advice on petty work situation

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  • Galatea_Stone
    Galatea_Stone Posts: 2,037 Member
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    Oh, guys, she's been there for 12 years, OP has been there for 1. While OP may be the woman's superior, the woman may be more talented and more of an asset than the OP to the company. Perhaps the boss thought that it was handled poorly.


    why are we all assuming that OP is a female

    Who here is assuming Norm is a female?
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
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    Nope. Too apologetic and weak. Sending this out will shows lack of leadership skills.

    I guess it also depends on what type of work you do. To me, a valuable leader is one who can assertively solve problems while maintaining relationships with employees. There's a lot a support staff can passively aggressively do to undermine a leader (see paralegal example above.) If OP throws his weight around, he can probably expect that.

    If you're on the battlefield, you should probably have her fired. :wink:

    She would have been escorted out the door in most places that I've worked
  • nancy10272004
    nancy10272004 Posts: 277 Member
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    I work in a hyper-aggressive workplace so that might be why I see things differently. The way we handle things like this in the workplace is to drop it. In my office, what you said would be an apology and would give the support staff woman power because she knows she can do whatever she wants and make the OP apologize for it.
  • mandos_13
    mandos_13 Posts: 21
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    A couple thoughts.

    1. Is your boss approachable? I'm fortunate that my boss has been a great mentor for me and I can run anything by him. If it were me in this situation, I would have replied directly to my boss and asked him if he thought my initial email warranted such a response, and what I should do about it.

    2. If your boss isn't approachable, I think another poster's suggestion of emailing back explaining that you didn't intend to offend, but part of your job is to assign tasks to her is a good idea. Make sure you hit "reply all" so that your boss sees your response as well. It is a professional way to approach the issue while making it clear to both her and your boss that you were doing your job as required.

    While it seems suspicious that your boss did not reply to such an unprofessional action by her employee, if it were me I wouldn't automatically start shopping around for another job. But if your boss has a habit of doing this in the past, or if such unsupport happens one or two more times, then searching for another job is a viable option.

    But, not knowing anything about your work environment or your boss, I think approaching your boss directly is the best course of action. However, I come from a place where I'm fortunate to have a very supportive boss so perhaps this isn't a good option in your situation if you do not.

    ETA: I realize my mom was in a similar situation with a secretary that didn't like her because apparently she had made a comment the secretary took offense to about 10 years ago or so. The secretary had been with the office for so many years that my mom's boss didn't do anything about it, but when my mom talked to him directly he was supportive of my mom.

    My mom was only a couple years from retirement, so she just dealt with it.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
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    Oh, guys, she's been there for 12 years, OP has been there for 1. While OP may be the woman's superior, the woman may be more talented and more of an asset than the OP to the company. Perhaps the boss thought that it was handled poorly.


    why are we all assuming that OP is a female

    Most here know Norm well enough to understand he is male.
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
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    At my annual review, I got stellar ratings. One comment my boss made was, you are very professionals and respectful with your colleagues. She named this problem person when she said who I was respectful with.

    That's why I think you should maintain that image. The more formal your responses, the less anyone can actually accuse you of.
  • HerkMeOff
    HerkMeOff Posts: 1,002 Member
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    You're right, it is petty.

    Do you like your job?
    If yes, this is hardly a situation that should cause you to go looking for a new job.

    I would let it go.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,741 Member
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    Completely honest opinion?

    You're screwed if your boss said nothing and allowed this to happen. Get your resume in order and start looking.

    I wish that there was a way to fix this, but you're dealing with office politics, women politics, and a power play. The reason she felt free to do this is because she's been doing it for years.

    I agree with this completely. I have seen this and experienced this a dozen times over in various situations and this is pretty much what's going on. There is a real problem with boundaries and the chain of command is not well communicated or being followed. Get used to this person acting like she's either your equal or higher-up based on seniority and just ride it out...or find a new job.
  • wheird
    wheird Posts: 7,963 Member
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    At my annual review, I got stellar ratings. One comment my boss made was, you are very professionals and respectful with your colleagues. She named this problem person when she said who I was respectful with.

    So the notion that my email was offensive or overbearing is hard to believe. This woman's demeanor has been off the last several months.

    The other thing that bothered me was that after this happened, all the other females in the department started bonding....like oh what are you doing this weekend...blah blah....even when usually they dont do that. The girl in question was so extra sweet to everyone.

    I think this is a a setup and I feel like I will be cornered. My boss is not a fair woman but needs me for the job.

