475 lbs and terrified
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Beautifully put!
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As someone pretty good at doing the same, can I suggest that in this sort of situation you do NOT know yourself well enough - or more specifically we fool ourselves in to believing that we will be better than in reality we are going to be.Remember no one knows you as well as you do..
.....
Last year I had lost 15 kgs in 6 months and then gained it all back..
Too often I DON'T temper my 'best intentions' with the reality of past experiences.0 -
Welcome to MFP! I can't say I know what you are going through or how you feel. I can say that I have been struggling with depression/anxiety and weight issues myself. It can be hard at times to not take what other people say to you to heart. I have never felt put down or made to feel bad about myself here on MFP. Everyone here is very supportive. Have you been to a Dr. about your depression? I had tried several medications myself, some worked, some didn't. Now, I am fortunately not on medications for it. I would love to add you as a friend and we can cheer each other on! We all need cheerleaders and support if we are going to be successful.0
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You can do this! You wont fail
! 
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Don't worry about what some *kitten* on CL said about you. They don't know you and mean absolutely nothing. You can do anything you put your mind to! Are you working with a beriatric doctor also?So I guess I am here, 32 years old, 475 lbs, gay, and pretty much unhappy but optimistic, to ask for help, just like I was on that Craigslist forum. This is monumental. I cannot do this by myself. Losing 280 lbs is going to be a helacious roller coaster. I am terrified of failing and of doing poorly but I'm even more scared of becoming bed ridden.0 -
"The reason that you are a fat ugly slob is that you keep stuffing your fat ugly face with carbohydrates! Cut ALL Sugars and Starches out of your diet, and you will start to lose body fat, on a daily basis. Just drink water. No cheat days, not ever.
No. That poster is wrong. Don't listen to the negative talk or the call to be perfect. Moderation is possible, cutting out all starches and sugars is not, and the occasional cheat day helps keep you sane, or at least it does for me.
You made yourself what you are. So, clearly you don't give a **** about yourself. That's a perfect reason for no one else to give a **** about you either. If you don't want to make yourself better, then no one else can do it for you. " - Anonymous Craigslist poster in a health forum
Stay out of forums where people are going to project on you all of their own psychological problems, or at least learn to ignore it when they do.
I've been down this road more than once. I seem to always get started and then watch as things fall apart and as I fail to live up to my own expectations. I am thankful that my health isn't worse. Bloodwork wise, I am completely fine. Musculoskeletally however is a different story. I'm falling apart. My feet don't work the way they should. I have severely collapsed feet to the point where doctors have told me I have to lose the weight so they can go in and reconstruct my feet surgically.
Set realistic expectations and treat yourself with respect. You will have bad days, just work hard to keep your focus where it belongs and don't be afraid to pat yourself on the back for the good days.
I battle with depression as well. These are not excuses for why I am where I am, but a harsh reality of what I am up against: myself. It's time to win the war and lose the weight I need to lose.
So I guess I am here, 32 years old, 475 lbs, gay, and pretty much unhappy but optimistic, to ask for help, just like I was on that Craigslist forum. This is monumental. I cannot do this by myself. Losing 280 lbs is going to be a helacious roller coaster. I am terrified of failing and of doing poorly but I'm even more scared of becoming bed ridden.
So you can add me as a friend if you like.
And most of all, thanks. I appreciate it.
Depression is a battle. Find what works for you. I'm a strong believer in using exercise and activity to help balance it out for those of us who are not serious enough to require medication. Staying indoors, sitting, and eating is not what life is about. Find your passion. Just do more this week than you did last week and take baby steps. You didn't gain it in a few months and you're not going to lose it all in a few months. The trick is setting realistic expectations and sticking with your plan.0 -
YES! Hi Ed, I see you are a moderator now, congrats :flowerforyou: - lots of us have suggested the OP looks at your story
this, all this!Baby steps, trying to do to much to quickly is an instant recipe for failure... You didn't get this way over night and you can't expect to get out of it quickly either... It is a life path you must be will to commit to and never consider it to be a diet or that there will ever be an end point. This is reality and it is the rest of your life so treat it as such. Anything that you do from this day forward, ask yourself is it something I can do long term. If you can't then it isn't worth doing... You don't have to drink just water, you don't have to cut out carbs, you don't have to make it harder than it needs to be... Break it down into the simplest of things that you can control, you wake up every morning and get out of bed so commit to today! Do everything that you can do to be as success for today as you can so that when you go to bed tonight you can rest easy cause you did just that. Refocus get a good nights sleep and commit to doing it again tomorrow... I was 560 pounds, unable to walk from room to room, had a computer rolling chair I would get around the house on to use the restroom and wheel myself from my recliner to the kitchen, was pretty much homebound from 2007-2009, and at the very end contemplated for 3 days committing suicide cause things just didn't look like it was worth living for... But on that third day, I made a choice, I was going to stop saying no and start saying yes. Anything that was asked of me I would do it, no matter how hard it was going to be, and I got to work..
