How would you feel?

Krecob
Krecob Posts: 86 Member
in Motivation and Support
OK, so I cant get this feeling to leave me no matter how much I push it away. Ill tell you the scenario and you can tell me how you would feel after.

Boyfriend lets me in on the top body parts he finds attractive in women... (randomly like many of his comments..I never asked to hear this)
Legs, Boobs and butt. Ok great how typical I m sure most men would agree, but after he mentions these he goes into detail basically letting me know all of these things I do not have and will never have. Im 5 ft so legs aren't exactly lengthy, my boobs he assures me that they aren't the worst he's seen but adds nothing to that and then goes on to tell me that I need to buy jeans that fit my butt better....(im in between sizes and not done with my weight loss journey, so therefore im not willing to spend money on to replace my whole closet, I have bought a few items that fit perfectly) By this point he can tell im hurting inside so he quickly says but don't worry these all come after the face of course and you have that going for you. WOO HOO I'm a but her body... I don't know how to feel after losing 20 lbs I still feel like there is nothing I can do, I will never be good enough or sexy enough. "Im not his type, but I have a great personality/face" "I never thought Id date a redhead" These comments that have come out of his mouth only hurt and slowly diminish any confidence I carry. I have told him this before, he makes me feel unwanted, unappealing.

I have a feeling of hurt and anger, but I also have a feeling of WELL f** you. Im not perfect, I have yet to meet someone who is. I also take this as a challenge I can do better, I will do better. My legs aren't long but they can still look nice with working out ... How would you respond for feel? Is it wrong for me to want to be with a man that cant keep his hands off me, instead of constantly pointing out my flaws or pointing out other girls perks to me.
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Replies

  • ashlando
    ashlando Posts: 125 Member
    I'm sorry that your boyfriend feels the need to point out all of the completely superficial body parts that are his favorite part about women. He clearly does not respect this journey that you are on nor does he support you on it.

    Your boyfriend or SO should be head over heels in love with you. He should think that you're the most beautiful woman and that he is lucky to be with you. He should make you feel like you are beautiful and sexy!

    I went through this with my first boyfriend where I constantly felt that I wasn't good enough or pretty enough. I kept fishing for him to say the right things to me and when he wouldn't, I would be upset and hurt. It was an awful cycle. Thankfully, that relationship ended.

    I can't speak for whether he is the right guy for you, but keep pushing through on this journey and as you see results and success, the confidence will come along with it. Once you feel your best, you'll know more of what you want!
  • blondageh
    blondageh Posts: 923 Member
    You are 5', 123lbs, long red hair and cute as hell and can wear a crop top. If that is your BF in your profile pictures.. I would re-evaluate your relationship. There are so MANY guys who are CRAZY for cute, petite, red heads! And honey, he aint all that. :flowerforyou: Your SO should make you feel good about yourself, not bad.
  • curls235
    curls235 Posts: 7 Member
    Hi, my partner is the total opposite, we have been together 27 years and he is 8 years younger than me. He has never ever put me down or made any comments regarding my weight, body shape, he is very supportive when I am trying to lose weight. This is probs one of the reasons I love him so much. I would never change the way I look for someone else, only for myself. I hope when you do feel you have reached what ever goals you are trying to achieve you will find someone who appreciates you for who you are not the length of your legs or the size of your boobs.
  • Veil5577
    Veil5577 Posts: 868 Member
    I went through the same thing with my husband. I finally realized I didn't want to spend the rest of my life with someone so shallow and superficial, who didn't care about WHO I was rather than what I looked like.

    He is now my ex husband.
  • curls235
    curls235 Posts: 7 Member
    By the way, I am only 5-2 and my partner is 6-1 :)
  • RINat612
    RINat612 Posts: 251 Member
    My wife asks me these questions all the time. I answer the same. The face. Because when it all boils down, you don't really get to stare at your SO's boobs, butt, or etc. all day long. But you always get to bask in the radiance of a wonderful smile.
  • michaeljosephmoreau
    michaeljosephmoreau Posts: 9 Member
    If you are 5" tall and 123lbs then you sound like you are a perfect healthy weight. Boyfriend sounds like a jerkbag to be honest. Go find a nice guy that will compliment you.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    I rather have a girl who I cannot leave the bedroom or wherever it is we are having our time. Men are weird, Men are shallow. Now you cannot be mad for him being honest. What you can do is decided that is this relationship making me happy or hurting? If hurting then get out.
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
    How would you respond for feel? Is it wrong for me to want to be with a man that cant keep his hands off me, instead of constantly pointing out my flaws or pointing out other girls perks to me.

    I'd probably feel the same as you describe. And no, it is not wrong to want a man that finds you irresistable. Without knowing more it's hard to give advice other than I'd make him aware that his comments are hurtful. Men aren't always the most intuitive or sensitive of creatures, but honestly I can't imagine someone continuing to hurt someone they care about. That would give me cause for concern.
  • waltcote
    waltcote Posts: 372 Member
    Dump his sorry *kitten*!
  • oedipa_maas
    oedipa_maas Posts: 577 Member
    Feeling eff you is a very reasonable response!

    Maybe you should take it upon yourself to regularly give him details about what you like in a man. Bring it up at least every week. Go into extreme detail. Focus on a part of his body that is "okay" and "at least you have that going for you."
  • onecatleadstoanother
    onecatleadstoanother Posts: 70 Member
    Wow. Knowing that you're working hard to improve yourself he still has to make you feel bad? If those are his preferences then why is he with you? Maybe you're what he wants? Hard to say without knowing him, but you don't deserve to have your feelings hurt. Especially when you can't change how tall you are.
  • emdeesea
    emdeesea Posts: 1,823 Member
    So he's basically reduced all women to a collection of body parts. Nice.
  • mulecanter
    mulecanter Posts: 1,792 Member
    I would say you both need to start communicating in a direct, frank way--there are obvious issues. If you want to salvage the relationship, try couples counseling.
  • segastler
    segastler Posts: 207 Member
    Ummmm.....Not to be rude, but dude sounds like a di**. If my husband ever said those sort of things, he would have never become my husband. Everyone's journey is different, but unless your type is *kitten*, sounds like he isn't your type either. End that relationship before her takes all of your self confidence away.

