For those who married young or are currently engaged
Replies
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i was engaged at 18, married at 20, and divorced 4 months later. i would go back and smack myself, too...
<shrugs> My grandparents, on the other hand, were married the Saturday following their HS graduation and were married 50+ years until my grandfather died. I'd say, though, generations are different. And there are cases as have been stated already where it works.
I, personally, think people should wait until they can buy their own alcohol before they get married, at a minimum. I have my kids convinced you have to take your college diploma to the county clerk's office, though...
That said, my husband (current) bought my silver wedding band for $20 at the PX on post in Germany, and had my engagement ring made for me at a local German jeweler. i have no idea how much he paid for it...it's silver with a half carat round diamond, the band is very plain and matches my wedding band. I bought his wedding band in Switzerland for about $80, also silver, but much thicker than mine.0 -
A little advice... People advise against marrying young because they haven't "lived". Of course, no one but you knows if you are ready to settle down. To make a marriage work, I recommend each of you putting the other before yourselves, and taking the word "divorce" out of your vocabulary.
Seeing as others are giving advice here too lol..... My favorite quote:
Marriage Is not 50-50. Divorce is. Marriage has to be 100-100. It isn't about dividing everything in half, but giving everything you've got (even when it sucks and you dont feel you have to/should/deserve to......)
If marriage has to be 100-100, everyone, everywhere would get divorced. maybe this is the problem? People expect perfection and bail when they don't get it?
It has nothing to do with expecting perfection from the other person but 'perfection' (there is no such thing, but for the sake of ease I'll use the word) from yourself.... Giving 100%. Regardless of situation or circumstance ( where I dont feel its necessary to add this, Im not talking about continuing to live in a home with someone who is abusing you, ones physical safety is important). Its giving all you have even when you feel you're being wronged. Its about putting heart and soul into your relationship even when the feelings are gone. Where the only person I can control is myself, my actions and words influence and affect others.
I guess it's just the wording that I have a problem with, but I get the sentiment behind it. Ideally it would be 50/50, but often it's 60/40 or 30/70, etc. The point is to keep choosing your spouse to love and make a life with, even when you may not want to, even when you feel like you're giving more than you're getting. I think the idea behind the words is the same...I just dislike the 100% thing b/c I feel like it sets expectations way too high. Depending on what's going on in a marriage and with money, health, kids, you can feel like you have NOTHING to give. In those moments, I feel like giving SOMETHING, is enough.
I think we're pretty much on the same page then
Cuz if you've got nothing, yet you're giving something it sounds like you're giving more than 100%!
Maybe I'll find a way to tweak the saying, then I can say I came up with a quote for once LOL0 -
To all who are urging me not to marry at 18, I have no intention of marrying at 18. :P I am really in love with this girl though, so I'm thinking ahead. I don't intend on fully marrying until she's out of college. However, I have been with her for a few years now and I feel that it's time I'm thinking ahead and acquainting myself with how everything works so that I'm not blindsided in the future. When I am eventually getting a ring, I don't want to be scammed or pressured by idealized fantasies. I'm listening to you because you are all people who've had experience and have lived (and are living) real lives. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
All of your responses are fascinating, though! Personally, I'm ethically opposed to Blood Diamonds. Have any of you had experience with factory-made diamonds? Hypothetically, would you be opposed to receiving one?
Canadian diamonds aren't blood diamonds. They're mined in the arctic of Canada. I have one and I love it.0 -
To all who are urging me not to marry at 18, I have no intention of marrying at 18. :P I am really in love with this girl though, so I'm thinking ahead. I don't intend on fully marrying until she's out of college. However, I have been with her for a few years now and I feel that it's time I'm thinking ahead and acquainting myself with how everything works so that I'm not blindsided in the future. When I am eventually getting a ring, I don't want to be scammed or pressured by idealized fantasies. I'm listening to you because you are all people who've had experience and have lived (and are living) real lives. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
All of your responses are fascinating, though! Personally, I'm ethically opposed to Blood Diamonds. Have any of you had experience with factory-made diamonds? Hypothetically, would you be opposed to receiving one?
Canadian diamonds aren't blood diamonds. They're mined in the arctic of Canada. I have one and I love it.
