your worse or humiliating experience when fat?

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  • buckeyemom1218
    buckeyemom1218 Posts: 4
    OMG! I hear this all the time. I hate it. Sometimes they leave out the "but", it doens't matter. Why can't you just say I'm pretty, why do you have to say my face is pretty! I hate this.
    #1 LIFETIME hate on the list: but...you have such a pretty face...
    [/quote]

    This. Very much this.

    Even worse.. "...but you carry it well."
    [/quote]
    [/quote]
  • DerekVTX
    DerekVTX Posts: 287 Member
    bump
  • krillersmom
    krillersmom Posts: 17 Member
    1. 7th grade, the guy sitting behind me says "your arms are so big, are you on steroids?" I don't know if he was jealous or calling them fat, but it always stuck with me as I do have bigger arms. I always feel self conscious wearing tank tops.
    2. A guy I was "friends with benefits with" said to me one day "god, do you know how hot you would be if you lost weight?" He made me feel like I was an ok substitute if he had nothing else, but maybe if I was skinny I would be good enough to actually date! He is obviously no longer a friend of any kind!
    3. Always feeling like I'm getting "that look" when I go out with friends who are small. Never feeling good enough to be with them.
    4. Constantly being called fat in school.
    5. Being a healthy size, but still self conscious, and my mom allowing and encouraging me to go to weight watchers...like that didn't help to make my complex worse!
  • SteampunkSongbird
    SteampunkSongbird Posts: 826 Member
    Mostly, having people give me "that look" when they see my husband and I out (he's 5'8, 150 lbs)...you know the look I'm talking about: "look at them together, why is he even with her?"

    I feel like I get those looks too, as my fiancé is 6'1" and slim, while I'm 5'5" and dumpy. Working on it though!
  • TiffanyRW84
    TiffanyRW84 Posts: 7 Member
    Hi, I am new to MFP, I am both happy and sad you asked this question. I haven't always been this size so adjusting to my body changing wasn't easy, but I eventually stopped beating myself up about it, and decided I would accept myself whatever way I was. I have been okay, but carried a since of shame on Facebook or going into public with the threat of running into people I used to know. That they would laugh or judge if they knew that I had gained this weight. So I have been anal about what photos of me are on my account showing myself in the best possible light... I know this is kind of ridiculous that I was so worried about what people from my past might think, but I kind of just wanted my old friends in my old life to remember me the way I was when I was younger and more beautiful...then about 2 years ago I had my daughter. She is the most amazing little thing and recently I realized how little pictures of us there are. I am always taking the photos and not in them... I thought to myself that my daughter would want to have as many photos of me and us all as a family as she can. These memories are so important and I want her to know I was there and a part of them too. That was my lowest low, and is my inspiration. My daughter. I want to live a healthy life so I can teach her to do the same, and be able to keep up with the insane energy of a toddler... And I want a family photo that shows more than just my face that I won't cringe when I look at it. So, this is Day 4, I am totally starving haha, but I am motivated
    And I know the biggest challenge is staying motivated. So, thank you for asking it allows me to put things in perspective and be honest with myself. ;)
  • sirlancecharlotte
    sirlancecharlotte Posts: 1 Member
    ETA wrong post, sorry!
  • MzBeckie
    MzBeckie Posts: 207 Member
    I feel like I have lots of embarrassing moments! I think one that really sticks clear in my mind is when I moved back home after 8 years. I had gained approx 75 lbs. I was already feeling shy before I even seen anyone (because I knew I looked alot different) so I sorta started my own embarrassing feeling there. But it got worse when I did see family and friends because I seen how they looked at me. Over the next few months I repeatedly heard, She's gotten so big now, She use to be so skinny, Doesn't even look like her, I wonder what happened? All sorts of short comments/questions.

    Another one is sitting in the back of a two door car. I can laugh about it now but that was hell trying to get out of that back seat! Now I just stay away from 2 door cars.
  • transientcanuck
    transientcanuck Posts: 82 Member
    I had my jerk of an ex-boyfriend tell me that I would be "pretty" if I lost 30 lbs.

    Even though I am now happily engaged to my lovely fiance who thinks I'm beautiful no matter what, those words still sting
  • transientcanuck
    transientcanuck Posts: 82 Member
    "Are you having a baby?"

