Being Fat and a Gay Male

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GreatDepression
GreatDepression Posts: 347 Member
in Chit-Chat
For a community that talks about "acceptance" like a mantra, I experienced the harshest rejection in the gay (male) community based on my appearance. I'm not as fat as I used to be but I'm still bitter about how I was treated. I feel like I was seen as nothing more than fat and ugly.
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Replies

  • mistiblake08
    mistiblake08 Posts: 80 Member
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    I'm so sorry you experienced this. No matter what our society claims, we are all still judged and rejected for silly reasons. That's partly my push to get healthier and prove everyone they were wrong. You can change your appearance. They can't change the ugliness inside of them for how they treat people. Most do it for being insecure themselves.
  • _Figgzie_
    _Figgzie_ Posts: 3,506 Member
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    you can control "fat".............let that other bs fuel your fire
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
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    I thought "bears" were appreciated in the gay community?
  • JonDyn
    JonDyn Posts: 156 Member
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    Calling yourself, 'Great depression' isnt a good place to start when it comes to overcoming this adversary, and you've allready lost 86 pounds so it can't be all bad, cheer up ol'chap
  • QuietLyfe
    QuietLyfe Posts: 58
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    I'm not a male nor am I gay, but my heart breaks for you a little bit! People face this rejection whether they are straight or LGBT. Humans can be cruel. Learn to love yourself. Change you for you and not to make anyone else happy. I'm sorry you have had to have this experience, but learn from it. Gain strength from it. Good luck in your journey! *hugs*
  • the_dude00
    the_dude00 Posts: 1,056 Member
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    For a community that talks about "acceptance" like a mantra, I experienced the harshest rejection in the gay (male) community based on my appearance. I'm not as fat as I used to be but I'm still bitter about how I was treated. I feel like I was seen as nothing more than fat and ugly.

    If it makes you feel any better, I don't think it's that much difference in the straight community - except then throw in judgement based upon net worth / occupation, lol.

    Go hit the gym dude. You can make some great progress in 90 days if you train regularly and eat right
  • Go_Mizzou99
    Go_Mizzou99 Posts: 2,628 Member
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    If it makes you feel any better, I don't think it's that much difference in the straight community - except then throw in judgement based upon net work / occupation, lol.

    Go hit the gym dude. You can make some great progress in 90 days if you train regularly and eat right

    +1

    Edit: Made it worse - lol - but you get my drift.
  • NormInv
    NormInv Posts: 3,302 Member
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    I have tried both communities without any success.....if it makes you feel any better.
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
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    Not everyone is going to like you. Just don't allow them to control your self image.
  • Forty6and2
    Forty6and2 Posts: 2,492 Member
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    One of my friends posted this the other day: http://www.buzzfeed.com/louispeitzman/it-gets-better-unless-youre-fat

    My friend is overweight, a lesbian, and black and she gets the most flack for being fat. Honestly, I think that people shouldn't be judged based on any of these things, but unfortunately we are. Just keep going as you are and you'll lose the weight!
  • George_Baileys_Ghost
    George_Baileys_Ghost Posts: 1,524 Member
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    Calling yourself, 'Great depression' isnt a good place to start when it comes to overcoming this adversary, and you've allready lost 86 pounds so it can't be all bad, cheer up ol'chap

    ^This. Consider crafting a more positive image for yourself. Carry yourself with confidence, be proud of what you've accomplished so far, and keep working your *kitten* off. While not everyone will like you, you will notice that more people will be drawn to confidence in you.
  • sparks787
    sparks787 Posts: 16 Member
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    You're right, it's just the same for straight women, the number of times i've been told 'you'd be ok looking if you were slimmer' - and let's not even talk about the 'feeder' creeps. you know women aren't (very) mean to men who are overweight - or baldy, so what strikes me here is that it is MEN who make women feel bad about themselves - and gay men are just as bad. I guess we should all just be lesbians
  • hypegoose
    hypegoose Posts: 29
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    I almost think it's a bit harder in the gay community being a big guy. The gay community, sadly, is very unaccepting. If I had a nickel for every social media profile I saw that said 'no fats, no fems' I'd have a lot of money. A lot are even racist. It often feels like if you're not ripped with a six pack that you're ugly, and if you're overweight well you're the ugliest! I know that feeling all too well. I even studied the phenomenon back when I was in school. It's why I don't like the gay community (despite the fact I'm "a part of it." Bleh).