Huh, I've never heard of such a thing. How would you find out if the diamond was Canadian?0 -
Ask at the jewelry store if it's Canadian. It should also have an inscription that you can see with a magnifying glass and should come with paperwork certifying where it's from. I assume some of them are exported to the states. It's a big industry where I live (the Northwest Territories). My husband worked at one of these mines for a bit.0
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To all who are urging me not to marry at 18, I have no intention of marrying at 18. :P I am really in love with this girl though, so I'm thinking ahead. I don't intend on fully marrying until she's out of college. However, I have been with her for a few years now and I feel that it's time I'm thinking ahead and acquainting myself with how everything works so that I'm not blindsided in the future. When I am eventually getting a ring, I don't want to be scammed or pressured by idealized fantasies. I'm listening to you because you are all people who've had experience and have lived (and are living) real lives. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
All of your responses are fascinating, though! Personally, I'm ethically opposed to Blood Diamonds. Have any of you had experience with factory-made diamonds? Hypothetically, would you be opposed to receiving one?
Have you talked with your girlfriend about what she wants in a ring and if your plan speaks to her wants for the future? You know, so she's not blindsided by a proposal?
I know you probably think I sounds like a jerk and maybe I do. But in reading this, at no point do I see a "we" in your plan. Just "I".
When I was 16, I was with somebody who, after we'd dated a year or so, started talking about getting married after I finished college. I didn't even know what I wanted to major in, in college. I loved him with all my heart, but it was way too much pressure and expectation.0 -
To all who are urging me not to marry at 18, I have no intention of marrying at 18. :P I am really in love with this girl though, so I'm thinking ahead. I don't intend on fully marrying until she's out of college. However, I have been with her for a few years now and I feel that it's time I'm thinking ahead and acquainting myself with how everything works so that I'm not blindsided in the future. When I am eventually getting a ring, I don't want to be scammed or pressured by idealized fantasies. I'm listening to you because you are all people who've had experience and have lived (and are living) real lives. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
All of your responses are fascinating, though! Personally, I'm ethically opposed to Blood Diamonds. Have any of you had experience with factory-made diamonds? Hypothetically, would you be opposed to receiving one?
Have you talked with your girlfriend about what she wants in a ring and if your plan speaks to her wants for the future? You know, so she's not blindsided by a proposal?
I know you probably think I sounds like a jerk and maybe I do. But in reading this, at no point do I see a "we" in your plan. Just "I".
When I was 16, I was with somebody who, after we'd dated a year or so, started talking about getting married after I finished college. I didn't even know what I wanted to major in, in college. I loved him with all my heart, but it was way too much pressure and expectation.
I'd listen to her ^^^
She's been married like 8 times.0 -
I got married at 24. Seems like it was a pretty good age. Her ring was about 2mos salary. I could have bought her a car instead.
Wait a few years......college changes people. Make sure you are still "compatible" after at least a few years.....Plus you don't want to be engaged for > 2 years max........She will get really tired of hearing "Did you set a date yet" from every single person she knows.0 -
My engagement ring, given just before I went off to college and he to Vietnam, was a thin gold band with two cultured pearls, one white, one black. I did NOT want him to waste money on a diamond.0
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To all who are urging me not to marry at 18, I have no intention of marrying at 18. :P I am really in love with this girl though, so I'm thinking ahead. I don't intend on fully marrying until she's out of college. However, I have been with her for a few years now and I feel that it's time I'm thinking ahead and acquainting myself with how everything works so that I'm not blindsided in the future. When I am eventually getting a ring, I don't want to be scammed or pressured by idealized fantasies. I'm listening to you because you are all people who've had experience and have lived (and are living) real lives. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
All of your responses are fascinating, though! Personally, I'm ethically opposed to Blood Diamonds. Have any of you had experience with factory-made diamonds? Hypothetically, would you be opposed to receiving one?
Canadian diamonds aren't blood diamonds. They're mined in the arctic of Canada. I have one and I love it.
The diamond I got was mined at Santa's workshop in the North Pole by a special type of mining elf. It's really rare but she loves it.0 -
To all who are urging me not to marry at 18, I have no intention of marrying at 18. :P I am really in love with this girl though, so I'm thinking ahead. I don't intend on fully marrying until she's out of college. However, I have been with her for a few years now and I feel that it's time I'm thinking ahead and acquainting myself with how everything works so that I'm not blindsided in the future. When I am eventually getting a ring, I don't want to be scammed or pressured by idealized fantasies. I'm listening to you because you are all people who've had experience and have lived (and are living) real lives. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
All of your responses are fascinating, though! Personally, I'm ethically opposed to Blood Diamonds. Have any of you had experience with factory-made diamonds? Hypothetically, would you be opposed to receiving one?