    No. No I'm not.

    Rude as hell woman in a beer garden (Why would I be standing having a cigarette with a pint if i was pregnant pray tell?)

    And just general looks of 'Why is SHE buying THAT' When clothes/food shopping. Oh I'm sorry love, if you have a problem with whats in my trolley please take the 24 pack of crisps in YOUR trolley and shove them up your self righteous *kitten*!

    People can be so rude and judgmental considering weight.

    Ugh, tell me about it. I had a few pregnancy assumptions before, just because I have a protruding belly. I even had some jerk poke me in the stomach once
  • Cathalicios
    Cathalicios Posts: 12 Member
    My most humiliating experience was going to a £500 a head sit down meal at the Roundhouse in London. I was all glammed up and feeling very excited (I had never been to such a posh do) but when I came to take my seat, which was next to a pillar, there was not enough room for me to squeeze into the chair - I was simply too fat to fit! Embarrassed, I had to ask my (much slimmer) date to swap places with me. It was still a fabulous evening but the incident marred my enjoyment. I never saw my slim date again.
  • Ness7891
    Ness7891 Posts: 26
    the worst thing. Easy. My husband saying he was leaving because I was fat, finding out he has been having an affair for months.
    Wow. I'm sorry to hear that.
  • lewispwest
    lewispwest Posts: 498 Member
    Not as bad as some of the ones on here but I went with work friends to Thorpe Park last summer and barely managed to get into the seat on the first rollercoaster. I faked a fear of heights for the rest of the day trying to avoid the inevitable ride where I wouldn't be able to fit in the seat.
  • sakuya3834
    sakuya3834 Posts: 116 Member
    When I couldn't fit the standard size graduation gown. I had to ask in front of a bunch of other people if they had bigger sizes because I could not zip it up. Considering a graduation gown is basically a potato sack, I was mortified. -_-
  • haildodger
    haildodger Posts: 181 Member
    I'm not sure I can explain this properly, but I'll give it a go.

    I install balcony railing on occasion as part of my job, and my youngest brother is the owner/boss. We were seven floors up with our fall gear on and finishing off the day, when we noticed that one of our new guys had left a loose part on an uninstalled section that happened to be overhanging the balcony edge by about four feet. Someone would have to lay down on the uninstalled railing and reach out and grab that loose part off of it. The smallest guy on our crew volunteered to lay across the railing and reach for the loose piece while we counterbalanced the railing by sitting on the other end. (Basically it was like a saw horse, but seven floors up and you don't want it to rock at all.) So I went over and sat on the part of the railing that was on the deck. A couple the crew started to come join me when my brother says in front of all of them: "Don't bother. His fat *kitten* is more than enough for a counter weight."

    I don't really get embarrassed easily. I would say I was more pissed than anything. I let it slide at the time, but quit the following week.
  • HalfwayGone
    HalfwayGone Posts: 1,242 Member
    Christmas last year, a family member sat beside me and said "you've put on a lot of weight haven't you, you used to be a lot slimmer."

    It didn't bother me though cause at this point I had actually lost weight...
  • Phrick
    Phrick Posts: 2,765 Member
    I got so many "are you pregnant?" assumptions that I finally started telling people "no I have a liver tumor." Outright lie (that I haven't told in several years now) but at least itt shut most people up pretty quickly.
  • loveby30
    loveby30 Posts: 76 Member
    From when I was 10 till I have ALWAYS between 15-40lbs overweight. My highest weight was at 22 and 200lbs. (I'm 5'8). And I've experienced it all
    being told in high school by then-friends that i should have been grateful someone found me attractive enough to rape at a house party.

    very similar experience....people telling me not to complain or report that I had be drugged and violated at a party b/c "no one would believe that anyone would want to have sex with you"

    Being told by many guys in my late teens/early twenties that I was great for sex or causal fun but they would never really consider dating me b/c they were embarrassed of what their friends would say seeing them with a fatty.

    When I was 15 and probably weighed around 165 at 5'8 being told by my grandmother that I was a very big girl and that I would have to work very hard to get a man, but that maybe, hopefully there was someone out there who would be willing to settle but that I should learn to keep my standards low.

