I was married and had kids before him. Random.

OP the bottom line is whatever choices/events have happened a long the way the end result is you have 4kids that you love. I don't see any negativity in that.

In my own circumstances I fell pregnant at 18 & split up with my partner. I've never been married & I've raised my now nearly 16yr old daughter alone. If someone outside my life has made any judgement calls on me that's fine! They're entitled to their opinion just as much as I'm entitled to mine. But at the end of the day their opinion doesn't account for much because its my life not theirs.

Maybe you could seek some professional support to help rebuild your confidence if its an issue for you.

Sweetie, you have my utmost respect and understanding. I'm a single mom. And, believe it or not, my boyfriend is someone who has been my best friend since we were 12. We met in 7th grade English class. After my separation 3 years ago, he was there for me, as always, and this time things just blossomed into something more. We went on our first date a little over 2 months after my ex-husband left. He hid our relationship from his family for a little while because my divorce wasn't final and he was worried about how they would react to that. But in the end, we just didn't address that. Nobody asked and we didn't bring it up.

Look, we've all made mistakes. We've all made choices that we look back and wish we hadn't made. But with the choices that we've made (lousy men to marry), we got something wonderful out of them. I got three beautiful children that I wouldn't trade for anything! And my BF's mom worries a lot about us getting married and him suddenly gaining three children, especially since one has Aspergers and ODD. But he accepts them. He knew from the get-go that we were a package deal. And, while it bugs me that she feels that way about my daughter, he feelings are what's important.

I'm not much older than you (33) but in the few years since my divorce I've learned to grab on to my own self-respect and not let others' opinions validate me. I did that for far too long. My ex was emotionally abusive and it took me a while to climb out of the damage that was done. But when I did, I found myself and made the decision that the opinions of others would never affect me again. As long as I'm doing my best as a mother and as a person in general, I can be happy with myself.

You're not alone. And you're doing great!

Not big on birth control?

So in short, I'm asking...how do people view me..

I view you as someone who has lost 31 pounds!

Just like with MFP, the focus shouldn't be more on your starting weight (whats in the past/what led up to where you are now) as much as it should be on the goal you are working toward. Despite what you've done in life, (1) take an assessment (shame, guilt, pity, self-esteem, etc.) of any cycles you continue to be stuck in, and (2) identify a goal (increasing self worth, building self-esteem, loving yourself despite your mistakes and despite others opinions, etc) and work toward it.

Sweetie, you have my utmost respect and understanding. I'm a single mom. And, believe it or not, my boyfriend is someone who has been my best friend since we were 12. We met in 7th grade English class. After my separation 3 years ago, he was there for me, as always, and this time things just blossomed into something more. We went on our first date a little over 2 months after my ex-husband left. He hid our relationship from his family for a little while because my divorce wasn't final and he was worried about how they would react to that. But in the end, we just didn't address that. Nobody asked and we didn't bring it up.

Look, we've all made mistakes. We've all made choices that we look back and wish we hadn't made. But with the choices that we've made (lousy men to marry), we got something wonderful out of them. I got three beautiful children that I wouldn't trade for anything! And my BF's mom worries a lot about us getting married and him suddenly gaining three children, especially since one has Aspergers and ODD. But he accepts them. He knew from the get-go that we were a package deal. And, while it bugs me that she feels that way about my daughter, he feelings are what's important.

I'm not much older than you (33) but in the few years since my divorce I've learned to grab on to my own self-respect and not let others' opinions validate me. I did that for far too long. My ex was emotionally abusive and it took me a while to climb out of the damage that was done. But when I did, I found myself and made the decision that the opinions of others would never affect me again. As long as I'm doing my best as a mother and as a person in general, I can be happy with myself.

You're not alone. And you're doing great!

Lady..we have similar background. To have a spouse that was abusive in verbal as well as torturing us mentally. It was not fun. I was with the man since high school when I was 18yrs old, have 3 kids now. He was the only man in my life.

Whatever happens in life, the mistakes teach me well, luckily I am not turning stone-hearted,closing my eyes and shun myself away from everything.

I hate when the man never try to be sensitive, countless times after I pointed it out,yet it always lead to him storming out of house angrily, came back, still with the same insensitive attitude. He left me alone at most nights with 3 kids,doing his favourite activities until next day. When I asked him with normal tone abt his activities if he could spend more time with family, he would replied something hurtful back to me.

We have separated because it didnt work out. We have had lack of communication and understanding,yet he refused to see it as a problem and the man refuse to compromise for the better future for family.