Canadian diamonds aren't blood diamonds. They're mined in the arctic of Canada. I have one and I love it.
The diamond I got was mined at Santa's workshop in the North Pole by a special type of mining elf. It's really rare but she loves it.
I want Elf Diamond!!0 -
To all who are urging me not to marry at 18, I have no intention of marrying at 18. :P I am really in love with this girl though, so I'm thinking ahead. I don't intend on fully marrying until she's out of college. However, I have been with her for a few years now and I feel that it's time I'm thinking ahead and acquainting myself with how everything works so that I'm not blindsided in the future. When I am eventually getting a ring, I don't want to be scammed or pressured by idealized fantasies. I'm listening to you because you are all people who've had experience and have lived (and are living) real lives. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
All of your responses are fascinating, though! Personally, I'm ethically opposed to Blood Diamonds. Have any of you had experience with factory-made diamonds? Hypothetically, would you be opposed to receiving one?
Have you talked with your girlfriend about what she wants in a ring and if your plan speaks to her wants for the future? You know, so she's not blindsided by a proposal?
I know you probably think I sounds like a jerk and maybe I do. But in reading this, at no point do I see a "we" in your plan. Just "I".
When I was 16, I was with somebody who, after we'd dated a year or so, started talking about getting married after I finished college. I didn't even know what I wanted to major in, in college. I loved him with all my heart, but it was way too much pressure and expectation.
I'd listen to her ^^^
She's been married like 8 times.
Only once!
Though, I was engaged a few times.
Which reminds me, I have a form for you to fill out....0 -
My husband proposed without a ring. Everyone else wanted to "see the ring", so we got a silver ring with cubic zirconia from a sidewalk sale in San Francisco (it was from India and very beautiful). But, then his mother gave him her mother's ring. It is incredibly beautiful. But, the setting was made for a bigger finger. There is nothing that can be done to make it small enough. I have been married for 14 years and have gotten into the habit of not wearing a ring. I do have a thin platinum wedding band.0
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To all who are urging me not to marry at 18, I have no intention of marrying at 18. :P I am really in love with this girl though, so I'm thinking ahead. I don't intend on fully marrying until she's out of college. However, I have been with her for a few years now and I feel that it's time I'm thinking ahead and acquainting myself with how everything works so that I'm not blindsided in the future. When I am eventually getting a ring, I don't want to be scammed or pressured by idealized fantasies. I'm listening to you because you are all people who've had experience and have lived (and are living) real lives. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
All of your responses are fascinating, though! Personally, I'm ethically opposed to Blood Diamonds. Have any of you had experience with factory-made diamonds? Hypothetically, would you be opposed to receiving one?
Canadian diamonds aren't blood diamonds. They're mined in the arctic of Canada. I have one and I love it.
The diamond I got was mined at Santa's workshop in the North Pole by a special type of mining elf. It's really rare but she loves it.
I want Elf Diamond!!
Everyone does......That's why they are so rare.0 -
I didn't get married young, but at 30 I was still pretty much broke. The engagement ring I bought my wife was not cheap (relatively speaking) but certainly wasn't what one would generally consider to be expensive. It was pretty simple and combined with the wedding ring (which did not cost a fortune either) is really simply elegant. Fortunately my wife isn't an, "I need the biggest rock on the planet" kinda girl...in fact, while she likes diamonds, she likes other stones much more. She's a big fan of Moldavite for example...which kinda sucks because Moldavite jewelry can be hard to come by...much harder to come by than diamonds anyway. Gaspeite is a good go to though and a bit easier to find and she likes that as well...0
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I bought my own. I worked at a jewelery department. A ring I loved went on sale. I bought it. Voila.0
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$105 CZ set from wal-maaaaart! I get so many freaking compliments on them. Nobody needs to know how geniune and expensive your stuff is, but you. I didn't marry him for a diamond.0
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Wish I could find that video I saw about the truth behind engagement rings...
It's really just the most successful advertising scam in history. Diamonds aren't rare, they aren't valuable. People are buried in them every day. Jewelry companies needed a way to unload them. Throw together some slick advertising and ta da! Now we think diamond engagement rings are a necessary tradition handed down through the ages.