You have to set a plan of action, whether that be a checklist of things you will accomplish (call it setting mini goals) and do this daily. Whether that be "I am going to drink 5 glasses of water, I am going to walk 50 ft. today, I am going to eat 3 main meals and 3 snacks, etc, etc.." and you get up that day and you start checking off those things on your list. Making sure that by the end of the day you have completed those tasks and then you write out the next days goals but this time you add to them. Instead of walking 50 ft. you will walk 60 ft. tomorrow... Baby steps but steps none the less, always striving to do better than you did the day before and never looking back, always moving forward.. Will you have bad days?? Most definitely but you take them in stride, as learning experiences and you chalk them up as such and refocus and get back to it.. You can have all the cheerleaders and supporter in the world backing you up, but until you are ready to commit to this lifestyle change 100% then you will fail. I know that is harsh but it is reality.
I can not stress the fact your head has to be in the game and you have alot of work ahead of you but each day that passes that you have been successful, they start to add up. Things start getting easier because you have laid a foundation that makes the path sturdy and easier to follow. But never think that there is ever an end game... You will be in this fight for the rest of your life so treat it as such. I lost the majority of my weight eating over 3000 calories a day and the larger majority of my macros came from carbs and I am a type 2 diabetic so don't think for a minute you can't be success eating carbs.. and don't label foods into groups of good vs. bad. Are there more nutritious foods than others? Most certainly are but that doesn't mean you can not have your cake and eat it too. The vast majority of my diet consist of Lean meats, a crap ton of veggies, and fruits and grains but it also include a bowl of ice cream every night, pizza on the weekends, and other things I may want to work into my meal plan that I want...
It is all about balance and once you learn that things will be alot easier.. I lost 312 lbs. over the course of 3 years and 3 months and am a month away from my 5 year anniversary. The time passes and adds up, it is hard to believe that 5 years have flown by but make no mistake I don't look at any of it in any other way than just living my life... That is it.. I still take each day as it comes, I still set mini goals to achieve each day and check them off as a complete them, I am still human and make mistakes have that occasional bad day but the good thing is tomorrow is a new day and I can start fresh... You just have to commit to the process and start walking the path...
Best of Luck to you on your Journey...
Ed 0 -
You have gotten some great responses.
You can do this and you are worth it.
Just remember not one of us is perfect, and you do not have to be for this to work. Sometimes people think they are a failure if they go off course. NOT true. The important part is to not give up, and take one day at a time.
:flowerforyou:0 -
Welcome! Good stuff has been said already, just adding more cheering on.0
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You just have to start, lovely. Just get started and don't stop. If you stumble, get back on your feet and keep going. Before you know it, it becomes routine and from there on it's so easy.
I know it seems infeasible now, but trust me, it isn't. Before you know it, a month will have passed. Six months. A year. And the weight will be slowing dropping off, and you'll be feeling so much better. I saw a quote once that I really like. Something like, "Don't let the time it will take to reach your goal discourage you. The time will pass anyway. You may as well spend that time working towards something."
It's all up to you. No one can change your life for you.
Massive hugs to you! 0 -
Welcome. Most anything I would tell you, has already been said. But just wanted to reiterate that some anonymous d@@che on craigslist does not define you. Use that anger as inspiration but don't believe that crap. You are worthy of love and respect - esp from yourself.
