For those who married young or are currently engaged
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A little advice... People advise against marrying young because they haven't "lived". Of course, no one but you knows if you are ready to settle down. To make a marriage work, I recommend each of you putting the other before yourselves, and taking the word "divorce" out of your vocabulary.
Seeing as others are giving advice here too lol..... My favorite quote:
Marriage Is not 50-50. Divorce is. Marriage has to be 100-100. It isn't about dividing everything in half, but giving everything you've got (even when it sucks and you dont feel you have to/should/deserve to......)
If marriage has to be 100-100, everyone, everywhere would get divorced. maybe this is the problem? People expect perfection and bail when they don't get it?
It has nothing to do with expecting perfection from the other person but 'perfection' (there is no such thing, but for the sake of ease I'll use the word) from yourself.... Giving 100%. Regardless of situation or circumstance ( where I dont feel its necessary to add this, Im not talking about continuing to live in a home with someone who is abusing you, ones physical safety is important). Its giving all you have even when you feel you're being wronged. Its about putting heart and soul into your relationship even when the feelings are gone. Where the only person I can control is myself, my actions and words influence and affect others.0 -
Make sure that you know HER preference. I used to quiz my (now) husband. Every time we'd walk past a display, I'd play a game ---- "which of these 8 rings do you think I'd like best?" hahaha it was fun and helped him know and learn and understand my own personal preferences. I wanted something that was low and wouldn't get caught on everything. I also wanted something that looked nice and didn't say "I was $80 at walmart." we got my ring from a different dept. store, and it was about $500 (and we even used a coupon for 30% off!). You can certainly find nice jewelry without breaking the bank. As for cubic zirconia or lab created diamonds, most people can't tell the difference, but I would have been horrified if mine were a fake stone. It's the one piece of jewelry I wanted, and I will not ask for anything more - I wanted to make sure this ring was it, lol. Like I said though, make sure that you ask HER preference. Or have a friend of hers do some digging for you (if you can trust them not to say anything).
I've included a photo of my ring(s) for you. My engagement ring (the princess - square- cut in the middle) came from department and was $500. The wedding bands came from a jeweler. One was for the wedding (obviously) and the other he gave to me as a 1 year anniversary gift
Just a few thoughts Enjoy your life as you are now, but don't feel sorry about feeling sure about the way you feel about her. If you want to marry young, go for it! It just means you have longer to spend your lives as a married couple 0 -
To all who are urging me not to marry at 18, I have no intention of marrying at 18. :P I am really in love with this girl though, so I'm thinking ahead. I don't intend on fully marrying until she's out of college. However, I have been with her for a few years now and I feel that it's time I'm thinking ahead and acquainting myself with how everything works so that I'm not blindsided in the future. When I am eventually getting a ring, I don't want to be scammed or pressured by idealized fantasies. I'm listening to you because you are all people who've had experience and have lived (and are living) real lives. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
All of your responses are fascinating, though! Personally, I'm ethically opposed to Blood Diamonds. Have any of you had experience with factory-made diamonds? Hypothetically, would you be opposed to receiving one?
Hypothetically, no. I would have no issues receiving any jewelry, whether it's mined or manufactured. ;-) Best of luck to you.0 -
To all who are urging me not to marry at 18, I have no intention of marrying at 18. :P I am really in love with this girl though, so I'm thinking ahead. I don't intend on fully marrying until she's out of college. However, I have been with her for a few years now and I feel that it's time I'm thinking ahead and acquainting myself with how everything works so that I'm not blindsided in the future. When I am eventually getting a ring, I don't want to be scammed or pressured by idealized fantasies. I'm listening to you because you are all people who've had experience and have lived (and are living) real lives. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
All of your responses are fascinating, though! Personally, I'm ethically opposed to Blood Diamonds. Have any of you had experience with factory-made diamonds? Hypothetically, would you be opposed to receiving one?
You have a good head on your shoulders.
I'd make sure she's okay with synthetic anything first, but I wouldn't be opposed. Moissonite (still a bit pricey) is beautiful.0 -
I'm cool with man-made gems.0
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My husband and I began talking about marriage when we were around 18. He asked me what kind of ring I would like if we ever got married. I hadn't thought much about it but then I began to when he brought it up. We got engaged when I was 20, almost 21. He took me looking at a bunch of jewelry stores and he went back a few days later and bought one that I liked. I think it was about $1200. White gold, small diamonds on the band and one larger (but not huge) diamond in the middle. Nothing too flashy. My wedding ring is very plain though. I think it might have been $299. We were married when I was 23.
I'm not sure how I'd feel about man made diamonds. I guess I'm the kinda girl that likes to try them on first. Though I'm guessing I would've been happy with anything he got me. I really don't know...0 -
I got no ring when he asked he just kinda decided to when one day because he said it felt right. The day we got married well after we got married my friend bought us each a simple band, Then after 2 years married we got me an engagement and then on our 5 yr he bought me a new band. I never cared either way lol0
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A little advice... People advise against marrying young because they haven't "lived". Of course, no one but you knows if you are ready to settle down. To make a marriage work, I recommend each of you putting the other before yourselves, and taking the word "divorce" out of your vocabulary.
