advice on petty work situation
A person in a much junior position and I report to the same boss. She is supposed to be my support staff, but she has been with the firm for 12 years and I have been with the firm 1 year.
I have felt some resentment from her as I have risen in prominence.
I requested her something to do in an email and said, please and thank you.
She replied back and copied our boss on the email to say, do not tell me what to do and what not to do, I know what to do.
I was like whaaaa.......
I kept waiting for my boss to say something but she didnt.
Total twilight zone.
Now i am tempted to let it go, but I am also considering if my not confronting her will be seen as weakness. If she can get away with this outburst, she would make a habit out of it. I really do not want to have to deal with her issues, and I really dont care, but my only concern is how it will be perceived if I shut up.
Thoughts?
I have felt some resentment from her as I have risen in prominence.
I requested her something to do in an email and said, please and thank you.
She replied back and copied our boss on the email to say, do not tell me what to do and what not to do, I know what to do.
I was like whaaaa.......
I kept waiting for my boss to say something but she didnt.
Total twilight zone.
Now i am tempted to let it go, but I am also considering if my not confronting her will be seen as weakness. If she can get away with this outburst, she would make a habit out of it. I really do not want to have to deal with her issues, and I really dont care, but my only concern is how it will be perceived if I shut up.
Thoughts?
0
Replies
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Completely honest opinion?
You're screwed if your boss said nothing and allowed this to happen. Get your resume in order and start looking.
I wish that there was a way to fix this, but you're dealing with office politics, women politics, and a power play. The reason she felt free to do this is because she's been doing it for years.0 -
Completely honest opinion?
You're screwed if your boss said nothing and allowed this to happen. Get your resume in order and start looking.
I wish that there was a way to fix this, but you're dealing with office politics, women politics, and a power play. The reason she felt free to do this is because she's been doing it for years.
Wish I could disagree, but too much truth in here.0 -
Completely honest opinion?
You're screwed if your boss said nothing and allowed this to happen. Get your resume in order and start looking.
I wish that there was a way to fix this, but you're dealing with office politics, women politics, and a power play. The reason she felt free to do this is because she's been doing it for years.
Wish I could disagree, but too much truth in here.
^ Yep. Find another job. Sorry, but you're going to get played eventually anyway and you're in a no-win situation.0 -
Women and others sometimes have bad days. Do not read into it more than what it was. Have patience observe, do not trouble your self over it.0
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I agree if the boss doesn't support you on this it is time to look for a new career option. I would never tolerate this type of behavior and the fact that your boss said nothing.. frankly speaks volumes.
I'm a senior recruiter and I would advise anyone in this situation that this is a toxic environment and move along0 -
Women and others sometimes have bad days. Do not read into it more than what it was. Have patience observe, do not trouble your self over it.
You really think this was a bad day situation? Then where's her apology to him? Where is the boss's response? If this was out of character, most people will apologize. I've been in exactly this position with a subordinate and a less than assertive boss. I ended up having to find a new job because the problem never resolved and I was at work late at night doing things my paralegal didn't bother doing, and I couldn't complain. THEN, I had my billable hours cut because I couldn't bill the client for the time I spent doing her work.0 -
I would say your first step is to reread your email to ensure it could not be construed as condescending or something along those lines... I am sure it wasnt... You need to go to your boss and talk to her about what you are feeling... I am a firm believer in giving respect to people with seniority, just as I also believe junior people, irregardless of seniority should give respect... IF you let it go, not only will this person feel it is ok to say what they please to you, but your boss will either accept it as normal behavior or feel you dont have the fortitude to speak up to a junior associate... You need to go to your boss immediately and have her address it... If your boss feels her actions are appropriate, then you know where you stand and have to make the decision of staying and putting up with the behavior or moving on... Honestly, if you speak your mind on how you feel, no matter what happens you can have the satisfaction of knowing you didnt just back down... Good luck!0
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"I agree that you know how to do your job. It was not my intent to offend you. However, part of my job means occasionally telling others things that needs to be done. I hope we can put this matter to rest and move forward."0
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Did you write the e-mail in a dominant, micro managing sort of way? I know you said you added please and thank you, but if the content of the e-mail came off as snide it may have rubbed her the wrong way. Your boss may be anticipating you to handle the situation if you've recently risen up the ranks; most bosses will promote people with the expectation that they are going to handle things that waste/take their time away from more valuable tasks. I'd recommend speaking to your boss about it and gauging his or her response. Ask if you need to take action, what their opinions on the situation are, etc. There may be more behind it than you think. If she's *****y with you, she's probably *****y to other people (assuming it was unwarranted) and your boss may not be saying anything so he can build up a decent enough case with corporate to can her without falling into a discrimination/harassment suit, ESPECIALLY if she's attractive.
edit: or what FlaxMilk said. It might just be so petty and ridiculous that the boss doesn't realize it's important, and figures you two will hash it out when your cycle ends.0 -
Dislcaimer: I'm a professional woman who has men and women reporting to me who have been at the company much longer that I have.
