Should I be offended? (Pt 2)

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Mikkimeow
Mikkimeow Posts: 1,282 Member
Yesterday, I posted about an individual in my company who farted in my presence without comment. I have an update worth remembering. For those of you who haven't read it, here you go:

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/1315222-should-i-be-offended

After asking, I received many varied thoughts on actions I should take. Some thought I should be offended. Others assumed he was in love with me. Even a few suggested a fart back. While I am not a person to automatically retaliate or jump to conclusions, I decided to confront the enthusiastic farter, aka Jeff.

I made an excuse to walk over to his building and drop off some supplies. I chatted with another sales rep, asking casually how Jeff was doing in his new position. The guy replied, "He is weird as f#@k.". Obviously I was not surprised. So I made my way to Jeff's office, and knocked on the door. He told me to come in.

"Hey Jeff, I wanted to say thank you for the donut. Did you have some left over from national donut day?"

"No."

"Okay... Why did you give only me one?"

"Because you like them."

Now get this, I have never told him I like donuts. How does he know that?

"Well thank you. I have something to ask you."

"Yeah?"

"Why did you fart in my office? Why didn't you say anything? Is that why you gave me the donut?"

HE LOOKED ME DEAD IN THE EYES AND SAID

"I never farted in your office."

"Yes. You did."

"No, no I didn't."

"You farted Jeff, you farted and stared me right in the eyes and farted. No apology. And your donut doesn't make it okay."

Not sure why, but at this point I was really pissed off. Why fart and not even be honest? It isn't like I can imagine smells!

"Oh, yeah. That. Yeah. I farted."

"Why did you look at me while you did it? Why didn't you say anything?"

"I don't know, I didn't think you were policing my farts."

"Well, please bring air freshener next time, or use the restroom twenty feet away from my office."

Then he has this little attitude.

"I will fart where and when I want to."

"Don't fart in my office."

"Okay, I'll fart outside your door."

"What is wrong with you?"

"Nothing. Don't tell me how to fart."

Then, can't even make this up, he tried to get up and give me a hug.

I walked out of there and sat at my desk, still utterly confused. I may have met the wierdest f&*%ing person on the entire planet. What do I do now? I don't even know.
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Replies

  • madhatter2013
    madhatter2013 Posts: 1,547 Member
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    OMG I can't stop laughing. Can you imagine being the person walking by hearing this argument? It is so obsurd. I'm surprised you didn't say anything about him calling you a double minority, or something like that. I don't recall the actual term you stated.

    Edit to correct: Minority Haul was the phrase used....Still funny
  • TeachTheGirl
    TeachTheGirl Posts: 2,091 Member
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    "Nothing. Don't tell me how to fart."

    I'm sorry.

    This cracked me up.
  • madhatter2013
    madhatter2013 Posts: 1,547 Member
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    This story keeps getting better. He is a weird F**k. Sounds like he won't fart in your office again, I guess. Dammit! I wish this was happening to me. So many ways to get back at him.
    Dude, love your picture. Best movie ever.
  • maz504
    maz504 Posts: 450
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    DON'T POLICE MY FARTS!!!!!!!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • srslybritt
    srslybritt Posts: 1,618 Member
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    I may or may not have posted this in your first thread but OH. MY GOD. Don't police my farts I can't even

