Support from your Partner

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13

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  • k8blujay2
    k8blujay2 Posts: 4,941 Member
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    Mine just wants me to be happy... so if working out makes me happy he will support that... That's not to say he won't try to shove candy in my face every once in a while.. but whatever...
  • mrs_moonkues
    mrs_moonkues Posts: 8 Member
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    My husband is quite supportive of me, I think. He loves me as I am and has been enjoying the new curves and muscles that appear as I become healthier. He almost always asks if I am planning on going to the gym after work or at any time during that day simply so he can plan around me. I think he knows just how important this weight loss/get healthy journey is to me.
    With that being said, he doesn't necessarily make things easy on me. I still have to battle mammoth portions (I'm a card carrying member of "it's in front of me/available so I gotta eat it" club) and the fairly consistent suggestion of eating out somewhere that usually has grease involved in some way or other. My husband also is not really interested in getting more active even if it means something as simple as a walk around the neighborhood. I know that I'm getting healthier for me, but I hate the idea that I'm having to make all the hard changes and follow through with them fully on my own!
  • stormbornkraken
    stormbornkraken Posts: 303 Member
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    I come here because my husband isn't really supportive in the way I would like him to be. And that is ok! It use to really upset me (and still does on occasion) but I realize (FINALLY!) that this is on me and I am free to make my own choices. We live and do everything together but if I choose a healthier lifestyle I can't drag along a grumpy, uninterested party.
    I tried getting him involved a couple times but it derailed and made us both kind of unhappy.
    I am learning to not make it personal, we don't necessarily talk about it, but we know there is a difference in our eating and exercise habits.
    Because I do not resent him for not working out together, and not judging him for his choices, I find myself free to focus on what makes me happy and healthy. I have a hard enough time keeping myself afloat, no need to try to support another who is not on board.
    We have learned to accept that we have different ideas of what a healthy lifestyle is.
    But you are here at MFP and I have found so many amazing, supportive individuals here that replace any lonely feelings I have about my journey.
  • jmcnamar484
    jmcnamar484 Posts: 34 Member
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    My husband is a very supportive man in general but I think he doesn't know HOW to support me. He is pretty fit and can eat whatever he wants, so I'd appreciate if he would stop bringing home oreos, sugary cereals, pizza, doritos, etc. Anyways, sometimes I wish he struggled with his weight so that we could maintain a healthy lifestyle together. That is mean to say but its just how I feel. If you've never struggled with your weight, there is just no way you can relate to how hard this is.
  • MysteriousMerlin
    MysteriousMerlin Posts: 2,270 Member
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    He's supportive as long as I'm sticking to what I'm supposed to do, but when I'm slacking he doesn't do much in the way of motivation.

    His basic philosophy is as long as I'm happy, he's happy.
  • WebSliceGallery
    WebSliceGallery Posts: 14
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    Hi All,

    I was just wondring how many of you get support from your partner and if so what type. I only ask as mine dosn't give me any support what so ever.

    I'm sure you have support that your partner at least is there for you in general, some people live alone. Like for me for years I haven't touched anyone except hugging my mother at Christmas and I think it would be creepy to pay someone to touch me.
  • sparklenglitter
    sparklenglitter Posts: 52 Member
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    I was just wondring how many of you get support from your partner and if so what type.

    I do get support, but only because I've proactively let him know:
    1. that I'd like support, and
    2. specific suggestions of what support looks like for me right now.

    Consequently he compliments my workouts and doesn't bring certain types of food I'm prone to inhaling into the house.

    Before I had those conversations with him, I got no support because I was expecting him to think like a woman and read my mind about what kind of encouragement I wanted.


    Agree, we need to communicate our needs and let them know just how important this change for a healthy lifestyle is , I am blessed to have a hubbys love and understanding of my journey , since I uave b een on MFP, I have been very happy internally, I find myself smiling even while driving to work, LOLOLOL.
  • crys_aintgivingup
    crys_aintgivingup Posts: 115 Member
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    I'm so sorry to hear that you don't get support from your partner. I agree with what has already been said - you should definitely try to communicate with your partner. If things don't change, perhaps let him/her know how serious this might affect your relationship.

    I have been very lucky in that my partner has been very supportive. She's always complimenting me and telling me she loves me for who I am and that she finds me sexy even at my highest weight. When I first started paying attention to calories she thought it was funny, but now she also looks at calories seriously whenever we go grocery shopping. She works out with me occasionally but exercising just isn't at the top of her list right now - I'm trying to get her to do some light exercise like walking videos. She's always telling me that she notices differences in my body etc so I don't know if she's just being nice or if it's real - in any case, I think I can say that she is brilliant in the support department.
  • jtm4210
    jtm4210 Posts: 108 Member
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    I have had no support from my husband. He is a man of few words and has never been one to give me an "atta girl." He has tried to sabotage my choices and has finally stopped. He has been asked twice what he thinks of my accomplishments and states he is proud of me but only to the to the person asking. He has never said a word to me personally. Does it hurt? Hell yeah... but I use his silence as my motivation. I did this on my own and I feel pretty damn proud about that.