    Has she been getting increasingly more hostile?
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
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    She would have been escorted out the door in most places that I've worked

    I would have been talked to about how my tone was not apologetic enough in my response and the other coworker was dissatisfied and what can I do to resolve this? :laugh:
  • SymphonynSonata
    SymphonynSonata Posts: 533 Member
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    Who here is assuming Norm is a female?
    [

    Edit because the person I quoted clearly said him, so, well, it was only me. Whatever. Sunday! Sorry for thinking you had a vaj, OP.
  • SunofaBeach14
    SunofaBeach14 Posts: 4,899 Member
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    She would have been escorted out the door in most places that I've worked

    I would have been talked to about how my tone was not apologetic enough in my response and the other coworker was dissatisfied and what can I do to resolve this? :laugh:

    Yikes! Sounds like a chain of command issue
  • Galatea_Stone
    Galatea_Stone Posts: 2,037 Member
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    At my annual review, I got stellar ratings. One comment my boss made was, you are very professionals and respectful with your colleagues. She named this problem person when she said who I was respectful with.

    That's why I think you should maintain that image. The more formal your responses, the less anyone can actually accuse you of.

    And the better it looks for your discreet job search. Norm, I really think these women are putting you between a rock and a hard place. You're dealing with female office politics as much as anything else. I sympathize with you, but you have to think of you first and foremost, and if it means talking to a recruiter and looking around quietly at other companies, it would be wise to keep all options on the table before your reviews suddenly make you look like the bad guy.
  • NormInv
    NormInv Posts: 3,302 Member
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    If these legs are female legs, I would love to get with me.
  • NormInv
    NormInv Posts: 3,302 Member
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    At my annual review, I got stellar ratings. One comment my boss made was, you are very professionals and respectful with your colleagues. She named this problem person when she said who I was respectful with.

    That's why I think you should maintain that image. The more formal your responses, the less anyone can actually accuse you of.

    And the better it looks for your discreet job search. Norm, I really think these women are putting you between a rock and a hard place. You're dealing with female office politics as much as anything else. I sympathize with you, but you have to think of you first and foremost, and if it means talking to a recruiter and looking around quietly at other companies, it would be wise to keep all options on the table before your reviews suddenly make you look like the bad guy.

    Agree with your female politics angle and appreciate the feedback. Thanks.
  • seltzermint555
    seltzermint555 Posts: 10,741 Member
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    I would say your first step is to reread your email to ensure it could not be construed as condescending or something along those lines...

    Rereading...I agree with this also. In the OP it's mentioned that "please and thank you" was included and I REALLY hope that was simple paraphrasing to explain the email's politeness on this forum, and the OP did not say "Do this, and this. Please and thank you"...because if I were the coworker I'd read that as very condescending and rude.
  • SymphonynSonata
    SymphonynSonata Posts: 533 Member
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    If these legs are female legs, I would love to get with me.

    Me too. :love: Haha, sorry. I completely misread two pages of replies. Feel free to stone me.
  • NormInv
    NormInv Posts: 3,302 Member
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    Who here is assuming Norm is a female?
    [

    Edit because the person I quoted clearly said him, so, well, it was only me. Whatever. Sunday! Sorry for thinking you had a vaj, OP.

    I wish
  • bethlaf
    bethlaf Posts: 954 Member
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    Completely honest opinion?

    You're screwed if your boss said nothing and allowed this to happen. Get your resume in order and start looking.

    I wish that there was a way to fix this, but you're dealing with office politics, women politics, and a power play. The reason she felt free to do this is because she's been doing it for years.

    Wish I could disagree, but too much truth in here.

    ^ Yep. Find another job. Sorry, but you're going to get played eventually anyway and you're in a no-win situation.

    QFT - as HR - i agree, this is something she has done before - if Sup did not take her to task or accepts it "part of her personality" you can't win, its not that your wrong, but , shes been this way for longer than they have known you,
    OR- bring it up to the mgr, and leave it in her hands.
  • Nickle526
    Nickle526 Posts: 239 Member
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    Now i am tempted to let it go, but I am also considering if my not confronting her will be seen as weakness. If she can get away with this outburst, she would make a habit out of it. I really do not want to have to deal with her issues, and I really dont care, but my only concern is how it will be perceived if I shut up.

    Thoughts?

    There is a quote out there that goes something like, "When we step on the toes of others, we force them to retaliate."

    In the long run, what would be better? For your boss to take your side and the woman to be eternally pissed and in constant collision with you? Or would it to be better to put in effort with her right now and help to understand what might be behind this?

    If I were in your position I would say to her -in person- something like, "I feel like I may need to apologize. I feel that from your response that you were offended by my request. That was not my intention in the slightest." Worst case scenario: She is a biotch forever and makes life difficult at work. But maybe you can gain some insight into why she reacted this way and can use that to better your work relationship.

    A little kindness can go a long way.

    Good Luck!

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