    3431215+_d5fac2e8b25f3b46505c0d73c22b7388.gif
  • FitWifey79
    FitWifey79 Posts: 17 Member
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    ohh my GAH!!! If I were you, I would make it a point to walk by his office once a day and check for duct tape, rope and any sharp objects. It is possible he is plotting to torture you a good while, then kill you. Perhaps you should take a sharp object inventory check? Maybe it is one of those things where it makes him feel manly you know? Like how guys burp or fart in front of you? But it's strange as he didn't CLAIM it. Usually the boasting male will claim it "yeeaaauup buddy, that was mine" nope. nada. zilch. DENIED. I worry the fart wars have begun. His butt is on the warfront and you are sitting in the line of fire my friend. My pity is among you!!!!
  • Hophead43
    Hophead43 Posts: 1,634 Member
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    OMFG!! That was the best!! I can believe he said anything about the policing of farts!!! This is way too funny. If you take no futher action at leat your tried to "clear the air" with farty pants Jeff. I say is he continues to do this you have no choice but to fight fire with fire. Have a couple of protien shakes and fire back. Great post! Really made me chuckle!!
  • Sweetout
    Sweetout Posts: 153
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    :laugh:
  • srslybritt
    srslybritt Posts: 1,618 Member
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    OMFG!! That was the best!! I can believe he said anything about the policing of farts!!! This is way too funny. If you take no futher action at leat your tried to "clear the air" with farty pants Jeff. I say is he continues to do this you have no choice but to fight fire with fire. Have a couple of protien shakes and fire back. Great post! Really made me chuckle!!
    Best. Nickname. Ever.
  • Pipsg1rl
    Pipsg1rl Posts: 1,414 Member
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    Proud of you for confronting/discussing.

    Keep some nice Febreeze spray handy just in case.
  • ATPstrong
    ATPstrong Posts: 10 Member
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    I feel bad for laughing, because I don't mean to laugh at your expense but wow, I cannot believe how weird this guy actually is. Those are not conversations that I would expect two humans to have outside of a Seth Rogan movie
  • sheenarama
    sheenarama Posts: 733 Member
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    DON'T POLICE MY FARTS!!!!!!!! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

    This!!!!!!!!
  • The_WoIverine
    The_WoIverine Posts: 367 Member
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    These have been the best two stories I have read in a long time lol. I can't stop laughing :laugh:
  • grillnchill
    grillnchill Posts: 772 Member
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    "policing farts" yeah, that made me chuckle
  • maz504
    maz504 Posts: 450
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    OMFG!! That was the best!! I can believe he said anything about the policing of farts!!! This is way too funny. If you take no futher action at leat your tried to "clear the air" with farty pants Jeff. I say is he continues to do this you have no choice but to fight fire with fire. Have a couple of protien shakes and fire back. Great post! Really made me chuckle!!
    Best. Nickname. Ever.

    I'm glad I'm not the only one that LOL'ed at Farty Pants Jeff hahahahaaaa
  • Mikkimeow
    Mikkimeow Posts: 1,282 Member
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    I feel bad for laughing, because I don't mean to laugh at your expense but wow, I cannot believe how weird this guy actually is. Those are not conversations that I would expect two humans to have outside of a Seth Rogan movie

    I would laugh so hard if it were anyone but me. But this feels like a challenge of sorts. It was crazy. Maybe the weirdest conversation I have ever had.
  • GoldenGirl1979
    GoldenGirl1979 Posts: 716 Member
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    OMG, this update has me CTFU :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: thanks SO much for keeping us posted on the office farter!!
  • Hophead43
    Hophead43 Posts: 1,634 Member
    Options
    OMFG!! That was the best!! I can believe he said anything about the policing of farts!!! This is way too funny. If you take no futher action at leat your tried to "clear the air" with farty pants Jeff. I say is he continues to do this you have no choice but to fight fire with fire. Have a couple of protien shakes and fire back. Great post! Really made me chuckle!!
    Best. Nickname. Ever.

    I'm glad I'm not the only one that LOL'ed at Farty Pants Jeff hahahahaaaa
    I am so happy I could make a funny!!
  • Hophead43
    Hophead43 Posts: 1,634 Member
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    I feel bad for laughing, because I don't mean to laugh at your expense but wow, I cannot believe how weird this guy actually is. Those are not conversations that I would expect two humans to have outside of a Seth Rogan movie

    I would laugh so hard if it were anyone but me. But this feels like a challenge of sorts. It was crazy. Maybe the weirdest conversation I have ever had.
    Kind of reminds me of the interview scene with Rogan, Will Farrell and John C. Reily in "Step Brothers" !!