    You're gorgeous by the way! Some men like short women like us. My husband hates it when i wear heels because he likes to tower over me in a non-dominant way. Its really sexy.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    Feeling eff you is a very reasonable response!

    Maybe you should take it upon yourself to regularly give him details about what you like in a man. Bring it up at least every week. Go into extreme detail. Focus on a part of his body that is "okay" and "at least you have that going for you."

    What does stooping down to his level do? It doesn't make her any better of a person. BTW I am also dealing with issues of taking the high road and being the better person.
  • thatjosiegirl
    thatjosiegirl Posts: 362 Member
    Sounds like a real winner, skip replacing your jeans and replace him instead!

    There are so many other men out there that have the tact not to talk about things like that.
  • devil_in_a_blue_dress
    devil_in_a_blue_dress Posts: 5,214 Member
    Why stay with somebody who makes you feel badly about yourself?

    Even if this is just one side to the story -- you feel bad in this relationship. End it now.
  • MississippiMama87
    MississippiMama87 Posts: 204 Member
    You know what he's doing, right? He doesn't like the new and "improved" you. It makes him feel insecure.

    That being said, he downplays your progress and tries to make you feel inadequate so that you, in turn, feel insecure about yourself as well. Sounds to me like he is intimidated by your changes and wants to "keep you in your place." He is probably realizing you can do much better than him, but doesn't want you to ever realize the same thing so he keeps putting you down.

    There is nothing worse in this world than an insecure man.
  • LassoOfTruth
    LassoOfTruth Posts: 735 Member
    The man you are with should make you feel like the QUEEN of his world. And, of course, you should make him feel like a king. If he doesn't deserve you, move on. You are fuc*ing gorgeous!

    Edit: I just checked out the two pics you have. If that's your boyfriend, he must be saying those things to keep you. He's an OK looking guy, but you're definitely out of his league. He's a liberal 5. You're a strong 9. Lolz.
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  • QueenofHobbies
    QueenofHobbies Posts: 6
    I would never be fool enough to believe that men don't have their "favorites" when they look at women et al, nor do we women have the ability to deny we have our own preferences in men when we look at them. That said, I would never go about giving my husband a catalog of the reasons why he falls short of being the perfect physical specimen. I love him- he is the love of my life, and there are plenty of things on any given day I could list in detail about his body and his mind that I adore. You're a beautiful woman IMO- and if he doesn't realize that then it's his own loss, truly. I would wonder how he thinks upgraded tits, legs and *kitten* will assist him when he's either retiring or on his deathbed or something lol. We're people- not parts- and at the very least your SO needs to learn sensitivity and empathy. At the worst he needs to just be let go.
  • fatcity66
    fatcity66 Posts: 1,544 Member
    Eff that guy!

    Tell him how his **** isn't big enough, but his face is ok...
    Them promptly dump his *kitten*. Serziously, WAT?
  • psmd
    psmd Posts: 764 Member
    Even though I hate over-simplifying situations and there is almost always more to the story, this one seems pretty clear cut. A boyfriend should think you are the hottest thing around, and if he doesn't he is not the right one for you. This is the kind of thing that will continue to make you feel bad and is not worth trying to change or address (in my personal opinion).

    Sorry that sucks though :(
  • ew_david
    ew_david Posts: 3,473 Member
    You're both young. Young people say dumb shlt all the time. However, why would you stay with someone who makes you feel like crap? There is someone out there who wants you for you and all that you have, not just bits and pieces that are acceptable to him.
  • srslybritt
    srslybritt Posts: 1,618 Member
    Hmmmmmm. Not going to pretend like I know your relationship, but do you guys get along well?

    None of that should be as important to him as much as you as a person. If for whatever reason he values your physical/bodily appearance more than you, your heart and mind, then maybe it's time to re-evaluate.

    That being said, I'm sure he's not a bad guy. And he's with you for a reason, right? It sounds like he tried to backtrack after he realized he hurt your feelings, so if he's really a nice guy and you know he cares about you, accept that it happened and move on. If he loves you, that's what counts.

    ETA: If he's a doucher and regularly talks down to you, definitely throw him overboard.

    EATA: Screw all of what I put above. I missed the part about the other things. Screw him, gingers are sexy. Go find a guy who's willing to love you for all that you are.
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  • sfbaumgarten
    sfbaumgarten Posts: 912 Member
    I'd feel single.
  • shireeniebeanie
    shireeniebeanie Posts: 293 Member
    Sounds like a real winner, skip replacing your jeans and replace him instead!

    ^^This.

    And what the hell is he--God's gift to women?

    Trust us, he sucks. You're already hotter than he is, and such better men are out there, dying to date you.

    DUMP THE CHUMP!!
  • I_Will_End_You
    I_Will_End_You Posts: 4,397 Member
    When people ask me my "type", I prefer dark hair and skin, light eyes. My favorite body part? I love hip bones and the area around them. I like the curve of them, the smoothness. My boyfriend is pale and freckly, has light brown/red hair and there are no visible hipbones. (he does have light green eyes, though, I'll give him that). I'm 100% attracted to him and still completely in love after 5 years. Just sayin.

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