    A former friend often saying things like "well it's a good thing you're not one of the pretty girls b/c then you'd have to deal with all the harassment and possible sex trafficking" - when talking about studying abroad in college

    I do have to say that most of these types of comments stopped not when I lost weight, but when I changed who I hung out with, when I got past the age of 21 and when I had a bit more self respect. I actually have had some of the best compliments when I was at my largest physically, but was emotionally in a really good place. Surprisingly, the positive attitudes and respect I got from people around me worked more to motivate me to be healthier and happier then the crap people said shaming me about my weight and appearance. Negative comments just made me get fatter and sadder. And I though I've never gotten down to my goal weight I've never been back up past 175lbs (still about 20lbs overweight) and have no respect or time for people who talks about anyone or treats anyone they way I was treated in my teens/early twenties.

    I still carry a lot of baggage from that time, but my own personal acceptance and slight raises in self esteem has done more than any weight loss in weeding out the most vicious negative feedback/comments.
  • Pectinbean
    Pectinbean Posts: 62 Member
    I was mistaken for pregnant. My boyfriend at the time's friend's wee brother hadn't met me before but knew one of the group was pregnant and assumed it was me. No malice and he was mortified when I laughed it off as a beer belly. But that started me on the diet route.

    For all the people whose family are laughing at you, I feel for you. That is so incredibly cruel. I'd well cut them out of my life. They're the type of folk who won't ever let you forget how big you were. Noone needs that kind of torment.
  • lewispwest
    lewispwest Posts: 498 Member
    I know this is a depressing thread but I'm sure its helping to get these things off your chests. I would never openly speak about any of my fat struggles while I was fat, now that I'm losing it I feel like I can let go of these hang ups.
  • fit_gal
    fit_gal Posts: 167
    A guy I met from online dating cancelled a party he was going to in order to meet me. We met and spent some time at his flat. After a little while he said that he was going to the party after all. When we spoke online next, he said that he basically didnt date big people! I was gutted and angry. I was only a stone overweight and dressed nicely. But he was used to dating models... Soon after I met my hubby online so its all good! But have to say, it put me off dating and very nearly didnt meet the hubby.
  • fit_gal
    fit_gal Posts: 167
    the worst thing. Easy. My husband saying he was leaving because I was fat, finding out he has been having an affair for months.

    His loss hun x It must have been incredibly painful at the time but I do hope that you've healed from that.
  • poodlenoodlemuffin
    poodlenoodlemuffin Posts: 23 Member
    I gained a lot of weight very quickly when I hit puberty. When I was about 14/15 a friend asked me very loudly, in a very crowded and quiet gym hall what all the silvery lines on my arms were. It was only a little thing and she didn't mean to embarrass me, but it's still taken 20 years for me to pluck up the guts to wear short sleeves again.
  • BigVeggieDream
    BigVeggieDream Posts: 1,101 Member
    1. When I couldn't fit in to the desks (http://www.alibaba.com/product-detail/Steel-classroom-furniture-desk-and-chairs_598452879.html) in my college classroom and I had to request a table with a chair. Then sometimes when I went into class, someone would be sitting there and I had to tell them that was where I sat and explain why.

    2. When I was in a store clothes shopping when two teenage girls walked past me and then a few seconds later yelled, "Hey fattie, they don't sell clothes your size."

    3. When my son, who was 5 at the time said, "Wow daddy, you're so fat!" He was giggling as he said that. My son's mother told him he couldn't say that to people and he looked confused. He asked why and his mother said it makes people feel bad about themselves, to which he replied that why is being fat a bad thing. At least I knew he was just an innocent kid making an observation and not trying to tease me.
  • DerekVTX
    DerekVTX Posts: 287 Member
    One more thing, a "look" can be worse than words. At some point, I quit keeping track of my weight. I think I hit somewhere near 250 lbs on my 5'5" frame, before I came out of my funk. The "look" was common, when my husband and I would go out to eat. He does not have a weight issue. I felt the "look" of disapproval no matter what food choices I made. Who knows the "look" I am talking about?

    Oh I know that look. Here's what's going through their heads.

    "Look at that fat guy eating a hamburger! Happy heart attack, fat boy!"