I view you as a woman who made two bad mistakes. Stay strong.

However, this next guy may not be the guy for you. o_o Consider your inlaws.

You want a stranger's honest opinion, rather than sugarcoating? I will imagine that my son is planning to marry you. From the little info. I have, I would say that you are someone who has had a history of making poor choices and that maybe you have some issues with self-esteem. There's a lot of baggage there - especially having to deal with multiple fathers and their families. It sounds complicated. Is there any current drama with your ex-husband or is he pretty much out of the picture? Parents just want their kids to be happy and maybe they're just scared that history will repeat itself with their son, too. I understand their fear.

However, people make mistakes and what happened, happened. Your past is not as important as your present and your future. What matters is the kind of person you are today. And I just can't make that judgement based on these details. If you're an honest, compassionate and loving person, and my son wants you, who am I to stand in the way? You two have a baby and you're planning to get married. There's no point in having a bad attitude towards you. I think I should welcome the mother of my grandchild, love my grandchild's brothers and sisters, and support my child's marriage.

It troubles me that your fiance hid your children from his parents, though. He knew they would disapprove and he was afraid of their reaction. You need to find out where he stands on this issue. Is he going to stick up for you and your marriage or will he let his family put stress on your relationship? In-laws can be the biggest A-holes, and if your man is more loyal to his mommy than he is to you, things won't be pleasant...(My husband had to put his Mom in check.) Good luck!

Not big on birth control?

Totally out of line.

Women who use birth control get pregnant all the time. Birth control isn't 100% effective.

It isn't out of line at all.

You had a baby at a semi-young age. I don't see that as a big deal (in terms of judging you), considering the majority of other people your age were doing the same thing you were to make the baby.

You had two children with your husband. Sadly, it didn't work out. It's also not uncommon.

You moved on with your life and have found another you are happy with. You are equally responsible for the child you made together. It was his decision as much as your decision to have sex before marriage. And it's no one's business but the two of you, as long as you can care for the children.

So in short-I don't see your story as eyebrow raising.

The OP's new hubby's parents arent looking at it from a circumstantial viewpoint. They are seeing it as "American girl with four children by three different fathers." That would be very alarming to them, especially as children out of wedlock are a big deal. As can be divorce.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time with extended family. I was married and it wasn't good, he was psychologically abusive, highly aggressive when drunk, borderline alcoholic, and so insecure. So I became his barf bag. I'd like to think I haven't done anything in this life to deserve such treatment and it sounds like you're in quite a similar position or at least have been. It is unbelievably easy to pass judgement on others and it seems to be even easier for the really weak among us to beat those already down on their bleeding knees. But when you turn the table around, you see all that chaos, all the insecurities and problems, and you find cold hearts. Their past is no excuse but maybe an explanation you need to put everything in the right context; making bad choices can happen to anyone, but what makes you a good person is how you deal with the mess you somehow managed to put yourself in. Never ever make them doubt you, corner you, put a stamp on your forehead telling you you're something you're not. You've survived and you have a choice to prosper. I hope you make the decision you need to make today and in the future that will ensure you and your immediate family a safe and loving home; that's all that matters. Teach your kids that there's no shame in struggle, but when they face their own challenges they do as best they can and keep their heads held high. That's all anyone can ask from fellow human beings.

Not big on birth control?

Totally out of line.

Women who use birth control get pregnant all the time. Birth control isn't 100% effective.

IUDs are over 99% effective, but this topic is really besides the point.

I won't judge you OP, but when you look at the facts of your situation without knowing you as a person, I think most parents would probably have some reservations, at least until they get to know you better.

Not big on birth control?

Totally out of line.

Women who use birth control get pregnant all the time. Birth control isn't 100% effective.

IUDs are over 99% effective, but this topic is really besides the point.

I won't judge you OP, but when you look at the facts of your situation without knowing you as a person, I think most parents would probably have some reservations, at least until they get to know you better.

And anyone with even half an upbringing would wait to pass judgment until after they've learned to know a person better - to see if there was a reason at all to push a nasty vibe.

My cousin has four kids from three different guys. I love her and the kids. I get along with her current SO just fine. And I know that I'll love her no matter what other choices she might make.

So, the same goes for you. People who love you, love you regardless of the choices you made or if they approve. If they have a problem with how your life went, then that's their burden to carry and deal with.

You sound like a human being to me. A pretty decent one too. I once did that whole interracial thing and it sucked when it came to her family. In the end they will be decent to you. Just be aware of the daggers in the back.