Seeing as others are giving advice here too lol..... My favorite quote:
Marriage Is not 50-50. Divorce is. Marriage has to be 100-100. It isn't about dividing everything in half, but giving everything you've got (even when it sucks and you dont feel you have to/should/deserve to......)
If marriage has to be 100-100, everyone, everywhere would get divorced. maybe this is the problem? People expect perfection and bail when they don't get it?
It has nothing to do with expecting perfection from the other person but 'perfection' (there is no such thing, but for the sake of ease I'll use the word) from yourself.... Giving 100%. Regardless of situation or circumstance ( where I dont feel its necessary to add this, Im not talking about continuing to live in a home with someone who is abusing you, ones physical safety is important). Its giving all you have even when you feel you're being wronged. Its about putting heart and soul into your relationship even when the feelings are gone. Where the only person I can control is myself, my actions and words influence and affect others.
I guess it's just the wording that I have a problem with, but I get the sentiment behind it. Ideally it would be 50/50, but often it's 60/40 or 30/70, etc. The point is to keep choosing your spouse to love and make a life with, even when you may not want to, even when you feel like you're giving more than you're getting. I think the idea behind the words is the same...I just dislike the 100% thing b/c I feel like it sets expectations way too high. Depending on what's going on in a marriage and with money, health, kids, you can feel like you have NOTHING to give. In those moments, I feel like giving SOMETHING, is enough.0 -
I'm 39 and am getting married for the 2nd time. No engagement ring the first time. This time, I have a 2 ct white topaz set in sterling silver with celtic knots on each side of the stone. The ring was about $50. The ring is not as important to me as the person who gave it to me and what it symbolizes.0
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i was engaged at 18, married at 20, and divorced 4 months later. i would go back and smack myself, too...
<shrugs> My grandparents, on the other hand, were married the Saturday following their HS graduation and were married 50+ years until my grandfather died. I'd say, though, generations are different. And there are cases as have been stated already where it works.
I, personally, think people should wait until they can buy their own alcohol before they get married, at a minimum. I have my kids convinced you have to take your college diploma to the county clerk's office, though...
That said, my husband (current) bought my silver wedding band for $20 at the PX on post in Germany, and had my engagement ring made for me at a local German jeweler. i have no idea how much he paid for it...it's silver with a half carat round diamond, the band is very plain and matches my wedding band. I bought his wedding band in Switzerland for about $80, also silver, but much thicker than mine.0 -
A little advice... People advise against marrying young because they haven't "lived". Of course, no one but you knows if you are ready to settle down. To make a marriage work, I recommend each of you putting the other before yourselves, and taking the word "divorce" out of your vocabulary.
Seeing as others are giving advice here too lol..... My favorite quote:
Marriage Is not 50-50. Divorce is. Marriage has to be 100-100. It isn't about dividing everything in half, but giving everything you've got (even when it sucks and you dont feel you have to/should/deserve to......)
If marriage has to be 100-100, everyone, everywhere would get divorced. maybe this is the problem? People expect perfection and bail when they don't get it?
It has nothing to do with expecting perfection from the other person but 'perfection' (there is no such thing, but for the sake of ease I'll use the word) from yourself.... Giving 100%. Regardless of situation or circumstance ( where I dont feel its necessary to add this, Im not talking about continuing to live in a home with someone who is abusing you, ones physical safety is important). Its giving all you have even when you feel you're being wronged. Its about putting heart and soul into your relationship even when the feelings are gone. Where the only person I can control is myself, my actions and words influence and affect others.
I guess it's just the wording that I have a problem with, but I get the sentiment behind it. Ideally it would be 50/50, but often it's 60/40 or 30/70, etc. The point is to keep choosing your spouse to love and make a life with, even when you may not want to, even when you feel like you're giving more than you're getting. I think the idea behind the words is the same...I just dislike the 100% thing b/c I feel like it sets expectations way too high. Depending on what's going on in a marriage and with money, health, kids, you can feel like you have NOTHING to give. In those moments, I feel like giving SOMETHING, is enough.
I think we're pretty much on the same page then
Cuz if you've got nothing, yet you're giving something it sounds like you're giving more than 100%!
Maybe I'll find a way to tweak the saying, then I can say I came up with a quote for once LOL0 -
To all who are urging me not to marry at 18, I have no intention of marrying at 18. :P I am really in love with this girl though, so I'm thinking ahead. I don't intend on fully marrying until she's out of college. However, I have been with her for a few years now and I feel that it's time I'm thinking ahead and acquainting myself with how everything works so that I'm not blindsided in the future. When I am eventually getting a ring, I don't want to be scammed or pressured by idealized fantasies. I'm listening to you because you are all people who've had experience and have lived (and are living) real lives. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
All of your responses are fascinating, though! Personally, I'm ethically opposed to Blood Diamonds. Have any of you had experience with factory-made diamonds? Hypothetically, would you be opposed to receiving one?
