Help me with a wedding debate

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24

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  • conqueringsquidlette
    conqueringsquidlette Posts: 383 Member
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    If you're invited to both, you go to both.

    Sometimes you'll only be invited to the reception, though, because the ceremony is in a small facility (like a small church or the courthouse or something).

    ETA: Oh yeah, or it's a Mormon wedding and you're not allowed in the temple. They do the reception only invitations too, obviously.
  • Mommagoose4
    Mommagoose4 Posts: 129 Member
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    Some invites are Reception ONLY then its ok. But if you have been invited to the wedding it would be rude to only go to the reception.
  • SnuggleSmacks
    SnuggleSmacks Posts: 3,731 Member
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    Unless your invitation specifies reception only, you should go to the wedding. It's super rude to go nosh at the bride and groom's expense without actually sharing in their happy moment.
  • mccindy72
    mccindy72 Posts: 7,001 Member
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    here in Wisconsin, we do a wedding/reception/dance. you go to the wedding and the reception both, or if you don't go to either of those, as close family and friends do, you go only to the dance.
  • LilithLaquim
    LilithLaquim Posts: 16 Member
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    Most people I know don't have a problem with someone only coming to one or the other-in fact, it's pretty common among my friends and family. If you're very close or it's a more religious ceremony, then going to the ceremony as well is probably more important, but for both my first wedding and the one I'm planning now, it was way more important to me that my friends come enjoy the celebration than that they see us signing civil paperwork.
  • ChoiceNotChance
    ChoiceNotChance Posts: 644 Member
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    You definitely should attend the ceremony. There are some folks who will go to a ceremony that they're not invited to just to see it.
  • CrescentCityGirl
    CrescentCityGirl Posts: 123 Member
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    I definitely agree with everyone who said go to the wedding first!!
  • RBXChas
    RBXChas Posts: 2,708 Member
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    If you've been invited to both, unless there's some reason you can't go to one (like you don't get off of work until after the ceremony), you go to both.

    Even if all he wants is the "fun part," ie, the reception, it's still a nice show of support for his friend to go to the ceremony, too.
  • nilbogger
    nilbogger Posts: 870 Member
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    From what I understand this is true of some European cultures, but not generally accepted here in the US.
  • branflakes1980
    branflakes1980 Posts: 2,516 Member
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    I am going to have to agree not attending the ceremony is rude as hell!! Yes there is going to be a fabulous party that they paid for and you will have food and drinks most likely provided to you however the reason for that party is the joining of 2 peoples lives together.... THAT is the important part, the other part is just a bonus that the couple graciously provided for the guests lucky enough to attend. If someone had showed up for just my reception I would have most likely asked them to leave!

    I'm sorry I'm just not able to agree that not attending the wedding ceremony is "rude as hell".

    I've been to plenty where it's fully expected that not everyone will be at the ceremony. Often afterwards during pictures and whatnot we are excited to talk about who is bringing who to the reception and who we can expect to see...so and so's new boyfriend, what's her names gaggle of college girlfriends, that one aunt's comadre's who we haven't seen in years, the neighbors entire house full of kids even though only she and her husband attended the ceremony.

    I've never thought of this as a thing or "rude" or anything like that. I don't think anyone I know has ever mentioned it as such either.

    I am noticing however a kind of uncomfortable "currency" or "commodity" theme in this conversation though?

    As though wedding attendance and inviting is some kind of "payment" for the food and drinks provided? I've never thought of it that way. Is this a thing? There seems IMO too much emphasis on tit for tat in this area lately everytime I read any wedding etiquette related questions.

    When did weddings become an entertainment event for which the price of admission is ceremony attendance or an adequate gift?

    I guess things may be different in different areas?? Every wedding invite I have ever received has been an invitation to the ceremony and then in small print at the bottom it states either "adult reception to follow" or "reception to follow" and mine said the first of the 2. I have never received an invite for just the reception so in my experience not going to the ceremony would be "rude as hell" as that was what I was invited to. But, different strokes for different folks I suppose!
  • JoRocka
    JoRocka Posts: 17,525 Member
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    I can understand it being a cultural thing to have a very small wedding and the reception is open to all guests.

    But.

    If that's the case.. Those of you who are more familiar with that.. Do your invites specifically say reception only?
  • HerkMeOff
    HerkMeOff Posts: 1,002 Member
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    From what I understand this is true of some European cultures, but not generally accepted here in the US.

    It's going to depend on where you're at in the US.

    Here, it is quite normal.
  • branflakes1980
    branflakes1980 Posts: 2,516 Member
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    I can understand it being a cultural thing to have a very small wedding and the reception is open to all guests.

    But.

    If that's the case.. Those of you who are more familiar with that.. Do your invites specifically say reception only?

    How does your invitation read. Directly above your comment here I explained my experiences with invitations. I would have to see how your invitation reads to tell you better, as there are apparently invites that say reception only. But every invite I have ever received is an invite to the wedding with only a mere mention of the reception at the bottom of the invite.
  • Slacker16
    Slacker16 Posts: 1,184 Member
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    I think it's impolite, if you were invited to both, to skip the wedding and only show up for the ensuing beer blast. I also don't think it's a big deal. Make up a believable excuse though.

    ETA : 666th post!
  • psmd
    psmd Posts: 764 Member
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    I missed a wedding once, b/c I got lost driving, and just showed up to the reception. I told the bride she looked beautiful and no one knew the difference. Actually that's happened twice.
  • VBnotbitter
    VBnotbitter Posts: 820 Member
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    I can understand it being a cultural thing to have a very small wedding and the reception is open to all guests.

    But.

    If that's the case.. Those of you who are more familiar with that.. Do your invites specifically say reception only?

    Yeah they usually send out two kinds of invites, one saying ceremony and reception, the other saying reception only.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    I can understand it being a cultural thing to have a very small wedding and the reception is open to all guests.

    But.

    If that's the case.. Those of you who are more familiar with that.. Do your invites specifically say reception only?

    Yeah they usually send out two kinds of invites, one saying ceremony and reception, the other saying reception only.

    Yeah, any time I've been invited to a reception only thing, it's specified.
  • TeachTheGirl
    TeachTheGirl Posts: 2,091 Member
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    Nope, never heard of it like that. Unless they're going to send out invites saying 'you're only invited to the reception', assume you're invited to the wedding itself.
  • paintlisapurple
    paintlisapurple Posts: 982 Member
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    The only way that I could see not going to the wedding is if that is a specific request from the bride and groom. (Perhaps they want a very small and intimate wedding.) I've never heard of attending only a reception otherwise.
  • rheannaraye
    rheannaraye Posts: 62 Member
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    We had some people skip the ceremony, but it depended on reason....
    1. the church was out in the middle of nowhere
    2. some people didn't drive and didn't want to find a ride that far
    3. some people had scheduling conflicts
    4. some travelled from far away and couldn't make it early

    I didn't mind. I was happy that they wanted to be a part of our big day, no matter what.

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