But there's no fighting it. It's a successful enough advertising campaing that society is now convinced that the size of a diamond equates to how much you love a person. And slaves labor away in mines under horrible conditions to allow this nonsense to go on.
Raise your hand if you're shocked that I'm not married. :frown:
Not shocked. Where I live now, the tradition is that the engagement ring is a plain gold ring and then the wedding ring might have some diamonds. Nowadays more and more women are going with the big diamonds, but I'm happy with my wedding set.
I was married before in the States and had a small diamond engagement ring and plain gold band. To the poster who said "if it feels right, it probably is". You are right. But so many young people get married and they know it's not quite right but they do it anyway. I know I did. This time around I had no reservations. Last time, I was walking up the aisle and thinking, "WTF am I doing?!?!"0 -
My husband and I got engaged and married young. He was 21 and I was 20.
My husband did not have a lot of money but he bought me a single diamond ring with a beautiful design as an engagment ring. We later went and shopped at other stores and found another ring with a similar ring design and had the jewler attach the rings to each other to make one complete wedding ring. It actually works and flows really well.
All in all we spent about $250 bucks. My husband ended up getting a wedding band for about $1000 -
To all who are urging me not to marry at 18, I have no intention of marrying at 18. :P I am really in love with this girl though, so I'm thinking ahead. I don't intend on fully marrying until she's out of college. However, I have been with her for a few years now and I feel that it's time I'm thinking ahead and acquainting myself with how everything works so that I'm not blindsided in the future. When I am eventually getting a ring, I don't want to be scammed or pressured by idealized fantasies. I'm listening to you because you are all people who've had experience and have lived (and are living) real lives. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
All of your responses are fascinating, though! Personally, I'm ethically opposed to Blood Diamonds. Have any of you had experience with factory-made diamonds? Hypothetically, would you be opposed to receiving one?
Have you talked with your girlfriend about what she wants in a ring and if your plan speaks to her wants for the future? You know, so she's not blindsided by a proposal?
I know you probably think I sounds like a jerk and maybe I do. But in reading this, at no point do I see a "we" in your plan. Just "I".
When I was 16, I was with somebody who, after we'd dated a year or so, started talking about getting married after I finished college. I didn't even know what I wanted to major in, in college. I loved him with all my heart, but it was way too much pressure and expectation.
You aren't being a jerk, by any means. I completely understand where you are coming from.
I wouldn't be blindsiding her, as we've talked about our expectations for the future extensively. She has outright told me that she hopes we get married someday, and we've talked about how fast would be "too fast." When I said I don't plan on getting married until she's out of college, I was talking about a decision that was made by both of us together. We also decided that it wouldn't hurt to get engaged while in school, as long as we are both comfortable with it. I'm currently transferring schools, so engagement is out of the window for at least another year (I'll be twenty, and I know that it's still young and "another year" really isn't that long). I just want to make sure we're still comfortable after all of these changes before we take such big steps forward.
I apologize for digressing, but yeah, we've talked about it a lot.
To everyone who is showing their concern, thank you. I can tell that you're all looking out for me and I'm thankful for that. I'm reading everything that you are all saying and analyzing it as thoughtfully as I can. Again, thank you do much.
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You can't get them anymore. The Mining Elves Unionized, overthrew management, declared a 3 day work week, a 200% pay increase with medical/dental and no co-pays. They went out of business in less than a year.To all who are urging me not to marry at 18, I have no intention of marrying at 18. :P I am really in love with this girl though, so I'm thinking ahead. I don't intend on fully marrying until she's out of college. However, I have been with her for a few years now and I feel that it's time I'm thinking ahead and acquainting myself with how everything works so that I'm not blindsided in the future. When I am eventually getting a ring, I don't want to be scammed or pressured by idealized fantasies. I'm listening to you because you are all people who've had experience and have lived (and are living) real lives. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
All of your responses are fascinating, though! Personally, I'm ethically opposed to Blood Diamonds. Have any of you had experience with factory-made diamonds? Hypothetically, would you be opposed to receiving one?
Canadian diamonds aren't blood diamonds. They're mined in the arctic of Canada. I have one and I love it.
The diamond I got was mined at Santa's workshop in the North Pole by a special type of mining elf. It's really rare but she loves it.