Canadian diamonds aren't blood diamonds. They're mined in the arctic of Canada. I have one and I love it.0 -
To all who are urging me not to marry at 18, I have no intention of marrying at 18. :P I am really in love with this girl though, so I'm thinking ahead. I don't intend on fully marrying until she's out of college. However, I have been with her for a few years now and I feel that it's time I'm thinking ahead and acquainting myself with how everything works so that I'm not blindsided in the future. When I am eventually getting a ring, I don't want to be scammed or pressured by idealized fantasies. I'm listening to you because you are all people who've had experience and have lived (and are living) real lives. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
All of your responses are fascinating, though! Personally, I'm ethically opposed to Blood Diamonds. Have any of you had experience with factory-made diamonds? Hypothetically, would you be opposed to receiving one?
Canadian diamonds aren't blood diamonds. They're mined in the arctic of Canada. I have one and I love it.
Huh, I've never heard of such a thing. How would you find out if the diamond was Canadian?0 -
Ask at the jewelry store if it's Canadian. It should also have an inscription that you can see with a magnifying glass and should come with paperwork certifying where it's from. I assume some of them are exported to the states. It's a big industry where I live (the Northwest Territories). My husband worked at one of these mines for a bit.0
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To all who are urging me not to marry at 18, I have no intention of marrying at 18. :P I am really in love with this girl though, so I'm thinking ahead. I don't intend on fully marrying until she's out of college. However, I have been with her for a few years now and I feel that it's time I'm thinking ahead and acquainting myself with how everything works so that I'm not blindsided in the future. When I am eventually getting a ring, I don't want to be scammed or pressured by idealized fantasies. I'm listening to you because you are all people who've had experience and have lived (and are living) real lives. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
All of your responses are fascinating, though! Personally, I'm ethically opposed to Blood Diamonds. Have any of you had experience with factory-made diamonds? Hypothetically, would you be opposed to receiving one?
Have you talked with your girlfriend about what she wants in a ring and if your plan speaks to her wants for the future? You know, so she's not blindsided by a proposal?
I know you probably think I sounds like a jerk and maybe I do. But in reading this, at no point do I see a "we" in your plan. Just "I".
When I was 16, I was with somebody who, after we'd dated a year or so, started talking about getting married after I finished college. I didn't even know what I wanted to major in, in college. I loved him with all my heart, but it was way too much pressure and expectation.0 -
To all who are urging me not to marry at 18, I have no intention of marrying at 18. :P I am really in love with this girl though, so I'm thinking ahead. I don't intend on fully marrying until she's out of college. However, I have been with her for a few years now and I feel that it's time I'm thinking ahead and acquainting myself with how everything works so that I'm not blindsided in the future. When I am eventually getting a ring, I don't want to be scammed or pressured by idealized fantasies. I'm listening to you because you are all people who've had experience and have lived (and are living) real lives. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
All of your responses are fascinating, though! Personally, I'm ethically opposed to Blood Diamonds. Have any of you had experience with factory-made diamonds? Hypothetically, would you be opposed to receiving one?
Have you talked with your girlfriend about what she wants in a ring and if your plan speaks to her wants for the future? You know, so she's not blindsided by a proposal?
I know you probably think I sounds like a jerk and maybe I do. But in reading this, at no point do I see a "we" in your plan. Just "I".
When I was 16, I was with somebody who, after we'd dated a year or so, started talking about getting married after I finished college. I didn't even know what I wanted to major in, in college. I loved him with all my heart, but it was way too much pressure and expectation.
I'd listen to her ^^^
She's been married like 8 times.0 -
I got married at 24. Seems like it was a pretty good age. Her ring was about 2mos salary. I could have bought her a car instead.
Wait a few years......college changes people. Make sure you are still "compatible" after at least a few years.....Plus you don't want to be engaged for > 2 years max........She will get really tired of hearing "Did you set a date yet" from every single person she knows.0 -
My engagement ring, given just before I went off to college and he to Vietnam, was a thin gold band with two cultured pearls, one white, one black. I did NOT want him to waste money on a diamond.0
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To all who are urging me not to marry at 18, I have no intention of marrying at 18. :P I am really in love with this girl though, so I'm thinking ahead. I don't intend on fully marrying until she's out of college. However, I have been with her for a few years now and I feel that it's time I'm thinking ahead and acquainting myself with how everything works so that I'm not blindsided in the future. When I am eventually getting a ring, I don't want to be scammed or pressured by idealized fantasies. I'm listening to you because you are all people who've had experience and have lived (and are living) real lives. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
All of your responses are fascinating, though! Personally, I'm ethically opposed to Blood Diamonds. Have any of you had experience with factory-made diamonds? Hypothetically, would you be opposed to receiving one?
Canadian diamonds aren't blood diamonds. They're mined in the arctic of Canada. I have one and I love it.
The diamond I got was mined at Santa's workshop in the North Pole by a special type of mining elf. It's really rare but she loves it.0
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