    All in all though, haters are gonna hate. There are people in the gay community who like bigger guys. It feels like they're rare, but they're there. What you can do though is keep working on your goal! But don't do it just to appease the gym bunny gays. Do it for you! I agree with the other people in this thread. Be proud of what you've accomplished and keep accomplishing!

    And to be honest, most of those super fit gays are soooo shallow you don't want to be friends with them anyways. They're terrible people to be around. More often than not, even if you have a perfect body, they'll find something else to nitpick at just because they're so shallow. I'm sure some of them are very nice, but from personal experience I've learned a lot aren't (at least in regards to other gays, especially the 'non-conventional' kinds).
  • hypegoose
    hypegoose Posts: 29
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    You're right, it's just the same for straight women, the number of times i've been told 'you'd be ok looking if you were slimmer' - and let's not even talk about the 'feeder' creeps. you know women aren't (very) mean to men who are overweight - or baldy, so what strikes me here is that it is MEN who make women feel bad about themselves - and gay men are just as bad. I guess we should all just be lesbians

    LOL I agree yes we should all become lesbians!
  • tapirfrog
    tapirfrog Posts: 616 Member
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    I'm really, really sorry.

    It hasn't been easy for me in either community either, but yes, I think the gay male communities I've seen are *so* focused on externals that probably if I were a gay man I'd just want to hide inside. Note -- obviously I haven't been in every gay male community, nor have I experienced what it's like to be a gay man in any community; this is only my experience. And it's heartbreaking, frankly.
  • JonDyn
    JonDyn Posts: 156 Member
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    I almost think it's a bit harder in the gay community being a big guy. The gay community, sadly, is very unaccepting. If I had a nickel for every social media profile I saw that said 'no fats, no fems' I'd have a lot of money. A lot are even racist. It often feels like if you're not ripped with a six pack that you're ugly, and if you're overweight well you're the ugliest! I know that feeling all too well. I even studied the phenomenon back when I was in school. It's why I don't like the gay community (despite the fact I'm "a part of it." Bleh).

    All in all though, haters are gonna hate. There are people in the gay community who like bigger guys. It feels like they're rare, but they're there. What you can do though is keep working on your goal! But don't do it just to appease the gym bunny gays. Do it for you! I agree with the other people in this thread. Be proud of what you've accomplished and keep accomplishing!

    And to be honest, most of those super fit gays are soooo shallow you don't want to be friends with them anyways. They're terrible people to be around. More often than not, even if you have a perfect body, they'll find something else to nitpick at just because they're so shallow. I'm sure some of them are very nice, but from personal experience I've learned a lot aren't (at least in regards to other gays, especially the 'non-conventional' kinds).

    Thats why i don't like the term 'Gay community' because really there is no community, it's just lots of individuals with individual thoughts, feelings and opinions. I feel not connection to other people merely because we both have the same sexual preference, i can even hate some of them, it's not like we have group meetings with crumpets and tea.

    I prefer to just split the 'community' into people who are worth you associating with and those who aren't. Don't let the latter slow you down, there will always be plenty of those who you get on with
  • GreatDepression
    GreatDepression Posts: 347 Member
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    I thought "bears" were appreciated in the gay community?

    Bears are hairy, very masculine, and usually fat. I'm just fat and don't have the other qualities needed to identify as "bear."
  • michellemybelll
    michellemybelll Posts: 2,228 Member
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    people suck. that's why i try to include as few as possible in my life.
  • leantool
    leantool Posts: 365 Member
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    Sorry Op, you had to go through this. Male or female,gay or straight,everyone has to shift through a sea of hurtful,cruel douchbags before one finds the mr./ms. Right.being physically unattractive probably helps in marking a jerk easier.

    That said,you are doing fine and be the best you can be for yourself.:flowerforyou:
  • GreatDepression
    GreatDepression Posts: 347 Member
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    If I had a nickel for every social media profile I saw that said 'no fats, no fems' I'd have a lot of money. A lot are even racist. It often feels like if you're not ripped with a six pack that you're ugly, and if you're overweight well you're the ugliest!

    I didn't mention it in my original post but I am also non-white. I've experienced a lot of racism among gay men (masked as "preference") but wasn't sure if I should mention it here since that is a whole separate rant that I can go off on. So yeah, being obese and non-white in the gay community has been an unfortunate experience.

    And thanks to the person who shared the "It Gets Better, Unless You're Fat" commentary.

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