    "Look at that fat guy eating a salad! Not working for you, is it, fat boy?"

    Oh this. This a million times!!!

    This except not with a husband it was with my ex wife she is beatiful and weighed no more than 110 lbs and i was 320, always got that look, also no matter what when i was big the slightest bend or squat i would have butcrack showing. I hated that

    It hurts coming from our partners
  • DerekVTX
    DerekVTX Posts: 287 Member
    My worse humiliating thing happened a month ago when my now ex girlfriend wanted me to start working out at the gym, I really don't like going to the gym and working out because I feel like everyone is watching me, I'm a big guy at 297 lbs. and its just humiliating . well she told me that I could just do cardio with her and that it wouldn't be bad , well I agreed to go with her the next time she went. she went 3 times a week to a class but I told her I needed to find something to wear that was okay for the class so she took me shopping at the mall we went to a place that sold gym clothes and she picked out some things for me to try on, so I went into the changing room and one by one came out to the mirrors to see them and let her look at them one of the things she me try on was a pair or white shorts they fit kind of snug and stretchy but seemed to feel okay to workout in she liked them when I came out for her to see them, when I turned around and started to walk to the mirror to look at them she got a really big smile on her face and said they are perfect and rushed me back into the dressing room to get dress, then she picked out a t-shirt that went just down to my waist, and we left. she told me to shed be back before time to go to the gym and help me get ready I said okay and she drove off with my bag of gym clothes still in the car. well she called and told me shed be back 30 mins before the class to get me ready and pick me up so I took a shower and waited for her to come when she got there she told me we didn't have time for me to get dressed and I could just dress at the gym so I got in and we went when we got to the gym there was a couple of other women there and us also the woman instructor she took me up to her and introduced me to her and told her I would be trying her class tonight, she said good that it would be nice having a man in the class she told me I could use the dressing room to change in because there wasn't anyone in there right now so I went into the dressing room and my girlfriend followed me and took my clothes as I took them off and put them in the locker I then put on my t=shirt and started to get my shorts and she said you cant wear your boxers under these shorts take them off too, so I did as she told me and put the shorts on she smiled and told me to get my shoes on and come on out and she left when I was ready I walked out into the room it was a lot more women there and as I passed them they all said hi and smiled at me some even laughed a little I wasn't sure what that was about but I thought it was because I was the only guy there. soon the class was about ready to start the instructor came to me and took me to the front of the room and introduced me to the class and said I was new and she wanted me to be at the front of the class because she needed to make sure I did the moves right so I was up front right in front of everyone with her in front of me and we began slowly we started doing marching steps ,then faster and then we did some other moves and soon I was really working up a sweat and I just did as fast as I could everything she told us to do, some times shed come over to me and put her hand on me and helped me do some of the moves where I'd get off balance and soon my t-shirt and shorts were soaking wet with sweat and as we started doing deep nee bends the women behind me kind of were laughing some and I figured they thought it was funny seeing my fat *kitten* bending down deep hell I thought it was funny too just thinking about it soon we were on our backs on the floor doing leg raises and then opening our legs spreading them as far apart as possible then we did some crunches and were back on our feet doing side leg kicks all the while the women behind me were whispering and laughing and the instructor told every one to move up closer as we finished the last 10 minute's of the class on our hands and knees stretching our backs with our butts up in the air and our faces on the floor it was a really good work out after the class was done everyone was laughing and telling me how much they enjoyed me coming to the class and hoped I come all the time and I told them I would and the instructor came over to me and told me it was one of her best classes ever , that all the girls really had fun with me there and I went to change then I ask my girl friend for the key to the locked and she said she didn't have a lock or a key I told her that I locked it with the lock that was by my shoes I had thought she put there for me , but she didn't I went to the instructor and ask if she had the key but she told me it wasn't her lock so my girlfriend just laughed and said you'll just have to stay in you workout clothes until we get home everyone laughed and some of my girlfriends friends said lets go next door for a drink before we go home and my girlfriend said sure lets do it so we all went to the bar that was right next door we walked in and one of her friends named Kim ask me to play pool with her so I said I would but my wallet was back in the locker and I had no money my girlfriend laughed and said shed pay so off we went to the pool table a lot of the girls from the class were there all at the bar laughing and talking to the woman behind the bar the bargirl brought me a beer and stood behind me while I bent over the table to make a shot then I turned and she gave me the weirdest smile and laughed at me I thought she was crazy and keep playing, all the other girls had their phones out and every time I bent over to make a shot would snap pictures of me making my shots and would all laugh really like they were having the time of their life's after a while I had another beer and played a couple more games and my girlfriend said it was time to go, she said before we go I want you to set here at the bar with us and Have one last drink I said okay and went to the only barstool right in the middle of all the girls and sat down on it as soon as I did I felt the very cold steel seat on my *kitten* I was in shock my shorts had split right up from my crotch to the waste band and my entire *kitten* was exposed I had no Ideal how long it had been that way and the girls were laughing asking me what was wrong I ask them if they knew my shorts were ripped and they all said yes , I ask how long have they been like that and they told me since about half way thru the class and they didn't want to say anything to embarrass me so they just let it be I had to walk out of the bar with my *kitten* showing as the girls all walked behind me laughing . when we got in the car my girl friend was laughing her *kitten* off at me she told me she knew the shorts were like that when we bought them and she just had to let me show my *kitten* to all her friends and that was the worse thing ever to happen to me while I've been fat........