Set realistic goals. Know that there will be bad days but also know that those bad days can't undo your good days. It's a long journey but you are worth it :flowerforyou:0 -
Well done for coming here! I having nothing to add except my support, I am new here too, I am scared too. By all means add me as a friend and we can help each other get to where we are going.
:flowerforyou:
xx0 -
There is a lot of great advice here from people who have been successful (Ed is amazing and a great example for you). I would just like to reiterate that they key for *me* has been:
-- Log everything, even if it's going to make those numbers red. For most people who have a poor relationship with food, this is one of the hardest parts because it tends to trigger the "I'm a failure, I went over, might as well each the entire cake!" mode. Try your best so you can get an understanding of how much your intake is so you get a proper deficit.
-- Consistent movement of some sort. At your starting size, do whatever extra you can, whether it's walking a bit around your house or parking one row further away from your destination.
-- Learn to avoid some of the forums here and use critical thinking skills to get past the trolls that lurk.
-- Baby steps at the beginning and expect some set backs. If they don't come, that's awesome, but if you prepare for them, they are less likely to completely derail you and be more of a speed bump.
-- Send out friend requests to people you admire or see you might gel with. Don't be afraid to "cull" your FL if people aren't providing what you need.
Good luck!!0 -
There is a lot of great advice here from people who have been successful (Ed is amazing and a great example for you). I would just like to reiterate that they key for *me* has been:
-- Log everything, even if it's going to make those numbers red. For most people who have a poor relationship with food, this is one of the hardest parts because it tends to trigger the "I'm a failure, I went over, might as well each the entire cake!" mode. Try your best so you can get an understanding of how much your intake is so you get a proper deficit.
-- Consistent movement of some sort. At your starting size, do whatever extra you can, whether it's walking a bit around your house or parking one row further away from your destination.
-- Learn to avoid some of the forums here and use critical thinking skills to get past the trolls that lurk.
-- Baby steps at the beginning and expect some set backs. If they don't come, that's awesome, but if you prepare for them, they are less likely to completely derail you and be more of a speed bump.
-- Send out friend requests to people you admire or see you might gel with. Don't be afraid to "cull" your FL if people aren't providing what you need.
Good luck!!
Yes to all of this.^^^
The key to long term success is to understand that you will have off days (hello yesterday), but to accept that the day happened and get back on track. Try not to go in with an "all or nothing" attitude.0 -
You're on a better forum now.
People aren't that bad here.
You can cruise the forums and when you see people showing compassion and common sense send them FR's with a little note what you liked about them.
This will help you get a nice strong base of friends for both support and honest tips and advice.
People on this site don't tolerate that kind of behavior, I hope that remark was not directed at you, but even if it was just know that it was filled with so much myth and nonsense as to be moot.0 -
Was 412 at my highest. So I know a little about where you are coming from. I will give you advice that you won't take most likely. And everyone that reads my advice and comments will tell you to ignore it. But I'm going to tell you anyway.
Eat nothing but fruit and vegetables. Mostly fruit. Get 80% or more of your calories from carbs. (good carbs like fruit, not a biscuit)
If it had a face or a mother don't eat it.
Eat as much as your belly can hold. Fill yourself to the point of being miserable.
Live a life of abundance.
Lose weight.
Feel amazing.
Wonder why no one told you this years ago.
If you have any interest add me as a friend. I will point you to information, motivation and proof of how amazing this way of life is.0 -
Baby steps, trying to do to much to quickly is an instant recipe for failure... You didn't get this way over night and you can't expect to get out of it quickly either... It is a life path you must be will to commit to and never consider it to be a diet or that there will ever be an end point. This is reality and it is the rest of your life so treat it as such. Anything that you do from this day forward, ask yourself is it something I can do long term. If you can't then it isn't worth doing... You don't have to drink just water, you don't have to cut out carbs, you don't have to make it harder than it needs to be... Break it down into the simplest of things that you can control, you wake up every morning and get out of bed so commit to today! Do everything that you can do to be as success for today as you can so that when you go to bed tonight you can rest easy cause you did just that. Refocus get a good nights sleep and commit to doing it again tomorrow... I was 560 pounds, unable to walk from room to room, had a computer rolling chair I would get around the house on to use the restroom and wheel myself from my recliner to the kitchen, was pretty much homebound from 2007-2009, and at the very end contemplated for 3 days committing suicide cause things just didn't look like it was worth living for... But on that third day, I made a choice, I was going to stop saying no and start saying yes. Anything that was asked of me I would do it, no matter how hard it was going to be, and I got to work..