I want Elf Diamond!!
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We got engaged at 21 years old and we were totally broke!
We ended up getting a ring from a cheap shop for about £29.00 and it's still going strong today!
Our Wedding rings were a little more difficult and after a bad ring purchase, we ended up getting a cheap one off the internet (About £3.00 per ring)!
Now that we're both slimmer, our rings are too loose. We've already found cheap rings on e-bay and we shall be buying again in a few months
Kaela x0 -
What's "young"? I met my husband when we were 17, got engaged and moved in together at 20, and got married at 22.
He went to a jewelry store and bought me a very pretty, simple, princess cut diamond ring (I believe it's 1/4 carat). It was around $1000-1200 and he paid for it out of his checking account. We've been married for two years and I'm still wearing it, so it looks like it was a solid pick.0 -
You can't get them anymore. The Mining Elves Unionized, overthrew management, declared a 3 day work week, a 200% pay increase with medical/dental and no co-pays. They went out of business in less than a year.To all who are urging me not to marry at 18, I have no intention of marrying at 18. :P I am really in love with this girl though, so I'm thinking ahead. I don't intend on fully marrying until she's out of college. However, I have been with her for a few years now and I feel that it's time I'm thinking ahead and acquainting myself with how everything works so that I'm not blindsided in the future. When I am eventually getting a ring, I don't want to be scammed or pressured by idealized fantasies. I'm listening to you because you are all people who've had experience and have lived (and are living) real lives. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
All of your responses are fascinating, though! Personally, I'm ethically opposed to Blood Diamonds. Have any of you had experience with factory-made diamonds? Hypothetically, would you be opposed to receiving one?
Canadian diamonds aren't blood diamonds. They're mined in the arctic of Canada. I have one and I love it.
The diamond I got was mined at Santa's workshop in the North Pole by a special type of mining elf. It's really rare but she loves it.
I want Elf Diamond!!
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We've lived together since I was 20, We never did the engagement ring thing, but when we married 31/2 years later I had a diamond and obsidian made by my cousin who was making jewelry at that time. My ring was made by a friend of my wife and was a knockoff of a Cartier rolling ring. We used to leave the Rings at home at Christmas as working in retail they were prone to getting painfully caught oin things at our busiest time of year. They were stolen in a break in.We never replaced mine, but I replaced my wife's with this one from Tiffany since finances were much better after 20 years. This year will be 29 years since we got married and our 33 anniversary of living together passed a couple of months back0
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Not much more can happen now. We've been together 7 years, have 2 kids, lived together for 6 of the years. Fought, vacationed, etc. Not all marriages are destined to fail!
Congrats.... you're in the minority then. I can't count how many friends I know who were married young, and are now in their early to mid 20's and divorced already.0 -
My sister is a silversmith. I bought the stones, then she and I designed it and she made it :-)
ETA: My Wife and I have been together since 1987, we married in 1995 at 25 years old.0 -
When I got engaged on my 21st birthday, we got a lab created diamond set from here:
http://www.diamondnexus.com/engagement-wedding-rings
It was really elaborate and way bigger than anything we could have afforded, it had beautiful craftmanship, and we didn't have to deal with the ethical problem or the crazy-expensive diamonds mined elsewhere.
Needless to say, that relationship didn't work out for many reasons (the ring not being one of them, lol) but I don't presume to think that my relationship not working out means that yours won't. I'm actually engaged again now (to someone I've known for a decade and lived with for 6 years-- I've learned and grown up a lot!) and he got me a "real" diamond that he financed and pays off every month. (Kay Outlet does 0% interest for the first year.) It was important to him to get this ring for me and it's insanely beautiful, so I'm really happy with that choice.
That being said, no one (including very outspoken and pretentious family members) had any idea about the previous ring being lab created and it really didn't look too shiny like CZ or too rainbow-y like Moissanite, so I would recommend that as an option if you guys want to save money for more important things.
Good luck!0 -
Engaged at 22, married at 24. He went to Walmart for the ring, but he was a college student at the time and only worked summers due to student teaching during the year. Totally surprised me with it :smooched:0
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Oh, and here's another resource that might work for you. The site ensures authenticity independently so it's more reliable than eBay or something if you want to go the preowned route: http://www.idonowidont.com/buy-discount-engagement-rings0
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