    I call BullShat on that one. Who's girlfriend would allow this and if so why would she still be the girlfriend. She would either be gone, or in a hole in the back yard.
  • DerekVTX
    DerekVTX Posts: 287 Member
    I had so much awful stuff said to me as a kid by the people who were supposed to love me. Dad on more than one occasion said no man would ever love me because I am fat (first time I was probably 7 and super skinny). But that stuck on me so hard I started gaining. Mom had me in weight watchers by 9. But only fed me this messed up diet food like liver, while they ate burgers. My brother always introduced me to his friends as fat girl.

    Nothing any stranger ever said was worse than being forced to live with my family for 17 years. To this day I stress for weeks before one of them comes to visit. And I guard my kid, like a lioness, from their ignorant mouths.

    Not to sound mean, but its not your Dad's or your Mom's fault.
  • haildodger
    haildodger Posts: 181 Member
    My worse humiliating thing happened a month ago when my now ex girlfriend wanted me to start working out at the gym, I really don't like going to the gym and working out because I feel like everyone is watching me, I'm a big guy at 297 lbs. and its just humiliating . well she told me that I could just do cardio with her and that it wouldn't be bad , well I agreed to go with her the next time she went. she went 3 times a week to a class but I told her I needed to find something to wear that was okay for the class so she took me shopping at the mall we went to a place that sold gym clothes and she picked out some things for me to try on, so I went into the changing room and one by one came out to the mirrors to see them and let her look at them one of the things she me try on was a pair or white shorts they fit kind of snug and stretchy but seemed to feel okay to workout in she liked them when I came out for her to see them, when I turned around and started to walk to the mirror to look at them she got a really big smile on her face and said they are perfect and rushed me back into the dressing room to get dress, then she picked out a t-shirt that went just down to my waist, and we left. she told me to shed be back before time to go to the gym and help me get ready I said okay and she drove off with my bag of gym clothes still in the car. well she called and told me shed be back 30 mins before the class to get me ready and pick me up so I took a shower and waited for her to come when she got there she told me we didn't have time for me to get dressed and I could just dress at the gym so I got in and we went when we got to the gym there was a couple of other women there and us also the woman instructor she took me up to her and introduced me to her and told her I would be trying her class tonight, she said good that it would be nice having a man in the class she told me I could use the dressing room to change in because there wasn't anyone in there right now so I went into the dressing room and my girlfriend followed me and took my clothes as I took them off and put them in the locker I then put on my t=shirt and started to get my shorts and she said you cant wear your boxers under these shorts take them off too, so I did as she told me and put the shorts on she smiled and told me to get my shoes on and come on out and she left when I was ready I walked out into the room it was a lot more women there and as I passed them they all said hi and smiled at me some even laughed a little I wasn't sure what that was about but I thought it was because I was the only guy there. soon the class was about ready to start the instructor came to me and took me to the front of the room and introduced me to the class and said I was new and she wanted me to be at the front of the class because she needed to make sure I did the moves right so I was up front right in front of everyone with her in front of me and we began slowly we started doing marching steps ,then faster and then we did some other moves and soon I was really working up a sweat and I just did as fast as I could everything she told us to do, some times shed come over to me and put her hand on me and helped me do some of the moves where I'd get off balance and soon my t-shirt and shorts were soaking wet with sweat and as we started doing deep nee bends the women behind me kind of were laughing some and I figured they thought it was funny seeing my fat *kitten* bending down deep hell I thought it was funny too just thinking about it soon we were on our backs on the floor doing leg raises and then opening our legs spreading them as far apart as possible then we did some crunches