I really don't like the words confront and outburst. They're so melodramatic. Is it possible that you're being perceived by the boss and the other woman as being overbearing and making an effort to show her who's boss?
Either way, time to go and look for another job. The upside is that you can use your new title in your job search. Just figure out a good way to explain why you're leaving this job.0 -
Women and others sometimes have bad days. Do not read into it more than what it was. Have patience observe, do not trouble your self over it.
You really think this was a bad day situation? Then where's her apology to him? Where is the boss's response? If this was out of character, most people will apologize. I've been in exactly this position with a subordinate and a less than assertive boss. I ended up having to find a new job because the problem never resolved and I was at work late at night doing things my paralegal didn't bother doing, and I couldn't complain. THEN, I had my billable hours cut because I couldn't bill the client for the time I spent doing her work.
I have my suspicions that this is more than even that. He's been put between a female boss and a female subordinate playing power games. He cannot win and if this is what it looks like, he's going to get screwed.0 -
"I agree that you know how to do your job. It was not my intent to offend you. However, part of my job means occasionally telling others things that needs to be done. I hope we can put this matter to rest and move forward."
Nope. Too apologetic and weak. Sending this out will shows lack of leadership skills.0 -
"I agree that you know how to do your job. It was not my intent to offend you. However, part of my job means occasionally telling others things that needs to be done. I hope we can put this matter to rest and move forward."
Nope. Too apologetic and weak. Sending this out will show that OP lacks leadership skills.
:laugh: And here I was thinking it sounds too stiff and formal and clearly not meaning to apologize at all.0 -
"I agree that you know how to do your job. It was not my intent to offend you. However, part of my job means occasionally telling others things that needs to be done. I hope we can put this matter to rest and move forward."
This this this!0 -
Wow. I'm going the opposite way on this from others here: Talk to your boss about this face to face.
There can be a myriad of reasons why your boss did not publicly respond to this. Maybe they were waiting for you to stand up for yourself. How you handle the situation will tell your boss a lot about how you are going to be to work with down the road.
Also, you don't know (or if you do, you didn't say so) if she was pulled aside privately and talked to about it.
Most problems are due to a lack of communication. Talk to your boss first. Then talk to her. Be open and honest with both of them.
If you like your job, don't let her run you off. If you hate your job and this motivates you to get a job you like, then I agree with others that you should leave.
I think the world would run better if we would show strength and loyalty in the face of adversity instead of running away when things aren't going well.0 -
Oh, guys, she's been there for 12 years, OP has been there for 1. While OP may be the woman's superior, the woman may be more talented and more of an asset than the OP to the company. Perhaps the boss thought that it was handled poorly.
why are we all assuming that OP is a female0 -
Personally- I would try to let this one go, but save proof that it happened encase you need it later. I would start getting your resume in order so you'll be prepared encase it gets bad.0
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While I agree that it might be good to brush up your resume, I also understand how difficult it may be in this market to find another job. And if this is the first incident, and is the only one, overreacting may also backfire.
I would make and keep a hard-copy of your email and her response. (Do this for any interaction, especially those which end up with backlash from her). Then, go to your mutual boss and ask for "clarification" on this incident - that way you aren't coming across as defensive, but as trying to solve the "problem." Continue documenting, because if this comes to a head before you can find a new job, you have proof of your interactions with both the coworker and the supervisor.
FlaxMilk also had a good way to talk to the coworker about it.0 -
Nope. Too apologetic and weak. Sending this out will shows lack of leadership skills.
I guess it also depends on what type of work you do. To me, a valuable leader is one who can assertively solve problems while maintaining relationships with employees. There's a lot a support staff can passively aggressively do to undermine a leader (see paralegal example above.) If OP throws his weight around, he can probably expect that.
If you're on the battlefield, you should probably have her fired.
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At my annual review, I got stellar ratings. One comment my boss made was, you are very professionals and respectful with your colleagues. She named this problem person when she said who I was respectful with.
So the notion that my email was offensive or overbearing is hard to believe. This woman's demeanor has been off the last several months.
