I am no longer my daughter's hero

The old saying: Familiarity breeds contempt. This is a toddler, for heaven's sake. Just wail until no one but you will do. Sounds like you are a new parent. Do right by your daughter--be her parent. Although you (and your husband) are the best friend(s) she'll ever have, DON"T act like a friend. Again, be her parent, and don't wallow in your doubt. No kid ever came with an owner's manual.

Thank you all for the advice, including those perched upon their horse of righteousness. Now here is what I find interesting. I posted the exact same post on a parenting counseling forum. You know what the overwhelming response was? Support. Not one mention of my need for validation, childishness, abandoning her for going back to work, my mental state, jealousy, or any negative connotation to my actual plea for help. By and large, there were many helpful people on here willing to give me sound advice. Thank you. For those that decided to become a part of a grand jury, that is okay. Your opinion is your opinion.

:yawn:

Your situation sounds a lot like when my husband and I divorced. I had to do all the mundane, unfun things like baths, laundry, cleaning, healthy foods, saying no to extra soda or excessive sweets.. Go to dad's house and it's like a party every other weekend. I just *love* hearing how he has more fun at dad's house or daddy does this and daddy does that.. but, I know that it's nothing against me and he loves me. Dad is more fun... but mom is stable, always available and every now and then I get little reminders that he knows this. Phases, kids have them.

Thank you all for the advice, including those perched upon their horse of righteousness. Now here is what I find interesting. I posted the exact same post on a parenting counseling forum. You know what the overwhelming response was? Support. Not one mention of my need for validation, childishness, abandoning her for going back to work, my mental state, jealousy, or any negative connotation to my actual plea for help. By and large, there were many helpful people on here willing to give me sound advice. Thank you. For those that decided to become a part of a grand jury, that is okay. Your opinion is your opinion.

I didn't see anyone here saying you were abandoning her by going back to work...no one would judge you for that. That would be a hard decision
Have you considered you're quite oversensitive.

Yeah, I agree. No one said you abandoned your daughter.

She's used to you, she misses them. Take it how you will.

I think this may be the problem.....she knows she can have you anytime but she doesn't get as much time with others so they are a novelty to her. Although I do confess to quitting my job and taking my son out of daycare when he started to seem to prefer the day care provider to me....

she's 15 months old. you can't assign adult emotions and motives to a 15 month old baby. they are too young to think those thoughts yet.

I am not assigning my daughter adult emotions. Toddlers at this age do feel love and attachment. I am not expecting her to bring me roses and color my name in the sidewalk with hearts. I am trying to get some input as to how I can either work on this or accept it. Do you have a child?

when we have children we have to go through our own maturational events, and one of them is jealousy. We return to the state of the 2 yr old, jealous of the other parent when they get this, or that.

But as time goes by a mother realises that it's all roundabouts and swings. They love daddy from 2 to 3 - and hate him and loev mummy from 3 - 4. then they hate mummy and love daddy from 4 - 5... and then they hate daddy and love mummy from 5 - 6...

it's never-ending. it's adorable. it's actually very entertaining. I remember trying to lure the daughter from daddy's side of the bed to mine. It's a fun challenge.

She loves daddy, has hopped in with him this sunday morning, they're lying there whispering about dolly and teddy and such... let's see if I can lure her away with talk of bunny and jemima and feeding the ducks and how much more wonderfuller I am at feeding ducks than daddy....

it's all how you're willing to see it, and it's all also a situation for you to learn trust. If you cannot trust your child to love you, you need to work on yourself because she does love you and she needs you and she has to trust you. no feelings of hard done by allowed: you did it to yourself and the child is not responsible for your emotional state.

I'll give you a father's perspective. My wife and I have a 4-year-old daughter. When our daughter was younger, she seemed to prefer me. When she was littler, I was home less often due to school and work schedules. When I was home, I usually had homework, studying, and household chores to catch up on, and was frequently stressed out trying to keep up with those and family demands. I eventually had to reevaluate my priorities in order to keep my sanity. My daughter started out seeming to prefer me and be a daddy's girl.

Eventually, she switched to favoring her mommy. It did hurt somewhat, but I kept reminding myself that depression, anxiety, and stress tend to cloud my mind. I cut out school to spend more time at home being with family because I didn't feel I could do both. Now, I generally work opposing shifts with my wife so we can minimize our daughter's time at the babysitter.

My wife and I have different ways of running the household, and our daughter does react to those differences. I'm a little more strict with rules and discipline, and tend to be a little more of a drill sergeant. My wife is less strict, and tends to coddle her. She takes me more seriously when I make her mind because I'm the meanie who makes her mad. She pushes Mommy as much as Mommy will allow because she knows she can get by with more. She has told me she loves Mommy more because I'm mean and make her mad when I make her mind. I know she's just mad at not getting her way because she still hangs close to me when it's just us at home. She usually does hang closer with Mommy when we're all home, but she does come to me when Mommy finally has had enough and makes her mind.

All in all, it goes back and forth. Kids constantly change their minds. I think you may be feeling more sensitive about this because of having to go to work. I'm betting it's a bit of guilt at no longer being there with your daughter as much as you once were.