    Sounds like my husband too. He'll often order everything on the menu from Dominos just before I get home from work and then complain if I say I don't want anything (or gloat if I give in!). He was asleep through my first 10k and didn't even ask how it went, and says really useful things like "you're only doing this so you can show off to all the Italian men in a bikini when we go on holiday". Yawn. I just ignore him. I think part of it is that he has become a real couch potato (after years in the forces where being fit was part of the job!) and he wants me to potato with him... no thanks! I too am proud of myself and I'm a happier person for it :)
  • TwirleySlims
    TwirleySlims Posts: 112
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    Yes to a point, but I can't change him or force him to do this with me & wouldn't want to! I feel for you though, he should be interested in your health! Add me if you like :drinker:
  • eyley
    eyley Posts: 95 Member
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    My missus is very supportive thankfully. And she's a member on here :P

    I'll never be skinny, at best I'll be stocky but I guess that's what she likes and she's helping me get there...slowly :)
  • marilync1266
    marilync1266 Posts: 67 Member
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    Sorry to hear that you are not receiving support. My boyfriend is supportive to a point - he will encourage me to exercise or tell me he is proud of me but then he will try to push food on me - he will ask if I want some of whatever he is eating and I will say no, but he will ask again. I asked him not to do this because he is making it difficult for me not to give into temptation. I didn't think he was doing it intentionally, but then last night I showed him a picture of a thinner woman but with the same body type as mine and I said I wanted to be that size. He said if I was that size I would probably leave him. I assured him I wouldn't. Now, I wonder if that is why he pushes food on me sometimes.
  • RoseTears143
    RoseTears143 Posts: 1,121 Member
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    These threads always make me sad for people. I could wake up tomorrow and decide I wanted to join the circus or something equally as bizarre and my guy would be all for it and be my biggest cheerleader. I wouldn't have it any other way, otherwise he wouldn't be my guy. We all need support from our partners. We should want to see them succedd and be happy in whatever they want to achieve, even if it's just weightloss or getting back in shape. And we should also expect that same support back from our partner.
  • allotmentgardener
    allotmentgardener Posts: 248 Member
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    Can't see that I need support from anyone else. I am finally doing this for me so I motivate and support myself. The scale and my smaller size clothes are what my motivations are.
    My husband has commented positely about my weight loss but that is as far as he needs to go. He is not aiming to lose weight or tone as he doesn't need to so he doesn't have any input.
  • cincysweetheart
    cincysweetheart Posts: 892 Member
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    I'm going to say the unpopular thing…. YOU DON'T NEED SUPPORT! This has got to be a choice that you make for you and you alone. If your partner is supportive… great. That's wonderful! But if he/she is not… then okay. You still keep going because this is your thing.

    Personally, I'm single and childless. Both my parents are dead. Most of my friends are already a healthy weight. So, I go at this alone. I have sisters who all hate the gym and have different opinions about this whole thing. They all think it's great that I'm losing weight, but they vary from totally supportive to questioning and doubtful to vaguely condescending in regards to the the lifestyle. My co-workers are total yo-yo fad dieters who are convinced they are doing it the healthy way and think I'm stupid and uninformed.

    I still keep going.

    I believe that if your partner truly cares about you, he/she should be very supportive about your efforts to get healthier. But whether he/she is or not does not need to have any bearing on your progress.
  • lindsaymarcin
    lindsaymarcin Posts: 81 Member
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    Yes, he does! He started going to the gym (not as often as me though) and eating healthier as well! He has also been complimenting my efforts and approving finances for my new wardrobe ;)
  • asdowe13
    asdowe13 Posts: 1,951 Member
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    Well my wife is very supportive of my decision to lose weight.

    She knows I will be going out to run, or the gym, and helps it fit our lives.
    If/when she cooks a meal - she weighs everything out for me so I know what I am eating.
  • NickeeCoco
    NickeeCoco Posts: 130
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    My husband and I work out together. We don't jog together (he has much longer legs than I do, so he feels like he's going at a crawl when he jogs with me), but other exercise we do together. At first, he didn't, but he was supportive, because he knew that losing weight made me happy, and he wants me to be happy. Then, after a while, he saw the difference in how I felt, so he joined in.

    I see so many posts about people who don't get support from their spouses, and it bothers me. Now, I may not have taken the traditional wedding vows, but my husband and I promised to support each other in all our stages of life, no matter how/what direction we grew. If something makes my husband happy, I'm going to support him in it, and vice versa. Honestly, I would never have married him if he wasn't willing to do that.
  • TashTag
    TashTag Posts: 109
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    MFB is an absolute gem. We met and fell head over heels and as we slowly got to know each other he realised that i had insecurities with my weight and was shocked. He said he has never seen me as a larger girl and loved me always. Now that he knows how i feel and what i want to do about it, he is more than supportive and he only wants me to be happy. He encourages more walks and excersizes and tries his best not to want pizza all the time. LOL he has even started working out himself. This morning i woke up to a freshly prepared smoothie. I love that he supports me and loves me either way... I can only say that I wish you could experience that. Everyone deserves someone to love and support them at their heaviest and lightest.
  • TheMrsCole
    TheMrsCole Posts: 114 Member
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    I received support to a certain extent as I was losing weight, however as soon as I lost 40+ lbs my husband and I completely changed relationships. We went from having a decent relationship to not having one at all.

    I think it is important to discuss with your partner if you losing weight will negatively affect your relationship. I honestly believe my husband likes bigger girls, which I was one when we met. After losing 60 lbs, I am normal now and I think his attraction to me was lost along my journey.

    There is nothing wrong with this. Had I decided my relationship was worth more than my health then I would gain back all of the weight and say screw it. However when it comes to this it is time to say either support me or see ya in my opinion.

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