The other thing that bothered me was that after this happened, all the other females in the department started bonding....like oh what are you doing this weekend...blah blah....even when usually they dont do that. The girl in question was so extra sweet to everyone.
I think this is a a setup and I feel like I will be cornered. My boss is not a fair woman but needs me for the job.0 -
Oh, guys, she's been there for 12 years, OP has been there for 1. While OP may be the woman's superior, the woman may be more talented and more of an asset than the OP to the company. Perhaps the boss thought that it was handled poorly.
why are we all assuming that OP is a female
Who here is assuming Norm is a female?0 -
Nope. Too apologetic and weak. Sending this out will shows lack of leadership skills.
I guess it also depends on what type of work you do. To me, a valuable leader is one who can assertively solve problems while maintaining relationships with employees. There's a lot a support staff can passively aggressively do to undermine a leader (see paralegal example above.) If OP throws his weight around, he can probably expect that.
If you're on the battlefield, you should probably have her fired.
She would have been escorted out the door in most places that I've worked0 -
I work in a hyper-aggressive workplace so that might be why I see things differently. The way we handle things like this in the workplace is to drop it. In my office, what you said would be an apology and would give the support staff woman power because she knows she can do whatever she wants and make the OP apologize for it.0
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A couple thoughts.
1. Is your boss approachable? I'm fortunate that my boss has been a great mentor for me and I can run anything by him. If it were me in this situation, I would have replied directly to my boss and asked him if he thought my initial email warranted such a response, and what I should do about it.
2. If your boss isn't approachable, I think another poster's suggestion of emailing back explaining that you didn't intend to offend, but part of your job is to assign tasks to her is a good idea. Make sure you hit "reply all" so that your boss sees your response as well. It is a professional way to approach the issue while making it clear to both her and your boss that you were doing your job as required.
While it seems suspicious that your boss did not reply to such an unprofessional action by her employee, if it were me I wouldn't automatically start shopping around for another job. But if your boss has a habit of doing this in the past, or if such unsupport happens one or two more times, then searching for another job is a viable option.
But, not knowing anything about your work environment or your boss, I think approaching your boss directly is the best course of action. However, I come from a place where I'm fortunate to have a very supportive boss so perhaps this isn't a good option in your situation if you do not.
ETA: I realize my mom was in a similar situation with a secretary that didn't like her because apparently she had made a comment the secretary took offense to about 10 years ago or so. The secretary had been with the office for so many years that my mom's boss didn't do anything about it, but when my mom talked to him directly he was supportive of my mom.
My mom was only a couple years from retirement, so she just dealt with it.0 -
Oh, guys, she's been there for 12 years, OP has been there for 1. While OP may be the woman's superior, the woman may be more talented and more of an asset than the OP to the company. Perhaps the boss thought that it was handled poorly.
why are we all assuming that OP is a female
Most here know Norm well enough to understand he is male.0 -
At my annual review, I got stellar ratings. One comment my boss made was, you are very professionals and respectful with your colleagues. She named this problem person when she said who I was respectful with.
That's why I think you should maintain that image. The more formal your responses, the less anyone can actually accuse you of.0 -
You're right, it is petty.
Do you like your job?
If yes, this is hardly a situation that should cause you to go looking for a new job.
I would let it go.0 -
Completely honest opinion?
You're screwed if your boss said nothing and allowed this to happen. Get your resume in order and start looking.
I wish that there was a way to fix this, but you're dealing with office politics, women politics, and a power play. The reason she felt free to do this is because she's been doing it for years.
I agree with this completely. I have seen this and experienced this a dozen times over in various situations and this is pretty much what's going on. There is a real problem with boundaries and the chain of command is not well communicated or being followed. Get used to this person acting like she's either your equal or higher-up based on seniority and just ride it out...or find a new job.0 -
At my annual review, I got stellar ratings. One comment my boss made was, you are very professionals and respectful with your colleagues. She named this problem person when she said who I was respectful with.
So the notion that my email was offensive or overbearing is hard to believe. This woman's demeanor has been off the last several months.
The other thing that bothered me was that after this happened, all the other females in the department started bonding....like oh what are you doing this weekend...blah blah....even when usually they dont do that. The girl in question was so extra sweet to everyone.
I think this is a a setup and I feel like I will be cornered. My boss is not a fair woman but needs me for the job.
Has she been getting increasingly more hostile?0 -
She would have been escorted out the door in most places that I've worked
I would have been talked to about how my tone was not apologetic enough in my response and the other coworker was dissatisfied and what can I do to resolve this? :laugh:0
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