and were back on our feet doing side leg kicks all the while the women behind me were whispering and laughing and the instructor told every one to move up closer as we finished the last 10 minute's of the class on our hands and knees stretching our backs with our butts up in the air and our faces on the floor it was a really good work out after the class was done everyone was laughing and telling me how much they enjoyed me coming to the class and hoped I come all the time and I told them I would and the instructor came over to me and told me it was one of her best classes ever , that all the girls really had fun with me there and I went to change then I ask my girl friend for the key to the locked and she said she didn't have a lock or a key I told her that I locked it with the lock that was by my shoes I had thought she put there for me , but she didn't I went to the instructor and ask if she had the key but she told me it wasn't her lock so my girlfriend just laughed and said you'll just have to stay in you workout clothes until we get home everyone laughed and some of my girlfriends friends said lets go next door for a drink before we go home and my girlfriend said sure lets do it so we all went to the bar that was right next door we walked in and one of her friends named Kim ask me to play pool with her so I said I would but my wallet was back in the locker and I had no money my girlfriend laughed and said shed pay so off we went to the pool table a lot of the girls from the class were there all at the bar laughing and talking to the woman behind the bar the bargirl brought me a beer and stood behind me while I bent over the table to make a shot then I turned and she gave me the weirdest smile and laughed at me I thought she was crazy and keep playing, all the other girls had their phones out and every time I bent over to make a shot would snap pictures of me making my shots and would all laugh really like they were having the time of their life's after a while I had another beer and played a couple more games and my girlfriend said it was time to go, she said before we go I want you to set here at the bar with us and Have one last drink I said okay and went to the only barstool right in the middle of all the girls and sat down on it as soon as I did I felt the very cold steel seat on my *kitten* I was in shock my shorts had split right up from my crotch to the waste band and my entire *kitten* was exposed I had no Ideal how long it had been that way and the girls were laughing asking me what was wrong I ask them if they knew my shorts were ripped and they all said yes , I ask how long have they been like that and they told me since about half way thru the class and they didn't want to say anything to embarrass me so they just let it be I had to walk out of the bar with my *kitten* showing as the girls all walked behind me laughing . when we got in the car my girl friend was laughing her *kitten* off at me she told me she knew the shorts were like that when we bought them and she just had to let me show my *kitten* to all her friends and that was the worse thing ever to happen to me while I've been fat........

    I call BullShat on that one. Who's girlfriend would allow this and if so why would she still be the girlfriend. She would either be gone, or in a hole in the back yard.

    Agreed, except for the hole in the back yard part. She never would have made it home from the bar with me. And what does it say about her, and her choice in "friends", that no one would say anything.

    Also, that was a grueling to read. ...yikes.
  • Shutter_bug03
    Shutter_bug03 Posts: 35 Member
    A few months after my middle daughter was born, on my first Mother's Day with her, my GRANDPA informed me that I am fat, in front of family that I hadn't seen in a long time. I told him that I don't need him informing me that I've gained weight, and I guess he forgot that I just had a baby a few months prior and that I am the one who puts MY pants on every day. And that he needed to take a look in the mirror and I got my kids and I left. He passed away a few months ago and that still hurts my feelings when I think about it.
  • techgal128
    techgal128 Posts: 719 Member
    My mom said to me that I was so big that "no one is going to hire you because they'll be afraid you'll keel over from a heart attack."
  • Brinray
    Brinray Posts: 20
    Client at my job sees me every month. Keeps asking when I am due. Actually got mad at me when I insisted that I am not now nor have I ever been pregnant. I've been there for like 3 years, so unless I'm in my 8th trimester...

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