You have to set a plan of action, whether that be a checklist of things you will accomplish (call it setting mini goals) and do this daily. Whether that be "I am going to drink 5 glasses of water, I am going to walk 50 ft. today, I am going to eat 3 main meals and 3 snacks, etc, etc.." and you get up that day and you start checking off those things on your list. Making sure that by the end of the day you have completed those tasks and then you write out the next days goals but this time you add to them. Instead of walking 50 ft. you will walk 60 ft. tomorrow... Baby steps but steps none the less, always striving to do better than you did the day before and never looking back, always moving forward.. Will you have bad days?? Most definitely but you take them in stride, as learning experiences and you chalk them up as such and refocus and get back to it.. You can have all the cheerleaders and supporter in the world backing you up, but until you are ready to commit to this lifestyle change 100% then you will fail. I know that is harsh but it is reality.
I can not stress the fact your head has to be in the game and you have alot of work ahead of you but each day that passes that you have been successful, they start to add up. Things start getting easier because you have laid a foundation that makes the path sturdy and easier to follow. But never think that there is ever an end game... You will be in this fight for the rest of your life so treat it as such. I lost the majority of my weight eating over 3000 calories a day and the larger majority of my macros came from carbs and I am a type 2 diabetic so don't think for a minute you can't be success eating carbs.. and don't label foods into groups of good vs. bad. Are there more nutritious foods than others? Most certainly are but that doesn't mean you can not have your cake and eat it too. The vast majority of my diet consist of Lean meats, a crap ton of veggies, and fruits and grains but it also include a bowl of ice cream every night, pizza on the weekends, and other things I may want to work into my meal plan that I want...
It is all about balance and once you learn that things will be alot easier.. I lost 312 lbs. over the course of 3 years and 3 months and am a month away from my 5 year anniversary. The time passes and adds up, it is hard to believe that 5 years have flown by but make no mistake I don't look at any of it in any other way than just living my life... That is it.. I still take each day as it comes, I still set mini goals to achieve each day and check them off as a complete them, I am still human and make mistakes have that occasional bad day but the good thing is tomorrow is a new day and I can start fresh... You just have to commit to the process and start walking the path...
Best of Luck to you on your Journey...
Ed
Thank you for this excellent post!!0 -
Okay, you got this. Happy to support you, add me if you like. Best of luck!0
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When I first started on MFP, I felt so overwhelmed. OMG How do I do this?!
So I just started logging. Whatever I ate, I logged. I tried not to go over but if I did, I did. As time went on, I realized I wasn't logging as accurately as I should, so I read some posts and got out my food scale. Now I measure everything and double check the nutrition facts to the database.
I didn't cut anything out of my diet that I wasn't willing to give up for the rest of my life. I'm learning portions and moderation. I can still eat out. Still eat "fatty foods' or "junk" but I weigh it and I savor what I eat now, instead of mindlessly nomming through the day.
It gets EASIER as you do it. I probably wont trust myself to eyeball portions ever again, but now weighing is like second nature. I keep a notebook and pen next to my scale so I can jot down measurements while I'm cooking. I pre-log estimated portions, the day before, and I fill them in as I make the items. I like to make everything for the work day in the morning, and I update the log, so I know how much I have for dinner.
When you first start making dietay changes, there may be some gastrointestinal distress you experience. It won't last for ever. Just stick to it.
Look at today only. Don't worry about day# 358423. Just today. Also, don't let the scale hurt you emotionally. It's a number and it DOES NOT define you. It is a tool to help you judge how well your current plan is doing.
Best of luck!0 -
I can relate to a lot of your sentiments; and have experienced some of the same reactions from other people. Losing weight is an extremely emotional experience. I actually lost about 120 using MFP previously, and then after a rough time in my life (also battling depression and major anxiety problems), I gained it all back. Didn't help my self esteem very much...
I'm just getting started again to lose weight. I could use some friends! I'll help to cheer you on 0
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