a beautiful lady anyway so your husband is probably terrified that YOU will walk out on him when you get that confidence you so deserve! Secondly...ive worked with teenagers myself and its horrible being talked to like that but im sure you do reprimand her but sometimes due to hormones etc they will carry on ( I was a little **** when i was a teen)
Not being supported by family is awful and im sorry you are having to deal with this. Like many other people commenting...do your workouts on your own....keep your chin up lovely...remember your a pedigree!!0 -
I just want to say thank you for sharing this and hope that the knowledge that you have made a difference to a complete stranger can give you strength when this around you leave you feeling empty and abandoned. I also just want to add that while your daughter may make you feel very sad in the end she will hurt most from the perspective she has right now. I am a mom too and my girls are still little but I know that they can see I'm overweight and I know that they will have much to process about that. Your husband is another story and I can't make any real comments in him but one piece if advice, anytime people around you clearly don't want what is what for you leave the sh#t they are making on the ground and keep walking on your path and hopefully they will decide to follow you but if not they will have to be left behind in their own sh#t. You don't have to live with it.0
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Just one more thing husbands with very thin wives still look at other women and it doesn't really mean they aren't attracted to their wives either.0
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